Anti "Pick-Me" Thread

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

There is ample evidence to show that as millions of human sperm cells swim towards a waiting ovum or egg, only one gets to fertilize it. Now, a new study shows that even though the fastest and most capable sperms reach the ovum first, it is the egg that has the final say on which sperm fertilizes it
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Somalis have a saying; gabar kun nin beey la sheekeesata, hal beey ka guursata. Excuse my Af-Soomaali. But it means, a girl will talk to a thousand men but will choose one to marry her.

We choose ladies, we are not meant to chase. Let men come to you, this is as nature intended. When a woman chases a man, she becomes masculine and loses her true power. No, you are not Khadijah AS and none of these men are Muhammed SAW, so do not propose marriage to a man. You will only get disrespect and heartbreak out of shaming yourself.

1. No boyfriend: don't let a man lock you down without a ring on your finger. So, talk to as many as you want, make sure your family knows who you speak to. Don't be alone with them anywhere, have a Mahrem within eye-shot. This is to protect you from evil intentions and losers who try to besmirch your good name. There are men who will lie to you and try to waste your time, so don't fall for the 'boyfriend' trap.

2. Make duah that you don't catch feelings, this is dangerous, and prevents you from making the right choices.

3. Make a list of traits you like in a man and make sure you also have these traits; become the man you want to attract. Remember, like attracts like.

4. Make sure you love yourself first and that you know how to set boundaries, if you enter a relationship whilst you are broken or needy, you will be taken advantage of.

5. Critical! Keep wise council around you. Your parents, siblings or anyone else is wise and you feel has your best interest at heart. Consult them early on about all the men you speak to, never hide it from them. Losers depend on isolating you from your loved ones so that you fight for an unsuitable marriage match. Even the Prophet SAW had advisors.


Add your own tips.

 

[Yaraye]

Think of the marriage market like a grocery store. You look at all the fruits. Ask about the soil/ fertilizer it grew in. The location, farm, background that it's from. If its organic/ not. If it is a seedless fruit or got seeds.You also look at its maturity, firmness, the uniformity of size and shape, the absence of defects, skin and flesh color. Eventually after assessing, you grab the best one. You must look at men the same way.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Think of the marriage market like a grocery store. You look at all the fruits. Ask about the soil/ fertilizer it grew in. The location, farm, background that it's from. If its organic/ not. If it is a seedless fruit or got seeds.You also look at its maturity, firmness, the uniformity of size and shape, the absence of defects, skin and flesh color. Eventually after assessing, you grab the best one. You must look at men the same way.

Perfect analogy!

 

[Yaraye]

Perfect analogy!

i mean we can assess all of that for only a little fruit that we are gonna shit out in a few days, but not a man we are gonna potentially spend the rest of our lives with?

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

i mean if we can assess all of that for only a little fruit, why aren't we assessing men?

The biggest trap is women catching feelings during the talking stage. This is when a woman's defence system weakens and she allows trash to whisper sweet nothings and then take her dignity and time like a thief in the night. This is why I recommend making duah about not catching feelings.

 

[Sophisticate]

Ladies, be in the right frame of mind.
You may be smart, funny, and fine.
But wolfish word smiths have great lines.
Your vulnerability gives them a sign.
That there is a discount on a dime.
They often declare you will be mine.
And drain you of energy and time.
Remember, you are one of a kind.
Your mental real estate is unconfined.
So, if they want to be forever entwined.
Values, goals and beliefs must be aligned.
Enduring love is not rushed nor blind.
Your expectations are clearly defined.
Let them know your plans and deadlines.
If they don’t agree, then humbly decline.​

 

[Sophisticate]

Self-forgiveness is also vital. Especially if one is deceived by themselves or others, I feel that guarding those from your body is not difficult. What we don’t talk enough about is putting mental guard rails up. I have known women who have not given their bodies to anyone but allowed someone to steal their reproductive years simply on the promise of marriage, which did not materialize or did so much further down the road.

They prey on women who are inexperienced in relationships, which might not even be a function of their age. They want you to have oneitis for them and only them. And next thing you know, you are in a pseudo-relationship saving yourself for someone with no concrete timelines. Forsaking all others because of a psychological overcommitment like a gambler and some skewed notion of being a 'good girl' and a rider. This is Stockholm syndrome of the worst kind.

Having a strong and solid circle of family/friends who work in your best interests is important because they can act as protective factors against admiring someone who isn't the best fit or is a time tuug.​

 

[Journey.]

The biggest trap is women catching feelings during the talking stage. This is when a woman's defence system weakens and she allows trash to whisper sweet nothings and then take her dignity and time like a thief in the night. This is why I recommend making duah about not catching feelings.

Not just making du'aa, but actively putting up barriers which our deen already does for us, e.g., not being alone, not chit chatting/speaking without purpose, having a mahram involved. All of these are in place to protect you. There are plenty of men who will waste your time or worse if you give them the chance, keeping to these guidelines is a natural protection against that.

 

[3LetterzMM]

gyal in dis thread moving like the mandem are hungry hyenas waiting for an opening to fucc them over

 

[CALMONE20###]

Pick mes have internalised misogyny and men still treat them like trash. They think that putting other women down will make them more desirable to men.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

gyal in dis thread moving like the mandem are hungry hyenas waiting for an opening to fucc them over

Plenty are. So, we will warn the sisters who need guidance. Plus this advice is also relevant to men who fear Allah.