In today’s society, men are constantly encouraged to express their emotions, be vulnerable, and share their struggles openly. We live in a time where emotional exposure is glorified, and being “in touch with your feelings” is seen as a sign of growth. But how much should you actually open up?
Is it truly beneficial to share your problems, emotions, and struggles with others? Or does it make you weak and open to exploitation? Is “toxic masculinity” real, or is it just a narrative designed to break down men’s resilience?
The reality is, not everyone has good intentions. Many people are not as kind-hearted or sincere as you might believe. They will use your weaknesses against you, look down on you, or even take advantage of your vulnerability.
Through the Qur’an, Sunnah, and the teachings of great scholars like Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn Al-Qayyim, and the Four Imams, we find clear guidance on the importance of concealing hardships, internal struggles, and emotions, and placing trust only in Allah rather than people.
This post isn’t about becoming emotionally numb or completely closed off—it’s about protecting yourself. It’s about finding the balance between strength and foolish emotional exposure.
1. The Qur’an: The Story of Prophet Ya’qub (Jacob) عليه السلام
One of the most powerful examples in the Qur’an on grieving privately and turning only to Allah in hardship is found in the story of Prophet Ya’qub (Jacob) عليه السلام when he lost his beloved son Yusuf (Joseph) عليه السلام.
Allah tells us in Surah Yusuf (12:86):
قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَأَعْلَمُ مِنَ اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“He said, ‘I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not know.’”
Lessons from This Ayah:
1. Prophet Ya’qub عليه السلام did not share his grief with people, even though his own sons were the cause of his pain. He kept it between himself and Allah.
2. Turning to Allah first is the essence of true faith. Complaining to people won’t change your fate, but supplicating to Allah can.
3. Public vulnerability can invite mockery, judgment, or manipulation. Even those closest to you might not understand or care about your struggles.
This is a direct lesson for us: your deepest struggles, heartbreaks, and hardships should be taken to Allah—not to people.
2. Hadith: The Sunnah on Concealing Hardships
i) Seeking Help in Silence
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Seek help in fulfilling your needs by keeping them secret, for indeed everyone who has a blessing is envied.”
(Sunan At-Tabarani, Hasan)
This Hadith teaches us that:
• Not everyone needs to know what you are going through—whether it’s your struggles or even your successes.
• People will envy you or try to bring you down when they see your situation, good or bad.
ii) Trust No One Blindly
The Prophet ﷺ also warned:
“A believer is not bitten from the same hole twice.”
(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47)
• If someone has betrayed you once, do not give them a second chance.
• Being overly trusting and naïve can lead to repeated harm.
iii) Strength is in Patience, Not Complaints
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. No one can be given a gift better and more abundant than patience.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1469)
• Complaining excessively to people does not bring solutions—patience and reliance on Allah do.
• A strong man is one who controls himself and keeps his affairs private rather than seeking validation or pity from others.
3. Ibn Taymiyyah & Ibn Al-Qayyim on Concealing Weaknesses
i) Ibn Taymiyyah on Trusting People
Ibn Taymiyyah (رحمه الله) said:
“If you put your full trust in people, you will always be disappointed, for human beings are weak, and their loyalty is subject to change. But if you rely on Allah alone, you will never be betrayed.”
(Majmu’ al-Fatawa 10/18)
• Trust in people is temporary; people change.
• Allah is the only One who never betrays or abandons you.
ii) Ibn Al-Qayyim on Protecting Your Affairs
Ibn Al-Qayyim (رحمه الله) said:
“The wise conceal three things: their wealth, their plans, and their struggles. For people are either envious, opportunistic, or indifferent.”
(Madarij As-Salikeen 2/146)
This is a practical rule for life:
• Keep your wealth private—people will either envy you or try to use you.
• Keep your plans private—people will sabotage them.
• Keep your struggles private—most people do not genuinely care and will either mock or exploit your weakness. Too add they can’t and won’t do anything for you only allah.
4. The Four Great Imams on Guarding Your Affairs
i) Imam Ash-Shafi’i (رحمه الله)
“Do not disclose your secrets to anyone, for he who cannot conceal his own affairs will not conceal yours.”
→ A person who gossips about others will gossip about you too. It’s human nature. By sharing it you’ll increase the chances of it getting around as well as people wishing you the worst.
ii) Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (رحمه الله)
“People’s hearts change, and their loyalty is temporary. Do not put your trust in someone until you have tested him through hardship.”
→ True character is only revealed in times of hardship. Do not trust someone without knowing their full character right off the bat.
iii) Imam Abu Hanifa (رحمه الله)
“The intelligent man keeps three things hidden: his wealth, his troubles, and his future plans.”
→ This is the golden rule for self-preservation.
iv) Imam Malik (رحمه الله)
“Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend, and not everyone who listens to your troubles wishes you well.”
→ Don’t mistake politeness for sincerity.
Final Thoughts: Who Can You Trust?
• Trust Allah first—He will never betray you.
• Be selective in who you confide in—not everyone who listens cares, and not everyone who cares wants the best for you. Keep it to a minimum.
• Keep your struggles between you and Allah—public vulnerability invites harm.
• Real strength is in silence, patience, and resilience.
At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your world. Protect yourself. Move wisely. Not everyone is your friend or cares about your struggles.
Is it truly beneficial to share your problems, emotions, and struggles with others? Or does it make you weak and open to exploitation? Is “toxic masculinity” real, or is it just a narrative designed to break down men’s resilience?
The reality is, not everyone has good intentions. Many people are not as kind-hearted or sincere as you might believe. They will use your weaknesses against you, look down on you, or even take advantage of your vulnerability.
Through the Qur’an, Sunnah, and the teachings of great scholars like Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn Al-Qayyim, and the Four Imams, we find clear guidance on the importance of concealing hardships, internal struggles, and emotions, and placing trust only in Allah rather than people.
This post isn’t about becoming emotionally numb or completely closed off—it’s about protecting yourself. It’s about finding the balance between strength and foolish emotional exposure.
1. The Qur’an: The Story of Prophet Ya’qub (Jacob) عليه السلام
One of the most powerful examples in the Qur’an on grieving privately and turning only to Allah in hardship is found in the story of Prophet Ya’qub (Jacob) عليه السلام when he lost his beloved son Yusuf (Joseph) عليه السلام.
Allah tells us in Surah Yusuf (12:86):
قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَأَعْلَمُ مِنَ اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“He said, ‘I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not know.’”
Lessons from This Ayah:
1. Prophet Ya’qub عليه السلام did not share his grief with people, even though his own sons were the cause of his pain. He kept it between himself and Allah.
2. Turning to Allah first is the essence of true faith. Complaining to people won’t change your fate, but supplicating to Allah can.
3. Public vulnerability can invite mockery, judgment, or manipulation. Even those closest to you might not understand or care about your struggles.
This is a direct lesson for us: your deepest struggles, heartbreaks, and hardships should be taken to Allah—not to people.
2. Hadith: The Sunnah on Concealing Hardships
i) Seeking Help in Silence
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Seek help in fulfilling your needs by keeping them secret, for indeed everyone who has a blessing is envied.”
(Sunan At-Tabarani, Hasan)
This Hadith teaches us that:
• Not everyone needs to know what you are going through—whether it’s your struggles or even your successes.
• People will envy you or try to bring you down when they see your situation, good or bad.
ii) Trust No One Blindly
The Prophet ﷺ also warned:
“A believer is not bitten from the same hole twice.”
(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47)
• If someone has betrayed you once, do not give them a second chance.
• Being overly trusting and naïve can lead to repeated harm.
iii) Strength is in Patience, Not Complaints
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. No one can be given a gift better and more abundant than patience.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1469)
• Complaining excessively to people does not bring solutions—patience and reliance on Allah do.
• A strong man is one who controls himself and keeps his affairs private rather than seeking validation or pity from others.
3. Ibn Taymiyyah & Ibn Al-Qayyim on Concealing Weaknesses
i) Ibn Taymiyyah on Trusting People
Ibn Taymiyyah (رحمه الله) said:
“If you put your full trust in people, you will always be disappointed, for human beings are weak, and their loyalty is subject to change. But if you rely on Allah alone, you will never be betrayed.”
(Majmu’ al-Fatawa 10/18)
• Trust in people is temporary; people change.
• Allah is the only One who never betrays or abandons you.
ii) Ibn Al-Qayyim on Protecting Your Affairs
Ibn Al-Qayyim (رحمه الله) said:
“The wise conceal three things: their wealth, their plans, and their struggles. For people are either envious, opportunistic, or indifferent.”
(Madarij As-Salikeen 2/146)
This is a practical rule for life:
• Keep your wealth private—people will either envy you or try to use you.
• Keep your plans private—people will sabotage them.
• Keep your struggles private—most people do not genuinely care and will either mock or exploit your weakness. Too add they can’t and won’t do anything for you only allah.
4. The Four Great Imams on Guarding Your Affairs
i) Imam Ash-Shafi’i (رحمه الله)
“Do not disclose your secrets to anyone, for he who cannot conceal his own affairs will not conceal yours.”
→ A person who gossips about others will gossip about you too. It’s human nature. By sharing it you’ll increase the chances of it getting around as well as people wishing you the worst.
ii) Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (رحمه الله)
“People’s hearts change, and their loyalty is temporary. Do not put your trust in someone until you have tested him through hardship.”
→ True character is only revealed in times of hardship. Do not trust someone without knowing their full character right off the bat.
iii) Imam Abu Hanifa (رحمه الله)
“The intelligent man keeps three things hidden: his wealth, his troubles, and his future plans.”
→ This is the golden rule for self-preservation.
iv) Imam Malik (رحمه الله)
“Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend, and not everyone who listens to your troubles wishes you well.”
→ Don’t mistake politeness for sincerity.
Final Thoughts: Who Can You Trust?
• Trust Allah first—He will never betray you.
• Be selective in who you confide in—not everyone who listens cares, and not everyone who cares wants the best for you. Keep it to a minimum.
• Keep your struggles between you and Allah—public vulnerability invites harm.
• Real strength is in silence, patience, and resilience.
At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your world. Protect yourself. Move wisely. Not everyone is your friend or cares about your struggles.
