Funny shit you've heard thread

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So this thread is about funny shit you've heard recently or in the past. Please contribute to the thread


This happened in 2000 and something

Hippie Geography teacher: Students, diversity is our strength. Ive had a bagel in the morning. The Jews in North America gave us the bagel.

Palestinian classmate: (shouts) No wonder I don't like bagels.

Hippie Geography teacher: :damn:
 
John Michael

John Michael

Free my girl Jodi!
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:abuxyga::abuxyga::abuxyga::abuxyga::abuxyga:

Funniest thing that I heard.

A friend of mine told me this but I'm not :dzmxmmb: sure if she's bullshitting me so take it with a grain of salt.

She was in the er when a fellow came in for a suicide attempt.

Apparently he had fought with his girlfriend and decided that he no longer wanted to live and 'overdosed' on pills. He was extremely upset and worried that he was going to die. Just really inconsolable. When asked what exactly he took, he said that he took ALL of his girlfriends birth control pills.:ftw9nwa::ftw9nwa:

What a knobhead.
 
Reddington

Reddington

You do know that Diet Coke is worse, right?


Over the long term, fake sweeteners like aspartame, sucralose, and saccharine might mess with our bodies' abilities to process the calories from sweet things, making it harder for us to metabolize the sugars we get from other sources like candy, cookies, or even fruit.

Purdue University scientist Susan Swithers found in a meta-analysis of 26 health and diet studies that artificially-sweetened sodas — unlike water — were often still associated with many of the same ailments common in people who drink sugary sodas, and may actually increase the risk of obesity, metabolic syndrome and Type 2 Diabetes.
Click to expand...


Full article,

http://www.businessinsider.com/diet-soda-may-not-be-any-better-for-you-2013-7
 
Reddington

Reddington

Waryaa, gaal. I want you to live a long life so I can karbaash you until you take your shahaada so stay off the unhealthy stuff.
 
Q

Queen Carawelo

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The funniest thing I've heard was when a Somali guy said he's different than the other Somali guys. :what1::westbrookwtf::rudywhatever::camby:
 
S

SOMACOON

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The-Screw said:
I'm Somali and an immigrant but I don't support other immigrants coming to the west. Oh, wait...
Click to expand...
LMAOOOOOOOO
I've been against the Syrian refugees coming to the U.S
I've actually made it pretty clear on Facebook. Got a lot of BS from Xalimos
 
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