Husband gave his wife HIV after they had 5 kids

[Cerberus]

Both were HIV negative, and they had some kids and then she found out she got HIV from her husband. So he most likely cheated on her. He denies he has HIV now, and blames it on her but she knows he is one who gave it to her. Another Somali woman also got the HIV from her late husband who she said had 2 other wives. Oh man this is scary, I will make sure I don't have more than 2 wives and I have them tested.

 

[Angelina]

Not just cheating, but also rampant polygamy. Its normal in our culture for men to marry behind the backs of their 1st wife and not even bother testing the 2nd wife upon marriage. A running theme it seems is that men's sexual pleasure is seen as more important than women's physical and mental health.

I'll probably get Abdis in this thread talking to me about how halal polygamy is and how they have the right to marry without the permission of their first wife. But guess what? We have the right to live STI free lives filled with honesty and transparency.

 

[Cerberus]

Not just cheating, but also rampant polygamy. Its normal in our culture for men to marry behind the backs of their 1st wife and not even bother testing the 2nd wife upon marriage.

I'll probably get Abdis in this thread talking to me about how halal polygamy is and how they have the right to marry without the permission of their first wife. But guess what? We have the right to live STI free lives filled with honesty and transparency.

It is a norm now for couples marrying eachother in Somalia to go test themselves. Somalia is mostly free of HIV/AIDS but good thing I have only 1 wife, the 2nd one we left eachother before we even tried for sex to have kids. And after watching this I will just keep it with 1 woman. Very sad the Stigma involved with HIV. 1 young Somali girl was kicked out by her mom after her mom found out she tested positive for it.

 

[Kool-Aid]

It is a norm now for couples marrying eachother in Somalia to go test themselves. Somalia is mostly free of HIV/AIDS but good thing I have only 1 wife, the 2nd one we left eachother before we even tried for sex to have kids. And after watching this I will just keep it with 1 woman. Very sad the Stigma involved with HIV. 1 young Somali girl was kicked out by her mom after her mom found out she tested positive for it.

They are working on a vaccine for HIV

HIV Vaccines

No. There is currently no vaccine available that will prevent HIV infection. However, scientists around the world, with support from the National Institutes...

www.hiv.gov

 

[AbdiS]

Not just cheating, but also rampant polygamy. Its normal in our culture for men to marry behind the backs of their 1st wife and not even bother testing the 2nd wife upon marriage.

I'll probably get Abdis in this thread talking to me about how halal polygamy is and how they have the right to marry without the permission of their first wife. But guess what? We have the right to live STI free lives filled with honesty and transparency.

Lol, you don't get STIs via polygamy (Islamic way). I know this may sound counterintuitive to you, but the vast majority of polygamous marriages involve the bride (2nd/3rd/4th wife-to-be) being celibate without any prior relations with others from the opposite sex. If one gets STIs through polygamy, he's either committing Zina, or one of his spouses' are committing the deed too.

Polygamy (the act of male seeking up to 4 wives in an Islamic, Halaal fashion) would've been strictly prohibited in Islam if it caused sexual diseases and immodesty. There's a reason why Allah (SWT) made it permissible and Halaal.

But I do agree that one must consult their wife before taking such actions, though. I have to search and see if a husband could marry behind their wife's back. I'm pretty sure that is Haraam, but I have to check that up.

 

[Cerberus]

They are working on a vaccine for HIV

HIV Vaccines

No. There is currently no vaccine available that will prevent HIV infection. However, scientists around the world, with support from the National Institutes...

www.hiv.gov

They've been saying that for ages.

 

[Angelina]

Lol, you don't get STIs via polygamy (Islamic way). I know this may sound counterintuitive to you, but the vast majority of polygamous marriages involve the bride (2nd/3rd/4th wife-to-be) being celibate without any prior relations with others from the opposite sex. If one gets STIs through polygamy, he's either committing Zina, or one of his spouses' are committing the deed too.

Polygamy (the act of male seeking up to 4 wives in an Islamic, Halaal fashion) would've been strictly prohibited in Islam if it caused sexual diseases and immodesty. There's a reason why Allah (SWT) made it permissible and Halaal.

But I do agree that one must consult their wife before taking such actions, though. I have to search and see if a husband could marry behind their wife's back. I'm pretty sure that is Haraam, but I have to check that up.

Don't be dumb. You could easily marry a divorced woman who had a cheating husband or one that was born with HIV. Or you could easily get HIV without sexual intercourse such as getting a blood test or even hair cut at an unhygienic establishment. My whole point is testing before marriage and informing your spouse before marrying again is a must! If not, you're playing around with their health!

You're a prime example as to why Somalis need sex ed. I'm embarrassed for you. To simply put it, we should normalise checkups before marriages.

 

[Desert Flower]

Don't be dumb. You could easily marry a divorced woman who had a cheating husband or one that was born with HIV. Or you could easily get HIV without sexual intercourse such as getting a blood test or even hair cut at an unhygienic establishment. My whole point is testing before marriage and informing your spouse before marrying again is a must!

You're a prime example as to why Somalis need sex ED. I'm embarrassed for you. To simply put it, we should normalise checkups before marriages.

Off topic but you know what pisses me off about Somali marriages (when the guys diaspora and the girls from back home?

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[Cerberus]

Don't be dumb. You could easily marry a divorced woman who had a cheating husband or one that was born with HIV. Or you could easily get HIV without sexual intercourse such as getting a blood test or even hair cut at an unhygienic establishment. My whole point is testing before marriage and informing your spouse before marrying again is a must! If not, you're playing around with their health!

You're a prime example as to why Somalis need sex ed. I'm embarrassed for you. To simply put it, we should normalise checkups before marriages.

Tajikistan that is mostly Muslim has shown that HIV rates increase when Polygamy is happening. http://afew.org/eecaaids2018/polygamy-tajikistan-eng/

 

[Cerberus]

Off topic but you know what pisses me off about Somali marriages (when the guys diaspora and the girls from back home?

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Do they at least send her money every month? if a man isn't supporting her financially well after impregnating her, then he is evil. Some evil ones do that and abandon the girls.

 

[Desert Flower]

Do they at least send her money every month? if a man isn't supporting her financially well after impregnating her, then he is evil. Some evil ones do that and abandon the girls.

Yeah, they do. I’ll give them that. I’m just annoyed at the carelessness involved in making a baby every time. There’s no need especially in a harsh climate such as Somalia. And they only go back once a year (actually it’s not permissible to be away from your spouse for more than three months) only to come back and fill her with a child.

 

[Cerberus]

Yeah, they do. I’ll give them that. I’m just annoyed at the carelessness involved in making a baby every time. There’s no need especially in a harsh climate such as Somalia. And they only go back once a year (actually it’s not permissible to be away from your spouse for more than three months) only to come back and fill her with a child.

Shukri is a girl in Kenya currently that is my sisters friend. A guy from Germany went to Somalia and impregnated her, he lied to her and said he will take her to Germany. He completely vanished as soon as he knew she was pregnant. Right now her father who has Somali government job supports the kid in Somalia. Like WTF? not everyone does that financial support and some guys just want wax ay iska reebaan, they are sick and twisted. Impregnating a woman just for "Reebitaan sake". I could never imagine doing that to a woman, and even if I died she will get support from my own family. My Uncle sends $5k to his two daughters often. They see a nice $5k come in through Xawaalad often

 

[Angelina]

Off topic but you know what pisses me off about Somali marriages (when the guys diaspora and the girls from back home?

Spoiler

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Spoiler

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[AbdiS]

Don't be dumb. You could easily marry a divorced woman who had a cheating husband or one that was born with HIV. Or you could easily get HIV without sexual intercourse such as getting a blood test or even hair cut at an unhygienic establishment. My whole point is testing before marriage and informing your spouse before marrying again is a must!

You're a prime example as to why Somalis need sex ED. I'm embarrassed for you. To simply put it, we should normalise checkups before marriages.

Those reasons you've provided are nothing but anomalies and rare inconsistencies. STDs, and other sexual diseases are usually transmitted via Zinaa, or any other unlawful contact with the opposite sex. I'm not saying that they don't occur, but they clearly don't happen as much as sexual diseases and HIVs being transmitted via rampant Zinaa.

My problem with your statement was the conflation of Zinaa, what is considered unlawful in Islam, and Polygamy, what Allah (SWT) made Halaal. If they're 'cheating' on their wives, it's Zinaa, something Allah (SWT) made unlawful, and the punishment is the stoning of their bodies until death. It has nothing to do with Polygamy done in a Halaal way. Don't conflate the two.

Zina is Zina, and Polygamy (taking up to 4 wives in Islam), are completely different.

But we're on the same page regarding the consultation of one's family, spouse, etc. when seeking multiple spouses.

 

[Angelina]

The thing is, those 'check-ups' are already done before hand in most cases. Most dudes do not seek divorcee wives, or any other women with some type diseases or illnesses as potential spouses.

But we're on the same page regarding the consultation of one's family, spouse, etc. when seeking multiple spouses. I don't know if it's Halaal or Haraam on doing so, but I find it totally understandable why I one should feel that they need consultation before it.

That is another lie. Divorced women in Somali culture routinely get married again whether it be polygamous or not. We are not timo jelec so stop. Somali men most definitely marry them. Especially back home where you will find divorced girls who aren't even 25 yet. Do you really think these girls stay unmarried for the rest of their lives?

Also, how are these men going to know if these women have any form of STI's? Especially since most of them do not get tested before marriage and many Somali guys that engage in polygamous marriages also do it secretly.

Another lie. 'check ups' hardly happen. Even Somali Western couples getting married for the first time don't even bother in most cases. Now i'm begining to think you're around 17 and don't have many married friends or friends who are about to marry. Therefore, this conversation is fruitless since you're rather uninformed.

 

[Cerberus]

That is another lie. Divorced women in Somali culture routinely get married again whether it be polygamous or not. We are not timo jelec so stop. Somali men most definitely marry them. Especially back home where you will find divorced girls who aren't even 25 yet. Do you really think these girls stay unmarried for the rest of their lives?

Also, how are these men going to know if these women have any form of STI's? Especially since most of them do not get tested before marriage and many Somali guys that engage in polygamous marriages also do it secretly.

Another lie. 'check ups' hardly happen. Even Somali Western couples getting married for the first time don't even bother in most cases. Now i'm begining to think you're around 17 and don't have many married friends or friends who are about to marry. Therefore, this conversation is fruitless since you're rather uninformed.

There isn't a test for Herpes or HPV because they are so common that 80% of people have it. You really have to bother them to get a lab test for those . But HIV is common and easy test

 

[Angelina]

There isn't a test for Herpes or HPV because they are so common that 80% of people have it. You really have to bother them to get a lab test for those . But HIV is common and easy test

Yes, but @AbdiS is trying to convince me Somalis generally do health and STI checks before tying the knot and that divorced women don't get remarried amongst Somalis.

 

[AbdiS]

That is another lie. Divorced women in Somali culture routinely get married again whether it be polygamous or not. We are not timo jelec so stop. Somali men most definitely marry them. Especially back home where you will find divorced girls who aren't even 25 yet. Do you really think these girls stay unmarried for the rest of their lives?

Also, how are these men going to know if these women have any form of STI's? Especially since most of them do not get tested before marriage and many Somali guys that engage in polygamous marriages also do it secretly.

Another lie. 'check ups' hardly happen. Even Somali Western couples getting married for the first time don't even bother in most cases. Now i'm begining to think you're around 17 and don't have many married friends or friends who are about to marry. Therefore, this conversation is fruitless since you're rather uninformed.

I agreed with you that you should 'check up' on others, lol. Divorced wives are considered as less desirable than unmarried ones, I thought you knew that! My initial point was you conflating Zinaa & Polygamy (read my edited post). I don't know how it got to 'checking up'.

Let's end the debate here. It's 2AM where I am, and I need to head off to bed.

Let's agree to disagree. ASC.

 

[Angelina]

I agreed with you that you should 'check up' on others, lol. Divorced wives are considered as less desirable than unmarried ones, I thought you knew that! My initial point was you conflating Zinaa & Polygamy (read my edited post). I don't know how it got to 'checking up'.

Let's end the debate here. It's 2AM where I am, and I need to head off to bed.

Let's agree to disagree. ASC.

Whether they are seen as desirable or not compared to women that have never married means nothing as they still get married again. Like I said, we're not Asian.

Polygamous men go for divorced women as well, because let's be frank, a man with another wife and kids isn't seen as desirable by young never married women as well. So what is your point? Silly argument right?

Also, I wasn't conflating the two. I'm talking about polygamy in which the husband doesn't inform the 1st wife or bothers to do STI and health testing with the 2nd wife. Which is different to a polygamous man that informs and does check ups as he is conscious of the health of all parties involved in such a union.

 

[AbdiS]

Whether they are seen as desirable or not compared to women that have never married means nothing as they still get married. Polygamous men go for divorced women as well, because lets be frank, a man with another wife and kids isn't seen as desirable by young never married women. So what is your point? Silly argument right?

The only reason why polygamy occurs in the first place is due to the man having the wealth and sustenance to afford such things. It would be different in Somalia, since many young never married women that enter polygamous relationships come from poor households, and see becoming a 2nd/3rd/4th wife as advantageous, even though many see it as relegating. Forced marriages also occur as well.

It's f'ed up, but it's true.

Also, I wasn't conflating the two. I'm talking about polygamy in which the husband doesn't inform the 1st wife or bothers to do STI and health testing with the 2nd wife. Which is different to a polygamous man that informs and does check ups as he is conscious of the health of all parties involved in such a union.

That, I believe, is prohibited in Islam. Allaahu Aclaam, but I think I heard that the wives must be satisfied in unison in order to form a polygamous relationship. The man also has to check-in with his parents/guardians (if they're alive). Behind-the-back cheating is Zinaa, which warrants the stoning of the guilty in both parties. I have to check first, though. I'd hate to lie on the diin.

STI checking obv doesn't happen with Somalis, btw. I agree on that.

Let's agree to disagree. I have to head off now. Let this be our final message(s) on this topic.