Short story feedback request

[mahad_bachatero]

Hey people,

Just published my second short story here: https://relarmahad.substack.com/p/colours

Any feedback would be appreciated.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Nice to see you doing your thing bro, keep up the good work. Will give it a read!

 

[𝕃𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕋𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕙]

Chill with the colors

It was 5 pm. Chebi was on the train heading back home after lunch with friends. Bored out of his mind, he started to observe the people in the train. There were 4 Yellow guys on the far left end of the train, standing next to them were 2 White girls and 1 Brown man, near the left door stood a Black man and a White girl, and near the right door stood a White man and a Yellow girl. The train was quiet and no one was speaking too loudly. Everyone remained in their own bubble and the passengers moved about with cautious coldness. Chebi looked up and realized that the train arrived at Ossington station

1
. He gave the passengers one last glance and exited the train.


The Empire was cursed. It dominated the earth, but its residents were largely sterile, and as a result, the powerful had no one to inherit their power. The ministry of reproduction tried to bribe the residents into having children by offering free housing to families who have more than 4 babies. This attempt must have angered the magicians because for the next 2 years baby-production steeply declined.

My genuine advice is to not get into too many details otherwise the reader will be bored. The first paragraph can make people wanna leave quickly.
I would also like to add don't use numerical values (1,2,3,4...) instead write them in words (one, two, three, four...)
Add some more character development in the storyline. Make each character unique and give them their own way of speaking. It's called a voice in writing I suggest you search it up because it makes your writing so much easier than having to write he said, she said all the time.

That's all the story seems to be going well.