Yesterday marked the first annual conference of the SSpot secularists. I went to observe the historic occasion. Fifty delegates were present at the Town Hall, and one joined the proceedings by remote video link. The event was chaired by @TooMacaan, a Christian missionary trying to exploit famished Somali kids for Jesus, but the only Spotter who could be trusted to put the liberal cause before clan loyalties.
"How should we deal with the beardies in nighties?" was the question of the night. It was a thoughtful question. "We must slay the khawaarij" said @YoungFarah, holding up the latest article by his kin Bashir Goth. There were murmurs of agreement. "We should press them into the service of brothels" was @TheMadMullah's favored approach; "if they dress like wimmin, treat them like wimmin".
@Waxwaalan had a theory behind their effeminate wardrobe. "Toloow they wear gowns because sheep can hear zippers from a mile away."
A voice from the back yelled that camel raping Arabs were turning our boys gay because they were kept away from shukaansi. It was @HuunoHunter, the hunter of huunos by only jungle means. Sat next to him, thirteen pounds overweight, @Jodeci was sobbing that "My illegitimate son hangs out with men all day, not a chick in sight".
Was he born that way or is it a lifestyle choice, asked the chairman, infusing some much needed objectivity into the raucous debate. It was concluded that her faulty genes were to blame.
Speaker after speaker rose to condemn the menace of the Arab wannabees. @AbdiJew mourned the boyfriend who became a suicide bomber on his wedding night, @The Cushitic One lamented the quality of beer in Hargeisa, @Kaleel called for increased drone strikes on Shabab, and even the Shaytan was given a respectful hearing.
Hours into the conference, late in the night, in stumbled an older gentleman, the smell of whiskey on his breath, and a blonde four decades younger on his arm. Was it Galol? Nobody was sure. Uncle Phil kept a low profile since The Incident, and besides he was known only to Somnet veterans. No matter. The room gave the mysterious gent a standing ovation on the off chance that he was the old G.
@R.Kelly joined the conference by Skype, flashing his toothless smile and his shiny bidaar of Xamar fame. He warned the young seeds against the evils of ragheadism, he praised @Duchess for leading the libertarian mujahideen though married to a raw meat eater, and he supported the good, the true, and the beautiful.
And so it went, liberal saqajaan after liberal saqajaan, till the late hours of the morning when, undetected, @Cognitivedissonance sneaked into the hall with a suicide vest. The rest was silence.
If you were present at the conference, give us your impressions.
"How should we deal with the beardies in nighties?" was the question of the night. It was a thoughtful question. "We must slay the khawaarij" said @YoungFarah, holding up the latest article by his kin Bashir Goth. There were murmurs of agreement. "We should press them into the service of brothels" was @TheMadMullah's favored approach; "if they dress like wimmin, treat them like wimmin".
@Waxwaalan had a theory behind their effeminate wardrobe. "Toloow they wear gowns because sheep can hear zippers from a mile away."
A voice from the back yelled that camel raping Arabs were turning our boys gay because they were kept away from shukaansi. It was @HuunoHunter, the hunter of huunos by only jungle means. Sat next to him, thirteen pounds overweight, @Jodeci was sobbing that "My illegitimate son hangs out with men all day, not a chick in sight".
Was he born that way or is it a lifestyle choice, asked the chairman, infusing some much needed objectivity into the raucous debate. It was concluded that her faulty genes were to blame.
Speaker after speaker rose to condemn the menace of the Arab wannabees. @AbdiJew mourned the boyfriend who became a suicide bomber on his wedding night, @The Cushitic One lamented the quality of beer in Hargeisa, @Kaleel called for increased drone strikes on Shabab, and even the Shaytan was given a respectful hearing.
Hours into the conference, late in the night, in stumbled an older gentleman, the smell of whiskey on his breath, and a blonde four decades younger on his arm. Was it Galol? Nobody was sure. Uncle Phil kept a low profile since The Incident, and besides he was known only to Somnet veterans. No matter. The room gave the mysterious gent a standing ovation on the off chance that he was the old G.
@R.Kelly joined the conference by Skype, flashing his toothless smile and his shiny bidaar of Xamar fame. He warned the young seeds against the evils of ragheadism, he praised @Duchess for leading the libertarian mujahideen though married to a raw meat eater, and he supported the good, the true, and the beautiful.
And so it went, liberal saqajaan after liberal saqajaan, till the late hours of the morning when, undetected, @Cognitivedissonance sneaked into the hall with a suicide vest. The rest was silence.
If you were present at the conference, give us your impressions.
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Are you ok Bidaar?
Have you skipped your pills? 
How is it at the the psychiatric hospital?
