Calvin Thomas
435.7k Views
I also died in 1975 from a stab wound to the heart. I was stabbed by my room mate when I was 23 years old. I was asleep in my bed and he came in with a knife and stabbed me in my bed.
That was not nice. that fluttery feeling you get when something great happens to you was the opposite of what I felt. The knife in my chest woke me up, wherin I pulled it out, threw it on the floor, and yelled at him why the hell he wanted to do that to me? I then ran outside naked (that's how I slept) and down the stairs to the midpoint landing of my parents house. I then yelled at the apartements surrounding our house to wake someone, while the world went black and I collapsed. This was about 3:30 AM.
My room mate accidently saved me by dragging me back upstairs into the apartment where he dropped me face up. The cut in my heart was not so big that I bled internally to death right away and gravity kept the blood inside me
My roommate (who was a 17 year old ward of county of los angeles, commonly called a foster child had been experimenting with angel dust in the days before it was named angel dust. It was just plain old horse tranquilizer in those days) went downstairs where my parents lived, woke them up and told them I was upstairs dead
I was so near death that I knew nothing and felt nothing, but every so often, I heard a bit and answered questions. When the paramedics got there, they added blood to me to keep me from dying. I was accompanied by a sheriffs deputy that took a death bed statement from me which he asked me what happened and I said my room mate stabbed me
Then I went in and out of consciousness in the ambulance trip to the hospital. I remember waking up several times and hearing people talking about me. I could not understand anything except I knew that they were going to save me. that was enough at that point.
Later in the operating room, I 0pened my eyes to a darkened room with a bunch of people scurrying around me. One was a nice sounding woman holding my hand and (I now know) trying to find my pulse. She cried out in panic.. "DOCTOR! I can't find his PULSE" I was mildly amused by that since I opened my eyes to see her and see what the problem was. I knew at that point that I was not going to die because I was in the hospital and I felt no pain. NOTE: I hardly felt any pain at all. I did feel a horrible feeling of death itself but it was mental, and I didn't believe I would die because I was in the hospital and I knew that I had to be there to save my life. I knew that the most important thing in the world was that I was in that hospital and I could wake up and see something occasionally. There was not so much pain as the absence of it. IF you ever let your arm go to sleep by sleeping on it for hours and you wake up to it completely numb, that is how your whole body feels. numb. Not in pain but the absence of pain. The mental anquish is quiet. no crying, no shouting no yelling. you have no energy for that. that is the peacefull feeling people talk about but it's not nice. It's horrible.
To continue
The doctor said 'Try his ankles" and I felt someone touching my ankle. then I heard the same womans voice say 'OH.. There it is" in obvious relief.
AT that point I went back to sleep with the single thought in my head that I was going to live
I was then cut open including cutting my sternum with a saw, then they pull everything out of the way looking for the source of my blood leak and found the corner of m heart was cut open. If my roommate had known to twist the knife when he stabbed me I would be in a cemetery these last 42 years. The doctors then stopped my heart from beating for an unknown amount of time while they sewed up the cut. Then they restarted my heart (hence I died and was reborn). I woke up 2 days later in the most horrible pain I have ever felt. My entire chest was one mass of pain and every breath felt like fire. The worst thing was the tube they stuck down my nose tube (into my lungs) every hour to suck out liquids to keep me from developing pneumonia. The most horrible thing of all was the tube went all the way to the bottom of my lungs (both sides) until I coughed. when I coughed the pain multiplied by about 250 times and I cried each time they did it. It got so I cried when I saw them coming with the tube and I tried to beg them to not do that any more, but I could not speak or move. I just was a slab of meat to treat and I had to cough or they wouldn't pull it back out. I hated that worst off all.
After I recovered (at the expense of being given blood with Hepatitus C) I never ever wanted to have pain killers. I learned something about pain, and here it is. Pain? Is not actually painfull the brain hates pain only because its wired to. The brain is wired in the certain fashion to escape from pain because pain is a signal from the body part to the brain that some part of your body is in mortal peril of death. That is the signal and when the brain gets that signal the brain is wired to respond with something that we knowas horror. The horror of some part of our body being cut or burned or eaten.. triggers the horror and panic to stop it. that is how the brain interprets it but in reality, its a simple signal. The real horror is in the mind because it knows what's happening. It knows that your life is in danger. From the tiniest pain to what I went through it's all just a signal with no real power. The horror that the mind feels is the fear of death telling you that you have to do something to escape that pain. That's how we are made and how all animals are made. The fear of death and the panic is the real power and strength of the pain. That's why in the war, when the solders are tortured, when they truly understand this, they can endure any pain to save someone they truly love Since the basis of the true power of the pain is in the mind, once the mind knows something is really worth it, it can choose to ignore the pain and since it's just a signal, it can be done.
once you truely know that some pain will not kill you, you can ignore it. It never goes away, but it doesn't kill you. The signal is not smart only the horror felt by the brain is the bad part.
People are correct. you don't actually feel anything before it happens. You may not feel much at the time it happens cause of all the body defenses kicking in but if you survive, you will certainly feel every horrible part of it. Since true death is one way, you never feel that much pain. By the time you die, your brain is the only part that (mostly) can understand and it will think about how much it doesn't want to die. but in the end, you know you are dieing and you go to sleep. If your body is strong and young as mine was, you may survive with help as I had. but eventually it comes to us all. I go to dentist and ask to have dental work done with no novacaine. Why? Because the horror of the pain made me hate the feeling of numbness. the feeling of no pain became my biggest fear and a little pain in a dentist chair became minor. I have had the weirdest looks from dentists when I tell them no novacaine. But since pain killer is expensive and they don't have to refund me for it, they save a big expense when they comply with me.
I subsequently had hepatitis c for 42 years and am just going to the doctors in 3 days to be tested and start treatment to cure it. When that happens I may become truly pain free for the fist time in 42 years and I look forward to it. Greatly. The death part is simple. You sleep, then you don't wake up. The pleasant floating sensation is what I hate now. That sensation of floating tells me I am dieing and I refuse to let myself feel pain free unless it's healthy pain free. I am not so sure. It's been 42 years since I was truely pain free but I think I will like it when I finally achieve it. I have wondered what it will be like to be 63 years old and pain free.
Enough. I have gone way out side this question, but I wanted to put into words what I have been thinking for 42 years. I wonder if anyone else wants to say anything about this?
