30 year + old unmarried people: COME IN

[Medulla]

I'll make sure to add my comment here in 2032 when I I hit this milestone. As of right now I'm not too fussed over marriage I'm trying to gain my financial independance and retire

 

[Finesse]

Thanks.
i tend to see a lot of single moms who are way happier than married women. Why is that abayo?
It use to be the other way around even single dads who are happier that way lol

When you're married to the wrong person OR don't know how to find harmony in your marriage, it can drain you of your happiness.

Men tend to find a way out without getting divorced usually so even if they're unhappy in their marriage they find happiness elsewhere using the "4 wives are halal" card.

 

[Finesse]

Somali elders don't ask "Did you memorise the Qur'an"?, "Did you get a degree/another degree"... They tend to ask "MA GUURSATAY!!" or "WAX MA HAYSAA?"

... as if it's the most important thing in life.

I think the older generation needs to quite a lot of the blame for this guur obsession.

Also, this explains why so many of us have great grandparents who had multiple wives and dozens of children.

We need an in-depth study into Somali people and their thoughts on guur.

 

[Apollo]

Somali elders don't ask "Did you memorise the Qur'an", "Did you get a degree/another degree". They tend to ask "MA GUURSATAY!!" or "WAX MA HAYSAA?"

... as if it's the most important thing in life.

I think the older generation needs to quite a lot of the blame for this guur obsession.

It is a group selective evolutionary strategy. They want to increase their group (ethnicity/religion) size. /Suugo Science.

 

[Finesse]

It is a group selective evolutionary strategy. They want to increase their group (ethnicity) size. /Suugo Science.

More suugo science to expound:

Because most of us come from nomadic stock and nomads tended to lose people to warfare, droughts and illnesses?

Explains why many of us from nomadic roots, have grand and great-grandparents who had multiple wives and dozens of children.

Thus BREEDING is our most important purpose.

 

[Finesse]

Also, @Apollo

Do you think this explains why nomads seem so cold on the surface (unromantic), as in they were socialised to view marriage as a necessity to breed children and women learnt to not lose their hearts as their husbands were community property (multiple wives).

And Husbands learnt to not show affection in public so that one of the wives doesn't stab him in his sleep.

Somali nomadic mothers had to give birth alone. This cold/isolationist culture must have made Somalis this tough and at times (insane?)

 

[Apollo]

Also, @Apollo

Do you think this explains why nomads seem so cold on the surface (unromantic), as in they were socialised to view marriage as a necessity to breed children and women learnt to not lose their hearts as their husbands were community property (multiple wives).

And Husbands learnt to not show affection in public so that one of the wives doesn't stab him in his sleep.

Somali nomadic mothers had to give birth alone. This cold/isolationist culture must have made Somalis this tough and at times (insane?)

I was joking for the most part, but there is some truth to it. To be honest, all old world cultures that are not affected by Western values tend to have this push to marry very young. I noticed some of my Arab friends in their 20s also complain about it as they get asked by their elders every time when they are going to marry.

 

[Veteran]

I was joking for the most part, but there is some truth to it. To be honest, all old world cultures that are not affected by Western values tend to have this push to marry very young. I noticed some of my Arab friends in their 20s also complain about it as they get asked by their elders every time when they are going to marry.

What's your opinion on breeding to expand ethnicity?

 

[Céleste]

Dont listen to the trolls who are telling you that you'll expire if you dont marry young. Ma'sha'allah a nice topic to discuss and I agree with 90% of people here.

I know I did say before that I might get married in the future but when I think about it's hard for me to imagine being in love and having kids. I'm not the type to Express my feelings lol.

 

[GTR]

In the sense that it helps people feel that they didn't fail in the dunya and in the hereafter?

Just wanted to highlight this comment. You're spot on. Somalis obsess over marriage not because they are trying to avoid life or responsibility (like others have said in this thread), but because they wholeheartedly believe that marriage is half of religion. Therefore, they rather rush the process - even if it means little to no formal education just to avoid appearing as 'losers' in this life.

For me personally I've always viewed marriage differently. I see marriage as a tool of betterment. What's the point of getting married as a man if you're not able to provide and give a better life to your kids/wife than you've had? I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

 

[Finesse]

Dont listen to the trolls who are telling you that you'll expire if you dont marry young. Ma'sha'allah a nice topic to discuss and I agree with 90% of people here.

I know I did say before that I might get married in the future but when I think about it's hard for me to imagine being in love and having kids. I'm not the type to Express my feelings lol.

Don't say "might", say I WILL. Speak it into existence and love comes after marriage anyway, a good man will open your heart and it will be worth it.

Don't see it as the fake love peddled by Hollywood but as the love/affection you have for best friends and family.

Nobody will feel sparks/desire all the time for their loved one but you will always care for them.

 

[Finesse]

Just wanted to highlight this comment. You're spot on. Somalis obsess over marriage not because they are trying to avoid life or responsibility (like others have said in this thread), but because they wholeheartedly believe that marriage is half of religion. Therefore, they rather rush the process - even if it means little to no formal education just to avoid appearing as 'losers' in this life.

For me personally I've always viewed marriage differently. I see marriage as a tool of betterment. What's the point of getting married as a man if you're not able to provide and give a better life to your kids/wife than you've had? I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

This is exactly how responsible MEN think: being a provider and protector.

Even if your wife is a brain surgeon, when she gets pregnant she will spend time away from work so ultimately, financial responsibility will fall on a man's shoulders.

 

[Saredo]

When many of us were younger, we all had a vision that we would achieve certain things by a certain age, for instance,

1. Finish highschool/college by 18-21 (depending on what country you are in)
2. Getting a license
3. Getting a good career/job

etc. etc.

Right?

How many of you passed your drivings test on your FIRST attempt? How many on your second/third attempt?

When you failed, did you give up and blame yourself? Or did you try again and again, until you achieved your goal?

Same goes for any other goal you have in life, you tried and tried again, with many failures and finally, you tasted SUCCESS.
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Is MARRIAGE an achievement? NO, but it is an important milestone in ones life as it allows you to finally be ready to GIVE life to another soul: CHILDREN.

NOT EVERYONE will be ready to be a wife/mother at 21! Some people need more time to "bake", some of you need more life experiences, some of you need to perhaps, wait for your Mr right/Mrs right to get ready.

I say all this to say: Your time is YOUR time, don't follow other people's timetables!

-----------------------------------------------------

If you're a young parent, you can grow with your children and raise them as you achieve many goals. If you're an older parent, you can slow down a little bit and impart wise lessons on your children.

BOTH options are great for you and your children. If you don't have children, that's fine also, remember this dunya is temporary. Use your money and time to help others and advance yourself and the deen!

Don't feel rushed, don't feel judged, otherwise you will make the wrong decision.

Finally, when you do meet eligible people, give them a chance but if you feel doubt AND istikharah says NO!
SAY NO!

Finally, work hard, prepare for any great eventuality and when your rizq is ready, nobody can stop it.
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Thanks for reading and I welcome all comments, whether you agree or disagree.

I’m always happy to read your posts @Finesse . Interesting and motivating.

 

[Finesse]

This can be applied to any dream or goal you have.

Work hard but don't worry about "when", just be prepared in the meantime.

 

[GTR]

This can be applied to any dream or goal you have.

Work hard but don't worry about "when", just be prepared in the meantime.

Exactly sis. Stop obsessing about stuff you don't have control over and instead work hard on improving all aspects of your life. Ultimately what is written is written. Heck, even what you will have for dinner today is written

 

[Finesse]

Exactly sis. Stop obsessing about stuff you don't have control over and instead work hard on improving all aspects of your life. Ultimately what is written is written. Heck, even what you will have for dinner today is written

Couldn't have said it better.

 

[NotMyL]

Besides the obvious reasons like finishing school and being financially dependent. You need to be mature. The woman I was at 20 isn’t the woman I am today, before you commit and give yourself to someone, one needs to love themself. No offense but girls that are getting married at the age of 18 are making a huge life mistake, and men would hate me for saying this because they all wanna marry these children and control their lives. If you are financially dependent on another human being you are at a disadvantage.

 

[Gambar]

@Gambar
We need your contribution here

Wax kasto waa Qadr Allah. Make dua every day and be patient. When you have children and are married you really have to learn to be patient, but even if you are not married or have children but want them be patient. Your time is your time. Duceyso. Somalis and other cultures love to pressure folks into marriage however they fail to realize, waa Qadr Allah, and they should really be making dua for them if they care.

 

[Shmurda]

I ain't a boomer and I passed my driving test first try so this don't apply to me

 

[Inquisitive_]

@Inquisitive_

What say you, I enjoy your feedback/comments.

I read a comment you made once about heart intelligence and I am meaning to look into it further, very insightful.

The heart, like the brain, generates a powerful electromagnetic field, McCraty explains in The Energetic Heart. “The heart generates the largest electromagnetic field in the body. The electrical field as measured in an electrocardiogram (ECG) is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the brain waves recorded in an electroencephalogram (EEG)

https://www.youtube.com/ec143502-4ae2-47eb-8ca5-9e125ef8517d