Being a second wife is oppressing and uncivilized, but being a side-chick is liberating...

[VixR]

Little difference? There's little difference between a wife who is supported financially, mentally, and emotionally by her husband and their kids having the support of both parents, ideally a good male role model, and potentially his extended family as part of their support network vs a single parent typically dependent on the state in some form, no male role model, and a father and family that do not even acknowledge the kids as theirs? How has that been working out for the AA community?

To be honest, I expected you to say this. You believe in individualism or "freedom" and all of its social ills and irresponsibility as sacrosanct, so there's no getting through to you. Tradition and culture means nothing to you. I'm trying to get through to the Somalis who have adopted several western values while still believing they can reconcile with their native culture and religion.


Edit: I just saw your edit now. I agree with you that sadly there is a lot left to be desired in many of these relationships and a lot of oppression goes on. It goes without saying that humans aren't perfect. But if we're talking ideals here or even the real world, a second wife arrangement will always trump a side-chick/mistress arrangement when all factors are considered.

Loool. For all your words, you've agreed with me without realizing it.

The reality is, the side chick wins. She's in the same boat all without the commitment or stipulations of marriage of the second wife.

First wife > side chick > second wife > third wife > etc

I used to think side chicks were dumb. There are times they're too into a guy (and she's not first choice, hence side chick), but I've come to know a lot of times it's a temporal, calculated move on their part.

A second wife I cannot but feel sorry for. I don't feel sorry for side chicks.

 

[SenseSays]

@NoName Are you Somali and Muslim? What and who are you? You clearly do not share the values of most Somalis, which is why none of what I posted is at all controversial to you and is drawing nothing but the online equivalent of a blank stare. You also seem to believe that feminists actively working to destroy the institution of marriage and the nuclear family is controversial, despite the countless articles I have posted above and even a mainstream book taught in universities to aspiring feminists that argues exactly that. At this point only a troll could be this obtuse and can continue to ask useless questions that have been answered adequately time and time and time again by the articles posted.

Lol

You've been truly misinformed about feminism. Which makes this entire thread very pointless.

 

[Canuck]

Now I am married to hubby and I will invest more than 30 years in this marriage (time, love, money) then my reward at old age will be a new wife for him. Of course my kids will be grown up and married, so I will end up lonely while he will enjoy his new life.

 

[NoName]

@NoName Are you Somali and Muslim? What and who are you? You clearly do not share the values of most Somalis, which is why none of what I posted is at all controversial to you and is drawing nothing but the online equivalent of a blank stare. You also seem to believe that feminists actively working to destroy the institution of marriage and the nuclear family is controversial, despite the countless articles I have posted above and even a mainstream book taught in universities to aspiring feminists that argues exactly that. At this point only a troll could be this obtuse and can continue to ask useless questions that have been answered adequately time and time and time again by the articles posted.

You haven't answered anything. You have made no arguments at all. You had to write tons of replies for me to even rescue what appeared to have been a 'point' of sorts from what you have written. I think the problem you had all along is to assume that everyone would jump on the bandwagon and agree without you even stating what the issues are. Now, while I'm happy to debate you on feminism, I'm unconvinced that you are capable of drafting your own arguments without sending me to links, which may or may not be of relevance, and leaving me to deconstruct what possible point you may be trying to make. What or who I'm is not relevant to this discussion as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Jubba_Man]

You haven't answered anything. You have made no arguments at all. You had to write tons of replies for me to even rescue what appeared to have been a 'point' of sorts from what you have written. I think the problem you had all along is to assume that everyone would jump on the bandwagon and agree without you even stating what the issues are. Now, while I'm happy to debate you on feminism, I'm unconvinced that you are capable of drafting your own arguments without sending me to links, which may or may not be of relevance, and leaving me to deconstruct what possible point you may have been trying to make. What or who I'm is not relevant to this discussion as far as I'm concerned.

Useless wall-of-text filled with ad-hominem and borderline trolling. It absolutely matters who and what you are. Values are not born in a vacuum. Context is key. A white atheist feminist or an AA lesbian would not find any of the stuff I have posted controversial at all and would be exhibit the same response as you. It is interesting how you side-stepped the entire question entirely if it did not matter at all. You are clearly cognizant of how much it would damage your position. You need to understand this is a Somali Muslim forum filled with naturally conservative people who do not share your values and beliefs. I have no interest in "debate" about feminism to someone who does not believe in shame or culture, or dismisses that as "patriarchy". Especially one who clearly suffers from reading comprehension and cannot understand or see the rather simple formulation of an argument and the conventional approach of supporting that argument with links that heavily cite the literature. You clearly seem to be new to this "debating" thing.

 

[Jubba_Man]

Loool. For all your words, you've agreed with me without realizing it.

The reality is, the side chick wins. She's in the same boat all without the commitment or stipulations of marriage of the second wife.

First wife > side chick > second wife > third wife > etc

I used to think side chicks were dumb. There are times they're too into a guy (and she's not first choice, hence side chick), but I've come to know a lot of times it's a temporal, calculated move on their part.

A second wife I cannot but feel sorry for. I don't feel sorry for side chicks.

Again, you are looking at this from the lens of only individual interests and the satiating of hedonistic desires at the expense of, well, just about everything else. From that perspective, one can easily argue that I am a "simp" and that the side-chick arrangement is the best thing for a man given he satisfies all of his desires and gains offspring through it while eschewing all of the responsibilities and drawbacks that should come with it. Your argument only applies to the short-term as well. In the long-run, is she happier and financially better off raising bastard kids alone, who themselves largely grow up becoming a menace to society or at best harmless dregs who need to subsidized by society, while "her" man only comes late nights every now and again for a quick bootycall? According to the stats, on average she won't have a retirement or any equity, will have what little finances she has drained by her children, will be inflicted with a slew of physical and mental health issues sometime in her life, will likely succumb to some drug abuse as a coping mechanism, and will have a significantly reduced lifespan.

You all love to idolize the upper-class born trustfund white woman who didn't need to work a day in her life but is essentially given a job by her family connections with her fluff degree and feels she has finally accomplished the feminist imperative, despite being propped up by dividend cheques from Daddy's fortune 500 that are larger than the average monthly household income. They may not "need no man", and even then its dubious, but they are nowhere close to the experiences and struggles of the average woman.

 

[Mohamud]

Loool. For all your words, you've agreed with me without realizing it.

The reality is, the side chick wins. She's in the same boat all without the commitment or stipulations of marriage of the second wife.

First wife > side chick > second wife > third wife > etc

I used to think side chicks were dumb. There are times they're too into a guy (and she's not first choice, hence side chick), but I've come to know a lot of times it's a temporal, calculated move on their part.

A second wife I cannot but feel sorry for. I don't feel sorry for side chicks.

It be calculated and still a dumb move. Even if it's temporary.

 

[ded]

What happens in western socities when a man is looking to marry a second wife? Do they hide the marriage from the government and simply do it islamically with a shiekh?

 

[dhegdheer]

Choice feminism lol gimme the radical stuff anyday

Horta OP u lowkey come across as a MRA. Naagaha maxa kugu dire

 

[Jubba_Man]

Choice feminism lol gimme the radical stuff anyday

Horta OP u lowkey come across as a MRA. Naagaha maxa kugu dire

You've become so radical in your "progressive" liberalism that traditional conservative values and the whiny MRA oppression Olympics have become indistinguishable to you.

 

[dhegdheer]

Not a huge difference between being a 2nd wife and a side chick. At least side chicks can cut they're loses and bounce at anytime.

Also did you really say that the AA community was matriarchal. In what world

You've become so radical in your "progressive" liberalism that traditional conservative values and the whiny MRA oppression Olympics have become indistinguishable to you.

No it's a combination of other post that lead me to conclusion

When's ur next mra convention lmao

 

[Jubba_Man]

Not a huge difference between being a 2nd wife and a side chick. At least side chicks can cut they're loses and bounce at anytime.

Also did you really say that the AA community was matriarchal. In what world

Of course there is no difference to you. All that matters to you and others of your belief set is the satiating of hedonistic desires and the interests of the self. Forget giving your children the best shot they have statistically, or building wealth and a family name to pass on to them. A civilization. No, that is all apart of the patriarchy and must be dismantled.


Do AA women not essentially run the AA community? Yes or no? AA elders are practically absent from the community and it's leadership. Almost all of their men and women are raised in female-led households and the mother is the matriarch of a bunch of kids with different father's that would normally belong to different tribes or even ethnic groups. If that is not a matriarchy, then there is no such thing as one.

No it's a combination of other post that lead me to conclusion

When's ur next mra convention lmao

By that logic, you're a card-carrying member of the Communist party because you have espoused views they largely agree with.


Most Somali Muslims are generally conservative folk who won't find any of my posts the least bit controversial. Just because some of my viewpoints may be shared by certain fringe groups does not mean I am apart of them. What is this, a feminist version of McCarthyism?

 

[NoName]

Useless wall-of-text filled with ad-hominem and borderline trolling. It absolutely matters who and what you are. Values are not born in a vacuum. Context is key. A white atheist feminist or an AA lesbian would not find any of the stuff I have posted controversial at all and would be exhibit the same response as you. It is interesting how you side-stepped the entire question entirely if it did not matter at all. You are clearly cognizant of how much it would damage your position. You need to understand this is a Somali Muslim forum filled with naturally conservative people who do not share your values and beliefs. I have no interest in "debate" about feminism to someone who does not believe in shame or culture, or dismisses that as "patriarchy". Especially one who clearly suffers from reading comprehension and cannot understand or see the rather simple formulation of an argument and the conventional approach of supporting that argument with links that heavily cite the literature. You clearly seem to be new to this "debating" thing.

Nonsense. The source of my values has no bearing on the merit of what I've to say. Your idea of debating appears to solely consist of screaming how destructive feminists are and throwing out random links without providing any elaboration of what you posit the link to support. The 'conventional approach' would be to formulate your argument clearly and then back it up. There's nothing 'conventional' or 'simple' about doing the latter without having done the former. Leaving others to second guess what your argument could possibly be shows how little you know about debating. But then again you say you have no interest in debating about feminism with someone who doesn't share your values!

 

[dhegdheer]

Of course there is no difference to you. All that matters to you and others of your belief set is the satiating of hedonistic desires and the interests of the self. Forget giving your children the best shot they have statistically, or building wealth and a family name to pass on to them. A civilization. No, that is all apart of the patriarchy and must be dismantled.

Lol just because I view both option as the same doesn't mean I approve of em. It's still cheating to me, sticking marriage vows on it doesn't automatically make it better. And building wealth and passing it on??? In a polygamous marriage? how lmaoo most of ur wealth would go to supporting your wives and the endless amount of children you're bound to spawn There would be no wealth to pass on unless you're already well of or end up striking gold with a good paying job.

Do AA women not essentially run the AA community? Yes or no? AA elders are practically absent from the community and it's leadership. Almost all of their men and women are raised in female-led households and the mother is the matriarch of a bunch of kids with different father's that would normally belong to different tribes or even ethnic groups. If that is not a matriarchy, then there is no such thing as one.

You're basing that of single parent household right? Obviously when the mother is the only one raising the children she's the one running the show. Otherwise in traditional two parent household the father assumes the role of head of the house like the rest of american society. The AA community is hardly an accurate representation of a matriarchal society

It would make more sense to use the mosuo ppl in china as an example.

By that logic, you're a card-carrying member of the Communist party because you have espoused views they largely agree with.


Most Somali Muslims are generally conservative folk who won't find any of my posts the least bit controversial. Just because some of my viewpoints may be shared by certain fringe groups does not mean I am apart of them. What is this, a feminist version of McCarthyism?

Communism aa. More like socialist

Ngl McCarthyian feminism gave me a good chuckle kkkkk

 

[VixR]

Again, you are looking at this from the lens of only individual interests and the satiating of hedonistic desires at the expense of, well, just about everything else. From that perspective, one can easily argue that I am a "simp" and that the side-chick arrangement is the best thing for a man given he satisfies all of his desires and gains offspring through it while eschewing all of the responsibilities and drawbacks that should come with it. Your argument only applies to the short-term as well. In the long-run, is she happier and financially better off raising bastard kids alone, who themselves largely grow up becoming a menace to society or at best harmless dregs who need to subsidized by society, while "her" man only comes late nights every now and again for a quick bootycall? According to the stats, on average she won't have a retirement or any equity, will have what little finances she has drained by her children, will be inflicted with a slew of physical and mental health issues sometime in her life, will likely succumb to some drug abuse as a coping mechanism, and will have a significantly reduced lifespan.

You all love to idolize the upper-class born trustfund white woman who didn't need to work a day in her life but is essentially given a job by her family connections with her fluff degree and feels she has finally accomplished the feminist imperative, despite being propped up by dividend cheques from Daddy's fortune 500 that are larger than the average monthly household income. They may not "need no man", and even then its dubious, but they are nowhere close to the experiences and struggles of the average woman.

Your railing and hurling is neither here nor there, and has nothing to do with my values.

To point out the obvious overall gains one party enjoys over the other isn't to champion hedonism, but to point out the obvious. If you view on propriety and "traditional values" were rewarded, the side chick wouldn't have an easier time of it, and the second wife would have more to gain of the arrangement and enjoy a better existence from society than what is typical from the likes of those that would argue the second wives superior position, such as yourself. But as it stands, that never was the case.

Side chicks > the second wife, and a great deal smarter besides.

Shoot, good luck to the so-called second wife, mayne. Good luck with her lot in life. She did not choose wisely.

 

[Gojo Satoru]

Ultimate side chick anthem

 

[dhegdheer]

Ultimate side chick anthem

I love that song lmaooo
This would be the lament of the first wife after hearing about the 2nd wife

 

[VixR]

I love that song lmaooo
This would be the lament of the first wife after hearing about the 2nd wife

That one hit wonder that hit it out of the park..up style

She may just wanna bust the windows.

Or break the dishes.

 

[NoName]

This would be the lament of the first wife after hearing about the 2nd wife

This would be the guy caught:

 

[VixR]

Change of pace

Now an ode to the creepers and part-time lovers