Being nice to people

[Khanderson]

 

[Khanderson]

I’m nice to people in public. Because that’s how we were raised in society. Is to respect people. To be respected is to be nice. But being too nice can make you feel like you have no sense of character at all. It makes you somewhat feel inferior to people. Where you give them some form of authority over you.

I think what the op was saying: being too nice can’t get you anywhere in life (what you personally desire that is).

This doesn’t mean you can’t be nice. Being nice is how we interact. By smiling, greeting and thanking people. But being too nice means you’re letting people invade your boundaries and make decisions over you. And that right there won’t get you anywhere in life.

What do you guys think?

 

[Omar del Sur]

I don't understand why people talk as though you must be one or the other- you must either be a "nice guy" to the extent that niceness is your defining trait... or you must be not nice... these are both extremes. in reality, you should be nice at certain times in certain contexts... and in other contexts, you should not be nice. you should be nice to your parents, your family members, to fellow Muslims, to the elderly, etc. and in certain situations like if you are attacked and must defend yourself... you have to put being nice to the side for the moment... but not permanently.

 

[Omar del Sur]

honestly if someone is a people-pleaser as in they cave when they shouldn't in order to please people... I think this is cowardice, not niceness. real true niceness is you are nice to people without expecting anything from them. I am out to be a nice person no matter how much being nice is made out to be "uncool" and no matter how much nice people are mocked. that being said, I hope I am a nice person but I am not-nice at certain times.

 

[Khanderson]

Last thing I’ll say is: school have systematically taught me to bend over people. By making me be too nice or being too tolerant to others especially those in authority. .

Authority heads/teachers forced me to obey them. Excluding ifs and buts. Where I can’t ask any meaningful questions unless these questions appeals to their school standards.

Schools in a nutshell were made to create obedient students. So this explains why I had a hard times making decisions for myself in my adolescence.

 

[Khanderson]

honestly if someone is a people-pleaser as in they cave when they shouldn't in order to please people... I think this is cowardice, not niceness. real true niceness is you are nice to people without expecting anything from them. I am out to be a nice person no matter how much being nice is made out to be "uncool" and no matter how much nice people are mocked. that being said, I hope I am a nice person but I am not-nice at certain times.

I agree. Well said.

 

[Yami]

I've seen people say being nice to Somalis causes people to hate you but I've never noticed it.

My hooyo is very loved in the city somali community literally because she's known for being nice. Her reputation is so good that when people realize I'm her son I get her rep rubbed off on me. People start treating me even better than usual.

Anyways I think this is mostly an ajnabi gaal problem. I don't think you can be too nice to Somalis & most other Muslim groups. It's sunnah to be nice tbh. Even Ex Muslim Somalis are usually nice because of this dhaqan.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

always be kind to people expecting nothing in return.

If you expect something in return, it’s manipulative and your covertly coercing to get what you want. If they don’t follow up, you’ll get bitter, resentful and feeling used for using manipulative mind games when you could have just clearly stated what you wanted in the first place.

 

[Khanderson]

I've seen people say being nice to Somalis causes people to hate you but I've never noticed it.

My hooyo is very loved in the city somali community literally because she's known for being nice. Her reputation is so good that when people realize I'm her son I get her rep rubbed off on me. People start treating me even better than usual.

Anyways I think this is mostly an ajnabi gaal problem. I don't think you can be too nice to Somalis & most other Muslim groups. It's sunnah to be nice tbh. Even Ex Muslim Somalis are usually nice because of this dhaqan.

I guess you’re right. Cultural differences play a role for different people.

 

[Marmarsi]

I think the better advice is don’t be a pushover, be kind always.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

I've seen people say being nice to Somalis causes people to hate you but I've never noticed it.

They won't hate you but they will definitely take advantage of you as there is a massive narcissism problem in the community. You have to establish strict boundaries and to learn to say no to their unreasonable or shameless asks. Saying no to them when you have always been a people pleaser is when they will "hate" you.

 

[Kalsoon]

Dudes video is way too long.


Focus on being true to yourself. Niceness can be seen as being pathetic or even disingenuous. I would even go as far as saying being too nice can be seen as low self esteem behavior.

There are many people who will use that to their advantage which is to your detriment. Not everybody needs to like us. What’s important is following Islamic guidelines on personal conduct and manners.

 

[Khanderson]

always be kind to people expecting nothing in return.

If you expect something in return, it’s manipulative and you’re covertly coercing to get what you want. If they don’t follow up, you’ll get bitter, resentful and feeling used for using manipulative mind games when you could have just clearly stated what you wanted in the first place.

Spot on. It’s manipulative game. Being too nice is how people will take the advantage of you. But being kind is still needed in order to get respect in return. So it’s all about the level.

 

[Bille]

I'm nice when you're nice, and decent. But if you're out to get me or I catch you stealing or talking behind my back fùck you I'm not gonna be nice.

Also I'm not nice to bullies, and fake people.

 

[Dhiirane]

Bieng nice is one thing but don't be a push over have some boundaries, some people see bieng nice as a weakness before you know they will display passive aggressive behaviour.