best we wuzzers?

[PilferingKombucha]

IDK why people actually take most of ethiopian history seriously. A rough summarization would be

1. Jewess barbarian destroys axum empire
2. Original we wuzzer claims hes a black hebrew israelite and basically slanders prophet Sulaiman AS by claiming he raped the queen of saba, and says that he and his house is the product of that (weirdo)
3. They isolate theirselves, and bar theirselves from trading with everyone
4. They force smaller border nations into tributary
5. Get their asses kicked by Adal and beg Adheer Portugal for aid
6. Win and never forget it for centuries and overblow their victory
7. Fall apart into a series of princedoms with brutal inter regional massacre
8. A fucking thief takes over the country (tewodros)
9. They win at adwa, forever bragging about beating a 7x outnumbered and outgunned foreign army.
10. Proceed to double their empire in size, enslaving millions
11. Fail to conquer danakil teeth sharpeners and a few thousand western geeljires (even with British support)
12. Fail to industrialize, remaining stuck in the middle ages with serfdom and slavery prevalent
13. Get xooged to death by italian gas attacks
14. Forever cope, "It was occupation not colonization, we wuz forever independent christian AND black hebrews"
15. Get liberated by indians and british
16. Get handed Ogaden and Haud, Eritrea and Afar on a silver platter
17. Invade somalia in 1964, but fail to win against a outnumbered army, even with air superiortiy
18. fail miserably to develop the nation, and insurgencies everywhere
19. Government is overthrown in a civil war by some random Oromo/Amhara guy
20. Famine and economic stagnation
21. Invasion by Somali forces
22. Get a few thousand cuban forces, and soviet "Advisors" to fight your war
23. "Win"

Be Ethiopia.

-Start fight with Somalis
-Gets karbaashed to the point of almost annihilation.
-Cry to abti Russia,Ingiriis iyo Farans for weaponry and manpower.
-Have the entire world futo clap for you.
-Repel Somalis.
-Descend into civil war