For me this is a troubling issue. Islamically I know as a man I dont at all need the approval of my future spouse from my parents for my marriage to be valid. Essentially the ideal woman my mother would want me to marry is just not the woman I see myself marrying at all and the ideal woman I would one day love to marry is not a woman my mother would ever accept as my spouse. That is my dilemma. I dont want to gain the displeasure of my parents but I also would not force myself into a marriage only to please them. What about you guys. How important is the approval of your parents of your future wives??
Brothers: Would you marry a spouse your parents dont approve of??
- Thread starter Sufiyan
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I wouldnt marry a girl If I dont have my parents blessings cause thats an important thing for me
But im not that worried my parents have always been cool with my decisions
I only plan on marrying a somali girl anyway and my parents dont really care Who or what qabil
It sounds to me you want to marry a nonsomali?
But im not that worried my parents have always been cool with my decisions
I only plan on marrying a somali girl anyway and my parents dont really care Who or what qabil
It sounds to me you want to marry a nonsomali?
Unless you actually introduce a woman to your parents, then this is all irrelevant. There's no use in dealing in hypotheticals.
Parents don't like dealing in hypothetical situations. They want to introduce their son to a nice lady for marriage purposes, and when they look at you...all they see is a man who's single. Change your status, find a woman, and then approach your parents.
Parents don't like dealing in hypothetical situations. They want to introduce their son to a nice lady for marriage purposes, and when they look at you...all they see is a man who's single. Change your status, find a woman, and then approach your parents.
That is only one aspect of the issue brother. There are expectations placed on my future spouse that can only be met by a Somali woman. I feel they would find it incredibly uncomfortable and would probably cut me off if I marry the woman I want to inshallah. It is a trial from the most high swt and I will be patient and understanding to their wishes even if it means delaying marriage for many years until they come around if they ever do. The sad thing is their siblings and cousins are actually much more open minded in this regard and many of their kids are married to good Muslims and Muslimahs who are not Somali.
Hubble
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Please don't marry one of our sisters. I totally understand why Somali women are fed up. Men who want an ajanabi trick them into marriage like they're worthless and come easy and they end up in love less marriages. I bet you're a crusty bearded Salafi with a shitty job and you don't realise she's lowering her standards because you're religious. The worst thing is you actually feel sorry for yourself. Ask yourself if a Somali woman would enter into marriage with you if she knew how repulsed you were by her. This is straight up no different to marrying a dude who's gay.
Ive seen Somalis who are married to converts One I know was married to this White blonde girl who maybe converted for his sake I mean he made her wear diraac or baati what you call it Cook somali food for him yet he complained it wasnt authentic enough now that hes divorced
Hubble
VIP
That's equally as bad. I think religious leaders are to blame for this. If I had a dime for every time they pressured and blackmailed women into being a painfully specific type of wives while congratulating and glorifying men just for being born I'd be a billionaire. They don't value women for their imaan they actually target them for those values without upholding their vast husbandly duties. They make women give up their careers and plant this idea of a marriage in their heads but they tell men to be harsh on women and promote polygamy. Somali traditional wadaads are the best but no one listens to them any more because they have these extremist Arab or American Sheikhs in their homes giving them strict but unbalanced advice.
I can understand if parents refuses a non-somali wife for their son who on earth wants a bastard foreigner as a grandchild ?
I can tell you regardless of who you marry, if your parents (especially mother) are that controlling that they would disapprove just on the basis of ethnicity, even your somali wife won't be good enough. Cut the umbilical cord asap.
You're not mature enough to get married if your parents are still dictating your life like that. Don't get some poor girl involved in your mother/son drama.
You're not mature enough to get married if your parents are still dictating your life like that. Don't get some poor girl involved in your mother/son drama.
Yes of course if she repented because then she is as good as any chaste woman. Unless she was the one who told me and thus reveal that which Allah swt concealed from everyone I would tell my parents to fear Allah and the dangers of accusing a chaste Muslim woman of vile things based on gossip they have heard.
Your insulting assumptions about me only reveal your own ignorance and deep insecurities you have about yourself. I am neither Salafi or work a 'shitty' job. Alhamdulilah I have a nice job that is mentally rewarding and pays me enough to cover my bills and have decent savings left over. I would also never marry a woman I was not attracted to as I wouldn't be able to fulfill her rights upon me in a way a husband should. 'Repulsed' is a very harsh word. I am not at all repulsed' by Somali women.
What do you mean by 'cut the umbilical cord'??? I cant cut ties with my parents especially at a critical time such as now where they need my support. I think it is not a becoming quality for a Muslim to ever cut ties with their parents over a spouse. They have rights upon me that need to be fulfilled and the cutting the ties of kinship is a massive sin. Maturity is very hard to define though I do agree with you that at the time being I am not ready for marriage at all and I dont exactly see that changing anytime soon if ever due to these circumstances I find myself in. In the meantime I will just fast and lower my gaze while being patient with the most high swt.
If you some dignity why beg?
Actually I think you missunderstood what @nucleus is trying to tell you basically If youre too afraid of what youre parents might say or do maybe you shouldnt let them dictate that part for you
Wait a minute. Wasnt it you who said you would not marry a girl if you didnt have your parents blessing??? Tell me what would you do then if you were in my shoes right now??? Its easy when there are no conflicts at all between the kind of spouse you want and the kind of spouse your parents want for you.
Yes , thats true but the thing is I can only see myself with a somali one but If I was in your shoes there must be something really really special about her to even consider marry imo
If you some dignity why beg?
We are not talking about begging random people here but our parents. And you get what you want with their blessing
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