Deadbeat culture

[Khaem]

The men I grew up with cook, clean, do child rearing, and basically everything. Wallahi the Somali fathers I grew up with were so hardworking. To the point where now at 60 they are all ill. Some have passed away due to illness too. If you see a lot of deadbeat loser men in your life it’s cuz your parents are on the same level as them. No good parent is going to surround you around dead beats. And if Ajaanabi think Somali Aabos are dead beats they can kiss my ass cuz their dads are shitty too. They don’t even like their Aabos and barely speak to them too. Imagine looking at someone else’s community when yours is full of shit too . They can’t be speaking I’ve grown up with them since I was a kid and I know their families ain’t shit!

Only stories I heard are from countless south Asians telling me how fucked their family dynamics are. Countless stories Pakistanis told me.

You make a really good point that if all the somali men in your life are lowlife, then that's probably the level your family is at as a whole. How can this woman or others in the thread shit on all somali men because of their low class background. It's like me seeing the fucked up cadaans in run down estates and saying that's just white culture. No, it's just the culture of lower class folk. I ask the weirdos in the thread to not lump us in with your troubles, instead of blaming your families ethnicity for youf upbringing just accept your family was lowlifes.

 

[Idilinaa]

My dad has been for the most part heavily involved my families life, he also gives away a lot to relatives & family members and throughout my life i have been helped through schooling and landing my first part time job and internship even through Somali uncles in professional positions. Most Somali kids i grew up around had their fathers around or a male family member like an uncle or older cousin. Thats why it's been hard to wrap my head around this conception of a deadbeat yall talk about and it feels more like just disparaging antics aimed at those who are struggling in life or fail to adjust in a good way. It's not a crime or a cultural character trait to have problems. For Somalis most problems will solve itself if we fix employment barriers or economic problems that came from our displacement, that's what i think.

Even in Somali culture the idea of letting single mothers fend for themselves isn't even a thing, when you have something even called Dumaal which is where a male relative would even assume the role of a provider and protector in the husband's place. Orphans were protected and cared for under Somali traditional law. In advent of divorce/seperation the wife has option of just returning to her father and her clan for support.

Also divorce is much more common in Arab societies than Somali society. They have like 65%-70% divorce rates and in cultures like South asians etc where divorce rates are low it usually corresponds with less freedom for females and abuse and control. The idea of divorce/separation is to allow people to seperate amicably without causing eachother long term harm.

Even here Somali single mothers have an easier time of getting re-married in Somali culture than Arab and South Asian culture which often stigmatizes it and prevents them.

But also our culture allow for agency and economic independence. Somali women historically had more economic independence and greater inclusion, they could own/inherit property and land , participate in trade and commerce and manage their wealth independently. They even had the freedom to choose their own suitors, which was a rare privilege in many other regions of the Arab and South Asian world. This allowed them to be economically self-sufficient, a stark contrast to many other regions where women were often denied ownership rights.

So if they comment on Somali womens ability to be self-sufficient and be on their own, then they just expose their backward misogynistic mindset to restrict women, make them overly dependant and keep them caged at home. It's more of an expression of extreme control and manipulation their socities operate under, not Somali deadbeat culture lool.

The more i research and learn about other Muslim communities in contrast to the Somali community, the more i find out that Somalis stick together more and help support eachother and are more self-reliant.

Most other communities like Middle Eastern and South Asian communities will either hide their problems and let the next man over struggle and fend for themselves largely indifferent to someone who isn't from the same family background as them or they will control and abuse eachother inside the family, thats why honour killing is even a thing in their cultures they are so obsessed with control and reputation management over women, they will even delete the person to maintain it. I don't envy them at all.

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

All the married men I know that are late 20s and older are involved current or former husbands and fathers.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

The men I grew up with cook, clean, do child rearing, and basically everything. Wallahi the Somali fathers I grew up with were so hardworking. To the point where now at 60 they are all ill. Some have passed away due to illness too. If you see a lot of deadbeat loser men in your life it’s cuz your parents are on the same level as them. No good parent is going to surround you around dead beats. And if Ajaanabi think Somali Aabos are dead beats they can kiss my ass cuz their dads are shitty too. They don’t even like their Aabos and barely speak to them too. Imagine looking at someone else’s community when yours is full of shit too . They can’t be speaking I’ve grown up with them since I was a kid and I know their families ain’t shit!

Alhamdulilah I have a good father, but that doesn't mean I don't see the loser males in the community. And they're not related to me or my father's friends either. But that doesn't mean I am going to pretend there is no social disease here, especially with the older people, 45+.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

All the married men I know that are late 20s and older are involved current or former husbands and fathers.

I do think that younger generations are doing better from what I hear. The gen z guys especially.
There was some drama with some of the millennial guys, the ones that went to Kenya to sexually exploit Somali girls in Kenya with fake guur.

 

[Kamaaludeen Al Reewin]

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[Kamaaludeen Al Reewin]

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[Nur_]

Girl where are you living I’m soooooo confused because where I’m around grocery shopping is the more feminine activity…. I just clocked that I feel like I rarely ever see single men grocery shopping by themselves alone barring timojileecs and that’s cuz they’re broke “international students”

Where are you from because I see single men just as often as I see single women.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

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No woman should be controllable and docile. This is a dream by men with little manhood cuqdad first of all. A woman should be respectful and follow what the religion has told her. Not act like a slave/dog. Get that right to begin with.

Also, women are allowed in the masjid, go study the religion you claim to follow.

 

[NordicSomali]

I'm assuming you're talking about Somalis in the West, they have too many kids. I believe whites have higher dicorce rates but they manage because they're able to raise kids. Just this morning, I was on a bus with a Somali woman with 5 kids, the youngest just a toddler. Somali women have too many kids in the west. There's no excuse for having 5 children, divorced or not, particularly when the father is not engaging.

 

[Shimbiris]

I plan to do the opposite. I'm gonna create a fleet of illegitimates then kidnap them all and raise them myself in my dysfunctional orphanage-like mansion. Wish their mothers luck with all the separation trauma.

 

[NordicSomali]

I think it's a culture that hasn't completely entered the 21st century, thus we see the discfunction going on not just in Somalia but also in the West.

 

[Kamaaludeen Al Reewin]

No woman should be controllable and docile. This is a dream by men with little manhood cuqdad first of all. A woman should be respectful and follow what the religion has told her. Not act like a slave/dog. Get that right to begin with.

Also, women are allowed in the masjid, go study the religion you claim to follow.

You completely misunderstood my point. I never said women can't go to the masjid. I said in certain cultures they don't allow their women to come to the masjid and see it as bad. Im not talking about the deen of course Islamically women are allowed to go to the masjid.

It even reminds me of a Somali sheikh who went to South Africa and said the Somalis had a lot of issues with the south Asians. Reason being south Asians wrongfully used to prevent their women from the masjid. But when the women saw the somali women coming to the masjid regularly they complained and said how comes Somali women come to the masjid so freely.

This shows that Somali women are actually not as oppressed as they think they may be

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

You completely misunderstood my point. I never said women can't go to the masjid. I said in certain cultures they don't allow their women to come to the masjid and see it as bad. Im not talking about the deen of course Islamically women are allowed to go to the masjid.

It even reminds me of a Somali sheikh who went to South Africa and said the Somalis had a lot of issues with the south Asians. Reason being south Asians wrongfully used to prevent their women from the masjid. But when the women saw the somali women coming to the masjid regularly they complained and said how comes Somali women come to the masjid so freely.

This shows that Somali women are actually not as oppressed as they think they may be

Oppressed is not the right word, unless it's referring to political representation. The correct term for the married single mother issue is 'neglect' due to laziness. And of course, abused polygamy.

Oppressing a woman takes a lot of effort, ill-will and a complicit culture (Asians).

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I'm assuming you're talking about Somalis in the West, they have too many kids. I believe whites have higher dicorce rates but they manage because they're able to raise kids. Just this morning, I was on a bus with a Somali woman with 5 kids, the youngest just a toddler. Somali women have too many kids in the west. There's no excuse for having 5 children, divorced or not, particularly when the father is not engaging.

I've only ever seen Somali hooyos with multiple caruur, who keep getting pregnant yet doing everything at the same time. I've never seen Arab, Hindi or other African women suffering the same fate- as in, dragging a trolley, kids, and running errands AND have a husband.

Each community has its own unique diseases, I'm sure they have other issues that they are dealing with openly or secretly.

 

[Idilinaa]

I plan to do the opposite. I'm gonna create a fleet of illegitimates then kidnap them all and raise them myself in my dysfunctional orphanage-like mansion. Wish their mothers luck with all the separation trauma.

You are trying to copy Elon Musk's swag aay

Elon Musk’s 13 Children and Their Mothers (That We Know Of): A Handy Guide

The tech bajillionaire may be up to a neat baker’s dozen of offspring, though only one has made a White House appearance.

www.vanityfair.com

You are going to have to prepare yourself for a whole lot of a paternity lawsuits coming your way.

Ashley St. Clair hits Elon Musk with paternity suit, seeks sole custody of 5-month-old son: court docs

St. Clair, 26, brought the legal action against the billionaire tech tycoon a week after her bombshell public claims that she gave birth to Musk’s 13th child.

nypost.com

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I think it's a culture that hasn't completely entered the 21st century, thus we see the discfunction going on not just in Somalia but also in the West.

In Somalia, there are other relatives around that may step up. I've seen young divorced girls go back to their hooyos house to raise her children. In the diaspora, there is none of that cultural safety net, which is why the dayac is more shocking.

 

[Shimbiris]

You are trying to copy Elon Musk's swag aay

Elon Musk’s 13 Children and Their Mothers (That We Know Of): A Handy Guide

The tech bajillionaire may be up to a neat baker’s dozen of offspring, though only one has made a White House appearance.

www.vanityfair.com

You are going to have to prepare yourself for a whole lot of a paternity lawsuits coming your way.

Ashley St. Clair hits Elon Musk with paternity suit, seeks sole custody of 5-month-old son: court docs

St. Clair, 26, brought the legal action against the billionaire tech tycoon a week after her bombshell public claims that she gave birth to Musk’s 13th child.

nypost.com

He added too many steps at times and went and married the hooyos. I'll simply plant, wait for the harvest and abscond with the crop. Also, none of that IVF stuff to weirdly select for male only births. I am not gabarphobic. In fact, I will raise my daughters to believe they are better than my sons and convince the boys they're inherently dumber. Just for fun. Let's see what happens. I volunteer my seeds for a scientific experiment against their will.

 

[Kamaaludeen Al Reewin]

Oppressed is not the right word, unless it's referring to political representation. The correct term for the married single mother issue is 'neglect' due to laziness. And of course, abused polygamy.

Oppressing a woman takes a lot of effort, ill-will and a complicit culture (Asians).

You haven't answered my previous quesntion though which is where is the accountability for Somali women in all of this. How comes they allow this to continue. Even in the younger generations it continues because hooyo will do everything for her son , causing him to grow up not knowing how to even wash a plate. Why because he never had to hooyo did it for him.

This is evident when a Somali man marries a Ajnabi woman. It's clear to see they engage in things that other Somali fathers dont. And I think it's mainly because the Ajnabi women expect more and will never tolerate the Somali man to not have any engagement with the household.

 

[Idilinaa]

But also our culture allow for agency and economic independence. Somali women historically had more economic independence and greater inclusion, they could own/inherit property and land , participate in trade and commerce and manage their wealth independently. They even had the freedom to choose their own suitors, which was a rare privilege in many other regions of the Arab and South Asian world. This allowed them to be economically self-sufficient, a stark contrast to many other regions where women were often denied ownership rights.

So if they comment on Somali womens ability to be self-sufficient and be on their own, then they just expose their backward misogynistic mindset to restrict women, make them overly dependant and keep them caged at home. It's more of an expression of extreme control and manipulation their socities operate under, not Somali deadbeat culture lool.

The more i research and learn about other Muslim communities in contrast to the Somali community, the more i find out that Somalis stick together more and help support eachother and are more self-reliant.

Most other communities like Middle Eastern and South Asian communities will either hide their problems and let the next man over struggle and fend for themselves largely indifferent to someone who isn't from the same family background as them or they will control and abuse eachother inside the family, thats why honour killing is even a thing in their cultures they are so obsessed with control and reputation management over women, they will even delete the person to maintain it. I don't envy them at all.

This is an important point though

Because wikipedia is filled with cases of women from South Asian and Middle Eastern/Arab backgrounds being murdered for seeking divorce or independence from their husband. Sometimes even trying to escape abusive marriages and forced marriage

Murder of Rania Alayed - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Murder of Banaz Mahmod - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Murder of Shafilea Ahmed - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Murder of Samaira Nazir - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Murder of Pela Atroshi - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Now these are cases in the western diaspora imagine how it is in their home country. Each page has an entire list of ''See also"

So the independence and higher agency of Somali women shouldn't be seen as some problem in Somali culture, neither should our willing to separate and allow for autonomy.

With Somalis our problem mostly just stems from us being displaced and dispossessed by the political situation in Somalia, so if we settle those issues that come with that particularly the economic aspect, the family dynamics and everything will just fall into correct place.