Do Somali's take marriage too lightly?

[Lalune]

I've always felt this and I can see it looking at the marriages of both the older and younger generation.
People go into marriage naive and unprepared. A lot of times, they have major mental or health issues that they have not addressed and kept hidden form their potential spouse and there is also the lack of financial planning.

I know our forefathers got married in a certain way and that worked for that time, but we have a whole list of issues (mental/health and financial issues) that stem from the civil war and us being refugess that people refuse to acknowledge.

Lets spend less on the wedding and more on ourselves and our futures. Lets take our time making better choices in marriage partners, so that we can have less divorces and broken homes.

What do you all think?

 

[Gibiin-Udug]

Sadly yes.

Marriage became meaningless in this generation. In diaspora every girl wants her Mehr to be the talk of the town, the wedding dress, the venue, the pictures on IG. They forgot what makes the foundation of a marriage, back in Africa every girl wants to marry a diaspora man, whether he's filthy rich or a dead beat bum. Nobody marries for love anymore. Believe it or not (don't let my anti-Ashy Abdi episodes fool you) I believe if you love someone, I mean truly love someone, you would want to be with them, in sickness and health. Every Somali guy first words when he argues with his lady is I can get 4 wives. Yes you can get 4 wives my dear but you can only get one true love. Love is the foundation of a happy marriage. Couples should go on date nights even if they've 8 kids. It's important to not let that spark fickle.

 

[Ferrari]

Are you saying almost all of us have mental issues? Do you mean stress? but yes whatever the reasons are, we do take marriage lightly. I think the older generations, the men barely cared, and the women took it more serious, but right now, both genders are a mess. u hear divorces over the dumbest reasons.


@R.Kelly is this true? did the habro wars of 1994 over qamandi mess your brain up?

 

[FarahAbdi]

People who have no business of getting married are getting married and that creates problem.

 

[Gambar]

Are you saying almost all of us have mental issues? Do you mean stress? but yes whatever the reasons are, we do take marriage lightly. I think the older generations, the men barely cared, and the women took it more serious, but right now, both genders are a mess. u hear divorces over the dumbest reasons.


@R.Kelly is this true? did the habro wars of 1994 over qamandi mess your brain up?

Majority of the older generation have PTSD, depression, anxiety etc.

 

[Ferrari]

Majority of the older generation have PTSD, depression, anxiety etc.

but those aren't mental issues tho.
mise are they?

 

[Gambar]

but those aren't mental issues tho.
mise are they?

Yeah they are mental disorders.

Also, lots have schizophrenia as well.

 

[Ferrari]

Yeah they are mental disorders.

Also, lots have schizophrenia as well.

damn. allow naga dhawr waxaa.

 

[Lalune]

Sadly yes.

Marriage became meaningless in this generation. In diaspora every girl wants her Mehr to be the talk of the town, the wedding dress, the venue, the pictures on IG. They forgot what makes the foundation of a marriage, back in Africa every girl wants to marry a diaspora man, whether he's filthy rich or a dead beat bum. Nobody marries for love anymore. Believe it or not (don't let my anti-Ashy Abdi episodes fool you) I believe if you love someone, I mean truly love someone, you would want to be with them, in sickness and health. Every Somali guy first words when he argues with his lady is I can get 4 wives. Yes you can get 4 wives my dear but you can only get one true love. Love is the foundation of a happy marriage. Couples should go on date nights even if they've 8 kids. It's important to not let that spark fickle.

Agreed 100%

Majority of the older generation have PTSD, depression, anxiety etc.

You put it perfectly. The civil war caused a lot of these problems. Its very sad tbh.

 

[Grigori Rasputin]

Speaking of this, I was at a wedding of a qaraabo abt 2 months ago and now they already divorced.

From the get-go I said " they ain't gonna last".

Why

The guy entered the country illegally and was having a sharci problem.

Then on the meher day the guy turns to me and says " when is this sheekh gonna give me the marriage certificate "

Then he goes to my another relative and asks for the sheikh's number.

The man was rushing.

Then the news comes that she divorcing his ass

 

[Gambar]

damn. allow naga dhawr waxaa.

Most hide it and it came from experiencing death, murder, witnessing people being killed in front of them. Most of them don't even see it as mental illness as there's no real word for it in Somali.

 

[Ferrari]

Most hide it and it came from experiencing death, murder, witnessing people being killed in front of them. Most of them don't even see it as mental illness as there's no real word for it in Somali.

yeah so why are many people who have never seen war and murder so depressed?
I feel like there is more to it.

 

[Gambar]

yeah so why are many people who have never seen war and murder so depressed?
I feel like there is more to it.

Because it is generational.

It's also not just the civil war but displacement. Elderly Somalis experience a lot of loneliness which causes depression. There are no adult Somali programs where they can hang out for them either. Or even senior living homes where a bunch of elderly Somalis live on in facility and are taken care of.

 

[Ferrari]

Because it is generational.

It's also not just the civil war but displacement. Elderly Somalis experience a lot of loneliness which causes depression. There are no adult Somali programs where they can hang out for them either. Or even senior living homes where a bunch of elderly Somalis live on in facility and are taken care of.

I was talking about westerners.
it's possible. loneliness can cause sadness.

 

[Gambar]

I was talking about westerners.
it's possible. loneliness can cause sadness.

I am talking about westerners, lol.

 

[Lalune]

Most hide it and it came from experiencing death, murder, witnessing people being killed in front of them. Most of them don't even see it as mental illness as there's no real word for it in Somali.

I've seen this with my own eyes. I know plenty of Somali elders with all sorts of mental issues largely due to the chaos back home and the struggles they face in the West. Some take medication, some don't and refuse treatment. Its frustrating, but knowing what they've been through, I can't blame them too much.

I know people who have been shot, people who have been attacked with knives etc. The effects of this war are very large. We need better mental health awareness and access to resources.

May Allah curse those who brought on and participated in the civil war!

 

[Ferrari]

I am talking about westerners, lol.

ok doctor.
Thanks for the info.
I'll make sure to try and never be alone.

 

[Ferrari]

I've seen this with my own eyes. I know plenty of Somali elders with all sorts of mental issues largely due to the chaos back home and the struggles they face in the West. Some take medication, some don't and refuse treatment. Its frustrating, but knowing what they've been through, I can't blame them too much.

I know people who have been shot, people who have been attacked with knives etc. The effects of this war are very large. We need better mental health awareness and access to resources.

May Allah curse those who brought on and participated in the civil war!

We should start by removing the stigma placed on those who mental issues.
People wouldn't mind seeking help/treatment if they knew they wouldn't be judged.

 

[Gambar]

ok doctor.
Thanks for the info.
I'll make sure to try and never be alone.

You won't with your four wives.

I've seen this with my own eyes. I know plenty of Somali elders with all sorts of mental issues largely due to the chaos back home and the struggles they face in the West. Some take medication, some don't and refuse treatment. Its frustrating, but knowing what they've been through, I can't blame them too much.

I know people who have been shot, people who have been attacked with knives etc. The effects of this war are very large. We need better mental health awareness and access to resources.

May Allah curse those who brought on and participated in the civil war!

Life is harsh here. Very individualistic as opposed to collectivist Somalia.

 

[NotMyL]

Somalis take everything lightly, marriage, their kids future, career, health, their country's future. In fact, our logo is we half ass everything.

We are always looking for short cuts to everything, we love to copy others. Xaalimo next door had a 50k wedding, I shall make mine 60. Abdi found a virgin wife in Africa, I shall too. The sheep mentality in the Somali community is real.