I’m tired of being nice

[kamek]

Although it's hard saying no

I struggle with that too much, some people on here might think I‘m mean but I’m the definition of a softie, sensitive, cry baby, struggling to say no, I wish I was more tough.

 

[Taintedlove]

I struggle with that too much, some people on here might think I‘m mean but I’m the definition of a softie, sensitive, cry baby, struggling to say no, I wish I was more tough.

Same I lack some confidence in myself

 

[empressjamila]

Don't become an asshole. I've seen too many ex-nice people turn to disgusting human beings. Thinkng now that they got a lifetime of behavioral liscence to walk with a constant eff you attitude just because they could not regulate and keep a healthy and respectful relationship with people where one manage the relationships and encunters in reasonable but healthy ways. When people try to take advantage of you, you deal with them right then and there and demand better conduct, otherwise, they will be peripheral to your life. Always expect people to do better. When you happen to see no behavioral change, you firmly assert that there is a consequence to that.

That means you have to be attentive and adjust your behavior ad-hoc, as the situation calls for, and not be "nice" when it is not ideal to be so. A lot of "nice" people are not kind or good people deep down, they just think that by keeping that constant smiley cheery facade, they can be lazy and stop adjusting their behavior. It's somewhat narcissistic. Be more realistic and peep when people are doing you wrong, and maybe you can potentially get way better relationship with you setting boundaries and asserting that you're a person that deserve respect and that you lack tolerance for bullshit. If you smile like a fool at a sociopath, then you will get used and abused, and that is on you. However, it is shitty for you to become thorny person later than refuses to share a smile with the people who deserve it because now you feel like you have to in another extremel, close that gate. This is when those people got to you where they altered your life.

You also have to distinguish being kind, caring from being a people pleaser. A lot of people pleasers are deep down scumbags who switch up once they feel they can afford to not be in peoples good sides. You can demand respect from people and be a decent human being.

So, be kind, caring, cheery, and everything you are, nevertheless learn to deal with people in a mature way where you pay attention, adjust and control your relationship with them when you see them acting in ways that tows the line of normal conduct. Don't become overly sensitive but just deal with people that try to mess with you.

I can tell you're not a confrontational person. Sometimes you've got to put on those pants and tell people when they are doing you wrong in ways that preserve your dignity and just keep it pushing if they don't even want to acknowledge it. You want to stay away from those people who are manipulative.

Sometimes you also have to evaluate your personality and figure out why a person might disrespect you (a lot of people have their own motives which can be very different for th next, don't change deeply for people that care little about you; not every person is good and you will not be compatible with many). Could it be not your niceness, perhaps because you are in a way they don't deem worthy of respect? If a person sees you as silly or weak, and they take your kindness for weakness, then frankly, just shut down their disrespect and live your life where you don't have to deal with them that much. Trust me, everyone goes through this, the most popular to the unpopular. You can be the most likelable person, that person too encounters pieces of shits, heck, maybe that likebale person is a part time piece of shit to someone else passive agressivly.

This is life. Adjust accordingly, but don't become a POS. You might think you are becoming better by that just turns you rotten, and it affects your quality of life, where now the good people avoid you, and you miss out on actually experiencing life the right way. This is very common and when people turn rotten, they don't change for a long time for the better, if ever.

You perfectly articulated how I feel on this topic.

When people complain about being treated poorly because they’re “too nice”, it’s not that they're too nice, it’s rather that they lack boundaries and don’t know how to stand up for themselves.

However, I personally think it’s very weak minded to go to the opposite extreme and become an a-hole to everyone you meet as a way to overcompensate for previous people pleasing behaviour.

Like you said, all this will do is push away genuinely kind people. Also treating everyone poorly (and isolating yourself as a result) will only make you more bitter. It’s a negative feedback loop.

While it’s harder to learn how to have boundaries and how to stand up to disrespect while continuing to be kind to those that deserve it, it’s more worth it in the long run.

 

[The alchemist]

You have to be the smartest person on this forum few peoelel I want to have a real life convo with and your one of them

Thank you, man. Although, in good conscience, I have to say the praise is too high. I'm just your friendly neighborhood Somali.

 

[The alchemist]

You perfectly articulated how I feel on this topic.

When people complain about being treated poorly because they’re “too nice”, it’s not that they're too nice, it’s rather that they lack boundaries and don’t know how to stand up for themselves.

However, I personally think it’s very weak minded to go to the opposite extreme and become an a-hole to everyone you meet as a way to overcompensate for previous people pleasing behaviour.

Like you said, all this will do is push away genuinely kind people. Also treating everyone poorly (and isolating yourself as a result) will only make you more bitter. It’s a negative feedback loop.

While it’s harder to learn how to have boundaries and how to stand up to disrespect while continuing to be kind to those that deserve it, it’s more worth it in the long run.

Hundred percent.

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[Testo 21]

Be good, not nice