Ladies only poll: Would you ever marry a much older man?

[Angelina]

In the movie industry starting with Bollywood, Hollywood, Masri, Turkey, and I think so is true in Latin America, almost always the leading hero, generally a gentleman of certain age and social standing, has a pretty temptress in tow, and if still married to his old muse, maintains a young coquette in the shadows; even in 007 movies, the seductress is almost always a damsel barely out of pubescence in a boyish frame.

I think that appeals to the men, not the women. The move industry mostly caters to the male gaze, hence why the entertainment industry is rife with women wearing barely there clothing, especially the 007 franchises. Women don’t swoon over large age gaps and now that the move industry is becoming more inclusive of women, such as more female directors and the like behind the scenes, we’re seeing more close in age romances, we’re seeing story lines involving older women who aren’t relegated to the side lines of just being the mum of grandmother of the main character.

Simply look at romances, specifically catered towards women and look at the leading man lol. A perfect example is that horrid sexualized movie that caters to the fantasy of women fifty shades or whatever. The lead is I think meant to be very rich, but also a young man. I remember when all the cadaan women would talk about it and posters were everywhere. When looking at female fantasies, usually the man is of a high social standing yes, rich yes, but also young albeit a few years older so 3-6 yrs with a good body. That’s an ultimate fantasy for a lot of women and I think that’s why that disgusting movie did well and why you had a generation of young to even Middle Aged cadaan women were obsessed.

Turkish shows are a great one. They too always tend to have a lead a female lead who are of similar age. Very rarely have I seen a Turkish romance in which the lead is more than 10 years older. I used to watch it with my aunts lol but I remember as a teen when Turkish series first gripped Arabs and Somalis and the romantic drama, Nora and Mohanet comes to mind. The male lead was young, dashingly handsome and the same age as his arranged marriages wife Noura whom he learns to fall in love with.The obession that Somali and Arab ladies had with him and the plot man was fascinating to see as a young teen/tween.

Now, could not one act out one's fantasy in the real life? Could nomads not lift a leaf out of fantasy? After all, in thee days, the nexus between veracity and fantasy is a thinly gilded silhouette, a flimsy one at that, by all measures.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

Simply look at romances, specifically catered towards women and look at the leading man lol. A perfect example is that horrid sexualized movie that caters to the fantasy of women fifty shades or whatever. The lead is I think meant to be very rich, but also a young man. I remember when all the cadaan women would talk about it and posters were everywhere. When looking at female fantasies, usually the man is of a high social standing yes, rich yes, but also young albeit a few years older so 3-6 yrs with a good body. That’s an ultimate fantasy for a lot of women and I think that’s why that disgusting movie did well and why you had a generation of young to even Middle Aged cadaan women were obsessed.

I thought those were more bespoke chick-flicks and soaps geared towards WAGs and stay-at-home progenitors, no? If no, then the Turkish soaps must be the exception. I must admit the Turkish movies I have seen are a cross between Hindi and Masri, very much in line with predictable story lines.

Even in the more popular plays, Gertrude was a chicklet in comparison to Claudius, so was Mr Darsy, who was much older than Ms Bennett. The same was true for Sr Carlton, who was much senior to Ms Black in Cause Celebre.

But then, those are all for men by men. Oh well ...

 

[Angelina]

I thought those were more bespoke chick-flicks and soaps geared towards WAGs and stay-at-home progenitors, no? If no, then the Turkish soaps must be the exception. I must admit the Turkish movies I have seen are a cross between Hindi and Masri, very much in line with predictable story lines.

Even in the more popular plays, Gertrude was a chicklet in comparison to Claudius, so was Mr Darsy, who was much older than Ms Bennett. The same was true for Sr Carlton, who was much senior to Ms Black in Cause Celebre.

But then, those are all for men by men. Oh well ...

Lol Mr Darcy was 28. That’s a young man! Mr Darcy literally falls into what I am saying. A novel written 200 yrs ago about a rich young man falling in love with a gentlemens daughter written none other than a woman Jane Austen and is still adored till this day. That my friend is what we call an own goal. You’ve proved my point nicely.

What does that tell you? The one Novel
You mentioned written by a woman and is adored till this day and the hero is a
Young, dashing rich man.

Thanks for reminding of a novel that nicely encapsulated what I was saying.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

Lol Mr Darcy was 28. That’s a young man! Mr Darcy literally falls into what I am saying. A novel written 200 yrs ago about a rich young man falling in love with a gentlemens daughter written none other than a woman Jane Austen and is still adored till this day. That my friend is what we call an own goal. You’ve proved my point nicely.

What does that tell you. The one Novel
You mentioned written by a woman and is adored till this day and the hero is a
Young, dashing rich man.

Not quite, for in those days, 28 was old, no? I bet you Ms Bennett was a teenager.

 

[Angelina]

Not quite, for in those days, 28 was old, no? I bet you Ms Bennett was a teenager.

No she’s 21. And in no way is 28 old. Not for any time period. We’re talking about 200 yrs ago not 2000 yrs ago.

Humans don’t look that different to the past lol and a 28 yr old man then would be youthful like they are today.

You’re talking to an Austen fan and even in the Novel Mr Darcy is described as young.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

No she’s 21. And in no way is 28 old. Not for any time period. We’re talking about 200 yrs ago not 2000 yrs ago.

Humans don’t look that different to the past lol and a 28 yr old man then would be youthful.

All right, perhaps that was not a good instance then; if she were 17, would that have been a problem?

Are you familiar with T Rattigan's Cause Celebre?

 

[Angelina]

All right, perhaps that was not a good instance then; if she were 17, would that have been a problem?

Are you familiar with T Rattigan's Cause Celebre?

It’s not about what I think is a problem. 28 yr old man is in his youth regardless of any century. Even if the female protagonist was 17, Mr Darcy wouldn’t be an old man simply because men at 28 are youthful and handsome compared to that of a 40 yr old.

There is the reason why Mr Darcy is the archetypal romance character spanning more than 200 yrs and if he was a man of 45, he wouldn’t have the same appeal.
Till this day, women love P&P myself included. One of my favorite novels. If you look at most romance novels written in the regency period and Victorian period, the men are young. Look at North and South, look at Persuasion, and a whole host of novels.

Women know what women on average like, same as men who know what they like. I think a lot of men get confused between women’s need for stability to what they truly fantasize about. You’ve got romance novels written by women centuries ago and it fits in with what us modern women are telling you.

As for that play, no I’m not familiar with it.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

It’s not about what I think is a problem. 28 yr old man is in his youth regardless of any century. Even if the female protagonist was 17, Mr Darcy wouldn’t be an old man simply because men at 28 are youthful and handsome compared to that of a 40 yr old.

There is the reason why Mr Darcy is the archetypal romance character spanning more than 200 yrs and if he was a man of 45, he wouldn’t have the same appeal.
Till this day, women love P&P myself included. One of my favorite novels. If you look at most romance novels written in the regency period and Victorian period, the men are young.

Women know what women on average like, same as men who know what they like. I think a lot of men get confused between women’s need for stability to what they truly fantasize about.

As for that play, no I’m not familiar with it.

Valid point, so, Sean Connery at 45 would not be regarded handsome?
What is P&P?

 

[Angelina]

Valid point, so, Sean Connery at 45 would not be regarded handsome?
What is P&P?

Pride and prejudice.

If a man is very handsome, women would obviously like him. It’s like me asking you if men found Halle Berry at 40 beautiful and they did. In fact more than a decade ago when she was around that was her peak. Of course. Exceptionally good looking people aren’t the rule.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

Pride and prejudice.

If a man is very handsome, women would obviously like him. It’s like me asking you if men found Halle Berry at 40 beautiful and they did. In fact more than a decade ago when she was around that was her peak. Of course. Exceptionally good looking people aren’t the rule.

In other words, determining factors are net worth, aesthetics etc., not age not as much? Or does age only apply to ugly paupers?

Us ugly paupers are feeling left out, discriminated against.

 

[Angelina]

@𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈

I love Jane Austen so I’ve read or watched the adaptions of her book. Interestingly enough, there is a book called Sense and Sensibility that explores the relationship between a young women of like 18 and a much older gent of 35 I believe.

But what’s fascinating is that even though it was written 200 yrs ago, the female lead is initially repulsed by him due to him being older and boring. She falls in love with a young dashing man in his 20s and he ends up breaking her heart terribly and when she becomes ill, it’s the older guy that helps her which makes her warm to him.

200 yrs ago and Austen encapsulated the feelings young women have towards very older guys. That’s why Austen is timeless.

 

[Angelina]

In other words, determining factors are net worth, aesthetics etc., not age not as much? Or does age only apply to ugly paupers?

Age matters when all things are equal.

Us ugly paupers are feeling left out, discriminated against.

There is a reason why In developed countries women marry men who are only 2-7 yrs older than them. Huge age gaps only make up 8%. A whopping 92% of women when they have enough money of their own marry men of their generation. Also throughout the centuries most families didn’t give their daughters away to very old men. It obviously happened a lot more in the past, but couples tended to be of a similar generation since men too got married young to women who were a bit younger than them. Even in Somalia, most women are married to young men although the % of age gaps are higher than developed nations l.

Humans, male and female look their best in their 20s to mid 30s. That’s when they are in their physical prime. If finances weren’t a worry for a woman, why would she want to marry a man that isn’t in his physical prime when she too is very young? Also, the likelihood he wouldn’t have baggage would also be slim. What does she get out of it? If he’s exceptionally attractive? Or very rich? Also let’s take appearence out of the equation. What about humor? Understanding? Many of this depends on generation and if you’re not the same gen sometimes it can be hard to relate. Women care about this.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

@𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈

I love Jane Austen so I’ve read or watched the adaptions of her book. Interestingly enough, there is a book called Sense and Sensibility that explores the relationship between a young women of like 18 and a much older gent of 35 I believe.

But what’s fascinating is that even though it was written 200 yrs ago, the female lead is initially repulsed by him due to him being older and boring. She falls in love with a young dashing man in his 20s and he ends up breaking her heart terribly and when she becomes ill, it’s the older guy that helps her which makes her warm to him.

200 yrs ago and Austen encapsulated the feelings young women have towards very older guys. That’s why Austen is timeless.

I agree those classics are timeless. Besides the theoretical discussion, I agree both genders prefer nubility (more so in men) and nobility (more so in women), everything else is just settling down for second best.

 

[Sophisticate]

I really don't think everyone ages the same. Here is a sign that you are decaying much slower than your peers. Aesthetically speaking.

• If people find that you look significantly younger than your peers.
• If people invalidate you when you are in a senior role.
• When some people assume you're an intern for eons.
• If people who are significantly younger than you correct you when you call them habo, as in you see yourself like a young aunt. Only for them to laugh or give you a quizzical look.
• If the opposite sex from a younger age cohort sees you as fair game.

 

[Angelina]

I agree those classics are timeless. Besides the theoretical discussion, I agree both genders prefer nubility (more so in men) and nobility (more so in women), everything else is just settling down for second best.

I think the moral of the story was that a dependable man even if older can be better than the dashing handsome young man of a young woman’s fantasies.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

What does she get out of it? If he’s exceptionally attractive? Or very rich? Also let’s take appearence out of the equation. What about humor? Understanding?

The older one is, the more secure in own skin, the greater the sense of humour, thus the more entertainment between the bed posts barring cantankerous souls. One could bring more to the table than when one were 17. Or so methinks.

I really don't think everyone ages the same. Here is a sign that you are decaying much slower than your peers. Aesthetically speaking.

• If people find that you look significantly younger than your peers.
• If people invalidate you when you are in a senior role.
• When some people assume you're an intern for eons.
• If people who are significantly younger than you correct you when you call them habo, as in you see yourself like a young aunt. Only for them to laugh or give you a quizzical look.
• If the opposite sex from a younger age cohort sees you as fair game.

Genes do make a great deal of difference; have not already been aunty-categorised, have you?

 

[The alchemist]

If people invalidate you when you are in a senior role.

Massive career obstacle but giggles internally.

 

[Angelina]

The older one is, the more secure in own skin, the greater the sense of humour, thus the more entertainment between the bed posts barring cantankerous souls.

Humor and entertainment is found more in commonality. Same generation have a better understanding. I simply wouldn’t be able to relate to a 45 yr old. The older people become the more mellow. The lack of energy is also a huge issue. You want a man that is filled with energy and is excited about life. How can you even be silly with a man closer in age to your dad . I think the worst part of age gap relationships for women is that older men tend to have lived it. Been married, have kids. They’ve been able to be silly, overly romantic and filled with energy with their first partner.

Anyways, there is a reason why in the diaspora, Somali girls marry Abdis over a similar age just a couple of years older. Majority of the girls voted that they wouldn’t want a huge age gap and the girls that were okay voiced that it’s only for monetary reasons.

Genes do make a great deal of difference; have not already been aunty-categorised, have you?

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

Anyways, there is a reason why in the diaspora, Somali girls marry Abdis over a similar age just a couple of years older. Majority of the girls voted that they wouldn’t want a huge age gap and the girls that were okay voiced that it’s only for monetary reasons.

Does that change when a lady reaches 30? I am noticing the shallower the pool of eligible men in our community, the longer it takes for ladies to settle down, which then might be too late, thereby a matter for concern.

 

[Angelina]

Does that change when a lady reaches 30? I am noticing the shallower the pool of eligible men in our community, the longer it takes for ladies to settle down, which then might be too late.

Most of the 30 yr olds I know are married to men just a few years older tbh. I honestly haven’t met a diaspora girl married to a man more than 10 yrs older. Like I really haven’t. I think going for a man that’s like much older at like 30 is going to like parents age. Very difficult for a woman to go for a man that’s like her dads age. Parents themselves would be shocked.

All in all marriage is calaf. Marrying at 30
Is very common now anyway.