Men only Q's: What is the respectable amount of saving you should have before considering marriage?

[Naa]

Like 40$ at the registry office

Now how will you marry with only $3

 

[karkaar]

60k(AUD)
give the family of the 30-35(40k if they're really bougie),what they do with the money after that is up to them(alaabta,xaflada iyo wax walbo)
Have 10-15k ready for a years worth of rent(security is important imo)
and roughly 5-10k for the honeymoon

 

[Ciyaalka Xaafada]

Now how will you marry with only $3

The struggle is real

 

[karkaar]

if its somalia 3k for the whole affair

 

[Ciyaalka Xaafada]

if its somalia 3k for the whole affair

How a tuktuk driver gonna afford this tho

 

[karkaar]

How a tuktuk driver gonna afford this tho

Thats diaspora prices, if you're a local kun baa hawlahaadhi ku dhamaystiran kadhaa

 

[Ciyaalka Xaafada]

Thats diaspora prices, if you're a local kun baa hawlahaadhi ku dhamaystiran kadhaa

How a local barber gonna afford 1k

 

[karkaar]

How a local barber gonna afford 1k

bro they can, they easily make 30-40 bucks a day,thats 180US a week(6 day week)

 

[Regg]

Depends on where you live and generally the cost of living where you are.

99% of the posters here lives in the West where the cost of living is high so I expect the same answers.

The person I’m looking for would obviously be in the same or less social class as me. Personality wise, I expect her to be plain and simple with a yes attitude, only think about the basic nessessity the husband provide and nothing else.

What I’m planning to do is have no wedding but a small gathering between family members at home and a weekend honeymoon anywhere locally nearby. Leave my untouched $20K as part of my emergency fund (will put small portions in monthly) that should cover us for 12 months minimum, spend some for the starters (furnitures etc) and leave the rest while I spend my work pay covering basic necessity. The rest of our saving will be used to cover the kids education or a property if housing prices drop etc.

So, realistically everything should cost no more than $5K. I’ll never look for a woman who demands more because it tells you everything about their character.

 

[Regg]

$100k
From that you will use
-10k max for the wedding
- 15k for the honeymoon.
-7k for furniture and appliances
The 68k you have left would be your savings.

If you care about the long term, no wedding, small honeymoon and your own place has even more benefit.

That thinking really triggers me and it’s gonna be difficult to find one without my family’s support due to their connections with the community. They have a history of setting up fancy weddings and don’t think their daughters will have a say about agreeing with my proposals.

 

[karkaar]

99% of the posters here lives in the West where the cost of living is high so I expect the same answers.

The person I’m looking for would obviously be in the same or less social class as me. Personality wise, I expect her to be plain and simple with a yes attitude, only think about the basic nessessity the husband provide and nothing else.

What I’m planning to do is have no wedding but a small gathering between family members at home and a weekend honeymoon anywhere locally nearby. Leave my untouched $20K as part of my emergency fund (will put small portions in monthly) that should cover us for 12 months minimum, spend some for the starters (furnitures etc) and leave the rest while I spend my work pay covering basic necessity. The rest of our saving will be used to cover the kids education or a property if housing prices drop etc.

So, realistically everything should cost no more than $5K. I’ll never look for a woman who demand more than because it tells you everything about their character.

U shoulda snagged the quarantine bargains, its not easy to find girls like that however its possible.

 

[Angelina]

99% of the posters here lives in the West where the cost of living is high so I expect the same answers.

The person I’m looking for would obviously be in the same or less social class as me. Personality wise, I expect her to be plain and simple with a yes attitude, only think about the basic nessessity the husband provide and nothing else.

What I’m planning to do is have no wedding but a small gathering between family members at home and a weekend honeymoon anywhere locally nearby. Leave my untouched $20K as part of my emergency fund (will put small portions in monthly) that should cover us for 12 months minimum, spend some for the starters (furnitures etc) and leave the rest while I spend my work pay covering basic necessity. The rest of our saving will be used to cover the kids education or a property if housing prices drop etc.

So, realistically everything should cost no more than $5K. I’ll never look for a woman who demands more because it tells you everything about their character.

What does that have to do with character? Everyone wants to do something nice. Also, have you thought about mehr? The customery dahab your side of fam have to give her? Furthermore, in Somali culture your family will also help you.

The bit in bold is mad. You need to understand that its not just men that look at character, so do women and her side of the family. Right now, you come across as stingy which is a horrible character trait in a man. Trust me, with that attitude, you'll disgrace yourself in front of your future in-laws. If there is one thing Somalis hate, especially in a future bridegroom is stinginess.

 

[Regg]

The bit in bold is mad. You need to understand that its not just men that look at character, so do women and her side of the family. Right now, you come across as stingy which is a horrible character trait in a man. Trust me, with that attitude, you'll disgrace yourself in front of your future in-laws. If there is one thing Somalis hate, especially in a future bridegroom is stinginess.

$5K is part of the package so I don’t consider it stingy. I just like to look at the financial sides of things.

 

[Angelina]

$5K is part of the package so I don’t consider it stingy. I just like to look at the financial sides of things.

Saxib, I have a feeling you're very young. $5k is literally one salary pay check if not less. When you actually look at it like that, its a bit shameful for you to sit in front of a Somali girls family expecting they will be happy with that. That is the average Mehr money and not a wedding.

That is literally £2,808.31 come on, are you trolling now?

 

[Naa]

Saxib, I have a feeling you're very young. $5k is literally one salary pay check if not less. When you actually look at it like that, its a bit shameful for you to sit in front of a Somali girls family expecting they will be happy with that. That is the average Mehr money and not a wedding.

That is literally £2,808.31 come on, are you trolling now?

I remember I told my parents I would probably ask for 5k mehr and they did not approve. My parents would cry if I married a man like that.

 

[Regg]

Saxib, I have a feeling you're very young. $5k is literally one salary pay check if not less. When you actually look at it like that, its a bit shameful for you to sit in front of a Somali girls family expecting they will be happy with that. That is the average Mehr money and not a wedding.

That is literally £2,808.31 come on, are you trolling now?

What is the appropriate mahr to you? I might consider giving her all my tax returns that I see it as disposables.

 

[Angelina]

What is the appropriate mahr to you? I might consider giving her all my tax returns that I consider it as disposables.

Saxib, speak to the women in your family like your mum and sis. They will be honest with you and save you from looking a certain way.

Literally in the UK the average mehr money is £3,000- £7,000 on average.

In Australia it might be different. If you have married sisters and cousins ect, that would be perfect have convos with them instead of sspot.

 

[QueenofKings]

Saxib, speak to the women in your family like your mum and sis. They will be honest with you and save you from looking a certain way.

Literally in the UK the average mehr money is £3,000- £7,000 on average.

In Australia it might be different. If you have married sisters and cousins ect, that would be perfect have convos with them instead of sspot.

I have a strong feeling a good number of Somali parents tell their sons - be frugal, don’t give her your money, beware the gold digger, she’s lucky to have you. Then tell their daughters, 50k mehr! Nothing less for my princess, it’s his job to provide, it’s his job to give you gold.

 

[Lostbox]

@Angelina what do you think of prenup? Does she still take more after the divorce?

I know it would be unfair with all the time spent building up your life then walking away with nothing to show for it but would you accept for it a big Mehr payout?

 

[Angelina]

I have a strong feeling a good number of Somali parents tell their sons - be frugal, don’t give her your money, beware the gold digger, she’s lucky to have you. Then tell their daughters, 50k mehr! Nothing less for my princess, it’s his job to provide, it’s his job to give you gold.

True, hypocrisy at its finest.

However, there is a level of stringiness that makes the family look very bad. From what i've seen even the guys side of the family are very aware of this. The only families that i've seen that have encouraged their sons extreme stringiness were the reer bado wayward types. Yes, they might tell their sons to be frugal, but there are levels to this. Most times the guys in our communities get help from parents and close family because they know how costly weddings are. I've even seen mother-in laws push their sons into having big weddings! Somalis love competing with each other.

Also, we are a group of people that don't like to be disgraced in front of others. For instance the nikaah (the wedding ceremony/ walima) I would say is the most important. That is when all the odeys come together and imagine this man wants to spend less than $5k! I think even his family will laugh! The venue, the payment that needs to be given to the Sheikh, the food ect. In my area pre-Covid Nikkahs tend to be big affairs because of the barakha of feeding people ect, so being frugal when it comes to that definitely will give you the side eye!