My friend is cheating on his wife, I'm contemplating on letting her know

[waraabe]

Most Somali men cheat on their spouses (not my deeply religious family). I have seen more than a dozen and that's just by going out into Somali spaces and observing things.

I have caught married men with POF on their phones, chatting with women suspiciously alone at shisha spots (including underaged girls), etc.

Why do you say most Somalis then excuse your family? You probably know this behaviour from home

 

[Burhan]

@Burhan i see what you mean

Have you been to Asia? That you like the east is obvious. And if you disagree with me btw, don't be nice. Hope I don't come across as rude enough for nice people to avoid voicing their disagreements with me online. You are a nice person. My friends(a loose term for people I deal with on a daily basis in my life) come from all walks of life and are what typifies America - from the atheist to the religious nutcase and we all get along fine. They all like to talk to me even though I don't agree with them always or hide my strong displeasure with anything that sounds bigoted from them.

 

[Burhan]

Why do you say most Somalis then excuse your family? You probably know this behaviour from home

It is good he respects his family. There are some who don't after they left Islam.

 

[SenseSays]

Have you been to Asia? That you like the east is obvious. And if you disagree with me btw, don't be nice. Hope I don't come across as rude enough for nice people to avoid voicing their disagreements with me online. You are a nice person. My friends(a loose term for people I deal with on a daily basis in my life) come from all walks of life and are what typifies America - from the atheist to the religious nutcase and we all get along fine. They all like to talk to me even though I don't agree with them always or hide my strong displeasure with anything that sounds bigoted from them.

No I haven't been to Asia
Even though I might not agree with you that dosen't mean I'm allowed to be an asshole about it. It's cool that you have an opinion that's different than mine.

 

[waraabe]

It is good he respects his family. There are some who don't after they left Islam.

He comes here with what his family does

 

[Burhan]

No I haven't been to Asia
Even though I might not agree with you that dosen't mean I'm allowed to be an asshole about it. It's cool that you have an opinion that's different than mine.

Cool. And I don't mind you to be an asshole. Sometimes it is necessary.

 

[VixR]

Lol what a joke.

 

[OmarLittle]

You're scum, he is scum and maybe she's scum too. But, if she not scum, then you need tell her what happened and you both need to get out of her life.

 

[Mercury]

Bro, would you agree to a monogamous marriage if your wife-to-be asked you to declare that? Cause I am not sure you meant to say a man gives up his right to marry a second when he is marrying his first?


I think I would not agree to such an arrangement even though I am not one to marry more than one wife by personality. To be bound to one is too much hassle. Two would be crazy.

I just don't think a woman has any right to ask a man to forego what is his right to exercise if he wants to.

Well you can avoid this issue by asking what her thoughts are on being a se ond wife before you marry her

 

[Burhan]

Well you can avoid this issue by asking what her thoughts are on being a se ond wife before you marry her

That would be a big mistake. No woman agrees to share her husband. It is rare to see a woman accept that without some soul searching. That is counter intuitive for them. And I would not bring up such issues because they are not relevant at all. As long as I am getting the satisfaction I need out of our relationship, then she would have nothing to worry.

 

[ChickenOriental]

OP, do they have kids? Tell your friend to have the decency to divorce her or come clean with her before she falls pregnant. Unless, of course, she already is 8 months pregnant and your friend is the Ultimate Douchebag.

 

[ChickenOriental]

@Burhan a man has the right to a second wife - a woman that he takes on with honour and respect. His first wife is also honoured and respected.The hoe-ery that is going on in this story - and I think what Mercury was talking about - is the manner in which the husband is breaking his vow. He never vowed not to take a second wife - but he vowed not to be unfaithful and commit zina by default.

I get what you're talking about tho. The secular sense of 'monogamy' that is celebrated does not directly translate to what is considered a honourable marriage in Islam. The man could have 4 wives and as long as he is straight with all of them and looking after them it is a blessed union, Obviously in this case he is just breaking trust, not providing (I presume) for the women he is cheating with, and above all committing adultery.

 

[Burhan]

@Burhan a man has the right to a second wife - a woman that he takes on with honour and respect. His first wife is also honoured and respected.The hoe-ery that is going on in this story - and I think what Mercury was talking about - is the manner in which the husband is breaking his vow. He never vowed not to take a second wife - but he vowed not to be unfaithful and commit zina by default.

I get what you're talking about tho. The secular sense of 'monogamy' that is celebrated does not directly translate to what is considered a honourable marriage in Islam. The man could have 4 wives and as long as he is straight with all of them and looking after them it is a blessed union, Obviously in this case he is just breaking trust, not providing (I presume) for the women he is cheating with, and above all committing adultery.

Cool analysis and course correction for my thoughts. You said it for me with clarity. And I will be honest with you, I can never marry four wives, or two, am corrupted by city culture where you drool over for life on one woman even if she isn't the best hahahaha, so in a way, the option is not for me. I just accept and agree with the wisdom of the law because there is reason it was legalized. There are times societies and communities can benefit from polygamy. And I am not sure average joe/farah can meet the requirements for two wives much less four.

Thanks for clearing up things.

 

[agnes]

Bro, would you agree to a monogamous marriage if your wife-to-be asked you to declare that? Cause I am not sure you meant to say a man gives up his right to marry a second when he is marrying his first?


I think I would not agree to such an arrangement even though I am not one to marry more than one wife by personality. To be bound to one is too much hassle. Two would be crazy.

I just don't think a woman has any right to ask a man to forego what is his right to exercise if he wants to.

A woman has every right to ask before getting married. This way she knows what kind of man she's marrying. It gives her a chance to walk away or proceed.

 

[dhegdheer]

That would be a big mistake. No woman agrees to share her husband. It is rare to see a woman accept that without some soul searching. That is counter intuitive for them. And I would not bring up such issues because they are not relevant at all. As long as I am getting the satisfaction I need out of our relationship, then she would have nothing to worry.

Does that mean you'll go get married secretly, to a girl much younger, like so many other somali men when the marriage isn't deemed satisfactory anymore??

 

[Transparent]

why do niggas cheat,if you aint satisfied tell your wife and try to deduce ways to liven up your sex lives,if it all ends in failure remember lads you could always get a second wife not need to commit adultery.

 

[Ebola Oak]

Set him up and bring 4 witness so be can stoned.

 

[Burhan]

Does that mean you'll go get married secretly, to a girl much younger, like so many other somali men when the marriage isn't deemed satisfactory anymore??

My satisfaction is similar to hers and goes both ways. Both partners have to be satisfied in the relationship, and satisfaction is not about sex but about the whole companionship. Just as she has the right to ask for separation if I change over time and cause her emotional and physical harm, lack of support she is entitled to etc, I have the same right to seek change in her at first since I care about her, but if efforts to improve things fail, then I have the right to marry another or move on. Then she can ask for divorce if she doesn't want to stay as second wife. It is a good threat

As a general rule for me, I won't marry a woman when I am beyond 50, not much time is left then to take responsibility for another human being. And not giving her the advantage of my youth means denying her better life she could get from another man, so, I would rather travel and be a nomad in the true spirit, teach and meet new people in the country, give back to society rather than marry a younger woman who most likely will be unsatisfied.

 

[Burhan]

why do niggas cheat,if you aint satisfied tell your wife and try to deduce ways to liven up your sex lives,if it all ends in failure remember lads you could always get a second wife not need to commit adultery.

My sentiment also.

 

[Burhan]

A woman has every right to ask before getting married. This way she knows what kind of man she's marrying. It gives her a chance to walk away or proceed.

A man's worth and how good he will be to you is not measured based on your paranoia about other females who are most likely nonexistent in his mind and eyes. It is only you who sees the women and then make his life miserable before he gets married to you. Think when he gets married to you then? LOL. Jealousy is insanity, it is the other side of love which is insanity itself anyway, an insanity people celebrate.

Such questions from a woman when I gave her no reason to ask is a red flag for me.