Never be vulnerable with a woman, it’s a trap.
- Thread starter Kane
- Start date
Men can be vulnerable with
1. Allah SWT
2. Their parents
3. Their wife
4. Their children
Not some random Zina relationship.
The Prophet SAW was vulnerable with his wives, and sought counsel from his wives and friends. Please don't spread toxic, unislamic messages.
Remember, Prophet Muhammad SAW, ran to his wife, Khadijah AS, when he first saw Angel Gabriel?
Cowardice is bottling up your emotions.
1. Allah SWT
2. Their parents
3. Their wife
4. Their children
Not some random Zina relationship.
The Prophet SAW was vulnerable with his wives, and sought counsel from his wives and friends. Please don't spread toxic, unislamic messages.
Remember, Prophet Muhammad SAW, ran to his wife, Khadijah AS, when he first saw Angel Gabriel?
Cowardice is bottling up your emotions.
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Your example is of the super natural while I’m talking about men sharing their insecurity and general fears with their women.
Men and women process stress differently, that’s why women on average have more magnesium deficiency then men.
It’s a man’s job to solve his own problems, then share them with his woman after the fact. Which will increase her trust and make her feel secure, as opposed complaining, whining or even crying about everything.
Death of loved ones, tragedies etc being exceptions.
Kane you’re not married.
Any woman that’s been married for a while that’s built a strong foundation with their partner will disagree.
That woman got the ick because it’s a Zina relationship with no foundation or love. What history do they have? What bonds have they formed before he off loaded on her? Even if the roles were reversed, the same would happen but in a different capacity. If a woman was to be overly vulnerable in the dating stages, such a man will think she has ‘baggage’ and isn’t ’emotionally stable’ hence not worth dealing with. Both men and women get the Ick in these scenarios, but for different reasons, but the end result is still the same
. Don’t listen to women you’re dating telling you that you should be overly vulnerable and vice versa.
As for your point about ‘complaining about everything’ no one finds that attractive not even men find that attractive in women and men see women as the weaker sex and thus women are more privileged in this department and will get away with it a bit more before a man’s patience snaps, but still, no one likes someone who constantly whines. If I was to whine constantly and complain all the time, I’d put off my partner, friends and even annoy my mother who loves me unconditionally. Humans don’t respect ‘woe is me’ attitudes hence moderation is key. It’s one of the reasons why people with bipolar issues and difficulties regulating their emotions are exhausting to deal with. Obviously people like that are special cases and need our full love and respect, but it’s exhausting, why? Due to the constant negativity and complaints.
My advice for both men and women in marriages: Open up, let your partner help you in what they can, but also don’t be a rampant whiner when it comes to things that aren’t the end of the world since it makes you look like you don’t believe in Allah’s will or that you have issues with emotional regulation. I understand that there are certain issues that are on-going you will need to talk about daily so this isn’t a black and white advice. I also understand that men and women are different and women will always have a bit more leeway. As a man there are ways in which you can be vulnerable with your wife, you can share your issues but also be brave and a leader when the time arises. A lot of men can’t seem to understand that things can co-exist and I think the Prophet s.a.w is a perfect example. Read about his relationship with Khadijah R.A. One thing that struck me about our dear Prophet S.A.W he truly was a man of moderation.
Courting/ getting to you know for marriage stages: only open up about vulnerable issues you have to open up about that is to do with marriage and the courtship that will impact your future spouse if you don’t open up. Unfortunately, if a woman isn’t in love with you and isn’t tied to you, and you’re overly vulnerable to the point that you come across as whiny, she might get the ick since she doesn’t have a good idea of your real personality and who you truly are as a man yet. You need to build that base first. Also, as a woman if a man isn’t in love with you and you’re not his wife and you tell him deep things he might think you have ‘baggage’ and he might think you’re easily exploited and might even use that against you. I’ve heard of cases of men using women’s family issues against them and exploiting them.
These are my honest two cents.
Any woman that’s been married for a while that’s built a strong foundation with their partner will disagree.
That woman got the ick because it’s a Zina relationship with no foundation or love. What history do they have? What bonds have they formed before he off loaded on her? Even if the roles were reversed, the same would happen but in a different capacity. If a woman was to be overly vulnerable in the dating stages, such a man will think she has ‘baggage’ and isn’t ’emotionally stable’ hence not worth dealing with. Both men and women get the Ick in these scenarios, but for different reasons, but the end result is still the same
. Don’t listen to women you’re dating telling you that you should be overly vulnerable and vice versa.As for your point about ‘complaining about everything’ no one finds that attractive not even men find that attractive in women and men see women as the weaker sex and thus women are more privileged in this department and will get away with it a bit more before a man’s patience snaps, but still, no one likes someone who constantly whines. If I was to whine constantly and complain all the time, I’d put off my partner, friends and even annoy my mother who loves me unconditionally. Humans don’t respect ‘woe is me’ attitudes hence moderation is key. It’s one of the reasons why people with bipolar issues and difficulties regulating their emotions are exhausting to deal with. Obviously people like that are special cases and need our full love and respect, but it’s exhausting, why? Due to the constant negativity and complaints.
My advice for both men and women in marriages: Open up, let your partner help you in what they can, but also don’t be a rampant whiner when it comes to things that aren’t the end of the world since it makes you look like you don’t believe in Allah’s will or that you have issues with emotional regulation. I understand that there are certain issues that are on-going you will need to talk about daily so this isn’t a black and white advice. I also understand that men and women are different and women will always have a bit more leeway. As a man there are ways in which you can be vulnerable with your wife, you can share your issues but also be brave and a leader when the time arises. A lot of men can’t seem to understand that things can co-exist and I think the Prophet s.a.w is a perfect example. Read about his relationship with Khadijah R.A. One thing that struck me about our dear Prophet S.A.W he truly was a man of moderation.
Courting/ getting to you know for marriage stages: only open up about vulnerable issues you have to open up about that is to do with marriage and the courtship that will impact your future spouse if you don’t open up. Unfortunately, if a woman isn’t in love with you and isn’t tied to you, and you’re overly vulnerable to the point that you come across as whiny, she might get the ick since she doesn’t have a good idea of your real personality and who you truly are as a man yet. You need to build that base first. Also, as a woman if a man isn’t in love with you and you’re not his wife and you tell him deep things he might think you have ‘baggage’ and he might think you’re easily exploited and might even use that against you. I’ve heard of cases of men using women’s family issues against them and exploiting them.
These are my honest two cents.
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Can you elaborate on this part? I feel it's cowardly to need to off load issues onto other instead of killing it from within.
It’s cowardice because you’re projecting this idea of invincibility that doesn’t exist and you’re afraid to be yourself and 9/10 most men can’t even keep it up and it seeps through. It also destroys marriages. Imagine you’re going through a deep turmoil hence you’ve been unresponsive towards wife. In your mind, you’re being stoic, killing the issue within whilst at the same time since you’re human it’s hard to be your usual self since you’re battling something within. You’ve been snappy and avoiding her. She will think something is wrong with her and the marriage. That’s cowardly and ultimately against human nature. Even worse when we add to the mix that men actually project their insecurities more so than women whilst women tend to harm themselves.
A lot of young men don’t seem to understand the idea of moderation and co-existence. You can talk about something, be open without going on about it 24/7. That will let your wife know there is an issue that’s outside of the marriage and she can support you in other ways like being extra helpful, giving you a solution and something simple like giving you space. Hence you can let your partner know about your worries and kill it at the same time.
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In all fairness this practice is nuanced. Although I feel 90% of upsetting things can be held within and smothered out. You could voice what's frustrating you but crying is unproductive and cringe.
Just being a bit vulnerable goes a long way because then if you’re acting strange which is inevitable, your partner will then be more merciful. Going through issues that require your maximum attention? Voice it and show it’s bothering you, wife will then give you space. Going through severe financial strains? Wife might have a solution or even savings she can borrow you and the list continues. Marriage is teamwork and without that attitude it will be a lonely existence even if you have someone sleeping next to you.
I’m not talking about crying and having a breakdown here and if you’re doing that for every set back it will look sus tbh but in severe cases, no sane woman will judge you for that and if she does, she never loved you or thought of you as being masculine in the first place.
I feel like voicing issues is understandable but breaking down is unnecessary. I don't see any good coming from doing something like that.
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