Somali boys soo gala - serious thread

[McLovin]

He has a great father but it's that tough 'I'll put you in your place if you disrespect your mother/ mess up' kinda dad. He's good but I think my nephew needs someone to tell him he's doing good.

Damn that sucks. A firm hand is good but tenderness and personability are just as important. It's rare to find somali fathers who can strike this balance

 

[Hemaal]

Thats the problem. You need to stop saving him. Tell him to stand up for himself even if it means fighting back

 

[Mckenzie]

Damn that sucks. A firm hand is good but tenderness and personability are just as important. It's rare to find somali fathers who can strike this balance

Somali fathers are not supermen, the fact he's around is good enough. The kid needs what we reer UK ppl call "oldas", she said he is the eldest nephew, it's highly important that he becomes tough as nails because he's got siblings looking up to him.

I can relate to this topic because my nephew is 12. He's the complete opposite, he beat a kid up last year but I forced him to apologise because I don't condone bullying, not all hereos wear capes

 

[Kanye]

I feel like the 'good' Somali parents keep their sons too sheltered and map out their whole life for them. I know some Somali kid my parents used to compare me to a lot. He also had the stereotypical 'strict' Somali father. The only time he would play video games was when I was around. The moment I'd put my shoes on to go home his parents would tell him to switch it off and go study. At some point I stopped hanging out with him because his paranoid mother thought I was a bad influence on him. I just wanted to play basketball and eat out and be back by 8pm. Yes, there's definitely a chance he'll steer towards haram and improper things but let the kid think for himself. He's an adult now and Masha Allah, his mother is very happy with him but he's just not a person in himself. How are you going to call a grown man at 8pm to check up on him? I don't even blame his mother. It's his father's fault for not telling her to lay off a bit. Mothers tend to be overprotective with their sons just like fathers are with their daughters because they've never been in their shoes.

I don't think there's much you can actively do to help him. Also don't let him get bullied. Don't baby him and intervene at the smallest things. Bullying is definitely not the same thing as toughening up.

one of my dreams is to go into a strip club. we don't have that in the uk

They're called Gentlemen's clubs/bar. Also Strip Club culture is weird and degenerate even if you're an Atheist sxb.

 

[ChickenOriental]

I stepped in with the cousin because he was literally tormenting him for days on end. I think he was jealous of him because my nephew is quite smart and his dad is at home whereas my cousin is a roadman who is, sadly, headed in all the wrong directions with no father figure.

He stuck up for himself but there is a limit to what I will allow to take place in front of me. I am not going to have my impressionable nephew believe that he is a loser because a boy that is older than him by 2 years but mentally 5 years behind wants to put him down.

 

[CitrusFlower]

You are a good aunt Masha Allah. Does he have any hobbies? What does he enjoy doing? Perhaps get him into sports/ kick boxing, this could help him with his self-esteem. It will also keep him busy and help him mix with others.

 

[Mckenzie]

I stepped in with the cousin because he was literally tormenting him for days on end. I think he was jealous of him because my nephew is quite smart and his dad is at home whereas my cousin is a roadman who is, sadly, headed in all the wrong directions with no father figure.

He stuck up for himself but there is a limit to what I will allow to take place in front of me. I am not going to have my impressionable nephew believe that he is a loser because a boy that is older than him by 2 years but mentally 5 years behind wants to put him down.

In that case keep that cousin away from him and let the kid grow up naturally with his friends, just don't take him along to your spa and make up sessions with the girls.

Maybe buy him a PS4 with Fallout or Unchartered.

 

[ChickenOriental]

In that case keep that cousin away from him and let the kid grow up naturally with his friends, just don't take him along to your spa and make up sessions with the girls.

Maybe buy him a PS4 with Fallout or Unchartered.

That cousin thankfully lives in a different city. This happened when he came to visit.

He has PS4 and all the games. He doesn't go to the Spa with me, we go bike riding together and get lunch sometimes. I might take him to a theme park when it gets warmer too.

You guys are hopeless wallahi. I'm trying to get info into how to help with the EMOTIONAL WELLBEING of my nephew so that he can always feel happy and loved. Strip clubs? Material possessions?

Never mind, y'all are too young for this.

 

[waraabe]

I think he just needs to man up a bit to be honest. He should hang out with lads

 

[Prince of Lasanod]

He is the eldest nephew. Apart from his father, there are no men that are older than him. He only has his Aunts, really.

When my male cousins came around, one of them straight up bullied him and called him fat repeatedly. I actually got into a physical fight with the male cousin over him. Nobody comes for my little cub.

Leave the grown man alone. Why involve yourself what him and his cousins doing?

He will turn out like a softie if he's getting defended by his aunt every time someone insults him.

 

[Mckenzie]

That cousin thankfully lives in a different city. This happened when he came to visit.

He has PS4 and all the games. He doesn't go to the Spa with me, we go bike riding together and get lunch sometimes. I might take him to a theme park when it gets warmer too.

You guys are hopeless wallahi. I'm trying to get info into how to help with the EMOTIONAL WELLBEING of my nephew so that he can always feel happy and loved. Strip clubs? Material possessions?

Never mind, y'all are too young for this.

Just let him know you're always there for him if he has concerns or worries. He can fall into trouble at that age and I think you're doing a good job as it is, Mashallah.

 

[maestro]

This is nice and all what you are trying but it's better if you just let him be. 13 year olds are weird by nature because of all the crazy hormones.

We all grew up and so will he. I didn't have confidence until I was like 19. I was always an awkward little shit

 

[TabK]

Martial arts.

It was mentioned before but I can not understate the importance of learning a martial arts discipline. He is also at the perfect age for it. You would be doing him a massive disservice if you do not enrol him in a class asap.

Beyond the obvious boost in self confidence, one of the most important benefits of martial arts is that it effectively introduces an amazing effort/reward system. You teach him from this young age that you start at the very beginning and you work your way to the top, strip by strip, belt by belt. It gives him the benefit of experiencing real life struggle in a safe and controlled environment and does so repeatedly every class, so he learns how to win and how to lose. There is competition and seeing his peers and male role figures, and it also adds a routine that he can fall back on whenever life gets too crazy around him, because at 6pm he has to be in class. There is also the descipline of working your crafts, hard work, he will make friends too.

And imagine 10 or so years from when he starts, when he gets his black belt, he will reminisce fondly on the day you took him to his first class. That will make your bond even stronger.

Do it.

 

[Mercury]

Youre good to your nephew @ChickenOriental




Growing up I didnt have My father around much and I didnt have any role models to look up to.

It may sound weird But I wanted to be a role model for others like Im the Eldest of 10 siblings and I was captain of My basketball team So that feeling of leading others and them depending on me always motivated me to do better

Also Basketball is a great sport alot of trash talking But thats part of the game you Will develop a thick skin or even master blocking out negative thoughts


Some advice id give your nephew would be


- Enjoy that hair some day you may go bald

- Have atleast one decent suit


-figure out whats important to you and prioritze accordingly

- be honest and reliable

- Dont let anyone take advantage of you

- value good friends and keep them close

- Pick up some muay thai or hit the gym both are good for the body and he Will learn to be more discipline

 

[Haze]

That cousin thankfully lives in a different city. This happened when he came to visit.

He has PS4 and all the games. He doesn't go to the Spa with me, we go bike riding together and get lunch sometimes. I might take him to a theme park when it gets warmer too.

You guys are hopeless wallahi. I'm trying to get info into how to help with the EMOTIONAL WELLBEING of my nephew so that he can always feel happy and loved. Strip clubs? Material possessions?

Never mind, y'all are too young for this.

^maybe if you changed that avatar of yours we could get to talking seriously

In all seriousness, stop coddling him and actually let him go out with friends and do activities. TBH regardless of what you do...he'll need a male figure. So if you have a cool college age male in the family you can trust, then hand him over to him and let him steer him into coming into his own. I went through something similar as your cousin, no male role models, and....it's a tough break. But if you just let him be, he'll come to understand things on his own, or just follow what i said and get a college age young dude in your family that can talk to him and get him out of his shell.
I'm also sure martial arts and other activities would be helpful. So get him signed up in a couple of things he's interested in. Hanging out with somali's and non somali's is also a must, so make sure he's exposed to both groups since he'll need to learn how to survive in both worlds if you really care about his future well-being.

 

[ChickenOriental]

I'm not his mother. I don't let or stop him doing anything. He has friends. He has a life.

I've said it before he did karate when he was younger but he didn't like it. Classes cost money and it's really silly to force a child to do something they don't like. Muay Thai might interest him, though, it's worth asking him.

Thanks to everyone for trying, especially to @Mercury for the helpful list of do's.

 

[Yannie]

Great job in trying to help your nephew. But there is so much you can do. I would suggest to try to find your nephew a male mentor. This will help him talk about issues that he is too shy to talk to you about. Where I live there is a mentor program at my local mosque. Maybe there are similar programs in your area. Hope that helps.

 

[cantspeak]

Well if he's a teen that has self esteem issues,(which is pretty normal btw, just make sure that he wn't kill himself), then you need to enroll him into a competitive sport or any other sorts of competitions. Only way for him to toughen up and have confidence in himself is if he has proven himself to himself.

Self esteem = Goals achieved/Goals set.

Also a Male mentor is pretty important.

 

[Transparent]

Try and get him to do self-defense classes like boxing ,kick-boxing ,muay Thai,taekwondo ect.This will build his confidence and also protect him against violence in the future.Also try and get him to do debating as this will further enhance his confidence amongst people and enrich his english and public speaking skills.One other note try and lay off the kid, he's in an awkward stage in his life and he does not need another mother babying him.

 

[Zeus]

Give him a gym membership and throw him in the gym! Make him lift weight and get swole and slay all these s walking the streets.