Somali women how would you like to be courted?

[Hodan from HR]

He died of blood cancer

Alaah yar xaamhu
So sorry for your loss

 

[Dualke]

Several months ago I met this one qt religious xalimo who seemed interested in me at work. Didn't want to date her or anything as it's Haram but wanted know her a little better, eventually cut me off for religious reasons in reality I proabably just layed it on a little too thick

 

[Odious Delirium]

This.

Realistically, you wont marry every somali man or woman so why can't we have walaaltinimo and a sense of community? It will be nice to be friends, and interact since we live in a society.

The thing is from my point of view somali women seem standoffish from a somali guys point of view while friendly with all other guys in general. The only somali women that have approached me have either confused me for an Asian/arab or I have know them growing up due to our parents being family friends/cousins etc. I haven't seen a somali women approached a somali guy ever for a conversation and somali guys when they see somali girls in groups simply won't approach because of the fear of being clowned especially when they are giving off a cold vibe. Is this a conscious decision on somali women's part?

 

[Odious Delirium]

Several months ago I met this one qt religious xalimo who seemed interested in me at work. Didn't want to date her or anything as it's Haram but wanted know her a little better, eventually cut me off for religious reasons in reality I proabably just layed it on a little too thick

How did you know she was interested?

And what do you think you did that would be considered "laying it on a little too thick"

 

[CalmOne20####]

Alaah yar xaamhu
So sorry for your loss

Thank you so much. I'm still coping with his death . I really miss him .

 

[Dualke]

How did you know she was interested?

And what do you think you did that would be considered "laying it on a little too thick"

She was texting me a lot and wanted to facetime me a couple times as late as midnight. Also use to bug me a lot about how I wasn't working on days she was working
I think I was overdoing shit because I would double text her when she'd leave me on read which appears as cuckish/clingy

 

[Hodan from HR]

The thing is from my point of view somali women seem standoffish from a somali guys point of view while friendly with all other guys in general. The only somali women that have approached me have either confused me for an Asian/arab or I have know them growing up due to our parents being family friends/cousins etc. I haven't seen a somali women approached a somali guy ever for a conversation and somali guys when they see somali girls in groups simply won't approach because of the fear of being clowned especially when they are giving off a cold vibe. Is this a conscious decisions on somali women's part

I have some friends who are super religious, they won't even reply asalam aleykum. But I think this issue affects both somali men and women.

I have had similar experiences with guys too. This somali guy I met in my uni, african event. We chat and it was really nice to get to know a brother. The next time I ran into him, I was smiling and waved heyy but he gave me a stern look then looked away. Twas weird. I don't know why he was cold all of a sudden. Maybe he thought I'm hitting on him? He is an engineering student and I was even thinking of asking for notes and tips for my baby sister who was joining the program. It is possible we have been conditioned to think being friendly and nice to our opposite gender is bad

 

[Odious Delirium]

I have some friends who are super religious, they won't even reply asalam aleykum. But I think this issue affects both somali men and women.

I have had similar experiences with guys too. This one guy I met in my uni, african event. We chat and it was really nice to get to know a brother. The next time I ran into him, I was smiling and waved heyy but he gave me a stern look then looked away. Twas weird. I don't know why he was cold all of a sudden. Maybe he thought I'm hitting on him? He is an engineering student and I was even thinking of asking for notes and tips for my baby sister who was joining the program. It is possible we have been conditioned to think being friendly and nice to our opposite gender is bad

I won't ever give sallam to women I only reply because of that reason you gave since many won't reply so I just wait for them to say it instead and reply otherwise I just move on.

As for the uni guy any form of kindness show to a guy by the opposite gender is seen as flirting so yeah he probably thought you were flirting with him and decided to reel it back when you next approached him.

Yeah us somalis who grew up outside somalia have been conditioned that way yet for some reason we are ok with ajnabis. I guess it's the fear of it going back to our parents. Yet our parents generation are all super cool and friendly with each other so I don't even know where it all went wrong.

 

[Odious Delirium]

She was texting me a lot and wanted to facetime me a couple times as late as midnight. Also use to bug me a lot about how I wasn't working on days she was working
I think I was overdoing shit because I would double text her when she'd leave me on read which appears as cuckish/clingy

Why is double texting an issue I quad text my mates all the time why is it a problem when talking to women? What if you haven't finished your thought/point? Why would that be cuckish/clingy?

 

[Darood]

The uncle types grew up in somalia during siad's liberalish times. A lot of us younger guys who grew up here are on deen and are trying to follow islam properly especially in the West. If you go back home those guys will definitely hit on you with confidence just like the uncle types.

As for the preference thing majority of somali women mean mug somali guys from what I have seen and are cold so scare off guys from approaching them because they don't want to be brutally humiliated so are you saying they all dislike somali men?

No not all. Only some prefer non-Somali.

As for the approaching thing I'm not talking about approaching to court I'm talking about trying to befriend/talk to a somali guy?

Oh okay. No I don’t have male friendships anymore. I learned the hard way. Men from my experience always have an agenda. It’s never purely platonic.

 

[Darood]

Please elaborate on why you feel offended when a guy doesn't make eye contact?

It’s hard to describe. I feel like they’re insinuating I’m some kind of Jezebel.

 

[Odious Delirium]

It’s hard to describe. I feel like they’re insinuating I’m some kind of Jezebel.

Wow no most guys will not hold eye contact for the exact opposite reason and its out of respect and or because they find you beautiful. If you were ugly no guy would have any problems holding eye contact as they would also see you more as a guy.

I would say you should take it as a green flag

 

[Dualke]

Why is double texting an issue I quad text my mates all the time why is it a problem when talking to women? What if you haven't finished your thought/point? Why would that be cuckish/clingy?

Before the discourse shifted to me primarily initiating conversations instead of there being somewhat of a balance

 

[Odious Delirium]

No not all. Only some prefer non-Somali.


Oh okay. No I don’t have male friendships anymore. I learned the hard way. Men from my experience always have an agenda. It’s never purely platonic.

Ok the befriend part let's take out because that's true platonic relationship between men and women don't truly exist but do you ever approach the somali guys for a convo?

 

[Odious Delirium]

Before the discourse shifted to me primarily initiating conversations instead of there being somewhat of a balance

So double texting made her less interested.

do you still work with her and are you guys cool or do you no longer interact or even see each other?

 

[Dualke]

So double texting made her less interested.

do you still work with her and are you guys cool or do you no longer interact or even see each other?

I haven't interacted with her (both quit our jobs) in a while even tho she lives in the same neighborhood as me, goes to the same campus so I might see her idk

 

[Darood]

Ok the befriend part let's take out because that's true platonic relationship between men and women don't truly exist but do you ever approach the somali guys for a convo?

I can’t say I have.

 

[ziakidaa]

Personally, I would like if Somali men could be more direct, genuine, and intentional when they approach Somali women. Too many of them are sassy now and want to be courted. I think it’s a societal issue of having so many options and immediate gratification on socials.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Personally, I would like if Somali men could be more direct, genuine, and intentional when they approach Somali women. Too many of them are sassy now and want to be courted. I think it’s a societal issue of having so many options and immediate gratification on socials.

I keep seeing the word sassy being throw about what do you mean by that? And are you referring to somali men or men in general as in is your type exclusively somali men or do you prefer other types of guys?

As for the courting point I don't think somali men want to be courted per se I believe a lot of them feel that somali women aren't interested so they simply don't take the steps needed to court one unless she shows interest.

Do you get approached more by somali men or men of other groups?

 

[Mozart]

I keep seeing the word sassy being throw about what do you mean by that? And are you referring to somali men or men in general as in is your type exclusively somali men or do you prefer other types of guys?

As for the courting point I don't think somali men want to be courted per se I believe a lot of them feel that somali women aren't interested so they simply don't take the steps needed to court one unless she shows interest.

Do you get approached more by somali men or men of other groups?

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