The Arc of a Somali armchair politician (read FKD merchant)

Abaq

VIP
Disclaimer: this is a fictional piece based on my personal observations both online and in real-life. I have seen this trajectory so-many times and I can give countless examples of users here who are on different steps of the path. I think someone should actually study this academically. Where are all those left-wing SOAS graduate Halimos? We don't care about BLM, study this instead. Thanks.
  1. Step 1 - Identity Crisis: They usually start off as a diaspora hooyo mataalo kid who randomly starts researching about their people and homeland after hitting their teens and going through a bit of an identity crisis. They soon realise they come from a war-torn 3rd world sh*thole and quickly fall into a deep pit of depression.
  2. Step 2 - SYL Nationalism: However, a short while into their Wikipedia research, they realise the situation wasn't always that way. They realise their country used to be an actual country. They read about SYL. They believe that the British betrayed their people when they refused to make Somaliweyn a reality. They spend hours looking at pictures from the 60s, they're in awe of the aura of Abdirashid Ali Sharma'arke standing with JFK at the White House. They now think the country should be re-named the Somali Republic once again.They sometimes even start wearing their dad's koofiyad when he forgets to take it to the maqaayad for his daily FKD session. All for the aura.
  3. Step 3 - Neo-Kacaanist: Sadly, that sense of euphoria doesn't last long. They learn of the endemic corruption and qabyaalad in the 60s civil governments. They're repulsed that the political parties were literally clan-based (think Hisbia Digil Mirifle). They're horrified at the murder of the second President, but they read about the Kacaan and watch hours upon hours of military parades during the Kacaan. They somehow convince themselves maybe the assassination was necessary to save the country. They're now certain that democracy failed Somalis and the only way to keep the county together is under scientific socialism with Somali characteristics under a strong dictatorship. Many don't progress beyond this point. They form an insufferable segment of Somali Twitter.
  4. Step 4 - Qabyaalad: The Kacaan euophoria doesn't last long. Try as they might, they can't ignore the brutality and corruption the so-called Blessed Revolution (Tawrada Barakaysan) descended into. They now resign to themselves to the fact that nationalism is not possible, the only grouping deserving of their support is their qabiil. The horrors of the civil war and the injustices their clan faced radicalises them even further (of course they ignore the atrocities their own clan committed). They stop taking about Somaliweyn and start engaging in qabiil FKD. They hurl the most abusive insults at their rival clans in online FKD sessions, dehumanising and vilifying millions of innocent people. They even flirt with the idea of balkanisation and separatism to get away from those hated 'laangaabs'. They start attending parties for their state's "independence/formation day" and start wearing their qabiil's flag on their wrist. They further get radicalised by most of their elders who are still stuck in this stage (the same lot who destroyed the country in the first place). Yet at the same time, they have friends from those same clans they insult online in real-life. Nothing like some cognitive dissonance to add to their original identity crisis as a diaspora kid.
  5. Step 5 - Redemption: they grow older, settle down and have a family. As they watch their young kids grow-up, their eyes are laced with a tint of sadness. Becoming a parent has made them realise what they really want: for their kids to grow-up in dignity with safety and security in their homeland so they don't have to go through what they went through growing up. As they scroll through tiktok and see how other nations such as the Gulf countries are rising up, and even African countries with multiple ethnic groups are doing way-better than their clan fiefdom, the qabyaalad that previously burned so viciously begins to melt away. Marrying a person from "enemy clan" also helped with the de-radicalisation. The rise of the far-right and racism in the West only adds to this yearning to return "home" - to a homeland they weren't born in or raised in yet they know is the only home for them in this world. They couldn't care less about qabiil politics now, they just want to go "home" with their kids even if that means being ruled by another qabiil. They've gone full circle. The hatred has been washed from them. They no longer identify as 'reer hebel', they're simply Somali now. They have been redeemed but they still carry the guilt from their FKD days.
Will they ever "return home"? Will those back home who never left and are constantly screwing the country over ever realise what's happening to many diaspora kids? Only God knows.
 
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Bahal

ʜᴀᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ
VIP
:wow::wow1:

Aan ooyee, albaabka ii xira

Very accurate analysis, with a few caveats of course. Some of us started as step 3 :icon lol:. I've seen and experienced this first hand as well if I'm being honest.

There's also a dreaded step 6 that some of us will reach: complete and utter disillusionment with any and all things Somali. Not necessarily to the level of your BLM Halimos or your BET clones, but a sort of resignation. An acceptance of the inevitable. You truly know in your heart that, barring literal divine intervention, your people are doomed.

:meleshame:
 

Abaq

VIP
:wow::wow1:

Aan ooyee, albaabka ii xira

Very accurate analysis, with a few caveats of course. Some of us started as step 3 :icon lol:. I've seen and experienced this first hand as well if I'm being honest.

There's also a dreaded step 6 that some of us will reach: complete and utter disillusionment with any and all things Somali. Not necessarily to the level of your BLM Halimos or your BET clones, but a sort of resignation. An acceptance of the inevitable. You truly know in your heart that, barring literal divine intervention, your people are doomed.

:meleshame:
I know you did 😂
Marehan start at Step 3 and Isaaq at Step 4 :farmajoyaab:

But I wanted it to be related to most people so I generalised it.

I don't think most people go beyond step 5. Even if they "give up", deep in their hearts step 5 remains.

I can think of two hypothetical step 6s. One positive and one negative. I might write it tomorrow. The negative one might actually make people cry :stressed:
 

Internet Nomad

✪𝙎𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙯𝙯𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙖✪
:wow::wow1:

Aan ooyee, albaabka ii xira

Very accurate analysis, with a few caveats of course. Some of us started as step 3 :icon lol:. I've seen and experienced this first hand as well if I'm being honest.

There's also a dreaded step 6 that some of us will reach: complete and utter disillusionment with any and all things Somali. Not necessarily to the level of your BLM Halimos or your BET clones, but a sort of resignation. An acceptance of the inevitable. You truly know in your heart that, barring literal divine intervention, your people are doomed.

:meleshame:
Stage 7 Delusion
The nihilism of the situation takes over you and the only way to "healthy" cope with the situation is to satirize it. You engage in FKD but ironically this time you don't really care who is right but the fun of it is what drives you.

Sooner than later you realize effectively you are no different from the odeyaal who sit in cafe's all day doing FKD.
 

Somali Saayid

Ninkii dhoof ku yimid beey geeridu dhibeysaa
VIP
You done had me figured out, I still remember when I first joined sspot I was so naive you thought me to be the alt account for another Marehan user.

This is too real.
1000007418.jpg
 

Taintedlove

Shaqo la'an ba kuu heysaata
I started at 4 then switched to 2, then to 3 and now I'm introduced to the somali side of social media, I'm the last one
 
Disclaimer: this is a fictional piece based on my personal observations both online and in real-life. I have seen this trajectory so-many times and I can give countless examples of users here who are on different steps of the path. I think someone should actually study this academically. Where are all those left-wing SOAS graduate Halimos? We don't care about BLM, study this instead. Thanks.
  1. Step 1 - Identity Crisis: They usually start off as a diaspora hooyo mataalo kid who randomly starts researching about their people and homeland after hitting their teens and going through a bit of an identity crisis. They soon realise they come from a war-torn 3rd world sh*thole and quickly fall into a deep pit of depression.
  2. Step 2 - SYL Nationalism: However, a short while into their Wikipedia research, they realise the situation wasn't always that way. They realise their country used to be an actual country. They read about SYL. They believe that the British betrayed their people when they refused to make Somaliweyn a reality. They spend hours looking at pictures from the 60s, they're in awe of the aura of Abdirashid Ali Sharma'arke standing with JFK at the White House. They now think the country should be re-named the Somali Republic once again.They sometimes even start wearing their dad's koofiyad when he forgets to take it to the maqaayad for his daily FKD session. All for the aura.
  3. Step 3 - Neo-Kacaanist: Sadly, that sense of euphoria doesn't last long. They learn of the endemic corruption and qabyaalad in the 60s civil governments. They're repulsed that the political parties were literally clan-based (think Hisbia Digil Mirifle). They're horrified at the murder of the second President, but they read about the Kacaan and watch hours upon hours of military parades during the Kacaan. They somehow convince themselves maybe the assassination was necessary to save the country. They're now certain that democracy failed Somalis and the only way to keep the county together is under scientific socialism with Somali characteristics under a strong dictatorship. Many don't progress beyond this point. They form an insufferable segment of Somali Twitter.
  4. Step 4 - Qabyaalad: The Kacaan euophoria doesn't last long. Try as they might, they can't ignore the brutality and corruption the so-called Blessed Revolution (Tawrada Barakaysan) descended into. They now resign to themselves to the fact that nationalism is not possible, the only grouping deserving of their support is their qabiil. The horrors of the civil war and the injustices their clan faced radicalises them even further (of course they ignore the atrocities their own clan committed). They stop taking about Somaliweyn and start engaging in qabiil FKD. They hurl the most abusive insults at their rival clans in online FKD sessions, dehumanising and vilifying millions of innocent people. They even flirt with the idea of balkanisation and separatism to get away from those hated 'laangaabs'. They start attending parties for their state's "independence/formation day" and start wearing their qabiil's flag on their wrist. They further get radicalised by most of their elders who are still stuck in this stage (the same lot who destroyed the country in the first place). Yet at the same time, they have friends from those same clans they insult online in real-life. Nothing like some cognitive dissonance to add to their original identity crisis as a diaspora kid.
  5. Step 5 - Redemption: they grow older, settle down and have a family. As they watch their young kids grow-up, their eyes are laced with a tint of sadness. Becoming a parent has made them realise what they really want: for their kids to grow-up in dignity with safety and security in their homeland so they don't have to go through what they went through growing up. As they scroll through tiktok and see how other nations such as the Gulf countries are rising up, and even African countries with multiple ethnic groups are doing way-better than their clan fiefdom, the qabyaalad that previously burned so viciously begins to melt away. Marrying a person from "enemy clan" also helped with the de-radicalisation. The rise of the far-right and racism in the West only adds to this yearning to return "home" - to a homeland they weren't born in or raised in yet they know is the only home for them in this world. They couldn't care less about qabiil politics now, they just want to go "home" with their kids even if that means being ruled by another qabiil. They've gone full circle. The hatred has been washed from them. They no longer identify as 'reer hebel', they're simply Somali now. They have been redeemed but they still carry the guilt from their FKD days.
Will they ever "return home"? Will those back home who never left and are constantly screwing the country over ever realise what's happening to many diaspora kids? Only God knows.
Most shift between 4-5 in a sort of in between. Most diaspora kids that are in 4 would drop qabyaalad if it resulted in a functioning country. Sadly the opinion that actually have value are the locals who live in the country. Those locals could even influence the diaspora since Somalia is the cultural center which all diaspora draw their identity from. The future is truly up to the citizens and ruling class of Somalia. Diaspora will follow suit or disappear into whatever foreign land they reside.
 
Stage 7 Delusion
The nihilism of the situation takes over you and the only way to "healthy" cope with the situation is to satirize it. You engage in FKD but ironically this time you don't really care who is right but the fun of it is what drives you.

Sooner than later you realize effectively you are no different from the odeyaal who sit in cafe's all day doing FKD.
on stage 7 also 😂 give no fucks about qabyaalad got friends in every qabil
 
You're still somewhere on that scale even if your adeer has never been in power. It is all encompassing
I think you need to rethink that. I think your adeer never being in power leads to something else. You delve deeper into a black hole of qabilism and go down to an even deeper level of cuqdad where you make up fake qabiil history and make your qabiil sound like it had mythical powers and is innocent/religious at the same time to compensate. I think @Step a side is the archetype for the type of incessant compensation it creates. He whole life is dependent on his adeer Kheyre becoming president of Somalia :russ:
 
Bro this is too true.

@Boomer seeing his posts in Jubbaland independence thread was sad man. My bro after becoming a father is going through my phase.

I just can’t understand two things.
How countries like China and India can have a single ruler despite being a 1.5 billion each with multitudes of distinct people groups while we think we need to be ruled by our tribesmen despite being so few and so homogeneous.
Second, we get along in the diaspora just fine which means we can also get along in our country. Do you know how painfully stupid and low IQ you have to be as a group of people to be like that?

I wouldn’t mind marehan being president of jubaland.
I wouldn’t mind gaboye/reer xamar or jarerwayne being the president of the country. I just want a functioning Somalia where the country isn’t being stolen dry by foreigners and safe enough for families to return and bring their kids home.
I got kids, where am I supposed to take them now that they’re growing up? Staying in the west isn’t an option so what do I do? Wonder around in “Islamic” or “African” countries like a gypsy? Like my country isn’t Muslim or African?
Everything we fight over today is unbelievably small compared to what we are losing and what we will continue to lose.

@Boomer

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