What to do when father refuses a guy because of his qabiil

[Linalina]

Does your dad know anything about the guy or his family? Or is it as soon as he heard isaaq he said hell no? Is your dad religious or even pray? Do you have uncles you can speak to?

Whats your mum saying?

I told him a year ago but at that time I didn't finish uni yet, he knew he is isaaq and he just told me "No one will refuse whoever you bring, just finish uni first." The minute I finished uni he said no I don't want this tribe

He is religious, prays and always reminds of illahi and our diin but when it comes to marriage this happened

My mom is the same but not as hard core as my dad, she just gives me advice and also says that she can't do anything because my dad isn't happy about it.

 

[Desert Flower]

MJs don't care what qabil your from, we don't have this problem I don't know what you mean be careful, we intermarry with hawiye allot lol

Ilbaax ba tihin. You guys marry everything.

 

[Linalina]

Tell him you meant reer isaaq, ogaden. Say something like " aniga qabiil si fican ma garanayo aabo, confused ba igalay aabo"

hahaha, i wish

 

[VixR]

I told him a year ago but at that time I didn't finish uni yet, he knew he is isaaq and he just told me "No one will refuse whoever you bring, just finish uni first." The minute I finished uni he said no I don't want this tribe

He is religious, prays and always reminds of illahi and our diin but when it comes to marriage this happened

My mom is the same but not as hard core as my dad, she just gives me advice and also says that she can't do anything because my dad isn't happy about it.

That’s weird bc usually they’re long held opinions, but your father started hating Isaaq a year ago.

I wonder what happened around the tribal coffee table in the span of one year

 

[Tukraq]

hahaha, i wish

is your pops a hardcore nationalist or did your family have any negative history with isaaqs? whats the underlying reason? or is it the lack of connection and intermarrying between the two clans so if he does something wrong to you they can't use xeer or qabil law, you should and have the right to a better explanation, I feel he's doing it in good faith

 

[Jaydaan]

I told him a year ago but at that time I didn't finish uni yet, he knew he is isaaq and he just told me "No one will refuse whoever you bring, just finish uni first." The minute I finished uni he said no I don't want this tribe

He is religious, prays and always reminds of illahi and our diin but when it comes to marriage this happened

My mom is the same but not as hard core as my dad, she just gives me advice and also says that she can't do anything because my dad isn't happy about it.

I would go the religion route and remind him about allah. Have serious talk with him and demand he atleast meet the guy and give good reason

 

[Cam]

Even so, who wants to start a marriage while your parents are angry at you? Remember also that it is not just two people, but two families marrying. In spite of how irrational the dad may be, one should strongly reconsider marrying a man that your father does not approve of. And sis @Linalina, make istikhara and ask Allah for guidance.

True. Hence why i said she should involve an imaam who can hopefully convince her dad to change his mind. It is her choice in the end tho

 

[Desert Flower]

True. Hence why i said she should involve an imaam who can hopefully convince her dad to change his mind. It is her choice in the end tho

I don’t think an imam could do any convincing but that’s an option.

 

[VixR]

My feelings about them arose independent of my parents, who I don't recall to have expressed any displeasure with a clan group, except maybe my mother who once bizarrely and inexplicably accused me of adopting our neighboring family's (my friend was their son at the time and i spent a lot of time at their house) leelkase accent. I was maybe 12 and didnt know what the hell she was talking about. I never heard her make a prejudiced clan remark so that one strange outburst--against a minor Darood clan whose accent i dont believe is any different than ours--sticks out in my mind.

They’re too rigid for a Western-born Somali (I’m assuming) to not have been strongly influenced.

 

[Halimo-2018]

Did you guys have any experience with this? I want to get married but my dad straight up refused because of his qabiil, he doesn't even want to talk to him. Guy tried to call my dad but he blocked him

I'm so frustrated and angry what should I do?

Tell your dad you will bring ajnabi dude home if he does not change his mind asap. And see what happens lol

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

What your Father is doing is a grave sin in Islam. Denying a daughter marriage over tribal reasons is Haram.

You should ask him why he has such a stance against Isaaq's. From what I recall, Isaaq and Hawiye have a really good relationship as both clans were partners during the rebellion against Siyaad Barre in the late 80's.


Finding out why he has such a strong dislike against Isaaq's will lead to a pathway of curing his hatred. Then inshallah, you might have a real shot at marrying your finance.

 

[Tukraq]

What your Father is doing is a grave sin in Islam. Denying a daughter marriage over tribal reasons is Haram.

You should ask him why he has such a stance against Isaaq's. From what I recall, Isaaq and Hawiye have a really good relationship as both clans were partners during the rebellion against Siyaad Barre in the late 80's.


Finding out why he has such a strong dislike against Isaaq's will lead to a pathway of curing his hatred. Then inshallah, you might have a real shot at marrying your finance.

its probably due to after the 90, mjs hawiyes and issaqs were against barre but issaq took the session path, if he's a strong nationalist with extreme views on that I can see how it can cause problems tbh

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

its probably due to after the 90, mjs hawiyes and issaqs were against barre but issaq took the session path, if he's a strong nationalist with extreme views on that I can see how it can cause problems tbh

Yes he could be a hardcore nationalist. If that's the case, @Linalina can say her fiance supports unification or even better that he is actually from Haud, Ethiopia. (Only works if he is Garxajis)

 

[Jaydaan]

Tell your dad you will bring ajnabi dude home if he does not change his mind asap. And see what happens lol

Ajnabi is too vague. She need to use the J word. Jameeekaaan

 

[KobeBryant]

There’s probably 100,000 Somalis max in whatever diaspora you’re from. 50% of them are women, 15% are elderly men, 20% are kids.
So out of the 15% eligible age men left, let’s say that 5% are losers, 5% are married. So that leaves you 5% of decent eligible aged Somali men to court, that’s still a lot. But now since your father won’t let you marry outside your tribe unfortunately your gonna have to cut that 5% down to 1% who are Hawiye.
What I’m tryna say here is you might not get married any time soon.

 

[Tukraq]

There’s probably 100,000 Somalis max in whatever diaspora you’re from. 50% of them are women, 15% are elderly men, 20% are kids.
So out of the 15% eligible age men left, let’s say that 5% are losers, 5% are married. So that leaves you 5% of decent eligible aged Somali men to court, that’s still a lot. But now since your father won’t let you marry outside your tribe unfortunately your gonna have to cut that 5% down to 1% who are Hawiye.
What I’m tryna say here is you might not get married any time soon.

I don't think he said he only wants hawiye just has a problem with issaq, I don't think anyone limits it to there own clan lol

 

[kickz]

I don't want to lose my father but whatever my father is saying is wrong do I have to obey him even if he is wrong?

Show him this hadith;

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah:
that the Messenger of Allah said: "If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.'"

 

[Geeljire lotus]

A lot of our parents are prejudiced from the civil war.

This happened to one of my brothers. At the time, I didn’t know what qabil was, but now that I’m older that’s clearly why they had a problem with the match. Ironically, both of them are married to white partners now.

Woah both of them ? That’s crazy

 

[Louis Vuitton Don]

MJs don't care what qabil your from, we don't have this problem I don't know what you mean be careful, we intermarry with hawiye allot lol

Mjs are prejudiced too bro. My grandmother told my uncle, hell no to him marrying a sheikhal. I always thought family refusing because of qabil was non sense till I witnessed that episode. Pretty surreal to see can’t lie.

 

[Tukraq]

Mjs are prejudiced too bro. My grandmother told my uncle, hell no to him marrying a sheikhal. I always thought family refusing because of qabil was non sense till I witnessed that episode. Pretty surreal to see can’t lie.

first off he's a guy, nobody cares about the wives qabil she inherits yours so that sounds sketchy secondly your grandmother would have no say in that matter it would be grandpas call