I think it would be dumb to open up to a talking stage. Should I just wait until we get serious and actually start talking and thinking about marriage.
When do you open up to a guy about *serious* things?
- Thread starter seoulmates
- Start date
Wait until things get seriousYeah
but itโs totally halal
Never open up to a man. Heโll use it against you 
Get parents involved. If he gets iffy, leave. Most guys would agree with me.
You've told your mahrems right? The talking stage is when you should do this, otherwise you could end up catching feelings for a very unsuitable person.
Don't share things that are not necessary to share.
1. Never share insecurities
2. Never share sins you've committed. That's between you and Allah SWT, make istighfaar and move on.
Anything that will affect your marital life, share that when it is SERIOUS.
Don't share things that are not necessary to share.
1. Never share insecurities
2. Never share sins you've committed. That's between you and Allah SWT, make istighfaar and move on.
Anything that will affect your marital life, share that when it is SERIOUS.
mrlog
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Donโt trauma dump. If you need someone to talk about your deepest feelings, talk to your mum, your sister or get a therapist. No man wants a woman with excessive emotional baggage. Especially when it comes to mistreatment in the past, as heโll think youโre the type to accept certain things.
Obviously within a marriage, your husband needs to be your best friend, but you donโt need to tell him your past problems like your family struggles for example ect as partners have a knack of weaponizing that against each other, especially manipulative men, but that isnโt something youโll find out straight away.
As for the talking stage, thatโs a time in which you need to assess your partner to be and telling such a person your deepest failings and desires is inappropriate. Tell him what he has to know and what he deserves to know in order for him to able to assert if youโre the woman he wants and thatโs it.
Obviously within a marriage, your husband needs to be your best friend, but you donโt need to tell him your past problems like your family struggles for example ect as partners have a knack of weaponizing that against each other, especially manipulative men, but that isnโt something youโll find out straight away.
As for the talking stage, thatโs a time in which you need to assess your partner to be and telling such a person your deepest failings and desires is inappropriate. Tell him what he has to know and what he deserves to know in order for him to able to assert if youโre the woman he wants and thatโs it.
Sis we need ur utmost urgent help
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
to be honest it's mostly women who use secrets and past arguments against guys keep that LNever open up to a man. Heโll use it against you
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
I feel like a man deserves to know some sins that a women commited in her past to know if she is compatible and vice versa. Like zina or infidelity (not saying op commits these things, just a general rule)
Iโm sure women do since a lot of men have observed this, but men do though. Example, if a girl is from a single mother household or even a two parent one but she had family issues and then confides in a man, some will use that against her later on, branding her as unstable or having โdaddy issuesโ as a reason as to why they have issues currently in the relationship.
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
I don't doubt that but more often than not, it's women who bring up past issues and insecurities. I'm sure that men do it but it's not as prevalent
I think men and women do it in different ways. Women are know to bring up past arguments and issues to the surface. I do believe itโs prevelent for men to use womenโs emotional trauma and brand them as โcrazyโ and use that for the reason why a woman is upset. Example, if you have a difficult family background, a man will use that to suggest youโre the issue because of that. Itโs more common to see men brand their partners as โcrazyโ or them to go on about โdaddy issuesโ and โemotional baggageโ.
Just my two cents as a guy.
I highly recommend talking about your goals and plans, to see if they align with his, your insecurities should only be shared with those you love and trust, atm you're just talking, you don't need to show him your hand, stay mysterious and good luck.
also vet him and his family, use connections in his town, last thing you need is a rebranded Abdi.
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
he doesnet need to know but you'd have to be a pretty scummy person man or woman to hide your past and pretend to be something your not, if you're only telling it to your significant other who won't expose it, then it's completely reasonable for the man or woman to ask. Sure it's good to hide your sins but you are advertising yourself to be something your not. What if this shows up, what if their past resurfaces and it blows up in your face or your significant other has another child somewhere or even worse. If you tell someone about your past, that does not mean that they won't marry you nor are they obliged to marry if they do know. It's basic human decency, also im a bit skeptical of islamqa in general but my point still stands.
