Why are so many men now afraid of talking to women?

[hamar_oo_iidil]

@hamar_oo_iidil @Idrus some even smoked hashish. Can you vision the mother of your kids who smoked hashish even once? I would have a mental breakdown.

I think at the end of the day if I am attracting the wrong kind of xalimo then I've got to adjust how I dress, present myself, speak. The circles I keep around and the spots I frequent. Its also about being more conscious of the women who are interested in you as oppose to those who think would be a good fit. Women that are more open to you and interested in you are the ones you want to focus on cultivating a relationship with. Quit chasing the rest is what I say.

 

[onthecloud]

Hasish as in shisha?
The xalimo I mentioned in my previous post I waved to me the other day outside of college and I heard her and her group (other somalis, Eritreans and Ethiopians) all tell me they were going to smoke shisha. Our college is in this very Arab area so you can find it literally everywhere. Felt a bit weird about it and just got my bus and said bye.

No, marijuana. Shisha is another but equally major issue. May Allah swt protect the good men and women from the bad men and women.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Hasish as in shisha?
The xalimo I mentioned in my previous post I waved to me the other day outside of college and I heard her and her group (other somalis, Eritreans and Ethiopians) all tell me they were going to smoke shisha. Our college is in this very Arab area so you can find it literally everywhere. Felt a bit weird about it and just got my bus and said bye.

Yeah man, don't ever feel bad for not doing what the rest of the herd of sheep are doing. They're destroying their bodies, inhibiting future fertility and all for what? I implore you brother to go to a bookshop and invest in a good book. You will be ahead light years and if you want, I would be happy to pay for it too!

 

[Khaem]

Yeah man, don't ever feel bad for not doing what the rest of the herd of sheep are doing. They're destroying their bodies, inhibiting future fertility and all for what? I implore you brother to go to a bookshop and invest in a good book. You will be ahead light years and if you want, I would be happy to pay for it too!

Thank you brother but I already have an ever growing collection of history books. I spend lots of time inside just reading and have pretty much ditched gaming which I used to be addicted to.

My current collection:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

I need to do that in uni while I still have time. So I can probe women on their personal lives and get blackpill

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

@hamar_oo_iidil @Idrus some even smoked hashish. Can you vision the mother of your kids who smoked hashish even once? I would have a mental breakdown.

What frightens me more than the prospect of my child's mother being a pothead is the real possibility of schizophrenia. That shit is an all together different universe and I've encountered xalimos who have been diagnosed with cannabis-caused schizophrenia.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Thank you brother but I already have an ever growing collection of history books. I spend lots of time inside just reading and have pretty much ditched gaming which I used to be addicted to.

My current collection:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Lots of really good reads there bro, have you ever thought about starting a Somali guy book review channel on YouTube as I have?

 

[Waa dhamatay]

@hamar_oo_iidil @Idrus some even smoked hashish. Can you vision the mother of your kids who smoked hashish even once? I would have a mental breakdown.

To put it in perspective, imagine your shiekhad parents being in laws to a pothead. Subhanallah

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

And btw, I don't want this conversation to turn into xalimo bashing. I fully respect and love my Somali sisters. Just like there are indecent faraxs, there are indecent xalimos. Just as xalimos are cautious about falling into a long-term committed marriage with a problematic farax, we too hold similar reservations about getting into committed relationships with problematic xalimos.

 

[Nin123]

It seems to be a pandemic now? Most people are terrified of talking to someone new. When it comes to approaching women, this terror is multiplied by 100. In America it seems men have become women and women are becoming men. This scary part is that since so many fathers leave their family, men will adapt feminine traits unconsciously. They can only prevent this by taking conscious actions e.g. being in control of their emotions (stoic), not crying in front of people, being a provider if they want a family etc.

It’s metoo movement caused all this shit.
A girl can accuse you of AS without evidence or weak one, and everyone we’ll believe her and your life is ruined.

 

[Khaem]

Lots of really good reads there bro, have you ever thought about starting a Somali guy book review channel on YouTube as I have?

Not sure, but I am trying to expand and get some knowledge on somali history and eventually create my own books and documentaries focusing on the horn of Africa whilst occasionally looking at a different part of the world.

 

[World]

Hasish as in shisha?
The xalimo I mentioned in my previous post I waved to me the other day outside of college and I heard her and her group (other somalis, Eritreans and Ethiopians) all tell me they were going to smoke shisha. Our college is in this very Arab area so you can find it literally everywhere. Felt a bit weird about it and just got my bus and said bye.

Why didn’t you join them

 

[Khaem]

Why didn’t you join them

Bro has places to be instead of chilling with a bunch of horner girls smoking smh

 

[World]

Bro has places to be instead of chilling with a bunch of horner girls smoking smh

Are you scared of them? do they give you social anxiety ?

 

[Khaem]

Are you scared of them? do they give you social anxiety ?

I don't have social anxiety bro I walked over to their group and got to know them even though I've never seen them before. I already had plans and I met them right next to my bus stop as I was leaving.

 

[KaiMarvin]

I don't think it is fear. Many times you assume a xalimo is something you've seen off of Somali Twitter.

There is something guys can do which is basically cancelling a girl in their mind because of something they picked up on her. For instance, I was at an event and there was a cute xalimo there, I approached but afterwards all I could think about was how close she was stood with this other white ajnabi guy. And I just felt like if she was okay with him being in her personal space like that then she couldn't be the one for me. So I didn't bother pursuing things any further. And I don't regret my decision

At a previous job, there was another cute xalimo - she was in her early 20s. And there was also, this 40-50yr old madow manager - his head was clean shaven, he had a white goatee beard and was around 5"8. He had just come back from his holiday and he reached out to this particular xalimo in the office for a hug. She didn't give him a full chested hug just a side hug but after seeing that I genuinely lost interest in her. She's cute but I just can't see myself being with a woman who lets guys at work touch her like that. I don't hold any disdain for her, I just don't see the point of wasting both our times entertaining something I know I can't live with come commitment.

Some say its the plethora of xalimo options us faraxs have, honestly - I think its a combo of that and us faraxs just having to be more cautious in these streets. You can't just assume that since a xalimo is a xalimo or wears a hijab or is named Fartun she is perfect wifey material. And why waste your precious time on entertaining something besides that? Plus, just today on my way home from school I came across a hijabi xaliimo kissing some arab guy. Had I seen her not in that compromising situation, I would have assumed her to be a decent xalimo perfectly ripe for marriage. So I feel you just can't catch feelings for someone you haven't invested a lot of time/years with.

Its complicated because I don't want to be telling xalimos to have no social interactions with non-muhrams. But modern western white-collar working xalimos genuinely have their work cut out for them. Every office I've worked in men hit on female colleagues. And many single and lonely xalimos get preyed upon. They would tolerate it because their bosses give them an easy day at the office so long as they're passive to their advances. I mean I remember this job I did at 19, and I came in to speak to a particularly white woman who was ex-military. She was like in her early 40s but still decent looking. She had a picture of her and her friends in the army in Iraq on her desk. I naturally inquired about her time in the armed forces and told her I was considering joining. She took a genuine interest in me, she had lustful eyes for me and would always give me special treatment at work. Oddly enough though, it didn't make my male colleagues mad. Guys are less petty about things like that. Plus, they were more interested in the younger girls at the office. This job was an hours commute by car so I knew I eventually had to find something closer. But the way that office was so wild. Married cadaan women openly joking about what 'nuts' they like in which 'draw'. Naive me once actually went into the draws to try and find those nuts only to find out those draws were only filled with endless stacks of untouched freshly printed paper, and the odd highlighters and markers here and there.

There were never nuts in any of those draws. They were metaphorical for the genitals of the fellas who sat on the desks. They were all married, and wore their wedding rings/bands.

Man, Sometimes even small things like giggling at another mans jokes can completely change how I see them.

Like I need me a xalimo that never looks men in the eye but those are very hard to find nowadays. Maybe shariica schools from back home but the culture clash is spooky

 

[onthecloud]

And btw, I don't want this conversation to turn into xalimo bashing. I fully respect and love my Somali sisters. Just like there are indecent faraxs, there are indecent xalimos. Just as xalimos are cautious about falling into a long-term committed marriage with a problematic farax, we too hold similar reservations about getting into committed relationships with problematic xalimos.

Yes it goes for both genders.

But the moment a woman does shisha, cigarettes, marijuana, or alcohol, their reputation is ruined forever. You can see it in one's demeanour if they did any vices. A man can easily tell something is fishy.

 

[yasmeen]

You are a good sport, full of energy, humour, and maturity, a vixen of the good sort.

Oh in our initial encounter, I thought, and could be wrong, you presented yourself as the quintessential apostle of the military regime in ardu Somal, which surely goes against your self-proclaimed subversive nature; or am I mistaking you for another?

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Some things are set in stone. These days, I’m politically homeless but I still have leftist sensibilities on particular topics.

That has nothing to do with my inclination to subversion. And the position I took was a subversive position to begin with. A minority of Somalis are Kacaan sympathizers?

Indeed, being young and ideal, one is full of unproven ideas, fueled by spurious confidence, not grounded on certainty, but as one grows into maturation, one discovers how lacking one is in epistemology, with the hope being one continues to seek, accrue, disassemble, and perform ingress rumination and reflections, and only flicks to disprove hypotheses, practises prudence, recognises paucity in wisdom, and considers interactions with strangers as if learning moments, a rope to the well of gen, so to speak, by way of osmosis. I digress.

Chicago is quite all right so long as one avoids certain pockets and neighbourhoods at certain times of the later half of the day, unless of course one fancies a bit of a slumming. I prefer the US, warts and all, to Europe, and have been here for a quite while.

Chicago seems like a cool city with distinctive subcultures but the crime rate would have me uneasy….

Definitely Yankees, for the average European is remarkably more informed, and shockingly reads, imagine that, with some depth whereas the average Yankee is the opposite, again most, and not all, and at least from my lowly experience.

Working class Americans can be intriguing and informed or they are mind-numbingly dull and tepid.

American culture doesn’t encourage you to be curious about the material world around you. If you are that way, especially if you are working-class with intelligentsia closed off to you, then that was your nature to start with. It’s easier for children of immigrants to be these archetypes. We are naturally worldly people.

I had a conversation with an American man, a conversation I could never forget, about the nature of our d*ep st*te and he stared back at me with an expressionless gaze and coldly responded that nothing was wrong with that. He studied polisci in college. The conversation turned me off politics.


When you expose yourself to Americans in upper income brackets, you will notice, on average, they’re as well read and informed as the average European.

I’m friends with people from working class, middle class, and upper class backgrounds. I think University is a great equalizer as long as you can keep up with your peers in the pursuit of knowledge and aren’t a total weirdo (that is to say, blatantly anti-social.)

I am afraid that is more atypical of your being a Yankee faithfully embracing the inglorious exceptionalism syndrome, and could be down to your being at cusp of your trot in life, offering more egress reflections than ingress, as we all do.

I’m atypical because I’m an American born irreligious African woman one generation removed from the motherland. That in itself is an atypical life experience. So I embraced my idiosyncrasies to the fullest. I had nothing more to lose.

Second generation westerners find it challenging to cement their place in this world. The world wasn’t built to accommodate people with my background and I have made my peace with that. I wasn’t looking to fit in anyway. I prefer to rock with people with similar dispositions and goals regardless of their background.

I care more about being understood over relating to people.

 

[Ikranay]

I don't think it is fear. Many times you assume a xalimo is something you've seen off of Somali Twitter.

There is something guys can do which is basically cancelling a girl in their mind because of something they picked up on her. For instance, I was at an event and there was a cute xalimo there, I approached but afterwards all I could think about was how close she was stood with this other white ajnabi guy. And I just felt like if she was okay with him being in her personal space like that then she couldn't be the one for me. So I didn't bother pursuing things any further. And I don't regret my decision

At a previous job, there was another cute xalimo - she was in her early 20s. And there was also, this 40-50yr old madow manager - his head was clean shaven, he had a white goatee beard and was around 5"8. He had just come back from his holiday and he reached out to this particular xalimo in the office for a hug. She didn't give him a full chested hug just a side hug but after seeing that I genuinely lost interest in her. She's cute but I just can't see myself being with a woman who lets guys at work touch her like that. I don't hold any disdain for her, I just don't see the point of wasting both our times entertaining something I know I can't live with come commitment.

Some say its the plethora of xalimo options us faraxs have, honestly - I think its a combo of that and us faraxs just having to be more cautious in these streets. You can't just assume that since a xalimo is a xalimo or wears a hijab or is named Fartun she is perfect wifey material. And why waste your precious time on entertaining something besides that? Plus, just today on my way home from school I came across a hijabi xaliimo kissing some arab guy. Had I seen her not in that compromising situation, I would have assumed her to be a decent xalimo perfectly ripe for marriage. So I feel you just can't catch feelings for someone you haven't invested a lot of time/years with.

Its complicated because I don't want to be telling xalimos to have no social interactions with non-muhrams. But modern western white-collar working xalimos genuinely have their work cut out for them. Every office I've worked in men hit on female colleagues. And many single and lonely xalimos get preyed upon. They would tolerate it because their bosses give them an easy day at the office so long as they're passive to their advances. I mean I remember this job I did at 19, and I came in to speak to a particularly white woman who was ex-military. She was like in her early 40s but still decent looking. She had a picture of her and her friends in the army in Iraq on her desk. I naturally inquired about her time in the armed forces and told her I was considering joining. She took a genuine interest in me, she had lustful eyes for me and would always give me special treatment at work. Oddly enough though, it didn't make my male colleagues mad. Guys are less petty about things like that. Plus, they were more interested in the younger girls at the office. This job was an hours commute by car so I knew I eventually had to find something closer. But the way that office was so wild. Married cadaan women openly joking about what 'nuts' they like in which 'draw'. Naive me once actually went into the draws to try and find those nuts only to find out those draws were only filled with endless stacks of untouched freshly printed paper, and the odd highlighters and markers here and there.

There were never nuts in any of those draws. They were metaphorical for the genitals of the fellas who sat on the desks. They were all married, and wore their wedding rings/bands.

The problem with some Somali men is that there are many Somali women who do avoid haram interactions you guys either a) don't find these women attractive or b) find them boring. I know many Somali women who were very religious in their early 20s who got no attention whats so ever from Somali guys including the religious guys. It was the girls you described that got the most attention and were getting married young. I'm sorry but some of you guys need to really self reflect about who you guys decide to pursue. What some of you guys want and who you go for are very different sometimes.

 

[vbdvllahj]

why should I? marriage is only sunnah not wajib