Yaraye
VIP
wtf? i understand hug and physical touch concerns men (and women too), but xalimos can't even laugh or giggle at a joke?
Go to therapy waryaa. Your thought process isn't normal.
Why are so many men now afraid of talking to women?
- Thread starter Wervelwind
- Start date
Go to therapy waryaa. Your thought process isn't normal.
I knew an acquaintance who was quite genuine about his interest in people. Still, he didn't approach them from the angle of trying to get to know them better (romantically). He was merely like that with everyone (men and women alike). That sociability paid off for him professionally. Generally, I'm not too fond of it when people take something as innocuous as a conversation and make it seem like shukaansi when you have no clue what the other party thinks, their current situation or if they are even interested.
I have had my colleagues walk me to the parking lot. Does that mean they are into me? No. I'm quite gregarious, which means positive social interactions. I make people feel like they matter when I talk to them. Does that mean I'm into them? No. I feel more sorry for guys who have their intentions misread by others. As a woman, I don't have to worry about that. I have had male colleagues who knew I was quite chill tell me their kindness and courtesy made women feel uncomfortable even if they were not interested and trying to be professional. Some women are off their rockers and will make brothers catch a case (especially the unstable ones). I'm not deluded enough to think everyone who says hi or holds the door for me is into me. And I'm conventionally attractive. Not to brag.
I have had my colleagues walk me to the parking lot. Does that mean they are into me? No. I'm quite gregarious, which means positive social interactions. I make people feel like they matter when I talk to them. Does that mean I'm into them? No. I feel more sorry for guys who have their intentions misread by others. As a woman, I don't have to worry about that. I have had male colleagues who knew I was quite chill tell me their kindness and courtesy made women feel uncomfortable even if they were not interested and trying to be professional. Some women are off their rockers and will make brothers catch a case (especially the unstable ones). I'm not deluded enough to think everyone who says hi or holds the door for me is into me. And I'm conventionally attractive. Not to brag.
wtf? i understand hug and physical touch concerns men (and women too), but xalimos can't even laugh or giggle at a joke?
No you can't. Where's the modesty? Why laugh with a strange man? Your interactions with men must be as minimal as possible except during courting.
Appreciate your comment walaal, but I was not actively pursuing these sisters. They were just sisters that were hijabis that seemed really decent. Where does a brother find a sister who is one deen anyways? Must I camp outside a masjid waiting for the xalimos to exit an evening halaqah?
Lowkey you kinda have to lol. Or ask your mom to connect you with someone. But that's the catch 22 for majority of Muslim women. In order to get married you have to socialize with men to some degree and if you don't no one will notice you. But if you do there are some men who will find it off putting.
Ah! I can see how that can be a problem. But don't you think it all depends on what we consider socialising to be? Like it doesn't have to be conventional dating, what about socialising while serving our community or another worthy charitable cause through volunteering?
But in any case, I'll try camp outside a mosque this weekend and wait for the xalimos to exit an evening halaqah. While they're walking out I'll finish ironing my thobe in the tent and emerge right on queue and I'll have an umbrella so not a speck of rain wets my crisp white thobe. And I will see how many xalimos actually give me there abo's number and that number actually connect and an abo picks ups saying "ah! Faraxoo my daughter told me all about you..."Or if xalimos turn my umbrella upside down and poke it into my eye and render me blind
wtf? i understand hug and physical touch concerns men (and women too), but xalimos can't even laugh or giggle at a joke?
Though he's practically a zani if he looks at a woman for more than five seconds. If she's not an assailant in a police line up then he has no business stealing glances.
Laughing, joking isn't so much of an issue abaayo, don't worry thats just his own preference, he doesn't speak for all faraxs here there.wtf? i understand hug and physical touch concerns men (and women too), but xalimos can't even laugh or giggle at a joke?
Volunteering is probably the best way you'll meet a good normal Somali woman if you don't want someone who is very religious. A lot of Somali girls love the community activist too so it might work in your favour.
wtf? i understand hug and physical touch concerns men (and women too), but xalimos can't even laugh or giggle at a joke?
Aint shit funny lol
True. friendly women are not for me
See I am already ahead of the curve.
I find the xalimos I meet by accident tend to me the most suitable. Like once I was waiting for a bus and I wasn't in a rush because I was unsure on whether I would go somewhere or not. There was a Somali habo who was pushing a buggy and holding a kid, her bus missed her in the torrential rain so I offered to get her an Uber. And I did, I messaged the driver since he was Muslim to play her some Qur'an for a tip. I don't know if he did but I just wanted her to be in a relaxed mood before she went home. After she catched the uber and I remained waiting at the bus stop some xalimo just started talking to me and we went back and forth until her bus came and before I could ask for her name, she was gone. In the moments we were talking I felt a real connection to her. Maybe she was just being nice to me because of what I had done, or maybe she was genuinely interested in me.
I met another xalimo on umrah two years ago that I still think about. Everybody disliked her because she was travelling with her ayeeyo and would be kinda mean to her nan. But to be honest her nan was kinda annoying and I felt bad for her. Nonetheless she always wore a beautiful smile for me and I promised her we would meet again when he both got back to our dagaans. Lowkey I hope I run into her anyone of these days so I can fulfil that promise
A third situation, the most recent. Happened a couple of weeks ago. I was at Zara shopping for some gift cards for some xalimo friends of mine I won't be seeing in some time because they're moving to the UAE for teaching jobs. Another xalimo was serving me in retail at Zara and she was pretty nice to me. I felt so bad because I really wanted to get her a gift card too and just be like here this one is for you, I might to do that next time inshAllah.
Well we all have our own preferences bro, and you are most defintely entitled to your own. Just as everybody else is.
And look, there are women out there who genuinely like their man not smiling at all. Like guys who are serious all the time to strangers appeals to them a lot.
Facts from Sophisticate.
Now how are you getting all these rom com movie worthy interactions lol. InshaAllah you get what you are looking for. You seem like a decent guy.
I have met no past-less angels that acts like I'm the only one that ever existed.
Who can relate to being bothered by his-story?Ok. This is complicated.
So, I think its really dope that you are an outgoing and bubbly person. I was actually just today listening to this:
And MashAllah you seem to have a lot of the qualities of the best amongst us.
But I disagree with guys intentions being misread. I actually think its harder for women to be kind and courteous in the workplace because a lot of guys tend to boast about how a woman's kindness and courteousness is a sign of her being into them. And I feel like women kinda sense that when guys are responsive to that. Whereas for us guys, I guess to some extent it depends on how we define niceness/kindness/being courteous at the workplace. Like for me saying hello every morning to everyone at work, holding the door open, sharing lunch. These things are where I draw the line. I wouldn't give a women from work a ride home, even the dudes at work who use to give me a ride home never dropped me off on my specific street. I don't like loaning/borrowing money from people. Like a few months ago our Muslim Indian neighbour who is in her late 20s and married wanted me to lend her some money. Unbeknown to her husband who is a religious Muslim. I knew her for over 20 years but I refused to lend her money directly so I did so through my elder sister to whom I lend the money and she in-turn lent it to her. I don't want a married man knocking at my door at 4 in the morning talking about why are you giving my wife money - has she slept with you lol
You know whats a more interesting conversation to be had, like how viable is a loveless life especially in one's youth and especially in the western societies in which we reside. Just to bring things back to the xalimo I saw earlier today sharing a kiss. In one aspect I can figure that she's just a human being who yearns for love and affection and is falling hopelessly in love. And so I can honestly excuse her. In another, I think about the haram-ness of the circumstances and ponder whether a relationship initiated in haram can ever really bear beautiful fruit (beautiful fruit being a healthy, blessed and lasting marriage with righteous children). Who knows, the blessings of Allah is beyond our imagination and it is only through his mercy and blessings that we're still around. But what happens when in a couple of years he doesn't want her no more, but her imprint and who she yearns for is he. And yet she marries a farax. And that farax unbeknown to him spends the rest of his life having to pick up the pieces. Imagine that farax is sat out in the rain in a tent waiting for her in a couple of years from now to leave halaqah. And she's making tubwah. Its all so complicated. I just wished people were more forward and honest. Like if said xalimo likes an ajnabi guy she should make it clear. So too faraxs. I feel like the gender wars are just a cop out. The real strength lies in healing generational traumas. I was just listening to one of @Basra favourite YouTubers Angelina talking about her previous marriage. I like to listen to the other side's perspective regardless of how much I agree or disagree. I hope you can all give it a listen. She talks about this exact same thing. How she wanted to marry a Kenyan guy but due to her capitulation to family pressures she married a Somali guy. She then say how she divorced him on her own accord. Despite his objection and took the kid. I feel like that is an incredible injustice in how an individual can marry someone, divorce them at will and take their child from them. And not enough sisters choose to see things from that perspective. Men have emotions just as women do. If anything our children are far more important to us since they are our progeny. But all too often our own xalimos treat us like that and then they spew into the ears of our sons and daughters that their fathers are evil and degenerates. Sowing the seeds of internal discord within our homes. That then spill over onto the streets, are inculcated within our communities before manifesting within our collective identity that seems to be so defined by our division. Man I miss the days we were united and in love with who we were
oh dear
Cold approaching complete strangers is done for two reasons only, hook ups or short term flings. (In 2023)
But if you’re cold approaching naago on the street in 2023, for the purpose of marriage you’re a fool.
Marriage should strictly be through networks, family or other wise.
Like the not so available @Sophisticate stated.
But if you’re cold approaching naago on the street in 2023, for the purpose of marriage you’re a fool.
Marriage should strictly be through networks, family or other wise.
Like the not so available @Sophisticate stated.
You seem like a decent gal too walaal
𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈
VIP
I think, in our youth, we have all gone through that socialist phase with equity, wealth distribution, and human welfare serving as the most appealingly determinants, but as one matures, one comes to the harsh realisation there shall forever be haves and have-nots.
You would be surprised, there are so many 'Kacaanists' (thank you for bringing that word into the conversation) selectively, if falsely reminiscing of the nostalgia that was the good old days, which indeed had been terribly bad, if tragically sad, whilst still managing to indoctrinate their offspring. I recently saw a video clip of people, of all places from PL & SL, heartily receiving one of Siyad's daughters chanting his undying devotion, and by extension hers. Imagine that!
Chicago is a lovely city with a plenty of jazz haunts, dining spots, and theatres in the Chicago theatre district, Storefront, and Edgewater. Devon Ave, the Asia district, in the far north, is quite nice. Crime is a matter for concern, albeit is overly reported, for it involves poor people.
Yes, it is quite eerie at times. I have got mates, formerly of the navy and marine, who collect guns, one of them has a basement packed with guns incl. machine guns, and thinks the Feds shall invade, a die-hard Trump supporter, yet I enjoy his company when we go hunting, albeit agreed many moons ago to never engage in political discourse.
Could I ask, if personal, you do not have to answer it: how did you end up being 'irreligious'?
