Why dont Somali men spend more time with their kids?

[Distant1]

Pretty much all Somali fathers I've known (including my own) spent very little time with their kids. In fact I resented kids who had fathers they could spend time with. I still think about that as a 30 year old. I love kids so much that it puzzles me why any parent wouldn't like to be around them as much as what you would expect in a normal family.

Even more you will hear about fathers who want back to Somalia for years for some business while abandoning his entire family, then suddenly return. And sometimes in a divorce the kids wont see their father ever again.

 

[Maxaa kaa galay]

Pretty much all Somali fathers I've known (including my own) spent very little time with their kids. In fact I resented kids who had fathers they could spend time with. I still think about that as a 30 year old. I love kids so much that it puzzles me why any parent wouldn't like to be around them as much as what you would expect in a normal family.

Even more you will hear about fathers who want back to Somalia for years for some business while abandoning his entire family, then suddenly return. And sometimes in a divorce the kids wont see their father ever again.

I think its a combination of different factors, traditional gender roles, the mother is for nurture and father for manhood and discipline. They are expected to be providers for their family, they expected to attend clan meetings, they are expected to send money to their family back home. So i think they neither have the time or energy to plan activities with their kids on their off days.

im not saying this is factual, its what i think.

 

[PrettyRicky]

Men that shouldn’t have had kids. Absent fathers is the reason why there is a generation of masculine women and feminine men.

I think a lot have realised how stupid it was though. Most kids age 10 or so in my area seem to have active fathers.

 

[Royalflush]

Pretty much all Somali fathers I've known (including my own) spent very little time with their kids. In fact I resented kids who had fathers they could spend time with. I still think about that as a 30 year old. I love kids so much that it puzzles me why any parent wouldn't like to be around them as much as what you would expect in a normal family.

Even more you will hear about fathers who want back to Somalia for years for some business while abandoning his entire family, then suddenly return. And sometimes in a divorce the kids wont see their father ever again.

 

[Distant1]

Men that shouldn’t have had kids. Absent fathers is the reason why there is a generation of masculine women and feminine men.

I think a lot have realised how stupid it was though. Most kids age 10 or so in my area seem to have active fathers.

Its all extreme cases, the outcomes are either very feminine boys or hyper masculine gang members/thugs

 

[QueenofKings]

Im a girl, and the youngest, so naturally the apple of my dads eyes. My brothers have a ... ‘different’ relationship with him.

But yes Somali dads in the diaspora should do better.

 

[Distant1]

Im a girl, and the youngest, so naturally the apple of my dads eyes. My brothers have a ... ‘different’ relationship with him.

But yes Somali dads in the diaspora should do better.

You described my youngest sister, nothing she does is ever wrong, but she is also unlikely to move out soon and her social interactions is small.

 

[Metal Magician]

its usually the mothers fault they keep the father and children apart in case of divorce

 

[Shogun]

Mix between dated cultural norms and the sheer number of kids is my guess. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and while it is nice to be around them they get exhausting pretty quick. My uncle has 10 children from one woman and his entire life revolves around those kids. That doesn't seem like a good life, but insha Allah it will pay off for him later in life.

 

[Macalin dheerow]

Fathers who are not around their children set them up for failure. I think this is one of the reasons we have gender wars and divide. A father who is not present or spend time with his sons will not teach him values of hard work, perseverance and determination. Not saying you could not learn these traits from somewhere else or from your mother. In fact, daughters learn these from their mothers. Thus daughters will mature faster when there isn’t a father present. Again, not saying this happens but I am commenting on what I am seeing.

 

[Angelina]

I think its a combination of different factors, traditional gender roles, the mother is for nurture and father for manhood and discipline. They are expected to be providers for their family, they expected to attend clan meetings, they are expected to send money to their family back home. So i think they neither have the time or energy to plan activities with their kids on their off days.

im not saying this is factual, its what i think.

Yes, but they have time for fadhi ku dhir dhir with their friends.

So its clan politics and friends over kids.

 

[Baarisiyomoos]

My dad spends a lot of time with me and my brother even though he works long hours he always made time for us and would always take us places on the weekend. But I know this isn’t a common thing from talking to my other somali friends

 

[Revolutionary]

Yes, but they have time for fadhi ku dhir dhir with their friends.

So its clan politics and friends over kids.

I think all of that occurs after what was said by @Maxaa kaa galay stated, when they got free time, just like women sheeko sheeko with their friends in their free time, no doubt that fathers need to spend more time with their kids though

 

[Abu Hesi]

It's sad. Usually there is a wake up call for the parents when their kids become teenagers and they are trying to have meaningful conversations. Then the parents realize they really don't know their kids.
So, from there on out everything is kept under the rug. No one will dare talk about the elephant in the room, the kids nor the parents.

 

[Macalin dheerow]

My father taught a lot of valuable lessons that my fatherless younger cousin learnt much later in life. He had to catch up. This is also the reasons why some somali guys are bums. Their father is not strict with and demand them to be men. Shit sad

 

[Angelina]

I think all of that occurs after what was said by @Maxaa kaa galay stated, when they got free time, just like women sheeko sheeko with their friends in their free time, no doubt that fathers need to spend more time with their kids though

Women don't have the luxury of not being around their kids. So no comparison. Whilst they are having their shah and sheeko sessions the kids are right with them or asleep.

 

[Revolutionary]

Women don't have the luxury of not being around their kids. So no comparison. Whilst they are having their shah and sheeko sessions the kids are right with them or asleep.

It's easier to be around your kids in the home, and working away your from home isn't exactly a luxury, you still have a job to do.

 

[Viscount]

its usually the mothers fault they keep the father and children apart in case of divorce

you are right I noticed this phenomenon to be true in some cases among all ethnicities, woman try to pit the kids against the father especially if she is really bitter after the divorce. It takes two parents to raise a kid, but unfortunately not everybody is given that privilege. Usually the child stays with the mother unless the mother is neglectful, the father plays the role in giving the kids discipline and morals. I swear if alot of men had present fathers jails would be alot more empty.

 

[Alluring]

I think culture is the biggest factor. They grew up where children mature into an adult at a young age in comparison to Western culture where kids are given more adequate time to be kids. I highly doubt that their own fathers were extremely present in their lives and they carry that same precedent here.

The issue is that children don't need as much supervision back home. But, in America you must watch them 24/7 and put all of your effort into each of them financially and emotionally or else they can be led astray very easy.

 

[Western4Life]

Whenever there is a snowfall, my cadaan neighbour who is shoveling is always accompanied by his little daughter with her useless kid's shovel making his job go even longer because she spreads the snow around the shoveled area. He has a snow blower but doesn't use it. He prefers to shovel with his kid. Cadaans will spend time with their kids in any scenario but its important bonding.