Will You Support Your Wife's Family Financially?

[kickz]

I’m assuming if in the west, it’s a no but if they’re back home, it’s a yes?

Back home isn't a big deal, but in the west I would be judging that fam

 

[Desert Flower]

Back home isn't a big deal, but in the west I would be judging that fam

Interesting. As a man, would you consider a woman who has to financially support her family in the west, and marrying her means you’re talking a breadwinner away from another family?

 

[Amirah]

You seem to love to expose faraxs hypocrisy

I don’t like people that are inconsistent logically. Or people that gaslight and apply double standards especially so blatantly.

Lol, diaspora men can be confusing

The amount of times my dad sent me money to drop to the xawalad for my mum's family back home..


Of course, times have changed.
I personally don't expect my future husband to support my family. It is not his responsibility but if we can afford it, it won't sit right with me to watch my family struggle..

Dear listen, if they’re demanding that we split the bills with them, and they still stand behind not splitting domestic chores and child rearing... I don’t understand why you would compromise. They want a traditional marriage plus some, well then they get one. They don’t get to have their cake and eat it too. They’re not budging nor willing to meet halfway to have a modern marriage. So why give them the leeway they’re not giving back to you? All we’re doing is decreasing their responsibilities and increasing ours without even realizing it. Bottom line the kinda man that’s maybe exempt from helping my family is the kind that actually takes part at least 50% in every facet of our marriage, just my 2cents.

 

[Kool-Aid]

My cousin met this qurux amazing girl. She is a nurse, good character and very hard working. Only bummer he says, her family financially depend on her.

He is worried the family will expect him to support them after they get married. I am speechless
Is this a legit concern men have?

Depends, how good looking is the girl

 

[kickz]

Interesting. As a man, would you consider a woman who has to financially support her family in the west, and marrying her means you’re talking a breadwinner away from another family?

Thats the equivalent of someone with large debts, definitely a tough sell. Depends too if you are talking just elderly parents or a whole clan of lazy people/adult children.

 

[Netflix]

Even if I had a million I still wouldn’t support my wife family I’m not an ATM.

 

[Magan95]

My cousin met this qurux amazing girl. She is a nurse, good character and very hard working. Only bummer he says, her family financially depend on her.

He is worried the family will expect him to support them after they get married. I am speechless
Is this a legit concern men have?

That's why I tell Xalimo's to practice hypergamy. Marry a man with open hands and a deep pocket/has that potential. That way, there won't be the resentment if he can't afford to keep the boat steady until you can contribute.

I'm in a similar position, I'm supporting my family and obvs hoyoo's retirement. So the man I marry will have to be okay with supporting me until I build a foundation for my family. He will focus on building a foundation for our family and kids. I don't plan on having kids until 35+ to reach this goal. Because of the civil war some of us have to build generational wealth from the ground up.

 

[Netflix]

@Hodan from HR are you married yourself

 

[Guled111]

That's why I tell Xalimo's to practice hypergamy. Marry a man with open hands and a deep pocket/has that potential. That way, there won't be the resentment if he can't afford to keep the boat steady until you can contribute.

I'm in a similar position, I'm supporting my family and obvs hoyoo's retirement. So the man I marry will have to be okay with supporting me until I build a foundation for my family. He will focus on building a foundation for our family and kids. I don't plan on having kids until 35+ to reach this goal. Because of the civil war some of us have to build generational wealth from the ground up.

Can you explain to us how married somali couples do it.
We all for sure know farax won't use a condom or do contraception.

 

[Guled111]

@Hodan from HR are you married yourself

I don't think so

 

[Calaf]

@Hodan from HR @Desert Flower @Amirah

Can I ask you something, are you willing to pay for your husbands student loan/loan if your the current breadwinner? And vice versa, or would you expect your husbands to pay yours?

 

[Hodan from HR]

@Hodan from HR are you married yourself

No, I'm not..

 

[Hodan from HR]

@Hodan from HR @Desert Flower @Amirah

Can I ask you something, are you willing to pay for your husbands student loan/loan if your the current breadwinner? And vice versa, or would you expect your husbands to pay yours?

This is tough to answer

I'd say it is the noble thing to help each other out but, it all depends on the situation. How much is the loans? How much does the other person make? Do you feel entitled to their money or you understand that is your responsibility and your partner is not obliged to pay..

 

[elite1337]

I wouldnt mind helping them out but im not gonna have some kind of expectation put on me where i have to send them money

 

[Sedderr1234]

I wouldn’t mind helping them out from time to time, but a monthly/weekly allowance? Hell no! Her family should get up and find a job

 

[Angelina]

I think this is the norm with the older generation, especially if the parents are back home.

However, in the West its different. But every individual needs to take into account that some of our money will go to our parents. Our families have rights over us. We are not cadans who forget about our hooyos and abos and let them fend for themselves in old age. So why should the fact that a man or woman is giving money to their parents an issue?

If you're a man that is earning very well and your wife stays home to look after the kids, giving money to her parents is a kind act that will surely strengthen your marriage.

 

[Desert Flower]

@Hodan from HR @Desert Flower @Amirah

Can I ask you something, are you willing to pay for your husbands student loan/loan if your the current breadwinner? And vice versa, or would you expect your husbands to pay yours?

No I wouldn't expect him to pay off mines, and I wouldn't do it for him either. I think thats fair because its debt prior to our marriage.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

Wtf are we Bengalis now? Use that money to buy a house and put the rest away for your children.

 

[Desert Flower]

I think this is the norm with the older generation, especially if the parents are back home.

However, in the West its different. But every individual needs to take into account that some of our money will go to our parents. Our families have rights over us. We are not cadans who forget about our hooyos and abos and let them fend for themselves in old age. So why should the fact that a man or woman is giving money to their parents an issue?

If you're a man that is earning very well and your wife stays home to look after the kids, giving money to her parents is a kind act that will surely strengthen your marriage.

I think there are two conversations going on here. One is giving money to the girls family (her parents, siblings etc) on occasion, or maybe a couple hundred each month as supplemental income. Thats one thing. Then there is another conversation where the man is expected to take care of two households (his wife and children AND her own immediate family). The first I think is perfectly reasonable, but the second one is not imo. I cannot see that working long-term especially in the West, and I cannot see a Western Farax signing up for that.

 

[Angelina]

I think there are two conversations going on here. One is giving money to the girls family (her parents, siblings etc) on occasion, or maybe a couple hundred each month as supplemental income. Thats one thing. Then there is another conversation where the man is expected to take care of two households (his wife and children AND her own immediate family). The first I think is perfectly reasonable, but the second one is not imo. I cannot see that working long-term especially in the West, and I cannot see a Western Farax signing up for that.

That is why it's all about affordability. If you can't do it and you have your other more immediate obligations, then it is what it is.

But this is an important topic that many couples don't talk about before marriage. We are all obliged to look after our parents especially as they approach old age. A wife might be an only child, have useless brothers ect. This wasn't an issue for our parents generation as the cost of living in Somalia is incredibly cheap. Its a hard one. All the more reason as to why as women we can't afford to just be a housewives.