Advice on a Somali woman

Gaspar Yanga

Gaspar Yanga

HiraanBorn said:
Bro if you're serious about marrying this Somali woman and you truly love her, just do it. Also, if you are committed to joining the religion of Islam I will be very happy for you and call you my brother regardless of your origins. Islam eliminates racial identity and your identity become that of a mu'min (believer in Islamic monotheism).

If your intentions are pure and lawful then may Allah S.W.T makes things easier for you in both marrying this sister and guiding you to the straight path. Peace be upon you!
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Righteous response. Much respect to you ahki.
 
Xaruun

Xaruun

VIP
For β€˜the good’ you mostly just listed generic qualities that are partially contradicted by the negatives, whereas for the negatives you dropped nuclear red flags after nuclear red flags.
 
π’π’šπ’’π’‚π’˜π’‚π’— π’Žπ’šπ’—π’—π’’

π’π’šπ’’π’‚π’˜π’‚π’— π’Žπ’šπ’—π’—π’’

Puntite πŸ’™β˜†πŸ’š Queen
VIP
Gaspar Yanga said:
I've been lurking this forum off and on for a while, but now I've decided to post for the first time. There's a Somali woman who is interested in me, and I'm also interested in her. I would like to marry her, but there are some things that I see as potential red flags. I'm Afro-Latino so I don't know too much about Somali culture. Anyway, here is her breakdown.

The good:

-She has pretty good deen
-She is very pretty
-She has served me food the times that she cooked for me
-She wants to get married and life a good life
-She encourages me in all my ambitions
-She dresses traditionally for the most part with hijab and arbayo (spelling?); when she wears pants she wears a half-arbayo
-She is a generous person and overall nice and kind
-She is thoroughly in love with me

Mashallah to the good. However, here are the potential red flags.

-She is divorced and has 2 kids
-She seems to have an attitude problem at times and often says she doesn't like to be told what to do; she often starts ish for no reason when things are going well
-She was pretty wild as a teenager but seems to have calmed down as an adult
-She is overweight but not quite obese. The biggest problem is her stomach but she has a nice shape.
-She had almost all male friends on Facebook but deactivated her account when I told her to. She still has Snapchat but I made her delete most of the dudes on there. She still has it since she talks to her family on there a lot, which I think is fine.
-She tries to get tough, but backs off once I flex on her
-She likes ratchet ****s like Cardi B, that housewives crap, bad girls club, etc.
-She is extremely jealous, gets triggered about anything dealing with other women, and says she will not agree to me having more than 1 wife

I really like her and want to marry her. The thing is I have a feeling she may have been a bit of a ******** when she was in high school and after her divorce. I can't prove anything and this was before I knew her, but I don't want to wife up a former **** since she may go **** again in the future. Again, I can't prove it, but when I said I would ask around about her, she first said not to, then said no Somali would tell me anything about her even if I did. That seemed funny style to me but again I don't know that much about Somali culture. She's pretty lazy and used to work out when I encouraged her, but now just claims she's monitoring her diet cuz she doesn't have time to work out.

I know a lot of you dudes don't even deal with xalimos, but can the ones who do give me insight? Is this typical? Should I take her seriously? Habeshas are fine af but I know even less about them than xalimos. I think Somali women are a great wife choice, and she is open to marrying a non-Somali so that is a plus. But the stuff I see you dudes say about them makes me wonder. Ayudame por favor (help me please in English).
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Her past is not your business to be honest, as every Muslim has the right to repent. Secondly, you are a revert and also have a 'past'.

There is nothing wrong with a woman not wanting to share her husband.

However, you said she is:

-Ratched
-Confrontational

But you said that you "flex" on her and what's with the women that she is concerned with? Are you a womaniser?

I don't see this going well, unless you both go to therapy and work on your communication styles.
 
π’π’šπ’’π’‚π’˜π’‚π’— π’Žπ’šπ’—π’—π’’

π’π’šπ’’π’‚π’˜π’‚π’— π’Žπ’šπ’—π’—π’’

Puntite πŸ’™β˜†πŸ’š Queen
VIP
Sophisticate said:
That African ancestry isn't from the same part of Africa. You have blood ties with West and Central African peoples. Also African heritage is not a unifying factor for Somalis. Somalis even consider ethnolingustic groups that are genetically and culturally closer like Oromo 'foreigners'. Hence, you are pretty much in the same league of foreign as a person of Asian or European descent. They won't make an exception for you because of African links that are probably separated by 40,000 years or more. However, you are free to marry who you like. Judging by the description it would be a challenge. Good luck. Even though I feel this is a troll account.
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Black people in the West appear to have a very superficial view on race, I think this is due to the fact that many were taken from different parts of West and Central Africa and forced together, so the only link they shared was skin colour. Add onto this the fact that most Africans have Niger-Congo roots and now they think we're all the same people.

What is "Black" and "African" supposed to mean to a Somali? Shared colonial trauma? Shared African landmass?

Indians, Aboriginals and others also share a skin colour with us and are also as foreign to us in terms of their language, culture, customs and religion as other African/Black people.
 
Sophisticate

Sophisticate

~Gallantly Gadabuursi~
Staff Member
Pwyneth Galtrow said:
Black people in the West appear to have a very superficial view on race, I think this is due to the fact that many were taken from different parts of West and Central Africa and forced together, so the only link they shared was skin colour. Add onto this the fact that most Africans have Niger-Congo roots and now they think we're all the same people.

What is "Black" and "African" supposed to mean to a Somali? Shared colonial trauma? Shared African landmass?

Indians, Aboriginals and others also share a skin colour with us and are also as foreign to us in terms of their language, culture, customs and religion as other African/Black people.
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I think they are naive about the cultural and genetic diversity of Africa and understand race through colour coded terms. As that is the conceptualization of race imposed on them. Their ancestors had no agency to marry someone from their community, or preserve their heritage. Those from the same ethnic background were segregated from each other to prevent rebellions, their roots were decimated and all they had to relate to was being from the same continent or skin tone and were unable to marry or select a mate.

I think some would like to be from the Horn but there is no shared origins, history nor complicity in the transatlantic slave trade (which was all Niger-Congo groups).

North East Africans arrived for the first time as a part of the newer wave of African migration to the Americas during the 20th C as international students, economic immigrants or asylum seekers.

As for colonial traumas it impacted each African group differently. They are dealing with post traumatic trauma from generations of slavery and racism. Bear in mind those in North America had it worse.

It can't compare to one generation of war trauma, statelessness and host country adaptation which was experienced differently from family-to-family with social capital moderating this. Somalis have it a lot easier being culturally and religiously intact and are a more cohesive community despite qabil differences.
 
SOULSEARCHING

SOULSEARCHING

Hakuna matata
VIP
I wouldnt accept my brother to marry someone like that. My answer to you will be let her go, when i hear she follows a lot of guys n likes cardi b n all that, she is ghetto.
 
Xaruun

Xaruun

VIP
Nak-Muay-Kru said:
Most people have a past unless they're in the top 90th percentile in terms of Imaan. Making the assumption that the girl/woman you're talking to has a past isn't meant to be insulting, it's being pragmatic. It's not like she was frozen in stasis until we came along. Chaste people belong with chaste people but a lot of people, men included, want to have their cake and eat it too :manny:o!’
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90% of people are hoes??? :whoa: You’re grossly overexaggerating. We aren’t gaalraac bro. Avoiding zina isn’t that hard. You probably just hang around saqajaans.
 
Lostbox

Lostbox

γ€ŒImmortal Sage」| Qabil-fluid
VIP
You are Latino. Get yourself em gorgeous Latino ladies

Every man wants them and your going for a unstable Somali single mom with 2 kids? Bro, not to be rude but what are you thinking? If a Latino woman gave Abdis on this site a little bit of attention. They'll jump ship real fast
 
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mr steal your naag

mr steal your naag

banu hashim and shiettt
VIP
Lostbox said:
You are Latino. Get yourself em gorgeous Latino ladies

Every man wants them and your going for a unstable Somali single mom with 2 kids? Bro, not to be rude but what are you thinking? If a Latino woman gave Abdis on this site a little bit of attention. They'll jump ship real fast
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