An Open Letter To My Somali Diaspora Sister

[Luciddreamer]

Sure, hit me up. How do I dm?

Contact bottom, under my profile pic.

Cant dm you since your page is private.

 

[Thorfin]

What's so misogynistic about traditional marriages? If anything it benefits women more. In non-traditional marriages, you have to work and contribute to paying the rent and bills. You get 0 mehr and you have to pay half of the wedding and honeymoon cost. It's basically 50/50 for everything.

That's why women don't mind being housewives.

I also disagree with most Somali fathers being away. They are actually there but some are useless. Every community has good and bad apples and the same applies to Somali men and Somali women. This gender bickering is getting very repetitive and childish.

I honestly don't understand why any non-religious man would get married. They literally gain nothing. The only difference from when they weren't married is that their assets would be at risk of being halved if their counterpart gets bored of them. It doesn't make sense to me.

It saddens me whenever I see what some of our beautiful and articulate sisters have to say about Somali men. We need an Avengerseque organization to fight stereotypes and win the hearts and minds of Xalimos about to give up on Faraxkind

They wouldn't be happy with us if we conquered the world saxib. It's futile. It's a trend in every ethnic group for the women to discredit and slander their men and quite honestly I'm starting to believe it's in their nature. I'm not sure if they think it's cute or not but after seeing the effects it has on men they marry it has put me off Somali women for good.

Someone do me a favour and drop me the link to the black man white woman couples forum.

 

[GTR]

Contact bottom, under my profile pic.

Cant dm you since your page is private.

Don't see a "contact" button, maybe I dont have enough messages? I edited my profil page, see if you can contact me?

 

[Thorfin]

It saddens me whenever I see what some of our beautiful and articulate sisters have to say about Somali men. We need an Avengerseque organization to fight stereotypes and win the hearts and minds of Xalimos about to give up on Faraxkind

I was the same about 3 years ago. Every negative post about Somali men would cut so deep. I started experiencing some pretty serious self-esteem issues because grown Somali women wanted to blame others for their terrible life choices. I was only 15 but I felt like I was at fault for everything that went wrong in every Somali women's' life. Posters like these are genuinely pathetic and have more holes in their logic than the average MN Somali.
Just stop being a and think for yourself - I guarantee that stuff like this will crack you up in no time.
#It'sOkayToBeNinSomali

 

[Lostbox]

Somali women are nice. When I was young and my mom told to clean my room. I used ask Somalis girls that where guests to clean my room and they'll do it. You guys spoil us and I'm very thankful.


At the same time, so many of you are spoiling us. What do you expect?

 

[Hilaac]

That's the whole point about a healthy relationship. Both parties should serve each other needs.

She agrees to make me breakfast in the morning, make me lunch during the afternoon and dinner during the evening and some snacks for later. She's always in the mood for bedroom business. Both of us would never decline each other. She enjoys cleaning and doing chores. Do you know why she is so happy doing all this? Because she knows I can provide, maintain her needs and make her happy so she has the same mentality of pleasing me.

Some women set up their own downfall

 

[Thorfin]

Now you're being rude and lying about me.

Men like me? I don't impose it on anyone. I don't care what others do with their life's. The book demonized traditional marriages and I simply disagreed with it. I have my right to defend traditional marriages doesn't mean I am imposing it on anyone. You just sound like the majority of qashin Somali women that only knows how to slander people. Always victimizing and over-exaggerating themselves and demonizing their men when 90% of what is coming from their mouth is actually out of their ass. It's like you want to win the victim olympics and copy what foreign women do.

Men have their preferences and it's their right. Doesn't mean they're imposing anything.

She's all for women working, and rightly so, but she can't get her head around the fact that women are fully responsible for the partners they choose. I don't know man, that doesn't sound like something that someone who believes women are equally fit to work as men would think. If a woman marries a man whose preference is that his wife doesn't work whilst hoping to work, then she has no place in any workplace. She'd literally be a cretin!
Don't let the tone of the post fool you saxib - she just wants to chimp out and get some reactions, unbeknownst to the effects of such posts. It's a woman's kind of childish. There's probably a word for it idk but it's commonplace in every community. From governments to households.

 

[Thorfin]

Some women set up their own downfall

Say what you want about her but she's probably happier than you, statistically speaking.

 

[The_Kong Dong]

Basically every Somali feminist:siilaanyosmile:

 

[Lostbox]

Some women set up their own downfall

I've never understood how bad Somali poverty was till a sibling told me most Somali girls go their first vacation when they get a partner. I don't think @Factz situation is bad for her. Paying the minority premium, receiving a women wage and making only a couple hundreds a week. Sounds about broke

 

[Hodan from HR]

She's all for women working, and rightly so, but she can't get her head around the fact that women are fully responsible for the partners they choose. I don't know man, that doesn't sound like something that someone who believes women are equally fit to work as men would think. If a woman marries a man whose preference is that his wife doesn't work whilst hoping to work, then she has no place in any workplace. She'd literally be a cretin!
Don't let the tone of the post fool you saxib - she just wants to chimp out and get some reactions, unbeknownst to the effects of such posts. It's a woman's kind of childish. There's probably a word for it idk but it's commonplace in every community. From governments to households.

Is it wrong for somali women to have standards? I also blamed ajinabi men aka abu tyrones. Somali females should not be passive when it comes to the men they marry. Some of our women go through these same problems even when they marry outside. This is not a war against somali men. This is an empowerment thread for somali girls to break the cycle.

Walal, look at the bigger picture. If somali women have high sense of self-worth, are picky with the men they marry, then hopefully the children will grow up in a good environment, be educated and turn out to be useful citizens in our community. We won't have the druggies or gangsters most of our youth have become lately.

I'm a supporter of the greater good of our people

 

[Thorfin]

Is it wrong to for somali women to have standards? I also blamed ajinabi men aka abu tyrones. Somali females should not be passive when it comes to the men they marry. Some of our women go through these same problems even when they marry outside. This is not a war against somali men. This is an empowerment thread for somali girls to break the cycle.

Walal, look at the bigger picture. If somali women have high sense of self-worth, are picky with the men they marry, then hopefully those children will grow up in a good environment. We won't have the druggies or gangsters most of our youth have become lately.

I'm a supporter of the greater good for our people

As I've obviously already implied, I have no problems with the contents of the post at all. Don't twist my words, you weirdo. I was only pointing out one of the many contradictions of the post.

Still, standards are for those with something to offer. Generally. men prefer submissive, docile women - not just Somali men but all men. Generally, we also don't care for your work nor do we care for your ambitions. What I'm trying to say is that men value looks and personality but women value looks, personality, and status. So if you're just any woman it wouldn't be wise to settle in your 30s after spending years on your career and with your looks dwindling. The men with the looks, personality, and status you desire would be marrying younger, better-looking women - because that's what we value. This is something barely any woman understands, and the ones that do understand marry the best of men.

Here's to hoping you live out your days with kids and grandkids, not cats.

 

[Hodan from HR]

As I've obviously already implied, I have no problems with the contents of the post at all. Don't twist my words, you weirdo. I was only pointing out one of the many contradictions of the post.

Still, standards are for those with something to offer. Generally. men prefer submissive, docile women - not just Somali men but all men. Generally, we also don't care for your work nor do we care for your ambitions. What I'm trying to say is that men value looks and personality but women value looks, personality, and status. So if you're just any woman it wouldn't be wise to settle in your 30s after spending years on your career and your looks start to dwindle. The men with the looks, personality, and status you desire would be marrying younger, better-looking women - because that's what we value. This is something barely any woman understands, and the ones that do understand marry the best of men.

Here's to hoping you live out your days with kids and grandkids, not cats.

Weirdo? cats?
I actually felt bad when you said the negative posts about somali men affected your self esteem. I thought you are a genuine person to reason with.

Your scare tactics and name calling won't work on me. Try harder bro!

 

[Factz]

Some women set up their own downfall

So a wife cooking for her man is a downfall just because she is fulfilling her wife duty role? Do you see how retarded you sound?

Most Somali women get underpaid jobs so if they find a financially stable man who can provide for her and maintain her needs. She will enjoy being a housewife. So it's actually an upgrade if you ask me.

 

[Thorfin]

Weirdo? cats?
I actually felt bad when you said the negative posts about somali men affected your self esteem. I thought you are a genuine person to reason with.

Your scare tactics and name calling won't work on me. Try harder bro!

I don't mean to sound like a child but I only name-called because you did it first.
You also think I'm not genuine despite reading about what these posts do to young minds and arguing for whatever point you're trying to make.
You're a walking contradiction, abaayo. With you, one belief contradicts another and the sooner you realise this, the sooner you'll be able to free yourself from the shackles of whatever the f is deluding you.
Also, "scare tactics"?? Like, really... what on earth would I be scaring you into?

 

[Hodan from HR]

I don't mean to sound like a child but I only name-called because you did it first.
You also think I'm not genuine despite reading about what these posts do to young minds and arguing for whatever point you're trying to make.
You're a walking contradiction, abaayo. With you, one belief contradicts another and the sooner you realise this, the sooner you'll be able to free yourself from the shackles of whatever the f is deluding you.
Also, "scare tactics"?? Like, really... what on earth would I be scaring you into?

I felt bad hence explaining my pov to you. I can also say the same about you. You are a walking contradiction. One end you say you are a victim and next you are talking down to me.

That sexist remark about living out my days "hopefully" not with cats is called a scare tactic. I won't commit to a man because I'm running out of time. I have lived long enough to know it's better to be single than settle for a shitty man.

 

[Waarka_police]

Dearest Sister,

You have heard it all; the constant misogynistic remarks from our men. You have been ridiculed for your desire for a legitimate monogamous marriage. You have been called materialistic for wanting a man who will not withhold his wealth from you.
The best amongst our men will offer you a "traditional" marriage where you will be cut off from your social life and your existence be diminished into serving his needs.

My sister, you are not asking for too much. Look around. Married women of other ethnicities generally enjoy these rights that our men haggle us with. The truth is, while other men celebrate their women, most somali men tolerate us.

My sister, you have also heard of our other sisters who sufferred in the hands of ajinabi men. As much as I want to blame somali men for all our plights, it's time for us to reflect deeper.
No other group of diaspora muslim community has the highest number of single mothers. You know that the overwhelming majority of our children are raised without a father.

My sister, be like a steel magnolia. Flowery and feminine on the outside and strong on the inside. You cannot blind yourself to the reality that surrounds us anymore. No man is doing you a favor by marrying you.
However, you also don't have to pretend you can raise a family all by yourself. You need a good man by your side. Your children deserve a good father just like other women's children have.

My sister, choose wisely. You owe your loyalty only to yourself and the children you bring into this world.



From the depths of my heart,
T.Q

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Liberate Somalia for us den? Prove urself naag nool

I felt bad hence explaining my pov to you. I can also say the same about you. You are a walking contradiction. One end you say you are a victim and next you are talking down to me.

That sexist remark about living out my days "hopefully" not with cats is called a scare tactic. I won't commit to a man because I am running out of time. I have lived long enough to know it is better to be single than settle for a shitty man.

Don't worry. Ur time is goona come soon. Legend says Every 2020 years a arawelo appears ........

 

[Pipit]

Your preference is not in somali women's best interest.

When did you become the ambassador of Somali women? There’s plenty of Somali women who’d Rather be house wives instead of work

 

[Hodan from HR]

When did you become the ambassador of Somali women? There’s plenty of Somali women who’d Rather be house wives instead of work

I clarified already. It was a heat of the moment kind of a thing. How many people are gonna come after me for this?

I said legit points too uno

 

[Céleste]

If you want a traditional wife, marry someone who is traditional. No use trying to change her during the marriage.

Both working women and housewives are equally important and valuable. I dont understand why we pit women against each other. "Western xaliimo vs xaliimo back home" or "working woman vs housewife." Every one of us will end up taking a path much different from even our closest family memebers. We should respect everyone's choices.

Also, some people here are making great points but end up messing their posts with some bs. Women dont live for the sake of men. We live to worship our rabb. You dont need to remind us how "our clock is ticking" or that "men desire young and beautiful women." Need I remind you that our beloved prophets wife khadija was older than him? Everyone's fate has been written, some will marry, some will not. That's something a lot of people dont seem to understand.

I definitely want to have a career in the future but if I do get married and have kids in the process, then I will become a housewife for a while in'sha'allah.