Are Somali men emotionally impaired?

[Bundasliga]

@Dwit stop playa hating you dhandaan

 

[Psychologist]

@Dwit stop playa hating you dhandaan

what does dhandaan mean?

 

[Bundasliga]

what does dhandaan mean?

I'll tell you when you change the downvotes

 

[ChiefFizzy]

< invalid bs, opinion rejected>

I can only agree with one of your points, which is

>producing broken children in the west.

You're focusing on putting the blame mostly on the fathers rather than on both parents.

> Instead of catching feelings and accusing me of insulting Somali men 24/7 how about you be the change and admit there’s a problem

be the change? not gonna have kids in the first place, it's too expensive to have a child especially in the west. catching feelings? where?

> Correct a Somali men if you see that type of behaviour.

ill correct both faraax's and xalimo's, I seen women leave their kids with their fathers before (somali too).

 

[Psychologist]

I'll tell you when you change the downvotes

already did expect the one you tagged me on now what is it? only notification i was getting today were you and @Qeelbax downvotes.

Lets not start a war and solve this peacefully

 

[Bundasliga]

already did expect the one you tagged me on now what is it? only notification i was getting today were you and @Qeelbax downvotes.

Lets not start a war and solve this peacefully

Thanks , it means something like idiot

 

[Sophisticate]

Listen, all am doing is stating facts we can all agree that 85% ( am being very generous) of Somali father have abandoned their responsibilities and have caused the destruction of our community by producing broken children in the west. Instead of catching feelings and accusing me of insulting Somali men 24/7 how about you be the change and admit there’s a problem. Correct a Somali men if you see that type of behaviour. Unfortunately our community protects them and normalizes this behaviour ( because I never see Somali men discussing the high rates of Somali men abandoning his family and/ or stigmatizing that type of behaviour.) the truth hurts and that’s why Somali women my age dread the thought of marriage and see abdis as a liability since they will not hesitate to make you a single mother and leave the country to marry another women.

How did you come up with that figure?

Many of the Somalis I know have their fathers in their lives. I'm not downplaying the problem of some men being absentee, but I feel like this is normally an utterance by those who were unfortunately dealt a bad hand. It is an emotion-fueled ranting that overstates a problem without contextualizing.

As for those with childhood attachment issues, you can raise yourself as an adult and choose how you respond to the world despite your adverse life experiences. I cannot solve someone's daddy issues or make excuses for irresponsible parenting. I can just say I come from a two-parent home with an emotionally available father and serve as a counter narrative to this prevailing view.

What you need is some contrast to what you've heard or seen.

As for Somali guys, there are also those with stable family backgrounds. Its best to pursue them or those that are at least self-aware, reflective, responsible and willing to work through their less than favourable early life circumstances (which they cannot be faulted for). All one can do is set a good example or model off of others who represent a more idyllic version of fatherhood than what one experienced.

 

[Niin]

How I plan to be with my hubby
View attachment 207559View attachment 207560View attachment 207561

I’m just trolling before some farax lectures me

How did you come up with that figure?

Many of the Somalis I know have their fathers in their lives. I'm not downplaying the problem of some men being absentee, but I feel like this is normally an utterance by those who were unfortunately dealt a bad hand. It is an emotion-fueled ranting that overstates a problem without contextualizing.

As for those with childhood attachment issues, you can raise yourself as an adult and choose how you respond to the world despite your adverse life experiences. I cannot solve someone's daddy issues or make excuses for irresponsible parenting. I can just say I come from a two-parent home with an emotionally available father and serve as a counter narrative to this prevailing view.

What you need is some contrast to what you've heard or seen.

Firstly, allahumma barik to your family! It’s nice hearing that there’s nice healthy functioning families. Unfortunately, all I have seen and keep in mind it’s anecdotal that all of my friends and school mates that I have met come from a single mother household. My neighborhood where 75% is Somali from Djibouti and other regions of Somalia only one household is 2 parents raising their kids. It such an anomaly that we all say wow allahumma barik ( keep in mind these are habos and even my mother when she was here would say that) he would help the hoyos in the neighbourhood whenever he could. Also, I have seen this in Djibouti aswell. I saw destructions and how mothers and kids were abandon. The men don’t really work and they eat khat all day ( but that 3 rd world problem…) am honestly just trying to understand if this is our dhaqan and Somali men see us as disposable and when he divorces he divorces the kids aswell. Also, am working on changing my mindset and that is the main reason why am not running towards marriage because I fear being a single mother! May Alla protect me ameen

 

[AbdiFreedom]

This goes further than Somali men but men in general. Many men are depressed or anxious and have internalized emotional trauma or are void of any feelings. Some people I know have opened up to me about their mental health. I'm shocked at how common it is and feel like I have lucked out of not experiencing them. I don't wish these feelings on anyone.

 

[Shimbiris]

Most men everywhere are.

 

[Angelina]

Its not just the men, but the women too. Also, we can't just blame the war. We're traditionally nomadic people from a harsh environment which will obviously have an impact. Have you noticed with fobs, being too kind will make others see you as a doqon? That within itself should tell you a lot.

 

[Shimbiris]

what does dhandaan mean?

A South Sudanese fellow knows such words and you don't? The diaspora is doomed.

 

[Shimbiris]

Its not just the men, but the women too. Also, we can't just blame the war. We're traditionally nomadic people from a harsh environment which will obviously have an impact. Have you noticed with fobs, being too kind will make others see you as a doqon? That within itself should tell you a lot.

I feel Somalis have generally gotten colder over time, though. Even if I agree with your logic that the old lifestyle is perhaps a breeding ground for some unhealthy amount of toughness. The historical accounts I've read of the 1800s and such are a little surprising like rural kids playing with dogs and being affectionate toward them, mother's appearing to be very doting, present and serious fathers all around... some of our ancestors were a different breed. I mean, there are remnants of some of the old traditions and sense of community and naxariis too given what I recounted here:

This mentality still somewhat exists in the gulf. Growing up my mother would often tell me about how everyone would pool money together for someone who was struggling even if they barely knew them. "So and so's in a pinch and needs money for her son's schooling!" then everyone would pitch in some cash with higher amounts expected based on your wealth until enough was gathered. Random Somalis would also just offer you a free ride if you needed to go somewhere that was on their way and they encountered you, sometimes even if it wasn't on their way. People always looked out for each other, even when helping find each other jobs, regardless of qabiil. Still somewhat do. A random adeer who wasn't even of my qabiil helped pull strings for me involving getting my driver's license a few years back. I wanted to have my lessons in Dubai over Sharjah despite having a Sharjah visa and this saxiib wrote a letter to some big wig and got him to approve my transfer.

 

[Psychologist]

A South Sudanese fellow knows such words and you don't? The diaspora is doomed.

For some reason i can read other languages expect Somali, I can speak it though fluency.

 

[World]

The west isnt for us. That's what I believe now before that I didnt believe it has to do with the west ,but the same struggles are found in every western diaspora .
In African countries Somalis are more successful sometimes even more than the natives Kenya & south Africa for example.
In arab countries they are normal hard working people.

In the west somehow we fail hard . Even many Somalis say it's our own fault ,but now I don't believe that there are many factors that we don't control like hiring discrimination, opportunity inequality .things that prevent us from building a strong community like Kenya or south Africa

Somalis in the west adopt black culture

 

[Bundasliga]

Somalis in the west adopt black culture

Not necessarily, blacks aren't everywhere & there is a difference between AA & Caribbean blacks & African blacks.
Other Africans doing far better than us in the west .
It seems that the bottom of barrel are always blacks , immigrants/refugees & muslims in the west (if we take out ofcourse gypsies).

 

[Basra]

As some modernised Halimos claim to hate Faraxs, could be the lack of emotional capacity Halimos need. From a psychological perspective Somali men have had the hardest life of three decades of war, economic, political, emigration & personal crisis. They have been on survival mode all their life thus, robbed off the emotional growth stage of life. It's a trauma response from both genders to believe they can't date, or romantic enough. Speak to me. What do u think?

I think you are ON to something abaaay.


Your naasos are too small laakin...

 

[Bundasliga]

There are many Somali couples on YouTube .my favorite ones stopped uploading ,but there are still many others

@Basra why downvote

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

How did you come up with that figure?

Many of the Somalis I know have their fathers in their lives. I'm not downplaying the problem of some men being absentee, but I feel like this is normally an utterance by those who were unfortunately dealt a bad hand. It is an emotion-fueled ranting that overstates a problem without contextualizing.

As for those with childhood attachment issues, you can raise yourself as an adult and choose how you respond to the world despite your adverse life experiences. I cannot solve someone's daddy issues or make excuses for irresponsible parenting. I can just say I come from a two-parent home with an emotionally available father and serve as a counter narrative to this prevailing view.

What you need is some contrast to what you've heard or seen.

As for Somali guys, there are also those with stable family backgrounds. Its best to pursue them or those that are at least self-aware, reflective, responsible and willing to work through their less than favourable early life circumstances (which they cannot be faulted for). All one can do is set a good example or model off of others who represent a more idyllic version of fatherhood than what one experienced.

It's just pure projection. People who have shitty and broken family lives automatically assume that it's the norm. I've realised that a lot of the farax-halimo bashers on here have some serious trauma they need to address. Take everything they say with a heaping, fistful of salt lol

 

[Basra]

@Basra why downvote

The couple irks me for some reason. I wasn't reading their vibe