Sharing your man with your best friend

[HalimaJ]

Abti, am not without empathy. With that said, there is maturity level people acquire and females are no exception. When you hit menopause, your views will be different and you will desire that your husband doesn't bother you with his constant needs.

The idea of getting old together sounds good but is unrealistic. It is better to live with reasonable expectations but not one that is based on dreams. You make wake-up from the dream and realize it was just a dream.

The point still stands. The idea of your woman being with another man? How does it feel?

Just reflect on that.

 

[Schematics]

The point still stands. The idea of your woman being with another man? How does it feel?

Just reflect on that.

Wrong equivalency though. It is a design issue we are dealing with. I am different from a female by design and can be shared physically without harming purity of lineage. That is what is at stake in this matter. We are not only looking at the emotional reaction people experience in these situations, we are looking at this from the practical. Women can not be shared but men can be.

Granted that emotions did matter, nothing would override the female sentiment and polygamy would be prohibited. Alas, there are more important requirements human beings need for myriad of reasons and female emotion doesn't play a huge role in some cases.

Not denying females would feel strongly possessive of their men, but truth is the world hardly cares about that when important things are decided.

 

[Aaegal]

I'm going to get myself 4 husbands. Spread the gospel of gayness and gay polygamy.

 

[HalimaJ]

Wrong equivalency though. It is a design issue we are dealing with. I am different from a female by design and can be shared physically without harming purity of lineage. We are not only looking at the emotional reaction people experience in these situations, we are looking at this from the practical. Women can not be shared but men can be.

Granted that is emotions did matter, nothing would override the female sentiment and polygamy would be prohibited. Alas, there are more important requirements human beings need for myriad of reasons and female emotion doesn't play a huge role in some cases.

Not denying females would feel strongly possessive of their men, but that world hardly cares about that when important things are decided.

Islamically polygamy is fine and I am fully aware of that.

You asked me why I would not be okay with it and that is my reasoning, if we do not delve into the other issues, our emotions surrounding our loved ones is essentially the same. Therefore, your question is a question you can answer yourself.

 

[IstarZ]

It is not that common. How many have you met assuming you have Somali relatives and neighbors, or know of Somalis from your area?

I know enough to recognize that there is a problem. It’s those that go back home to establish another family but forget about the rights and responsibilities of their already existing family in the diaspora.

 

[Schematics]

I know enough to recognize that there is a problem. It’s those that go back home to establish another family but forget about the rights and responsibilities of their already existing family in the diaspora.

That is wrong of them. But they are accountable for their negligence. They will answer for and pay for their lack of justice and abdication of responsibility. Nobody says they are getting away with it permanently.

And still not common.

 

[HalimaJ]

That is wrong. But they are accountable for their negligence. They will answer for and pay for their lack of justice and abdication of responsibility. Nobody says they are getting away with it permanently.

They will not get away with it in the hereafter as treating one wife better than the other and being neglectful is a major sin. We know this. Yet the Somali community allow them to get away with it scot free and women are left powerless.

I have seen my fair share and most if not all have been downright shambolic. Whilst you can argue that this is purely anecdotal, this is an anecdote that is all too familar for many unfortunately

We already have a huge problem of men not being able to provide for their one and only wife and many kids. But in addition, some of these work shy men have no problem getting a 2nd wife.

The main culprit, i would say is lack of responsibility and care for the wellbeing of the family.

 

[IstarZ]

That is wrong of them. But they are accountable for their negligence. They will answer for and pay for their lack of justice and abdication of responsibility. Nobody says they are getting away with it permanently.

And still not common.

How will they pay for it though? We can’t even accept that it happens without crunching numbers, demanding stats or rock hard evidence. It happens. Children are suffering because of it. What is the solution? The fact you believe/want to believe it’s uncommon does not resolve the matter. It does not add or take anything away.

 

[Schematics]

They will not get away with it in the hereafter as treating one wife better than the other and being neglectful is a major sin. We know this. Yet the Somali community allow them to get away with it scot free and women are left powerless.

I have seen my fair share and most if not all have been downright shambolic. Whilst you can argue that this is purely anecdotal, but this is an anecdote unfortunately many also have as well.

We already have a huge problem of men not being able to provide for their one and only wife and many kids. But in addition, some of these work shy men have no problem getting a 2nd wife.

The main culprit, i would say is lack of responsibility and care for the wellbeing of the family.

Halimo, I must tell you, men love women who have your possessive nature and that of IstarZ up there. Most Somali men wish their women were the soft kind and gentle. The kind who are easy to deal with and would call their husbands "Darling" and "Habibi".

So, do you remember your mom addressing your dad with such endearments? Be honest. We are nomadic people by culture and very harsh. If a Somali husband walked into the house and kissed his wife and called her Honey, she would be suspicious and assumes that he is up to no good. We are not romantic society and both our women and men shy away from coming across as soft and loving despite true love existing between our parents.

You and IstarZ have nothing to worry. Just make sure as you age you stay fit and give plenty of love to your husband. Overwhelming Somali men are loyal and never marry a second wife. Somali males are some of the easiest going men out there.

No worries Halimo. Just give up the goods often and play that endearing wife and all will be fine. Stay fit too.

 

[Schematics]

I have to go to a meeting, ruminate on the above message you little kids. Learn from the elders.

 

[HalimaJ]

How will they pay for it though? We can’t even accept that it happens without crunching numbers, demanding stats or rock hard evidence. It happens. Children are suffering because of it. What is the solution? The fact you believe/want to believe it’s uncommon does not resolve the matter. It does not add or take anything away.

Deep down many on here know this and I can imagine are victims of this growing up. However, many on here lack empathy and will fight tooth and nail to have the same privileges of screwing up their future wife and kids life. Its a cycle that will repeat itself.

I'm not attacking polygamy at all as long as its done right, but we have to be honest with ourselves and realise that as a community many men are not fulfilling their roles as husbands and becauss of this many women are being disrespected and put in positions of hardship because of male entitlement.

 

[Mercury]

Sometimes I ask myself is Mercury a xalimo in disguise.....70's something in the west also get on with 18 year olds its called sugar dating and they have their own web and app platforms where they connect.. Atleast as muslims we honor the women by offering them marriage instead of using them as buckets in exchange for few dollars

And you dont think these old guys take advantage of the Young girls back home under the guise of marriage ?

Its actually sad too see

 

[Abdisamad]

And you dont think these old guys take advantage of the Young girls back home under the guise of marriage ?

Its actually sad too see

What's your view on sugar dating or in general women who are with men because of their wallet size?

 

[Schematics]

Deep down many on here know this and I can imagine are victims of this growing up. However, many on here lack empathy and will fight tooth and nail to have the same privileges of screwing up their future wife and kids life. Its a cycle that will repeat itself.

I'm not attacking polygamy at all as long as its done right, but we have to be honest with ourselves and realise that as a community many men are not fulfilling their roles as husbands and because of this many women are being disrespected and put in positions of hardship because of male entitlement.

If you know most on here are messing with your female sensibilities, why make a mole out of nothing then?

Of the many years I lived in the west, I met two Somali guys who were married to two wives. One of them married after he failed to bring over his wife.

Look at your relatives, how many do you know practice polygamy? How wide spread? Numbers do matter. Facts are important.

Potential future offenders are not what you should arm yourselves up for. You don't know if these guys on here will follow through their youthful threats.

They need to secure the first wife then their word matters.

 

[Mercury]

What's your view on sugar dating or in general women who are with men because of their wallet size?

Its stupid

 

[Abdisamad]

Its stupid

But this is the nature of things and its hard to change.

 

[Mehmet]

You will be surprised how universal this phenomenon is. Best friends women sharing husbands. Its really bizarre.

Yeah only strange compared to cousins share a husband as all four of them sleeping with the wack in the sheets guy but they must help their langaab inadeer taste their forbidden fruits plus they get to live in a mansion of their own via his hooyo

 

[Mehmet]

Really? That’s just gross @Reiko keep an eye on your best friends lol

Good luck, don’t know why anyone would want to share their partner let a lone with their best friend

Yeah can't trust your bff but your cousin yes

 

[AIOPZ]

 

[kickz]

This is way to accurate