Somalis and social awkwardness.

[Jubba_Man]

This is going to be another controversial topic. Most of you will probably not agree with this and that is fine. I'm not talking about bookworms like @sahersi or basement dwelling alphas like @Inquisitive_ . I'm talking about diasporan Somalis who hang out at shisha joints and most of you would call "outgoing" or social butterflies.

Just go to a large gathering of Somalis and observe the way they carry themselves: their body language, eye contact, voice inflection, social awareness, and overall demeanor. For people who have actual social skills will notice something is off, they feel out of place,

The interesting thing is this seems to be an exclusively diasporan issue. You'll see fobs who have no issue working an entire room of strangers even with a thick heavy accent, while say wallahi kids can hardly handle themselves outside of their comfort zones. What happened? It would seem that the previous generation largely failed to instill imperative social skills needed to navigate the world.

 

[bluebird]

maybe this is just a millennial thing? excessive social media maybe

you know, I'm noticing a lot of sample biasing on this website, somalis this, somalis that when really, you guys probably just pick up on negative things from somalis because that's who you hang out with the most

 

[Jubba_Man]

maybe this is just a millennial thing? excessive social media maybe

you know, I'm noticing a lot of sample biasing on this website, somalis this, somalis that when really, you guys probably just pick up on negative things from somalis because that's who you hang out with the most

This phenomenon holds even when you control for the general regressive effects of social media. I know people only just a couple years younger than I that were born here and grew up outside this social media generation and exhibit the same behavior.


I don't hang out with diasporan Somalis. These are things I have observed regarding them from my own extended family and families of friends.

Denying this helps no one, especially when these younger people are lacking critical skills they need in navigating the working world. Most of them live in a bubble of other dayusbaro and hence don't realize their social deficit. Just watch that show sheeko sheeko, which is a collection of typical young Somalis born here and it is nothing more than a continuous cringe fest. Even that islaan Hodon Nalayeh has more charisma than those kids.

 

[Inquisitive_]

maybe this is just a millennial thing? excessive social media maybe

you know, I'm noticing a lot of sample biasing on this website, somalis this, somalis that when really, you guys probably just pick up on negative things from somalis because that's who you hang out with the most

He is trying to project his own lack of integrity & inadequacies on to others to compensate for his own short comings, kid has been obsessed about me lately quoting me around after a good karbaash, the likes of him that complain continually about something are most insecure about that very thing.

He doesn't hang around with people & is socially awkward himself, this is the first time I have ever seen someone accuse Somali's of being socially awkward, I don't think anyone here can even relate to this, usually most other stuff people post regardless of generalisation has some merits & you can relate.

But no one can with this garbage, in fact, it's not the first time he talked about this, he made a few posts on this, wu jiranyahey, he needs comforting, I think he suffers from anxiety miskeenka, I will stop picking on his posts from now on wards so as to not trigger it again

 

[Jubba_Man]

He is trying to project his own lack of integrity & inadequacies on to others to compensate for his own short comings, kid has been obsessed about me lately quoting me around after a good karbaash, the likes of him that complain continually about something are most insecure about that very thing.

He doesn't hang around with people & is socially awkward himself, this is the first time I have ever seen someone accuse Somali's of being socially awkward, I don't think anyone here can even relate to this, usually most other stuff people post regardless of generalisation has some merits & you can relate.


But no one can with this garbage, in fact, it's not the first time he talked about this, he made a few posts on this, wu jiranyahey, he needs comforting, I think he suffers from anxiety miskeenka, I will stop picking on his posts from now on wards so as to not trigger it again

That genuine obliviousness mixed in with a wild and active imagination that would make even an LSD addict jealous.

 

[bluebird]

This phenomenon holds even when you control for the general regressive effects of social media. I know people only just a couple years younger than I that were born here and grew up outside this social media generation and exhibit the same behavior.


I don't hang out with diasporan Somalis. These are things I have observed regarding them from my own extended family and families of friends.

Denying this helps no one, especially when these younger people are lacking critical skills they need in navigating the working world. Most of them live in a bubble of other dayusbaro and hence don't realize their social deficit. Just watch that show sheeko sheeko, which is a collection of typical young Somalis born here and it is nothing more than a continuous cringe fest. Even that islaan Hodon Nalayeh has more charisma than those kids.

you probably judge somalis harder. somalis are very critical of other somalis for some reason.

 

[Jubba_Man]

you probably judge somalis harder. somalis are very critical of other somalis for some reason.

If Somalis like myself won't do it, no one else will. These gaalo will laugh at you behind your backs and would never look out for you like a Somali would. Too many times I have taken a young Somali to some networking event or introduced them to the right friends they needed only to end up crashing and burning and blaming everything else but themselves. It's a problem.

 

[Inactive]

From my experience, they are socially awkward only towards whites that are middle class and higher.

But it's worse in places like Europe.

In England, Somalis are totally socially awkward towards all whites, even their neighbours and coworkers and classmates. They also totally avoid middle class and above Asians, South Asians and Arabs. They will only be comfortable around Asians, south Asians, Arabs of the same socioeconomic background. Somalis there are only totally comfortable with any type of Black or Somalis whatever their background is.

In Scandinavia it's even worse. Somalis there are the most socially awkward people on the planet, even more so than the other ethnic groups who are also very socially awkward. They will even be socially awkward towards other Somalis.

 

[agnes]

Fobs survived tahrib why would they have trouble talking to an audience? They have no fear.

Stop judging us all. Never laid eyes on shisha never been inside their cafes.

 

[Zeus]

I agree and there are many things that mix together to make someone socially awkward. One reason would be poor social skills from role-models. Somali parents are most-likely refugees and speak broken english. they do not interact with the Whites and this makes them unsociable. The kid usually picks up this habit and this sets them back and socially handicaps them. An example are Indian and Chinese cultures, where education is of more importance than a social life. With Somalis it is religion and this is a disadvantage to them growing up. Many Somalis also have a sheltered childhood, how many somali parents do I hear complaining that their kid was out till 8:00 pm and that it was 'ceeb' and they were 'ciyaal suuq'. The parent then restricts the kid from going out more and this will bring more difficulties in his social skills later on on life.

this is my first and last serious post.

 

[Transparent]

It's due to the constant reminder we get from our parents to display xishood.The thing is that since we live in a highly promiscuous western society our parents recognized the dangers of our surroundings and enforced measures designed to enable us to lead islamic lives, at the expense of stifling the development of critical social skills within their children.Their method failed miserably as we now have many somalis that are openly declaring fornication and other forms of shameless activities however the repercussions of this prevention mechanism in regards to stifling the social development of the next generation with the opposite gender was indeed successful.Another thing that reinforces my main point is that we do not see this issue present within the older Somali generation,do your parents have any problem successfully conversing with another Somali parent?.

 

[Jubba_Man]

From my experience, they are socially awkward only towards whites that are middle class and higher.

But it's worse in places like Europe.

In England, Somalis there are totally socially awkward towards all whites, even their neighbours and coworkers and classmates. They also totally avoid middle class and above Asians, South Asians and Arabs. They will only be comfortable around Asians, south Asians, Arabs of the same socioeconomic background. Somalis there are only totally comfortable with any type of Black or Somalis whatever their background is.

In Scandinavia it's even worse. Somalis there are the most socially awkward people on the planet, even more so than the other ethnic groups who are also very socially awkward. They will even be socially awkward towards other Somalis.

I can't speak much for the situation outside of North America, but I will say that I have noticed that they can generally converse with madows on generic topics such as music and sports. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the ability to build rapport with people, to connect with them on a deeper level than just on the superficial. They only seem to be able to do this with other Somalis. This is fine if you are just trying to make small-talk with coworkers, but if one day you need a connection into a job and you want someone to put their reputation on the line to refer you in, that type of superficial connection won't be anywhere near enough for them to do that.

 

[Jubba_Man]

I agree and there are many things that mix together to make someone socially awkward. One reason would be poor social skills from role-models. Somali parents are most-likely refugees and speak broken english. they do not interact with the Whites and this makes them unsociable. The kid usually picks up this habit and this sets them back and socially handicaps them. An example are Indian and Chinese cultures, where education is of more importance than a social life. With Somalis it is religion and this is a disadvantage to them growing up. Many Somalis also have a sheltered childhood, how many somali parents do I hear complaining that their kid was out till 8:00 pm and that it was 'ceeb' and they were 'ciyaal suuq'. The parent then restricts the kid from going out more and this will bring more difficulties in his social skills later on on life.

this is my first and last serious post.

It's due to the constant reminder we get from our parents to display xishood.The thing is that since we live in a highly promiscuous western society our parents recognized the dangers of our surroundings and enforced measures designed to enable us to lead islamic lives, at the expense of stifling the development of critical social skills within their children.Their method failed miserably as we now have many somalis that are openly declaring fornication and other forms of shameless activities however the repercussions of this prevention mechanism in regards to stifling the social development of the next generation with the opposite gender was indeed successful.Another thing that reinforces my main point is that we do not see this issue present within the older Somali generation,do your parents have any problem successfully conversing with another Somali parent?.

Perhaps the most insightful posts both of you have posted in your careers thus far on this site.

 

[Apollo]

Somalis from Somalia are the most socially awkward of them all. Men holding hands, they wear highly unfashionable clothes, and watch gay ass Hindi films.

 

[jugjugwacwac]

Anybody who has eyes can see the differences in social skills between the 'say wallahi' generation and the fobs from the same age group in Canada (I can only speak for Canada). It's like night and day. A good chunk of the kids who grew up here, mainly the boys, are introverted,and socially awkward when around new people or in group settings. The effect is heightened when it's a professional setting or one with middle/upper class cadaans.

The reason for the social awkwardness in Somali settings like shisha bars I believe is due to the unhealthy dynamic between Somali boys and Somali girls. They'll all sit around in their cliques and just ogle each other. There's just this weird tension in any room full of Somali boys and girls that u can almost cut with a knife, it's hella weird. The boys don't want to go out on a limb and actually talk to a member of the opposite sex cuz they're too scared of getting rejected by a girl in front of their peers. That's why nowadays most guys won't talk to the girl they like in person but instead just go home and add them on facebook or instagram from the comfort of their room. A fob on the other hand can open a conversation with an entire group of girls and in the end shukaansi the one he likes lol.

As for the awkwardness of the 'say wallahi's' in general, outside of the Somali context, I think it boils down to two main reasons. 1. They're neighborhoods are not diverse 2. Lack of confidence due to perceived deficits in education/skills. As for the first reason, most of these Somali kids grew up in the hood and went to school with other Somalis and madows and have had very little contact with middle/upper class cadaans or Asians. Understandably this makes them more adept at socializing with Somalis and madows because they've internalized and become well versed in the social norms and conventions of Somali and madow youth, which is pretty much encapsulated in the hip-hop/hood/black culture. Take them outside of this and they become fish out of water because they lack the social tools to navigate the uncharted social territory they find themselves in. A fob on the other hand doesn't care about the unwritten social rules of each demographic and will just go in there and break the ice by just being his genuine self.

The second reason stems from the fact that many of these youth aren't doing well educationally speaking and have not acquired marketable skills. They are cognizant of this fact, and so if you take one of them to a job fair or networking session of course they won't feel very confident when they can't even string two sentences together without resorting to at least one slang term to express themselves. Fobs on the other hand just have the supreme Somali confidence rooted in our nomadic heritage and believe in faking it till u make it. They'll ask him if he knows x.y,z and he'll claim he had a job in Mogadishu doing exactly that lol.

I myself grew up in the hood around Somalis and madows and I'm not comfortable with nor do I enjoy socializing with cadaans because their socio-cultural norms are foreign to my own. So I fit the bill on the first reason which I stated above, but because I feel confident in my education and skill level I don't act awkward or introverted around them. If I had done poorly in school and wasn't an avid reader I would've been just like many of my peers who not only find middle/upper class cadaan culture foreign but also feel intimidated by the knowledge and skills required to navigate middle/upper class and white-collar spaces.

 

[Striker]

Somalis from Somalia are the most socially awkward of them all. Men holding hands, they wear highly unfashionable clothes, and watch gay ass Hindi films.

Subxanallah the somalis from Somalia are the best community. Their fashion is way better than you guys wearing skinny jeans. They also have a good taste in fashion. And most people who watch hindi movies are reer xamar. Also there is nothing wrong with watching Hindi movies.

 

[Keo]

I agree and there are many things that mix together to make someone socially awkward. One reason would be poor social skills from role-models. Somali parents are most-likely refugees and speak broken english. they do not interact with the Whites and this makes them unsociable. The kid usually picks up this habit and this sets them back and socially handicaps them. An example are Indian and Chinese cultures, where education is of more importance than a social life. With Somalis it is religion and this is a disadvantage to them growing up. Many Somalis also have a sheltered childhood, how many somali parents do I hear complaining that their kid was out till 8:00 pm and that it was 'ceeb' and they were 'ciyaal suuq'. The parent then restricts the kid from going out more and this will bring more difficulties in his social skills later on on life.

this is my first and last serious post.

Not going out and coming home straight from school has its benefits. You will run into less problems because of that.

 

[fox]

I must agree. I was a recruitment officer for a job agency during university. So I went and to the local Somali's and said if you want a job come to this group interview dressed formally (knowing Somali's I made its a group interview). O jesus. Wtf was I thinking. It was soo ceeb and cringey. Where do I start. The girls came in bridal make up. We had this one guy ask us to basically read for him. They have zero to none communication skills.

 

[Lord Flacko]

From my experience, they are socially awkward only towards whites that are middle class and higher.

But it's worse in places like Europe.

In England, Somalis are totally socially awkward towards all whites, even their neighbours and coworkers and classmates. They also totally avoid middle class and above Asians, South Asians and Arabs. They will only be comfortable around Asians, south Asians, Arabs of the same socioeconomic background. Somalis there are only totally comfortable with any type of Black or Somalis whatever their background is.

In Scandinavia it's even worse. Somalis there are the most socially awkward people on the planet, even more so than the other ethnic groups who are also very socially awkward. They will even be socially awkward towards other Somalis.

I agree. I view myself as above average in social skills in Norway but there's alot of weirdness here. Norway already has a socially awkward culture that deals by this with alcohol on the weekends. An anecdote is from when I was having my first job interview. I was the last person getting interviewed out of like 50, and when I arrived and was waiting in the lobby I struck up a conversation with the Department boss that was there aswell as another employee. I remember they had water and cups set put on a table, I asked if I could drink some and did. They legit told me I was the first person to take a drink and that all the others were too tense. Just a little story to give you an insight if you understand.


With Somalis it's hit or miss. I know alot of chicks my generation that are outgoing, friendly and really easy to speak with. There are alot that just don't know how to work properly and it's awkward interacting with them.
I like speaking with fobs they're always friendly and like to have a conversation.

When I was in London I found it easier to converse with the chicks than other guys of my generation.

 

[Lord Flacko]

Not going out and coming home straight from school has its benefits. You will run into less problems because of that.

It has zero benefits.

Where I live Norwegian parents will get mad at their kids for staying at home and will tell them to go outside. Somali parents will be mad if they go outside too much and happy of they stay at home. It's ridiculous.