There's No Incentive To Get Married As A Modern Muslim Woman In This Day And Age.

[Hodan from HR]

@Hodan from HR human life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, live your best life inshallah. Single or married it doesn't matter, don't get stressed out

Thank you. It's hard not to be stressed. It doesn't help that I'm getting hints from family and in my social circles too. Have you started dating? When are you gonna bring someone?

@Hodan from HR Do you have a dream you want to fulfill? Try to focus on that

I do walal. Alhamdullilah. I'm currently working towards it. My research is kinda slow in the winter so I thought to myself maybe I should go back to the dating scene and give this whole marriage thing a try, one more time..


The market is not marketing lmaoo
Back to my cave I guess!

 

[Ozymandias]

Thank you. It's hard not to be stressed. It doesn't help that I'm getting hints from family and in my social circles too. Have you started dating? When are you gonna bring someone?




I do walal. Alhamdullilah. I'm currently working towards it. My research is kinda slow in the winter so I thought to myself maybe I should go back to the dating scene and give this whole marriage thing a try, one more time..


The market is not marketing lmaoo
Back to my cave I guess!

Screw others waxba ma fahansanaa, qof kasta way kala duwan yihiin, try to meditate more

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[Ibn Abdon]

Thanks for your advice but you speak from a place of privilege. You said you can have four families if you want. Guess what? I don't want a man who can have 4 families. Periodt.


I don't expect you to relate to me but you have no right to dismiss my concerns and accuse me of "confusing minds of other sisters and cowardice". If I can't address my fears in here, an anonymous forum in the women's den (I even put my opinion in spoiler) What else do you want me to do?


At this point, you are asking women to not use their brains and be risk averse. So why did God give me these traits if I can use it to look out for my wellbeing and that of the children whom I may bring into this world?

Having a 4 wives is a different story so i will keep it aside for now.

And yes, i do I have the right to judge, if you really want to solve your problem or find a suitable solution you would have been asked an experienced people; maybe shekihs or married people, or even reading a books about the prophit ﷺ , Alsahaba, and Alsalaf. And see how have they deal with this problems. But no, no.

“At this point, you are asking women to not use their brains and be risk averse. So why did God give me these traits if I can use it to look out for my wellbeing and that of the children whom I may bring into this world?”

Yo sis, ask your self first: Allah gave me a brain so am i using it right?

You are literally talking about your “Serious future problem and how i would rice my kids” to some high teenagers on random website, and expecting them to solve your problem or give you a good advice? Is this a what you call “brain using”?

Just take a look at the posts here; random qabil, dress making, gender war, madows and halimos, some kush bullshit, some great WE ARE LITERALLY MISSING AROUND!

You would just hear a “motivational words” like: do your best sis, you know what your are doing, ignore those losers and do what you can!

Deal with your problem seriously, look for a real solutions, and face this dunniya, or either run away. Its your choice.

That’s it.

 

[GemState]

There are no foreseeable negative consequences to maximizing family size for the next 100 years minimum. You’d be foolish not to be taking advantage of this. The world will be more and more accommodating to our kind.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Screw others waxba ma fahansanaa, qof kasta way kala duwan yihiin, try to meditate more

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[Mudug_gyal]

Thats cause you’re expecting too much. All somali women I know are divorced. Just get married and see how it goes. If i get married, I already made peace with the fact that I’ll end up a single mom its like a rite of passage.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Thats cause you’re expecting too much. All somali women I know are divorced. Just get married and see how it goes. If i get married, I already made peace with the fact that I’ll end up a single mom its like a rite of passage.

True
I would be married like yesterday if I drop my standards.Being a single mum is my nightmare ngl.

Since I'm ambivalent about kids, the man has to be worth if I have to go through pregnancy and childbirth imo. Not every man deserves to become a father..

 

[Mudug_gyal]

True
I would be married like yesterday if I drop my standards.Being a single mum is my nightmare ngl.

Since I'm ambivalent about kids, the man has to be worth if I have to go through pregnancy and childbirth imo. Not every man deserves to become a father..

My dear sister don’t expect that from a somali man. The most they’ll ever be is cuckoo birds. Maybe try an ajnabi man cause it’s impossible to find a somali guy of your description. Im not hatin im jus telling you(im acc a premium hater)

 

[Hodan from HR]

My dear sister don’t expect that from a somali man. The most they’ll ever be is cuckoo birds. Maybe try an ajnabi man cause it’s impossible to find a somali guy of your description. Im not hatin im jus telling you(im acc a premium hater)

Loool
I don't think you're hating. I've talked to a number of somali men over the years. Most didn't make it to the 3rd week of us talking before their controlling or double standards side came out.

I wanted to marry a somali man to stay connected to my roots. However, I'm realizing it comes with a price ie giving up some aspects of my core beliefs regarding marriage as I happen to see marriage as a partnership. Maybe this is my test. Anyway, I'm good as long as I'm not hurting anyone

 

[Kalsoon]

You make good points. I agree that the negatives of marriage is talked about more than the positives.

The aspects of feminism and liberalism that I support doesn't clash with our religious beliefs but I have to agree they do make the idea of "submission" and allowing the husband be the qawaam harder for me.

For example; I know polygamy is allowed in Islam but I have alot of cuqdad regarding this topic. Case in point, my latest prospect whom I ended things this with..

If something in Islam is hard to accept, make dua that Allah makes it easier for you to understand and submit to His command. At some point, we have all submitted and obeyed someone with higher authority than us in one way or another. I believe the trick is to find someone you respect and admire enough to allow them to lead you and who will value your input and advices. Someone for whom you’re a trusted confidant and who cherishes your views.

Good that you can spot men who are not serious about you early on. it’s always men who aren’t serious with the dumbest takes. I doubt he would say that to a women he really wanted and didn’t want to lose. Did he share this info right away or after some time?

You can always expand your horizons and see if you match with someone living further than you. Your husband may not be in the same state, country or even the same continent.

 

[Hodan from HR]

If something in Islam is hard to accept, make dua that Allah makes it easier for you to understand and submit to His command. At some point, we have all submitted and obeyed someone with higher authority than us in one way or another. I believe the trick is to find someone you respect and admire enough to allow them to lead you and who will value your input and advices. Someone for whom you’re a trusted confidant and who cherishes your views.

There are some things I can definitely improve on. I'm not an angel. I know I'm not perfect.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a hard time giving in because I'm too aware of the games men play, rather than it being simply about looking out for myself. It's possible that I notice a lot of red flags because I'm too focused on looking for red flags, like the Invisible Gorilla Experiment

Good that you can spot men who are not serious about you early on. it’s always men who aren’t serious with the dumbest takes. I doubt he would say that to a women he really wanted and didn’t want to lose. Did he share this info right away or after some time?

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I think the flaw lies in how the average Somali man is socialized; they see polygamy as a norm. However, I become deeply resentful when I hear this topic because here in the west, the older ajinabi women I worked with have been married for over 25+ years, have 2 to 3 kids. The husbands are active fathers and take turns with chores. They are always traveling or buying properties together. This is my norm.

With the polygynist man, he has one foot out of the door and can't do these things for his wife and kids because his time and money is divided amongst his other family/families. Why would any sane woman agree to such an arrangement?

You can always expand your horizons and see if you match with someone living further than you. Your husband may not be in the same state, country or even the same continent.

Never tried long distance. It could be an interesting experience for sure

 

[AbdiFreedom]

I think the flaw lies in how the average Somali man is socialized; they see polygamy as a norm. However, I become deeply resentful when I hear this topic because here in the west, the older ajinabi women I worked with have been married for over 25+ years, have 2 to 3 kids. The husbands are active fathers and take turns with chores. They are always traveling or buying properties together. This is my norm.

This is the norm for most western raised Somali guys. They will not more than 1 wife at the same time. Were you willing to financially contribute to the home too? Some Somali women want the man to fully provide while he splits the chores and cooking too.

 

[Hodan from HR]

This is the norm for most western raised Somali guys. They will not more than 1 wife at the same time. Were you willing to financially contribute to the home too? Some Somali women want the man to fully provide while he splits the chores and cooking too.

Yes I am.

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[DubatDiaries]

Yes I am.

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Sounds like a cultural difference. From what I heard from my brothers and male relatives raised in Canada, they say they are not interested in polygamy, or at least that’s what they say when I am around

 

[Kalsoon]

There are some things I can definitely improve on. I'm not an angel. I know I'm not perfect.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a hard time giving in because I'm too aware of the games men play, rather than it being simply about looking out for myself. It's possible that I notice a lot of red flags because I'm too focused on looking for red flags, like the Invisible Gorilla Experiment

Who has time for a grown man who play mind games yaab. Who is to say those men will stop playing games once married too. I truly feel for the women who end up with men like that. Say alhamdulilah that you can see their games for what they are and you’re not naive to it. It’s truly self protection.

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I think the flaw lies in how the average Somali man is socialized; they see polygamy as a norm. However, I become deeply resentful when I hear this topic because here in the west, the older ajinabi women I worked with have been married for over 25+ years, have 2 to 3 kids. The husbands are active fathers and take turns with chores. They are always traveling or buying properties together. This is my norm.

With the polygynist man, he has one foot out of the door and can't do these things for his wife and kids because his time and money is divided amongst his other family/families. Why would any sane woman agree to such an arrangement?

I say if he is a good man and meets all your other requirements, make the situation work to your advantage.

Do you speak with potentials about your ideal marriage and the view of polygamy you have? That you see a polygamist man as not being fully committed to building with you?

I don’t mean any offense but there are some women who have other views on this subject. May not seem sane but they are. Some do see a benefit for themselves, their husbands, their family and their akhirah. It just depends on the women’s worldview and religious beliefs. I think a certain type of man with taqwa can overcome the hurdles that come with polygamy in Islam and continue to be fair and reasonable with his time, love, and resources. It’s certainly not as straightforward as only having one wife but when it’s done right, can be very beautiful and beneficial.

Never tried long distance. It could be an interesting experience for sure

Yes, broaden your horizons, abaayo! There’s a gem of a man out there looking for you inshallah. Ilaahay talo saaro and ask Allah to guide you to that which is best for your dunya and akhirah. Wishing you well in your journey, macaanto.

 

[Kisame]

There are some things I can definitely improve on. I'm not an angel. I know I'm not perfect.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a hard time giving in because I'm too aware of the games men play, rather than it being simply about looking out for myself. It's possible that I notice a lot of red flags because I'm too focused on looking for red flags, similar to the Invisible Gorilla Experiment

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I think the flaw lies in how the average Somali man is socialized; they see polygamy as a norm. However, I become deeply resentful when I hear this topic because here in the west, the older ajinabi women I worked with have been married for over 25+ years, have 2 to 3 kids. The husbands are active fathers and take turns with chores. They are always traveling or buying properties together. This is my norm.

With the polygynist man, he has one foot out of the door and can't do these things for his wife and kids because his time and money is divided amongst his other family/families. Why would any sane woman agree to such an arrangement?




Never tried long distance. It could be an interesting experience for sure

"I think the flaw lies in how the average Somali man is socialized; they see polygamy as a norm. However, I become deeply resentful when I hear this topic because here in the west, the older ajinabi women I worked with have been married for over 25+ years, have 2 to 3 kids. The husbands are active fathers and take turns with chores. They are always traveling or buying properties together. This is my norm."




It's kind of wild how gen Z and millennial somali men gotta deal with all the hate and suffering old uneducated somali men caused.

1. Most Westernized somali men aren't engaging in polygamy. Especially the millennials and gen Z ones.

2. Young Ajnabi men have treated women way worse overall than young somali men. In fact most young somali men aren't even dating women because it's haram.

We even get attacked in scenarios where Ajnabi men abuse somali women.

It's honestly insane and it feels like you chicks just want to find reasons to demonize young somali niggas.

 

[Hodan from HR]

---

Sounds like a cultural difference. From what I heard from my brothers and male relatives raised in Canada, they say they are not interested in polygamy, or at least that’s what they say when I am around

They all say this when they are working on their goals and want you to build with him. Then switch up and do the same thing. Tale as old as time..

I think it's a combination of being successful and the cultural background in his case. From what I've heard, the wealthy western ones practice polygamy too or tend to had multiple wives and kids over time.

There's a somali mahmaah; If you want to know a man, make him rich and if you want to know a woman, make her poor.

 

[Hodan from HR]

It's kind of wild how gen Z and millennial somali men gotta deal with all the hate and suffering old uneducated somali men caused.

1. Most Westernized somali men aren't engaging in polygamy. Especially the millennials and gen Z ones.

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2. Young Ajnabi men have treated women way worse overall than young somali men. In fact most young somali men aren't even dating women because it's haram.

We even get attacked in scenarios where Ajnabi men abuse somali women.

It's honestly insane and it feels like you chicks just want to find reasons to demonize young somali niggas.

I'm sorry if this comes off like I'm demonizing young somali men as that is not my intention.

This is more of a rant I wanted to get off my chest and hear other sisters perspective. Some of the things I wrote may sound harsh but walahi I have nothing against somali men so please don't take anything I said here personal (This goes to all the other young somali men who may read this thread).


As for me, I need to sort out my cognitive dissonance. Either I accept some of the possible risks involved with marrying into a culturally polygamous society or marry from a culture where monogamy is the norm. Somali men are a mixed bag imo..

 

[Kisame]

---

They all say this when they are working on their goals and want you to build with him. Then switch up and do the same thing. Tale as old as time..

I think it's a combination of being successful and the cultural background in his case. From what I've heard, the wealthy western ones practice polygamy too or tend to had multiple wives and kids over time.

There's a somali mahmaah; If you want to know a man, make him rich and if you want to know a woman, make her poor.

Literally every middle/upper class somali man Ive seen in america is in a monogamous relationship. The 40 year old abdis that were apart of the first wave of immigrants who came her as teens mostly remained monogamous.


Ive only met two somali men that had multiple wives. Both were 60+ years old and and weren't raised in the west. One of them only married another women cause his first wife was infertile.

 

[Kisame]

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I'm sorry if this comes off like I'm demonizing young somali men as that is not my intention.

This is more of a rant I wanted to get off my chest and hear other sisters perspective. Some of the things I wrote may sound harsh but walahi I have nothing against somali men so please don't take anything I said here personal (This goes to all the other young somali men who may read this thread).


As for me, I need to sort out my cognitive dissonance. Either I accept some of the possible risks involved with marrying into a culturally polygamous society or marry from a culture where monogamy is the norm. Somali men are a mixed bag imo..

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"As for me, I need to sort out my cognitive dissonance. Either I accept some of the possible risks involved with marrying into a culturally polygamous society or marry from a culture where monogamy is the norm. Somali men are a mixed bag imo.. "


Just marry a westernized somali nigga. There's enough evidence to prove that even the westernized educated ones aren't abandoning their families to marry another somali women out of no where.