What's your Love Language?

[Marsh]

I'm not repulsed by touch at all. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I can conform if there's an expectation of this i.e. being married to someone who's love language is physical touch or if someone wants/needs a hug I won't deny them. Even though I got 0% I'm more flexible than the quiz would suggest.



Interesting so you're quality time and I would assume acts of service.

So you wont deny them but physical touch means little to nothing to you personally

 

[Vanessa]

Receiving gifts, then follow by physical touch

 

[Sophisticate]

So you wont deny them but physical touch means little to nothing to you personally

Correct. For specification, if were talking about suitors they will be denied physical touch. For my friends they can get hugs (as it means nothing to them). It's purely platonic. Though I'm not one to offer I will not leave them hanging.

I hope that makes sense.

Receiving gifts, then follow by physical touch

Interesting combo.

 

[Nak Muay]

You seem conversant in the language of herbs and adaptogens. Could have an acute knowledge.
Caring, considerate and could be clairvoyant. Guilty as charged.

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That makes sense.

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As a hypochondriac, I like to be well equipped for any and all future aliments lol.
Clairvoyant huh? You don't say

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[Sophisticate]

As a hypochondriac, I like to be well equipped for any and all future aliments lol.
Clairvoyant huh? You don't say

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Mild exaggeration. You're probably just very health conscious.

Clairvoyant or highly intuitive what's the difference?

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[Guled111]

You haven't even taken the the quiz do that first. And respect my cousin.



Your results seem conventional.

I tried but too many unnecessary questions and either way, you yourself don't agree with the quiz

My hunt with Saredo will continue whether you like it or not.

 

[Sophisticate]

I tried but too many unnecessary questions and either way, you yourself don't agree with the quiz

My hunt with Saredo will continue whether you like it or not.

Let's be honest, a short attention span was to blame.

Go ahead.

 

[Wiilyam Ina Sheekh Zubeer]

We're familiar with the truism talk is cheap but words are not viewed in isolation from actions. Individuals with Words of Affirmation as their primary love language are not necessarily easily impressed by words. Particularly when there hasn't been the groundwork made to establish rapport in a relationship. I'd say they are probably even more wary during the early phases.

We also are keen to pick up on nonverbal body language that tends to betray ones utterances. I'm good at figuring out ones modus operandi. I can say that with a high degree or accuracy. No one has cheated me with a slippery tongue. However, if I rewind time every Abdi I talked to was conversationally adept in that they were masters of the forgotten art of wordplay (but they were genuine).

Words matter. In the past great orators were prized and often elevated to the status of statesman. From what I recall, tribesman with sharp minds were given informal leadership authority from their ability to convince the elders of the tol. Poetry was like social lifeblood. However, without execution they fall on deaf ears. If I was as well spoken and could communicate my ideas in English as I could in Somali I'd write gabays and probably consider a foray into politics.

Words aren't supposed to be used carelessly. And I'm likely to remember what people say since I file it away (good and bad). For some people making statements is harder for them than physical labour or tasks because it requires subversion of ones ego which is stronger. For quality time one just has to be there and focused on you. Physical touch isn't too challenging. Gift giving is quite automatic. And acts of service may appear routine (though I see their merit). This is just my view.

Agree with your defence for the validity of words of affirmation as a love language especially the bold part. As a people known for their knack for poetry I was surprised why "the word" gets the bad rep of a ne'er-do-well when it is the very thing that makes or breaks a relationship when everything else is a given.
Lol @ you filing away what people say, I'm the same, it's annoying especially when someone relates something differently from how you remember.
While actions certainly do speak louder than words, a true utterance of appreciation and its soaring wings of sincerity (at the risk of this observation being misplaced, the Islamic concept of Ihsan comes to mind) reaches the heart of the recipient deeper than most acts of service ever could which in turn could be performed without effort, soul or worse yet with ulterior motives. I think we all can differentiate genuine appreciation from false deference for the most part but we are not immune to succumbing to the patina and pomp of unearned praise.

As far as I'm concerned the delicate/fragile nature of words and their meanings due to this dilemma of discernment adds all the more value to this love language. I guess you and quite a number of others on this forum who come across as highly attune to the nuances of tone, choice of words and occasion (paraphrasing an earlier post of yours) can appreciate a literal bon môt because of that, since there is a hypothetical Damocles sword of deception ever looming in the atmosphere above, hung by a single filigree thread of fidelity, ready to strike at the very heart of the word. But in the end "The tongue is mightier than the blade".

Thus true words are king in terms of love language (quality time + physical touch being queen) since they are the most versatile and personal to convey the most intimate thoughts of why in particular you feel this very affection at that very moment for your loved one.

Your number one is quality time followed by words of affirmation.

William, what is it about gifts that makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel guilty for receiving? I'm just genuinely curious. I get that you might get some enjoyment from gift giving. It's actually enjoyable specifically picking something that's imbued with a message or has a story attached to it that would resonate wit the recipient. I'm fond of giving customized presents that don't necessarily require selling the family farm but they mean something. I just wonder if there's a backstory you have about gift giving.

I had to think about that for some time. I think it was mentioned in this thread earlier. I have nothing against thoughtful gifts with meaning which is just another form of quality time your loved one spent on you in your absence, while the gift is the physical representation/value of that time, same with acts of service. What I'm afraid of is mindless gift sharing in this highly materialistic day and age being mistaken for the former and the all too common entitlement of feeling one is owed a reciprocal exchange of goods.

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[Saredo]

My hunt with Saredo will continue whether you like it or not.

We don’t like it. Take the quizz and forget me.

 

[Sophisticate]

Agree with your defence for the validity of words of affirmation as a love language especially the bold part. As a people known for their knack for poetry I was surprised why "the word" gets the bad rep of a ne'er-do-well when it is the very thing that makes or breaks a relationship when everything else is a given.
Lol @ you filing away what people say, I'm the same, it's annoying especially when someone relates something differently from how you remember.
While actions certainly do speak louder than words, a true utterance of appreciation and its soaring wings of sincerity (at the risk of this observation being misplaced, the Islamic concept of Ihsan comes to mind) reaches the heart of the recipient deeper than most acts of service ever could which in turn could be performed without effort, soul or worse yet with ulterior motives. I think we all can differentiate genuine appreciation from false deference for the most part but we are not immune to succumbing to the patina and pomp of unearned praise.

As far as I'm concerned the delicate/fragile nature of words and their meanings due to this dilemma of discernment adds all the more value to this love language. I guess you and quite a number of others on this forum who come across as highly attune to the nuances of tone, choice of words and occasion (paraphrasing an earlier post of yours) can appreciate a literal bon môt because of that, since there is a hypothetical Damocles sword of deception ever looming in the atmosphere above, hung by a single filigree thread of fidelity, ready to strike at the very heart of the word. But in the end "The tongue is mightier than the blade".

Thus true words are king in terms of love language (quality time + physical touch being queen) since they are the most versatile and personal to convey the most intimate thoughts of why in particular you feel this very affection at that very moment for your loved one.

I had to think about that for some time. I think it was mentioned in this thread earlier. I have nothing against thoughtful gifts with meaning which is just another form of quality time your loved one spent on you in your absence, while the gift is the physical representation/value of that time, same with acts of service. What I'm afraid of is mindless gift sharing in this highly materialistic day and age being mistaken for the former and the all too common entitlement of feeling one is owed a reciprocal exchange of goods.

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About filing information away. I know that time has a distorting effect on what was remembered and acknowledge that there are multiple versions of an event which changes over time. I guess it is not merely about an even but how it makes an individual feel and whether it has implications on their behaviour moving forward.

Humans have an intrinsic need to want to be appreciated. So, I do not see any issue with seeking validation. Individuals do it indirectly by increasing their pay scale, obtaining a prestigious position, or acquiring accolades of some kind. Many do it because it is commendable.

If words have the power to make the strong weak and enliven the meek then as you said they should not be disregarded in their importance. You referenced this very well with the looming sword of Damocles. People are thus at the mercy of the appraisal of those around them.

I have noticed that some might not have regularly heard kind or encouraging words as they were growing hence some might have a reluctance to praise others. I believe this is called emotional stinginess wherein one constantly sizes up others, rarely expresses approval, and sparingly encourages, supports, and empathizes with others. I think this stems from egoism, scarcity, and zero-sum thinking. Some would have us believe that it is lonely at the top and to get their you must subvert others to win. That is another topic.

I digress, emotional stinginess can have adverse consequences for one’s friendships, work, and romantic relationships as there is little in the way of reciprocity when hearing affirming words. Imagine one that you want good things for and wish to encourage and uplift, but they are regularly critical and would not dare reciprocate. This would create a disequilibrium and contribute to the eventual dissolution of a relationship.

I get that some people feel uncomfortable saying kind words because they find something insincere about positive remarks or consider it fake and too Pollyanna. But like you said, we have the ability of discerning genuine praise from ingratiating remarks or those that are empty. And there is nothing wrong with emotional generosity where one makes a consorted effort to be positive and lift others up more freely.

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We don’t like it. Take the quizz and forget me.

 

[Wiilyam Ina Sheekh Zubeer]

About filing information away. I know that time has a distorting effect on what was remembered and acknowledge that there are multiple versions of an event which changes over time. I guess it is not merely about an even but how it makes an individual feel and whether it has implications on their behaviour moving forward.

That's true I often think I can view events with more of a personal distance but it's probably something I tricked myself into believing. Agreed that our emotional involvement creates many valid versions ie. experiences of the same event. I will be more cognisant of that in the future

Humans have an intrinsic need to want to be appreciated. So, I do not see any issue with seeking validation. Individuals do it indirectly by increasing their pay scale, obtaining a prestigious position, or acquiring accolades of some kind. Many do it because it is commendable.

Seeking status/wealth is definitely another way of achieving recognition, many tell themselves that they merely do it out of an inner motivation but I agree, it is deeper than that.

If words have the power to make the strong weak and enliven the meek then as you said they should not be disregarded in their importance. You referenced this very well with the looming sword of Damocles. People are thus at the mercy of the appraisal of those around them.

The solution to this dilemma is being principled in word and action as far as humanly possible which is not very far, since we are extremely fallible, the honest attempt in itself is more than enough tho.

I have noticed that some might not have regularly heard kind or encouraging words as they were growing hence some might have a reluctance to praise others. I believe this is called emotional stinginess wherein one constantly sizes up others, rarely expresses approval, and sparingly encourages, supports, and empathizes with others. I think this stems from egoism, scarcity, and zero-sum thinking. Some would have us believe that it is lonely at the top and to get their you must subvert others to win. That is another topic.

Reminds me of stray-cats sometimes being territorial and defensive with their food even going as far as biting the hand of the good Samaritan hosting them. Being critical of those who value verbal appreciation or having a dismissive attitude towards those who like to be positive by being appreciative of others, evokes the sound of a growling feline calool in need of some mouth-watering words of appreciation and a thorough caressing of the belly. Those deprived of encouraging words early on tend to display more emotional Futterneid (jealousy of food) I think this behaviour is natural with many other things.

I digress, emotional stinginess can have adverse consequences for one’s friendships, work, and romantic relationships as there is little in the way of reciprocity when hearing affirming words. Imagine one that you want good things for and wish to encourage and uplift, but they are regularly critical and would not dare reciprocate. This would create a disequilibrium and contribute to the eventual dissolution of a relationship.

I get that some people feel uncomfortable saying kind words because they find something insincere about positive remarks or consider it fake and too Pollyanna. But like you said, we have the ability of discerning genuine praise from ingratiating remarks or those that are empty. And there is nothing wrong with emotional generosity where one makes a consorted effort to be positive and lift others up more freely.

we frequently underestimate how well our social radar works especially when we are risk-averse or rather introverted but in fact those people are too good at sniffing out the bad apples and often times their social fire-walls burn a good thing to ashes. We need to be more open-minded and invite those with good-intentions more often to our fire-place and share in the communal warmth. Witnessing the unsuspicious, easy-going, authentic and organic intra-Somali friendships of our parents generation, I can't help but to lament what great experience that we have lost there still hope for the future tho

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sry for my long-winded replies lol but I think I have said everything that came to my mind regarding this topic

 

[Jacki]

Mine is affection. I like all up on my man. Physical touch >>>>>. One of the reasons why I could never do long distance

 

[Pipit]

When a girl with natural nails caresses your arm

 

[Ade]

When a girl with natural nails caresses your arm

like this

 

[Pipit]

like this

Naa what do you mean.........

 

[Ade]

Naa what do you mean.........

Dont you mean hug ???

 

[Pipit]

Dont you mean hug ???

Caress does not mean hug kkkk

 

[SOULSEARCHING]

Words of Affirmation....