An Open Letter To My Somali Diaspora Sister

[Céleste]

Nothing against OP (being broad here) but whenever these type of threads are made, it turns into taking digs at the opposite gender to incite a reaction. I'd rather these threads be made out of concern for the topic and not turned into gender wars.

True wallahi. I'm trying to be serious this time but I just cant take it everytime someone tries to villainize single mothers. Going as far as blaming everything on them.

I myself have been raised by a single mother. My father died when I was 3(AUN). I never had a chance to live with him and make him proud. My mom raised us alone, took the kids to the kindergarten and worked day and night to take care of us. It's incredibly insulting to see people who have both of their parents alive talk shit about somali mothers.

 

[Kanini]

True wallahi. I'm trying to be serious this time but I just cant take it everytime someone tries to villainize single mothers. Going as far as blaming everything on them.

I myself have been raised by a single mother. My father died when I was 3(AUN). I never had a chance to live with him and make him proud. My mom raised us alone, took the kids to the kindergarten and worked day and night to take care of us. It's incredibly insulting to see people who have both of their parents alive talk shit about somali mothers.

Some of the people on here have never been through what you have and it shows. Saying things like "I'm lucky I was born into a two parent household, people who are in a single mother home are bottom of the barrel" is disgusting. Instead, they should be thankful for their situation, not look down on others. There's just some people you cannot reason with.

AUN to your father too abaayo, may Allah grant him the highest place in Jannah inshallah.

 

[Wiilyam Ina Sheekh Zubeer]

You need to bring out the kings @Mercury and @Jiron

@astorecalledkmart you will be the manager
which one will it be tho?

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[Saredo]

You're just stereotyping me. You don't even know me and you don't speak for all Somali women either.

I have a girl who is traditional and she is so happy because I treat her right.

Everyone has the right to have a preference. If Somali men prefer traditional relationships than that is not your business. My girl has her own preferences, for example, she likes to be spoiled. she likes to tour and she likes me to take her out often. That is what I do for her and I have my own preference and she accepts that. That's real love.

I was only against the criticism of traditional marriages and slander of Somali men. I have my right to voice the truth.

That's really the best thing. The fact that you guys respect each others preferences and please your spouse. May allah bless you both.

 

[Inquisitive_]

You're just stereotyping me. You don't even know me and you don't speak for all Somali women either.

I have a girl who is traditional and she is so happy because I treat her right.

Everyone has the right to have a preference. If Somali men prefer traditional relationships than that is not your business. My girl has her own preferences, for example, she likes to be spoiled. she likes to tour and she likes me to take her out often. That is what I do for her and I have my own preference and she accepts that. That's real love.

I was only against the criticism of traditional marriages and slander of Somali men. I have my right to voice the truth.

Muslim feminists only want you to be traditional when it comes to finances only, you pay all the bills, spoil her, pamper her and take her out on regular holidays as she pleases.

Meanwhile she will work with zero contributions, but you must split house chores with her.

They will shamelessly use religion to defend both positions, but when it comes to the part were the husband is the head of the household, the whole deen goes out of the window for them.

These bunch of hypocritical confused self-serving entitled female's are not wifey material at all, but little do they realise this painful reality.

They are only good for bashaal and short term flings in a pump and dump scenario for the male that doesn't fear the meeting with his Lord.

You need to keep your wife away from these types of female's who are quickly becoming the overwhelming majority in our community!

Wherever they go or whatever they touch, they leave behind a devastating trail of destruction, misery and misfortune.

They have single-handedly destroyed our entire community in the diaspora and they are still hungry for more.

 

[Factz]

That's really the best thing. The fact that you guys respect each others preferences and please your spouse. May allah bless you both.

That's the whole point about a healthy relationship. Both parties should serve each other needs.

She agrees to make me breakfast in the morning, make me lunch during the afternoon and dinner during the evening and some snacks for later. She's always in the mood for bedroom business. Both of us would never decline each other. She enjoys cleaning and doing chores. Do you know why she is so happy doing all this? Because she knows I can provide, maintain her needs and make her happy so she has the same mentality of pleasing me.

 

[Luciddreamer]

Lost soul lol. What do you believe this week? It’s exactly like how I said. You’re too changeable.

Thats because im always learning and staying flux, questioning both sides.
I dont believe in anything unless ive thought about it for months on end.

Ive been where you are now and its not a health place too be.

Youre killing a fundamental part of yourself and your sense of belonging.
And nothing can replace that void, no matter how hard you try.

Thats what ive learned from being too changeable and deep down you know that as well.

 

[HanadR6]

That's the whole point about a healthy relationship. Both parties should serve each other needs.

She agrees to make me breakfast in the morning, make me lunch during the afternoon and dinner during the evening and some snacks for later. She's always in the mood for bedroom business. Both of us would never decline each other. She enjoys cleaning and doing chores. Do you know why she is so happy doing all this? Because she knows I can provide, maintain her needs and make her happy so she has the same mentality of pleasing me.

Well put.

 

[CaliTedesse]

Haye

 

[HanadR6]

Haye

Wht's up wit u tday?

 

[Starscream]

The problem with Somali guys on the whole is, they have no respect or appreciation, sometimes I don’t think even for themselves, bc they’re not ambitious in what they themselves deserve either. Maybe your observation on it being a mere toleration is right.

I need the ground I walk on to be worshipped, not to be tolerated or reduced to a broodmare, or a trial they give up at the drop of a hat along with any child unfortunate enough to be born as a dropped experiment.

How can you waste your youth, beauty and mind on someone who doesn’t value it when you see how others do. Another thing I noticed is the attempt to change you, despite being attracted to how they found you in an effort to please others. I realized many of them even plan to fail in their marriages.

Just be very careful and astute in your choice of one. There are good ones out there, they’re just not plenty. If they aren’t a victim to the streets, or aren’t control-freak religious zealot types, you have too few to choose from that choose a path beyond that and had the benefit of two parents who nurtured him, and a mind of his own that isn’t weakened by the whisperings of the other two groups, or a community waiting for his downfall. If you find that, you’ve found something. If you don’t, consider looking outside the community, but do not lower your standards for others.

Why do you care your with white guy
Somali males in relationship with foreigners never do this yet his female counterpart is always obsessed policing male group she left how hypocritical.

 

[Guardafui]

Young Somali couples need to get pre-martial counselling and get a clear contract to set up a strong foundation for their marriage. I always believed one should never marry someone (especially the girl) they love too much because you’ll be blind during the marriage and wake up when it’s too late just let true love come after naturally. It’s helps you set boundaries from the get go.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Nothing against OP (being broad here) but whenever these type of threads are made, it turns into taking digs at the opposite gender to incite a reaction. I'd rather these threads be made out of concern for the topic and not turned into gender wars.

@Kanini I made it out of concern for somali girls suffering in the hands of men. Marriage or not. I don't understand why faraxs are triggered, if anything I am telling my sisters to have standards in who they choose to marry and put the wellbeing of their children first.
I even formatted my lil essay in a way that it ends with an empowerment point.

 

[Factz]

Muslim feminists only want you to be traditional when it comes to finances only, you pay all the bills, spoil her, pamper her and take her out on regular holidays as she pleases.

Meanwhile she will work with zero contributions, but you must split house chores with her.

They will shamelessly use religion to defend both positions, but when it comes to the part were the husband is the head of the household, the whole deen goes out of the window for them.

These bunch of hypocritical confused self-serving entitled female's are not wifey material at all, but little do they realise this painful reality.

They are only good for bashaal and short term flings in a pump and dump scenario for the male that doesn't fear the meeting with his Lord.

You need to keep your wife away from these types of female's who are quickly becoming the overwhelming majority in our community!

Wherever they go or whatever they touch, they leave behind a devastating trail of destruction, misery and misfortune.

They have single-handedly destroyed our entire community in the diaspora and they are still hungry for more.

Man, you're a legend but you're spot on. They expect you to be a traditional husband but can't return the same favour of being a traditional wife.

They're angry because they know we demand the same rights for having our own preferences just as they do but don't worry too much about it. They know a man would kick them out of their house if she is not contributing her traditional roles. To have a healthy relationship, you must scratch each other backs. Somali men that are financially stable are not stupid to marry useless women that have been brainwashed by feminism.

 

[tootrappy]

Dearest Sister,

You have heard it all; the constant misogynistic remarks from our men. You have been ridiculed for your desire for a legitimate monogamous marriage. You have been called materialistic for wanting a man who will not withhold his wealth from you.
The best amongst our men will offer you a "traditional" marriage where you will be cut off from your social life and your existence be diminished into serving his needs.

My sister, you are not asking for too much. Look around. Married women of other ethnicities generally enjoy these rights that our men haggle us with. The truth is, while other men celebrate their women, most somali men tolerate us.

My sister, you have also heard of our other sisters who sufferred in the hands of ajinabi men. As much as I want to blame somali men for all our plights, it's time for us to reflect deeper.
No other group of diaspora muslim community has the highest number of single mothers. You know that the overwhelming majority of our children are raised without a father.

My sister, be like a steel magnolia. Flowery and feminine on the outside and strong on the inside. You cannot blind yourself to the reality that surrounds us anymore. No man is doing you a favor by marrying you.
However, you also don't have to pretend you can raise a family all by yourself. You need a good man by your side. Your children deserve a good father just like other women's children have.

My sister, choose wisely. You owe your loyalty only to yourself and the children you bring into this world.



From the depths of my heart,
T.Q

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Please I am saying this out of respect and for your own sake go back to the kitchen

 

[VixR]

Thats because im always learning and staying flux, questioning both sides.
I dont believe in anything unless ive thought about it for months on end.

Ive been where you are now and its not a health place too be.

Youre killing a fundamental part of yourself and your sense of belonging.
And nothing can replace that void, no matter how hard you try.

Thats what ive learned from being too changeable and deep down you know that as well.

Whatever. If you’re happy with where you are, that’s your prerogative, but it just tells me you either leapt into it lightly, which betrays that you’re not contemplative, or that you’re easily swayed from having an unpopular opinion.

That is the problem. If you’re too changeable, you’re never stable. The biggest problem Somalis have is that the people who’re actually doing things right aren’t the popular ones (numbers).. The ones that have diig are the rowdy losers as luck would have it. You literal MO is going around calling other men simps (mostly 15 yo boys). At least you were decent when you were new.

 

[Kanini]

@Kanini I made it out of concern for somali girls suffering in the hands of men. Marriage or not. I don't understand why faraxs are triggered, if anything I am telling my sisters to have standards in who they choose to marry and put the wellbeing of their children first.
I even formatted my lil essay in a way that it ends with an empowerment point.

I can see you meant well by it but it could be seen as taking the piss lol.



Also, one word of advice, one person's preference doesn't mean it isn't in the interest of a whole ethnic group's females. As long as a man finds a woman who meets his preference and vice versa, there shouldn't be a problem. No need to police what other people like

Your preference is not in somali women's best interest.
We even have to worry y'all will wake up one day and decide to marry another woman because it is your preference.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Man, you're a legend but you're spot on. They expect you to be a traditional husband but can't return the same favour of being a traditional wife.

They're angry because they know we demand the same rights for our preferences just as they do but don't worry too much about it. They know a man would kick them out of their house if she is not contributing her traditional roles. To have a healthy relationship, you must scratch each other backs. Somali men that are financially stable are not stupid to marry useless women that have been brainwashed by feminism.

Now you guys are just twisting my words.

@Factz lets be honest here. If I went to school for 2/3 of my life and I love the job I am doing, is it too much to ask for a man who is okay with me working?

Did you know housewives make the most depressed population?
I don't know of any sane woman who does not want to stay home and raise her kids when the time comes.

I am just baffled some men here are strongly against their women working even if its part-time and it does not get in the way of her family. I don't care for money. We will have a joint account where everything goes to.

 

[Veteran]

Did you know housewives make the most depressed population?

Provide source or it's fake

 

[Muji]

That's the whole point about a healthy relationship. Both parties should serve each other needs.

She agrees to make me breakfast in the morning, make me lunch during the afternoon and dinner during the evening and some snacks for later. She's always in the mood for bedroom business. Both of us would never decline each other. She enjoys cleaning and doing chores. Do you know why she is so happy doing all this? Because she knows I can provide, maintain her needs and make her happy so she has the same mentality of pleasing me.

@Factz I don’t know if there is a woman here who is arguing men should pay the bills and then come home to do the housework. I think from what I’ve seen, most of the girls on this forum are educated and are pursuing a career path. I hope they would be insistent on chipping in with their own money to ensure their children get the best life course.

However, I must warn you, what you are describing sounds like the honeymoon period, I fear soon she will see her friends graduating, getting big jobs and she will begin to resent you for her mundane lifestyle of doing the dishes and cleaning all day, especially if she has a degree. With that being said, I truly hope this arrangement works out for you and you show empathy if she ever wants something different.