Are there a lot of childless Somali men that married single moms?

[Kisame]

I keep seeing this brought up.

Personally I feel like this is probably more common back home. Somalis back home get married way earlier than somalis in the West. So the country probably has a bunch of young single moms in their early twenties.

In this day and age in the west marrying or even starting a relationship with a single mom as a never married guy with no kids is considered a desperate move. Even single childless women with their shit together try to avoid men with kids.

 

[Abu Hesi]

gabadha hadey qurux leedahay nin cafinaya malaha, one of my roomates married a lady with bunch of kids who got divorced two times already, because waa a dime piece ninyahow.

 

[Abdirazaq]

I keep seeing this brought up.

Personally I feel like this is probably more common back home. Somalis back home get married way earlier than somalis in the West. So the country probably has a bunch of young single moms in their early twenties.

In this day and age in the west marrying or even starting a relationship with a single mom as a never married guy with no kids is considered a desperate move. Even single childless women with their shit together try to avoid men with kids.

This sounds like a lot of cope. It’s usually the other way around, where older Somali men with kids end up with younger women who’ve never been married before.

Any feminist worth her salt would know this is a big problem in the community, Somali women with a lot of kids who get left behind by their husbands and the husband gets away with not even providing for the children, while the women stays single. (This isn’t very common but it’s common enough).

 

[Journey.]

This is true. Culturally speaking we don't stigmatise divorcees and single mums.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

In the West we've been exposed to different cultures that heavily stigmatise divorcees and single mums so things are definitely changing among our generation.

 

[Arkan]

Why are Ajnabis being fed traits of our culture?

 

[Angelina]

This sounds like a lot of cope. It’s usually the other way around, where older Somali men with kids end up with younger women who’ve never been married before.

Any feminist worth her salt would know this is a big problem in the community, Somali women with a lot of kids who get left behind by their husbands and the husband gets away with not even providing for the children, while the women stays single. (This isn’t very common but it’s common enough).

You’ve clearly not been back home.

Divorced women get married again and again. I know a girl of 30 who has married 3 times. Normal thing back home.

You’re conflating how Somalis now behave in the West to our culture back home. Back home they hardly stay single.

 

[Angelina]

]Back home they don’t care. Men who’ve never married marry single mothers and girls back home marry married men with an army of kids.

Anyone disagreeing is basing it on Somali Westerners. In the West, even a man with kids who is older will struggle to find a young woman who has never married, that’s why odeys go back home and obviously a single mother will struggle to get with a young Western raised Somali guy who has never married.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

[/SPOILER]

 

[Angelina]

This is true. Culturally speaking we don't stigmatise divorcees and single mums.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

In the West we've been exposed to different cultures that heavily stigmatise divorcees and single mums so things are definitely changing among our generation.

Yep, you’ve hit the nail on the head. This culture isn’t really a thing I believe in our generation. Western Abdis are heavily influenced by Arab and Asian men especially the conservative ones in Islamic spaces and they now probably look down on single mothers. Look at social media and the stuff the young men say is incredibly different to our culture. Btw, even men back home are slowly being influenced although the influence isn’t strong as daqan dominates, but you have redpillers like Xaaliye who is working over time to make it taboo. Society in many ways despite the progress of women is becoming more sexist due to the views of young men. There is more sexism now than in 2010 for example.

 

[El Nino]

]Back home they don’t care. Men who’ve never married marry single mothers and girls back home marry married men with an army of kids.

Anyone disagreeing is basing it on Somali Westerners. In the West, even a man with kids who is older will struggle to find a young woman who has never married, that’s why odeys go back home and obviously a single mother will struggle to get with a young Western raised Somali guy who has never married.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

[/SPOILER]

The reason why it was easier for divorced women to marry and how its becoming hardwr is…

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Dharbash]

I keep seeing this brought up.

Personally I feel like this is probably more common back home. Somalis back home get married way earlier than somalis in the West. So the country probably has a bunch of young single moms in their early twenties.

In this day and age in the west marrying or even starting a relationship with a single mom as a never married guy with no kids is considered a desperate move. Even single childless women with their shit together try to avoid men with kids.

From experience it’s mostly freshie Somali men that marry single mothers

 

[Abdirazaq]

]Back home they don’t care. Men who’ve never married marry single mothers and girls back home marry married men with an army of kids.

Anyone disagreeing is basing it on Somali Westerners. In the West, even a man with kids who is older will struggle to find a young woman who has never married, that’s why odeys go back home and obviously a single mother will struggle to get with a young Western raised Somali guy who has never married.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

[/SPOILER]

It’s always generally been easier for married men to get married again compared to women generally throughout history (of course there’s other aspects such as how pretty and high status and good a women is which increases her ability to get remarried) and it’s simply due to women having to take care of and bear their children whereas it’s much easier for a man to abandon their children and start “fresh”.

As for what you say about what happens back home, I can’t really say much on that but I’ve never really heard examples of this. Maybe you’re right but I’ll have to see it for myself. Sometimes there might be cultures where it is easier for women with kids to get married and I don’t deny that but I’ll suspect that it’ll be even easier for men to get remarried in those cultures too as a consequence.

As for your point about western abdis being influenced by Arab and Asian men, I find that hard to believe. It’s more believable to me that Somali men in the west value partners who are similar to them because that’s what men tend to want period in the west, Cadaan men included. Also you mentioned how it’s harder for odeys to get married to younger unmarried women in the west so they must have this sentiment too (wanting someone similar to them). In my opinion it’s due to western culture of expecting to be with someone for life/ no divorce (which effects the minds of both genders) and raising kids that way rather than the influence of Arab and Asian men. The happily ever after idea is very western in nature and that’s probably more of the reason single mothers are stigmatized more than anything you can find about Arab and Asian culture.

Look at how right wingers talking about African American single mothers and the way they’re treated in general media and compare that to what you can find about Arab and Asian men and what they say. You don’t have to lay blame to everything on the feet of Muslim men all the time when there are literally worse examples directed towards women from Cadaan people in general.

 

[Angelina]

It’s always generally been easier for married men to get married again compared to women generally throughout history (of course there’s other aspects such as how pretty and high status and good a women is which increases her ability to get remarried) and it’s simply due to women having to take care of and bear their children whereas it’s much easier for a man to abandon their children and start “fresh”.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

As for what you say about what happens back home, I can’t really say much on that but I’ve never really heard examples of this. Maybe you’re right but I’ll have to see it for myself. Sometimes there might be cultures where it is easier for women with kids to get married and I don’t deny that but I’ll suspect that it’ll be even easier for men to get remarried in those cultures too as a consequence.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

As for your point about western abdis being influenced by Arab and Asian men, I find that hard to believe, it’s more believable to me that, Somali men in the west value partners who are similar to them because that’s what men tend to want period in the west, Cadaan men included. Also you mentioned how it’s harder for odeys to get married to younger unmarried women in the west so they must have this sentiment too (wanting someone similar to them).

No, you’re right but I’m talking about the hatred of single mothers and going on about these women being ‘used up’. Hardly think that sentiment was common back home.

The reason why it was easier for divorced women to marry and how its becoming hardwr is…

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

They still remarry multiple times back home and many don’t have their children taken away and even in the past not all men did.

@Abdirazaq

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Geeljire lotus]

Yep, you’ve hit the nail on the head. This culture isn’t really a thing I believe in our generation. Western Abdis are heavily influenced by Arab and Asian men especially the conservative ones in Islamic spaces and they now probably look down on single mothers. Look at social media and the stuff the young men say is incredibly different to our culture. Btw, even men back home are slowly being influenced although the influence isn’t strong as daqan dominates, but you have redpillers like Xaaliye who is working over time to make it taboo. Society in many ways despite the progress of women is becoming more sexist due to the views of young men. There is more sexism now than in 2010 for example.

But I know for a fact my parents would never let me get married to a single mother and they obviously grew up in Somalia. So what’s that about then ? Is it Arabs and Asians fault too

 

[Rayaale]

I keep seeing this brought up.

Personally I feel like this is probably more common back home. Somalis back home get married way earlier than somalis in the West. So the country probably has a bunch of young single moms in their early twenties.

In this day and age in the west marrying or even starting a relationship with a single mom as a never married guy with no kids is considered a desperate move. Even single childless women with their shit together try to avoid men with kids.

Back home been a divorcee is not a stigma,I know one guy who married a woman who was divorced 3 times and he was never previously married

 

[Angelina]

But I know for a fact my parents would never let me get married to a single mother and they obviously grew up in Somalia. So what’s that about then ? Is it Arabs and Asians fault too

I’m talking about the hatred for single mothers. My parents too wouldn’t be okay with my bother to as well or my sisters our single dad. That’s normal.

 

[Rayaale]

]Back home they don’t care. Men who’ve never married marry single mothers and girls back home marry married men with an army of kids.

Anyone disagreeing is basing it on Somali Westerners. In the West, even a man with kids who is older will struggle to find a young woman who has never married, that’s why odeys go back home and obviously a single mother will struggle to get with a young Western raised Somali guy who has never married.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

[/SPOILER]

Why are divorcees/single mums stigmatized in the west,back home they tend remarry easily

 

[Angelina]

Why are divorcees/single mums stigmatized in the west,back home they tend remarry easily

People marry a lot earlier. Back home you’ll find a 18 yr old who is divorced with kids. You’ll find a young 24 yr old on her third husband. Also, divorce is rampant and they don’t seem to have very high requirements and that’s both the men and women. Very simple when it comes to courtship. For them is ‘Am I attracted to them, can I banter with them? If a man, can he provide?’ ‘Is he/she from the qabil I want to marry into’? That’s it.

Western Somalis have a lot requirements, checklists. We ask each other important marriage questions about the future, we look at compatibility beyond banter and chemistry, we ask each other questions to see mentality and outlook.

 

[Rayaale]

People marry a lot earlier. Back home you’ll find a 18 yr old who is divorced with kids. You’ll find a young 24 yr old on her third husband. Also, divorce is rampant and they don’t seem to have very high requirements and that’s both the men and women. Very simple when it comes to courtship. For them is ‘Am I attracted to them, can I banter with them? If a man, can he provide?’ ‘Is he/she from the qabil I want to marry into’? That’s it.

Western Somalis have a lot requirements, checklists. We ask each other important marriage questions about the future, we look at compatibility beyond banter and chemistry, we ask each other questions to see mentality and outlook.

So if the marriage fails will the woman/man be single forever

 

[Angelina]

So if the marriage fails will the woman/man be single forever

I think they do get married again but mostly to other single fathers? It isn’t as easy that’s for sure.

 

[Mozart]

The only time these bozos speak positively about Somali culture is when they want to portray Somali men as single mother loving losers.