Hooyo tells us the problem with modern Wives

[Abdisamad]

That says more about the men than women.

No man can provide for or hold onto a stubborn woman.. Lots of single mothers are stubborn difficult women to handle but in between there are some unfortunates.

Men are meant to provide. Women being provided for wouldnt take on government handouts. Only working class people do that.

Add that in with the fact that polygamy is high amongst Somali men despite being mere taxi drivers and security men.

Somali mothers once their benefits were lowered now all work in care. What does that tell you?

 

[yasmeen]

Women like her is the reason why our community is the way it is. They don’t have high expectations for their men and they settle for a below average life as long as the man is on his deen. It impacts the children in ways you cannot begin to understand. Then they try to lecture the young Xalimos who want the best out of this life to follow in their footsteps. It’s so evil.

Say what you want about ajanabis, the fact their women have high expectations for their men is the same reason the men exceed.

The fact is, there is no consequences for Somali men. There’s no pressure for them to put their all into their families. That’s why some of them entertain the idea of a second wife on the meager incomes they have. They can be and do anything and they’ll still be accepted in the community. There’s no judgement unless they’re qof nolaasho ka dacay. That’s a problem.

The Faraxs here calcaaling about young Xalimos are just upset that we don’t have the same standards their mothers had.

 

[Angelina]

No man can provide for or hold onto a stubborn woman.. Lots of single mothers are stubborn difficult women to handle but in between there are some unfortunates.

They’re of the same generation of the women you’re praising. The 50-60 gen who aren’t ‘modern’ or have our views about men helping them with chores.

When you have children, it’s not just about the woman, it’s about the kids. Also, if the said woman is so stubborn, why would you continue to stay married and live in the house? So she’s too stubborn to be provided for along with the innocent kids and but not stubborn to have more kids with her?

Wallahi, you lot need to stop defending the older gen of men. It’s sad that a good % of boys have been raised without a good example of a father figure and half of the time the parents aren’t even divorced.

I don’t think the older gen of hooyos are miskeen. It’s their pick me behaviors and inability to have boundaries that have contributed to a lot of issues as well.

 

[Abdisamad]

In all fairness guys, if she's a housewife then it's fair to expect her to take care of the house and kids but even if that's the case you should strife on the best way to assist your wife.. Give her a relaxing massage, surprise her with breakfast during the weekends or on the other occasions when you're off work, just in general be considerate of your wife and you'll have a blessed marriage if she's a smart reasonable woman.

 

[yasmeen]

No man can provide for or hold onto a stubborn woman.. Lots of single mothers are stubborn difficult women to handle but in between there are some unfortunates.

No disrespect, but where’s the correlation between high standards and being hostile/stubborn?

Any woman who knows her worth would compromise for her man to maintain harmony in the relationship. It is a partnership between two people. It is in their best interests to make it work.

Do you think it is an issue to know your worth and seek someone who can bring value to your life? What’s the alternative here? Settling for a man who isn’t reliable?

 

[Abdisamad]

They’re of the same generation of the women you’re praising. The 50-60 gen who aren’t ‘modern’ or have our views about men helping them with chores.

When you have children, it’s not just about the woman, it’s about the kids. Also, if the said woman is so stubborn, why would you continue to stay married and live in the house? So she’s too stubborn to be provided for along with the innocent kids and but not stubborn to have more kids with her?

Wallahi, you lot need to stop defending the older gen of men. It’s sad that a good % of boys have been raised without a good example of a father figure and half of the time the parents aren’t even divorced.

I don’t think the older gen of hooyos are miskeen. It’s their pick me behaviors and inability to have boundaries that have contributed to a lot of issues as well.

Most fathers would do anything for their kids, but some women use the kids as a weapon after or during the breakup, I think that's why some guys run away, it's not ok to just dissappear from your kids when things get tough..

 

[Angelina]

Most fathers would do anything for their kids, but some women use the kids as a weapon after or during the breakup, I think that's why some guys run away, it's not ok to just dissappear from your kids when things get tough..

They’re not of that gen that use kids as weapons and use restraining orders ect. Half of them need their kids to read letters for them. They can’t even read English properly. It’s very normalized in our community for men to not even divorce their wives so no, they still have access to wife let alone the kids, but they just go back home to get extra wives. I even know men whose kids send them money despite their wives working extra shifts in care.

Wallahi you lot need to stop defending piss poor behaviors of some of the older gen men. This isn’t even a gender war Wallahi. It’s the truth.

 

[Abdisamad]

No disrespect, but where’s the correlation between high standards and being hostile/stubborn?

Any woman who knows her worth would compromise for her man to maintain harmony in the relationship. It is a partnership between two people. It is in their best interests to make it work.

Do you think it is an issue to know your worth and seek someone who can bring value to your life? What’s the alternative here? Settling for a man who isn’t reliable?

I was not suggesting women should settle for something less, I understand we all have different standards to go by, I meant there are some women out there who are very difficult, who don't take advice from their husbands or respect them, some take advice from their friends etc.. And most single mothers wish to be single because then they'll get more money from the cayr system, it's a well known fact.

 

[yasmeen]

I was not suggesting women should settle for something less, I understand we all have different standards to go by, I meant there are some women out there who are very difficult, who don't take advice from their husbands or respect them, some take advice from their friends etc.. And most single mothers wish to be single because then they'll get more money from the cayr system, it's a well known fact.

I understand where you are coming from but I do not believe this is fair to bring up especially in regards to the old generation.


Somali mothers of the old generation are hard workers. They came here with nothing to their name and had to raise a whole family, child rearing and chores, without the support systems they had back in Africa. Did you know when children are born back home, the community would help the mother to rest and recover for several days (I don’t know the exact number of days but it is enough for them to recover from childbirth.) The community would take full control of the child rearing and chores until the mother recovered.

Our mothers did not have this benefit here. They are doing this alone with only their husbands to support them.

To make matters worse, their husbands either abandoned them for a second wife (knowingly or unknowingly) or they got comfortable living on welfare/social housing and didn’t bother to elevate their family’s lives over time. There’s no shame in our community when it comes to taking cayr. Other communities would feel extreme shame taking handouts.

And before some of you start, I know not all of the old gen’s husbands are like this. I’ve seen some good men who broke their backs for their families to secure a good life for their wives and children. The heavy divide in our community is what bothers me. There’s no middle ground. It’s either take cayr or over-exceed.

A visible and concerning amount of the old generation had low expectations in their marriage. It’s almost as if they didn’t understand the meaning of marriage.

If they had, all our children would be excelling in everything they put their minds to.

Anyway I don’t even understand why Faraxs or Xalimos want to emulate the old generation. CLEARLY we can see their faults all out in the open. I have no doubt young gen of Faraxs plan on being good husbands to their wives. But there’s a concerning amount who seem to think that a woman having some standards and dignity for herself makes her an unreasonable feminazi and they dream of having women like their mothers.

Anyone who values the sanctity of marriage and community knows the hard work it takes on both ends. That’s what makes or breaks the standing of a community.

 

[Angelina]

Honestly, what we’re saying isn’t an attack on Somali men in general and the younger gen of men are free of this. In fact, I’d say they’re the biggest victims of the dynamic of the older gen and many didn’t get to reach their full potential due to the selfishness of some of the older men. It’s hard for a lot to admit this as they’re up against us modern girls who some are also hurt, pointing the finger at all men, screaming ‘Somali boys are trash’ when under 35s are innocent of what they’re being blamed for. Maybe, having open dialogue without turning it into a blaming session towards men born after 1987, will make us admit reality and try to turn things around in our community.

 

[yasmeen]

Honestly, what we’re saying isn’t an attack on Somali men in general and the younger gen of men are free of this. In fact, I’d say they’re the biggest victims of the dynamic of the older gen and many didn’t get to reach their full potential due to the selfishness of some of the older men. It’s hard for a lot to admit this as they’re up against us modern girls who some are also hurt, pointing the finger at all men, screaming ‘Somali boys are trash’ when under 35s are innocent of what they’re being blamed for. Maybe, having open dialogue without turning it into a blaming session towards men born after 1987, will make us admit reality and try to turn things around in our community.

Yeah this is why I don’t like when Xalimos go in on the Somali men that are their peers. They’re intentionally ignoring the conditions our older generation went through. Our lives are not the same.

Simply have higher standards for the Faraxs/Xalimos and be respectful to one another. Everything else will fall into place.

There’s hundreds of thousands of Faraxs attending/graduated from top Unis chasing lucrative degrees. To paint them all with the same brush as their fathers is unfair.

There’s Faraxs and Xalimos who worked their way up to middle class and upper middle class getting married everyday. Go on popular socials and you will witness this or attend the weddings in your respective cities.

We just need to ignore the noise that’s trying to stir conflict between the genders. It’s not difficult to be rational and nuanced on this subject.

 

[Salifist super soilder69]

Women like her is the reason why our community is the way it is. They don’t have high expectations for their men and they settle for a below average life as long as the man is on his deen. It impacts the children in ways you cannot begin to understand. Then they try to lecture the young Xalimos who want the best out of this life to follow in their footsteps. It’s so evil.

Say what you want about ajanabis, the fact their women have high expectations for their men is the same reason the men exceed.

The fact is, there is no consequences for Somali men. There’s no pressure for them to put their all into their families. That’s why some of them entertain the idea of a second wife on the meager incomes they have. They can be and do anything and they’ll still be accepted in the community. There’s no judgement unless they’re qof nolaasho ka dacay. That’s a problem.

The Faraxs here calcaaling about young Xalimos are just upset that we don’t have the same standards their mothers had.

your delusional caadaan men are 18x more likely to molest children compared to any other race mathoo men are victims of mass incarceration 68% of their children are born to single mothers indooyaar i have no qualms with them actaully feel bad for their men wlhi 53% of their women marry other men subhanallah and dont even get me started on deego caas

your claim "that their men suceede" is nothing but a state filled to the brim of self loathing and misandry 2nd and 3rd generation of somali are completing college degrees at record breakings numbers waarya

 

[Salifist super soilder69]

love the previous generation of Somali women but they have no legs to stand on, their sons are running around the streets of Europe and North America pretending to be gangster and their husbands are on trips to Somalia where they are gonna marry a couple 19 year olds the same age as their child, but its Somali women of the younger generation they always have in their mouths

stop projecting your own families failures on us subhanaalah i understand your father was'nt present and your brothers a waste of his semen but thoose failures are relevent to you,and you alone keep your families sins to your self

 

[yasmeen]

your delusional caadaan men are 18x more likely to molest children compared to any other race mathoo men are victims of mass incarceration 68% of their children are born to single mothers indooyaar i have no qualms with them actaully feel bad for their men wlhi 53% of their women marry other men subhanallah and dont even get me started on deego caas

Bringing up the Ls of other communities isn’t a counterpoint to what I said. In fact we should learn to AVOID what they do too.

And madow men were not at all who I was envisioning when I posted that. Sure cadaan, indhoyaar, and dhego cas may have their faults, they’re not infallible human beings, but as a whole their communities do care and invest into the standing of their respective communities. They are expected to support their wives and children. Their women will not settle for anything less and this is a good thing. This is a net positive for their community. It starts at an individual level and then domino effects the whole collective. That’s why you don’t really see their ciyaal on the streets like ours.

your claim "that their men suceede" is nothing but a state filled to the brim of self loathing and misandry 2nd and 3rd generation of somali are completing college degrees at record breakings numbers waarya

Self loathing? How am I self loathing? I can’t comment on my own community and ruminate on all the troubles in our community? Reflection ≠ self loathing.

I am not a misandrist. I don’t believe in engaging in spiritual warfare. This does nothing but breed shitty men and women. I believe in taking action. Action is what truly counts.

The reason why some communities *cough cough you know who* are stuck in a perpetual cycle of poverty is because they haven’t self reflected and they don’t foster civil spaces to hold these conversations. They resent each other and gave up so their whole community suffers as a result.

And when did I say young Somali men aren’t actively involved in Unis? I am well aware of this fact. In fact, I even mentioned this in an earlier comment.

Obviously there is a difference between the old generation and the young generation. The issue is, there is a select few among the young generation who expect us to emulate the old generation without reflecting on their faults. It’s like they want to repeat the cycle of doom and poverty. I was mainly criticizing the actions/standards of the older generation of Somalis in my initial comment, not the young ones.

 

[yasmeen]

stop projecting your own families failures on us subhanaalah i understand your father was'nt present and your brothers a waste of his semen but thoose failures are relevent to you,and you alone keep your families sins to your self

You can’t say she’s projecting when statistically the older generation are known for creating these kind of children. Yaab. I know you’re trying to hide our ceeb but everyone already knows. It’s too late.

Just work hard to change the outcomes of our young generation. Denial is not going to save us.

 

[Salifist super soilder69]

Bringing up the Ls of other communities isn’t a counterpoint to what I said. In fact we should learn to AVOID what they do too.

And madow men were not at all who I was envisioning when I posted that. Sure cadaan, indhoyaar, and dhego cas may have their faults, they’re not infallible human beings, but as a whole their communities do care and invest into the standing of their respective communities. They are expected to support their wives and children. Their women will not settle for anything less and this is a good thing. This is a net positive for their community. It starts at an individual level and then domino effects the whole collective. That’s why you don’t really see their ciyaal on the streets like ours.




Self loathing? How am I self loathing? I can’t comment on my own community and ruminate on all the troubles in our community? Reflection ≠ self loathing.

I am not a misandrist. I don’t believe in engaging in spiritual warfare. This does nothing but breed shitty men and women. I believe in taking action. Action is what truly counts.

The reason why some communities *cough cough you know who* are stuck in a perpetual cycle of poverty is because they haven’t self reflected and they don’t foster civil spaces to hold these conversations. They resent each other and gave up so their whole community suffers as a result.

And when did I say young Somali men aren’t actively involved in Unis? I am well aware of this fact. In fact, I even mentioned this in an earlier comment.

Obviously there is a difference between the old generation and the young generation. The issue is, there is a select few among the young generation who expect us to emulate the old generation without reflecting on their faults. It’s like they want to repeat the cycle of doom and poverty. I was mainly criticizing the actions/standards of the older generation of Somalis in my initial comment, not the young ones.

in your own words if all these communites have faults how is that any diffrent then some parents not living up to the task of rasing children that's not something exclusive to somalis and marry an ajanabi and trying to replicate their behavior isnt going to help theres penty os SOMALI familes that are sucessfull and with respectable and well off kids hell even one time my uber driver(somali) was telling me how his daughter was a hospital board president

somali migrants to the west are not monolith just like everything else our succesess is a bell curve and statiscally ,and even annecodtally 60-70% of somalis secound gen usally go to college and major in things like tech medicine stop claiming that were'er some sort of failed community like other ajanbis

 

[Salifist super soilder69]

You can’t say she’s projecting when statistically the older generation are known for creating these kind of children. Yaab. I know you’re trying to hide our ceeb but everyone already knows. It’s too late.

Just work hard to change the outcomes of our young generation. Denial is not going to save us.

hmm instresting did you read this in a scientifc journal,maybe a article,hell even a newsclip

im guessing not you cant make mass generalization from random form post or individual annecodtes to make such statesmeant sabout a population of 10 million (diasproas) in the west it's just not realistic our communiest in nirobi, minnesota( outside of cedar) tanzania,zimababwe, ethiopia are some of the wealthies people out there we're the jews of africa

 

[Yaraye]

What? she wants us to struggle like her?

I thank god that I was raised by my mother. I imagine what I would have been like if I was raised to bend backward for men

 

[Sup]

love the previous generation of Somali women but they have no legs to stand on, their sons are running around the streets of Europe and North America pretending to be gangster and their husbands are on trips to Somalia where they are gonna marry a couple 19 year olds the same age as their child, but its Somali women of the younger generation they always have in their mouths

What a biased statement.You will never understand the struggles us men go through on a daily basis. In your feeble feminist mind, you might believe that but it is far from reality.

 

[Halimo-2018]

Our moms are the reason why farax are a mess. Our moms were the men in their relationship this turning Somali men into the women. Somali men act like they’re the women they can’t even take criticism. I am not listening to my mom and her generation they were slaves had no choice. I would die alone then to slave away for a farax that can replace me with 15 year old back home they don’t value marriage kids why should I? F that.