Guys, can we put his age on spoiler please? 
I met the farah of my dreams but I have reservations..
- Thread starter Hodan from HR
- Start date
Seems like Allah sent you a good man. It is really up to you. Just don't regret it later if you turn him down.Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your helpful input. I somehow can't reply to everyone but I'll try to respond to some of the recurring points.
Yes, I brought up the question. In my defense, I use a guide that has questions to ask a potential spouse
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As for physical attraction, he seemed average to me in the beginning but the more I got to know his personality and have hanged out with him, I find him very attractive and all the fun stuff..
I am on the asexual spectrum myself and I need to know someone before I can have these feelings. However, his response raises major alarm bells as @Angelina put it, if he has a mama/ho complex, I'm gonna have to suppress my desires and feel ashamed to approach my husband because he has this outdated view on sex. Since he is an academic, I am horrified he thinks like this honestly..
Sooner or later, I will bring it up and I may have to walk away. Part of me does not want to walk away, that's why I am hesitant. He is almost perfect
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I didn’t know asexuality meant you had to know their personality before feeling attracted to them physically. I thought it was just not feeling physical attraction to anyone at all. Interesting..Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your helpful input. I somehow can't reply to everyone but I'll try to respond to some of the recurring points.
Yes, I brought up the question. In my defense, I use a guide that has questions to ask a potential spouse
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.
As for physical attraction, he seemed average to me in the beginning but the more I got to know his personality and have hanged out with him, I find him very attractive and all the fun stuff..
I am on the asexual spectrum myself and I need to know someone before I can have these feelings. However, his response raises major alarm bells as @Angelina put it, if he has a mama/ho complex, I'm gonna have to suppress my desires and feel ashamed to approach my husband because he has this outdated view on sex. Since he is an academic, I am horrified he thinks like this honestly..
Sooner or later, I will bring it up and I may have to walk away. Part of me does not want to walk away, that's why I am hesitant. He is almost perfect
Radical
Been there, done that
The next time you see him why don't you bring up the fact that you posted his views on some website and it led to a number of people being invested in his sexualityGuys, can we put his age on spoiler please?
lol @ doubled down with the bikiniI make a face when someone says something I don't agree with. So when he said the first part, I was like, wut?!
Then, he doubled down with the bikini
Alla hogayeeey!!!
Guess not all men are visual . Maybe he was nervous. Give him some time .
Last edited:
Radical
Been there, done that
Hello
The alchemist
VIP
@Hodan from HR is an asexual but she is a narcissist who wants the guy's desire for vain reinforcement and power through desirability and control. She can be asexual but he cannot. She is not a sexual person, but he needs to be a Mandingo, at least in his potential. He needs to be progressively sexual in his views but not for the acts of sex. No. All to set her sexually uneventful mind at ease.
This would all make sense if she was a nympho who needs to know the water is safe for her potential freak activities. However, that is not the case. @Hodan from HR is not a " at heart" like @Yaraye described herself.
All that I got from this is that Hodan realized she could not control him and that got her frustrated. She has no leverage.
Believe me, if the guy had answered that every woman with biking exited him, she would have judged him in another way and we'd have a thread about how she fears his sexual inclinations. It's important to know that women's frustration comes in the way they are constantly insecure but want control for assurance. A man has to bargain with it to some degree, but if the woman is unreasonable, and the man is weak, she will control him almost completely.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the caliber of the man. So I am going to say this, Hodan. I don't believe you think he is that great. You like his "profile" similar to how he likes yours. He is non-threatening; safe. You described him almost like yourself in male form. He is not a man that challenges you at all. You made sure of finding a man that can never do that. That is why he cannot be that great. And he will never be to you. He is not of your dreams, he is of your illusion, your fashion, your limits.
Both of you guys like each other on paper only and it is the safe bet. But none of you think you are really that great for each other. You're just almost perfect. Perfect is the most useless term in this context, by the way. It's outside perfection you find the truth. Perfection is engineered and meticulously managed.
Most women take the trade-off instantly and then work themselves outward from within, while men do the opposite. If he was the man of your dreams, you would not let this stop you in your feminine delusion to nudge him to your mean. Every guy who has or had a woman will tell you how women say something is cool first. Later want to change when they have nested themselves in their lives. It's not right, yet I think that was the path you would have taken if he was of your dreams.
I like these funny psychoanalyses. No hard feelings. This was my entertainment for the minute.
Abu Hesi
VIP
maa shaa Allah tough guy
Cousin, you of all people should know I don't bring up these topics for mere amusement only. Although I can't help finding humor in such topics, I do it to educate and challenge the views we have on marriage, sex, and dating as a culture. My prospects may be a means to an end, sometimes. Oh well!
The way I see it, if he comes across this thread, he will learn what not to say to his next romantic interest.
Someone has to bring up such topics for reform to occur. If we hush-hush because it's sensitive and “ceeb,” or worry about reputation, the gender disparity will continue to widen in our community. However, it sparked a debate, and now Somali men with a similar mindset may reconsider their stance.
OR
I'm just addicted to the dopamine rush I get when I wake up to a trending thread and 70+ notification..
@Hodan from HR is an asexual but she is a narcissist who wants the guy's desire for vain reinforcement and power through desirability and control. She can be asexual but he cannot. She is not a sexual person, but he needs to be a Mandingo, at least in his potential. He needs to be progressively sexual in his views but not for the acts of sex. No. All to set her sexually uneventful mind at ease.
This would all make sense if she was a nympho who needs to know the water is safe for her potential freak activities. However, that is not the case. @Hodan from HR is not a " at heart" like @Yaraye described herself.
All that I got from this is that Hodan realized she could not control him and that got her frustrated. She has no leverage.
Believe me, if the guy had answered that every woman with biking exited him, she would have judged him in another way and we'd have a thread about how she fears his sexual inclinations. It's important to know that women's frustration comes in the way they are constantly insecure but want control for assurance. A man has to bargain with it to some degree, but if the woman is unreasonable, and the man is weak, she will control him almost completely.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the caliber of the man. So I am going to say this, Hodan. I don't believe you think he is that great. You like his "profile" similar to how he likes yours. He is non-threatening; safe. You described him almost like yourself in male form. He is not a man that challenges you at all. You made sure of finding a man that can never do that. That is why he cannot be that great. And he will never be to you. He is not of your dreams, he is of your illusion, your fashion, your limits.
Both of you guys like each other on paper only and it is the safe bet. But none of you think you are really that great for each other. You're just almost perfect. Perfect is the most useless term in this context, by the way. It's outside perfection you find the truth. Perfection is engineered and meticulously managed.
Most women take the trade-off instantly and then work themselves outward from within, while men do the opposite. If he was the man of your dreams, you would not let this stop you in your feminine delusion to nudge him to your mean. Every guy who has or had a woman will tell you how women say something is cool first. Later want to change when they have nested themselves in their lives. It's not right, yet I think that was the path you would have taken if he was of your dreams.
I like these funny psychoanalyses. No hard feelings. This was my entertainment for the minute.
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Log in or register now.
Don’t show off the audience buddy
Radical
Been there, done that
Keep that charming attitude up and I'll send a hitman on your guyCousin, you of all people should know I don't bring up these topics for mere amusement only. Although I can't help finding humor in such topics, I do it to educate and challenge the views we have on marriage, sex, and dating as a culture. My prospects may be a means to an end, sometimes. Oh well!
The way I see it, if he come across this thread, he will learn what not to say to his next romantic interest.
Someone has to bring up such topics for reform to occur. If we hush-hush because it's sensitive and “ceeb,” or worry about reputation, the gender disparity will continue to widen in our community. However, it sparked a debate, and now Somali men with a similar mindset may reconsider their stance.
OR
I'm just addicted to the dopamine rush I get when I wake up to a trending thread and 70+ notification..
@Hodan from HR is an asexual but she is a narcissist who wants the guy's desire for vain reinforcement and power through desirability and control. She can be asexual but he cannot. She is not a sexual person, but he needs to be a Mandingo, at least in his potential. He needs to be progressively sexual in his views but not for the acts of sex. No. All to set her sexually uneventful mind at ease.
This would all make sense if she was a nympho who needs to know the water is safe for her potential freak activities. However, that is not the case. @Hodan from HR is not a " at heart" like @Yaraye described herself.
All that I got from this is that Hodan realized she could not control him and that got her frustrated. She has no leverage.
Believe me, if the guy had answered that every woman with biking exited him, she would have judged him in another way and we'd have a thread about how she fears his sexual inclinations. It's important to know that women's frustration comes in the way they are constantly insecure but want control for assurance. A man has to bargain with it to some degree, but if the woman is unreasonable, and the man is weak, she will control him almost completely.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the caliber of the man. So I am going to say this, Hodan. I don't believe you think he is that great. You like his "profile" similar to how he likes yours. He is non-threatening; safe. You described him almost like yourself in male form. He is not a man that challenges you at all. You made sure of finding a man that can never do that. That is why he cannot be that great. And he will never be to you. He is not of your dreams, he is of your illusion, your fashion, your limits.
Both of you guys like each other on paper only and it is the safe bet. But none of you think you are really that great for each other. You're just almost perfect. Perfect is the most useless term in this context, by the way. It's outside perfection you find the truth. Perfection is engineered and meticulously managed.
Most women take the trade-off instantly and then work themselves outward from within, while men do the opposite. If he was the man of your dreams, you would not let this stop you in your feminine delusion to nudge him to your mean. Every guy who has or had a woman will tell you how women say something is cool first. Later want to change when they have nested themselves in their lives. It's not right, yet I think that was the path you would have taken if he was of your dreams.
I like these funny psychoanalyses. No hard feelings. This was my entertainment for the minute.
For a very smart man, he seems unaware of the universal law regarding women's mental gymnastics in romance. How dare he!!
The alchemist
VIP
Sure. She is sexually below the mean.
I was spittin'. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
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The alchemist
VIP
Hodan, the progressive woman who breaks the traditional barriers and outdated conservative customs by marrying a man who sees sex only as a function for procreation, not stimulative exploits.For a very smart man, he seems unaware of the universal law regarding women's mental gymnastics in romance. How dare he!!
A synopsis to a reality TV show.
It's the idea of control that arouses her.@Hodan from HR is an asexual but she is a narcissist who wants the guy's desire for vain reinforcement and power through desirability and control. She can be asexual but he cannot. She is not a sexual person, but he needs to be a Mandingo, at least in his potential. He needs to be progressively sexual in his views but not for the acts of sex. No. All to set her sexually uneventful mind at ease.
This would all make sense if she was a nympho who needs to know the water is safe for her potential freak activities. However, that is not the case. @Hodan from HR is not a " at heart" like @Yaraye described herself.
All that I got from this is that Hodan realized she could not control him and that got her frustrated. She has no leverage.
Believe me, if the guy had answered that every woman with biking exited him, she would have judged him in another way and we'd have a thread about how she fears his sexual inclinations. It's important to know that women's frustration comes in the way they are constantly insecure but want control for assurance. A man has to bargain with it to some degree, but if the woman is unreasonable, and the man is weak, she will control him almost completely.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the caliber of the man. So I am going to say this, Hodan. I don't believe you think he is that great. You like his "profile" similar to how he likes yours. He is non-threatening; safe. You described him almost like yourself in male form. He is not a man that challenges you at all. You made sure of finding a man that can never do that. That is why he cannot be that great. And he will never be to you. He is not of your dreams, he is of your illusion, your fashion, your limits.
Both of you guys like each other on paper only and it is the safe bet. But none of you think you are really that great for each other. You're just almost perfect. Perfect is the most useless term in this context, by the way. It's outside perfection you find the truth. Perfection is engineered and meticulously managed.
Most women take the trade-off instantly and then work themselves outward from within, while men do the opposite. If he was the man of your dreams, you would not let this stop you in your feminine delusion to nudge him to your mean. Every guy who has or had a woman will tell you how women say something is cool first. Later want to change when they have nested themselves in their lives. It's not right, yet I think that was the path you would have taken if he was of your dreams.
I like these funny psychoanalyses. No hard feelings. This was my entertainment for the minute.
Fischer et al. reported that "scholars who study the physiology around asexuality suggest that people who are asexual are capable of genital arousal but may experience difficulty with so-called subjective arousal."
Hodan, the progressive woman who breaks the traditional barriers and outdated conservative customs by marrying a man who sees sex only as a function for procreation, not stimulative exploits.
A synopsis to a reality TV show.
Haii habaarin!
I would gladly choose celibacy if all men on Earth had this view on sex.
For your other post:
Yes, I plan to give him a second chance to redeem himself. To clarify, this is simply a matter of self-respect for me; I'm neither driven by vanity nor a need for control. It is possible that you are psychoanalyzing me from a man's perspective, as most men won't mind marrying a woman who is not physically attracted to them, as long as they are attracted to her. Imagine if a woman were to say she is marrying you because you make good income and so, can afford to send her children to fancy private schools. That would surely leave a bad taste in your mouth!
Romance, in itself, is an illusion; that's why I chose the safe guy. A safe man is not someone you fall in love with, but someone you grow to love. Falling is an accident, like "oops!" You fall when you didn't intend to. What is empowering about that?
Since we were both pragmatic in our approach from the beginning, you could say we know what we want. Not everyone desires someone who challenges them. I'll choose a man who never challenges me and loves me the way I am because I also don't have the time nor energy to challenge my partner. I am busy working on myself, and so is he. If I choose to be with him, I'll accept him as he is. If I can't bring myself to commit to him because of his views on this topic, I'll move on. I'd rather nurse a broken heart for a couple of months than spend the rest of my life in a lackluster marriage with no intimacy, passion, and/or affection.
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