I met the farah of my dreams but I have reservations..

[Radical]

Wait, sex is for procreation? Why didn't anyone tell me

 

[Abu Hesi]

You don't get it, if a man isn't even slightly arosed by seeing such a thing, he's seriously ill or needs serious help. That's an illness.

your age is showing here

 

[Hodan from HR]

Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your helpful input. I somehow can't reply to everyone but I'll try to respond to some of the recurring points.

Yes, I brought up the question. In my defense, I use a guide that has questions to ask a potential spouse

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

As for physical attraction, he seemed average to me in the beginning but the more I got to know his personality and have hanged out with him, I find him very attractive and all the fun stuff..

I am on the asexual spectrum myself and I need to know someone before I can have these feelings. However, his response raises major alarm bells as @Angelina put it, if he has a mama/ho complex, I'm gonna have to suppress my desires and feel ashamed to approach my husband because he has this outdated view on sex. Since he is an academic, I am horrified he thinks like this honestly..

Sooner or later, I will bring it up and I may have to walk away. Part of me does not want to walk away, that's why I am hesitant. He is almost perfect

 

[Hodan from HR]

@Hodan from HR , in a way he reminds me of myself a bit.

Except I'm a lady and not asexual. It's called decorum and self-restraint. I suspect some neurodivergence at play on his end (just speculating).

Let's exchange notes:

I also got to know someone who looked amazing on paper, with a doctorate and many of my strict requirements, which I'm sure I've overzealously plastered on forum walls. He was nice but had a way of making a captivating lady appear less than enticing.

But-but-but I'm a "catch," I insisted to myself. He only admitted to that once. And was perplexed that I was opposed to dating considering my appearance. I felt a little insulted. I'm not a hijabi, so that burned a little. What did he think? That I was accessible just because I have options? It's the opposite. The sentimentalist in me doesn't like the idea of availability, rejects dating culture, never went on dating apps, and has always been a challenge to get to know. He was lucky I even bothered. We both knew who the real prize was between us. Or so I muttered to myself.

After that short period, I was led down the rabbit hole of "decentering men." I found myself nodding emphatically, taking copious notes, considering him like a case study, and pathologizing this specimen. Then came the pseudo-psychological labelling. It was a mother wound, I concluded. He was stunted by being an under-hugged child, leading to his avoidant personality. I had neither patience nor time to take down his self-defence architecture like a master mason without recompense. I'm nice but no fool.

Then, I was temporarily gripped by the ominous spirit of the shrieking banshee archetype. I needed my sister's support to summon the power of our collective habar. Take no prisoners. We want war, not peace! Then, I let go of that thought, finding it unhelpful and counterproductive.

I needed a little distraction to escape the general sense of disappointment. I sparingly allow men to get to know me, am quite exact in my approach, and assess them granularly. Not that they know, considering I present as very nice and coolly nonjudgmental. It makes chastity easy, as they are kept at bay, allowing me to maintain control and effortlessly foster a general climate of goodwill.

However, I was perplexed why such a laudable choice would have his own mind and not act in ways I did not anticipate. I once considered feeding his characteristics into some AI chatbot to sensitize his less-than-desirable characteristics. Maybe I could impart him with my telekentic repartee. I decided against creating a Frankenstein monster with 'ultimate rizz" that was merely a figment of code.

This led to philosophizing. Perhaps we're in a post-romantic era of routine optimization and a managerial approach to love, focusing on efficiency and wanting more sweetness with less bitterness (pain). Attempting to minimize the risk and control the outcome or so I reasoned.

You are hilarious Soph!



Thanks for this short guide on the healthy way to navigate the disappointments, crushed ego, and FOMO that come with romantic entanglements. I'm a proud woman, so I refuse to weep for any man! On to the next! I tell myself..


As I type this, I'm listening nastexo indho's famous song for emotional support;

Jaceel ba hadan ubooyo
Hadan nin damba ubarorto
Hadan baxsanoo irahdo
Aniga balayo haiga racdo!

*Flips hair*
​

 

[Sa_Male]

your age is showing here

My age has nothing to do with this, why did rasullulah say that the first glance is halal but you look again you bear the sin? I don't see a hadith where rasullulah states its ok for some dudes. The point is rasullulah, in his wisdom, knew that the likehood of a man not desiring a women, IS SO ABSURD as to not warrant any type of exceptions. I have no idea of the percentage of men who sincerely are clinically unattracted to females and neither does anybody, but if somebody, anybody, states to me that they're incapable of being attracted to the opposite gender, I'd believe they're lying in order to feed their delusions of who they think they are, rather than telling the truth.

You and unbothered seem to have been infected by the western normality of treating mentally unwell gays and those who claim to have no desires as the most truthful beings on earth.

Again, you, me, or anybody else cannot state that somebody else feels a certain way and for sure assuming that people tell the truth more than they lie is more gullible and immature than whatever is "showing my age".

 

[Abu Hesi]

My age has nothing to do with this, why did rasullulah say that the first glance is halal but you look again you bear the sin? I don't see a hadith where rasullulah states its ok for some dudes. The point is rasullulah, in his wisdom, knew that the likehood of a man not desiring a women, IS SO ABSURD as to not warrant any type of exceptions. I have no idea of the percentage of men who sincerely are clinically unattracted to females and neither does anybody, but if somebody, anybody, states to me that they're incapable of being attracted to the opposite gender, I'd believe they're lying in order to feed their delusions of who they think they are, rather than telling the truth.

You and unbothered seem to have been infected by the western normality of treating mentally unwell gays and those who claim to have no desires as the most truthful beings on earth.

Again, you, me, or anybody else cannot state that somebody else feels a certain way and for sure assuming that people tell the truth more than they lie is more gullible and immature than whatever is "showing my age".

relax kid, not that deep

 

[Sa_Male]

relax kid, not that deep

This topic is severely deep sxb, allow your opinion to be used as fodder for liberals who plan on having your grandkids deal with all sorts of degeneracy exceeding today's and you've failed in life.

 

[Abu Hesi]

This topic is severely deep sxb, allow your opinion to be used as fodder for liberals who plan on having your grandkids deal with all sorts of degeneracy exceeding today's and you've failed in life.

again, me and unbothered have different views if you read back, you just arguing for no reason.

The only reason I made that comment is due to your young age lol, I remember when I was 17, I was brimming 24/7, we on the same fence marka relax.

 

[Sa_Male]

again, me and unbothered have different views if you read back, you just arguing for no reason.

The only reason I made that comment is due to your young age lol, I remember when I was 17, I was brimming 24/7, we on the same fence marka relax.

I'm arguing because you took a cheap shot at my belief(which I proved to be a truth) and referred to my age as if that had any significance.

Sxb no hate but cheap shots deserve retribution, not calmness and not everybody is the same person.

 

[Sa_Male]

It depends on the man , not all men get excited when they see a random naked woman specially if the man is in a relationship or married. I am just speaking from experience as someone who is married to a guy like the one op is talking about .

I think you're getting two completely unrelated things mixed up. A man with the world's most perfect wife will still be stimulated in some way by seeing a lewd image of a woman. However will he be outwardly and even inwardly disgusted? If he's a good man, absolutely, you see there is a disconnect between what a man dislikes, and what he's wired biologically to be attracted to. Again did rasullulah say look as hard as you want but say in your head I hate this, or did he say avoid at all costs?

 

[Hodan from HR]

My age has nothing to do with this, why did rasullulah say that the first glance is halal but you look again you bear the sin? I don't see a hadith where rasullulah states its ok for some dudes. The point is rasullulah, in his wisdom, knew that the likehood of a man not desiring a women, IS SO ABSURD as to not warrant any type of exceptions. I have no idea of the percentage of men who sincerely are clinically unattracted to females and neither does anybody, but if somebody, anybody, states to me that they're incapable of being attracted to the opposite gender, I'd believe they're lying in order to feed their delusions of who they think they are, rather than telling the truth.

You and unbothered seem to have been infected by the western normality of treating mentally unwell gays and those who claim to have no desires as the most truthful beings on earth.

Again, you, me, or anybody else cannot state that somebody else feels a certain way and for sure assuming that people tell the truth more than they lie is more gullible and immature than whatever is "showing my age".

It depends.
You know how men in Saudi Arabia might get aroused by seeing only an ankle, while men in the West might be desensitized to things like hair, arms, and legs but may get aroused by nipples. Then there are indigenous African tribes where women walk around bare-chested, and it is considered normal. My point is that different men from different cultures find different parts of a woman’s body arousing.


Personally, I have an issue with his "sex is for procreation only" stance. I am not a mere tool to be used so he could have descendants.

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

My age has nothing to do with this, why did rasullulah say that the first glance is halal but you look again you bear the sin? I don't see a hadith where rasullulah states its ok for some dudes. The point is rasullulah, in his wisdom, knew that the likehood of a man not desiring a women, IS SO ABSURD as to not warrant any type of exceptions. I have no idea of the percentage of men who sincerely are clinically unattracted to females and neither does anybody, but if somebody, anybody, states to me that they're incapable of being attracted to the opposite gender, I'd believe they're lying in order to feed their delusions of who they think they are, rather than telling the truth.

You and unbothered seem to have been infected by the western normality of treating mentally unwell gays and those who claim to have no desires as the most truthful beings on earth.

Again, you, me, or anybody else cannot state that somebody else feels a certain way and for sure assuming that people tell the truth more than they lie is more gullible and immature than whatever is "showing my age".

Yes this forum has a problem dismissing peoples opinion based on age.

 

[Abu Hesi]

I'm arguing because you took a cheap shot at my belief(which I proved to be a truth) and referred to my age as if that had any significance.

Sxb no hate but cheap shots deserve retribution, not calmness and not everybody is the same person.

so do you think you and a 50 year old guy look at naag the same?

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

so do you think you and a 50 year old guy look at naag the same?

How old are you ?

 

[Abu Hesi]

How old are you ?

stop fuelling the fire, I mentioned his age because of the topic at hand.

 

[Sa_Male]

It depends.
You know how men in Saudi Arabia might get aroused by seeing only an ankle, while men in the West might be desensitized to things like hair, arms, and legs but may get aroused by nipples. Then there are indigenous African tribes where women walk around bare-chested, and it is considered normal. My point is that different men from different cultures find different parts of a woman’s body arousing.


I have an issue with his "sex is for procreation only" stance. I am not a mere tool to be used so he could have descendants.

As a male reaches puberty, sensitivity begins essentially at zero, despite having seen female body parts all his life, a himba boy for example, would see females in a whole different light and like I said begin as zero sensitivity which would obviously be a huge problem. Also, a man who resets his sensitivity to women can return to almost base sensitivity within a couple of months so say a himba man goes travelling for even a couple of weeks, on his return he sees things in once again a new light.

 

[Sa_Male]

so do you think you and a 50 year old guy look at naag the same?

I can't tell you and like cabdulwali is trying to state, neither of us are 50 so why does it matter? No serious fatwa has stated that rasullullah saying men cannot look at women only applies to young uns

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

I can't tell you and like cabdulwali is trying to state, neither of us are 50 so why does it matter? No serious fatwa has stated that rasullullah saying men cannot look at women only applies to young uns

Right we are talking about an unmarried guy, Im now starting to think the only reason he said something like that was he was to shy or was being respectful. I mean if that topic came up for the first time in the talking stage, Of course im not going to say what I truly feel. Thats probably what he had on his mind and he just said it weird

 

[Abu Hesi]

Right we are talking about an unmarried guy, Im now starting to think the only reason he said something like that was he was to shy or was being respectful. I mean if that topic came up for the first time in the talking stage, Of course im not going to say what I truly feel. Thats probably what he had on his mind and he just said it weird

shy kulahaa, on anon forum? lmao

he was arguing with unbothered who is married, he wrote this:

it was a light joke and I wasn't serious, I was basically saying if a guy is already drained he won't be the same as 17 year old like SaMale, again not that serious

 

[Sa_Male]

Right we are talking about an unmarried guy, Im now starting to think the only reason he said something like that was he was to shy or was being respectful. I mean if that topic came up for the first time in the talking stage, Of course im not going to say what I truly feel. Thats probably what he had on his mind and he just said it weird

It's either he got pressed by eedo hodans weird questions and said something wild, or else he is a seriously ill menace. Or maybe he's naive and really believe he can't be swayed by feminine charms hence why sex only serves him for having children.