Mom Doesn’t Let Me Go Out

[minaaa]

I’m a university student in my early twenties. I want to be social and have fun, nothing haram. I’ve met tons of other Muslim women at school and our values align. They ask me to hang out with them but whenever I try to go out my mom starts going crazy. She tells me stories about how her friend told her about a Somali girl in our town who started off by going out with her friends then they prostituted her to men at shisha bars and she went crazy. She tells me stories about how girls running away from home end up lost and drug addicts. Or how a woman she knows went to a café with her friends and the worker slipped pills into her drink because she was set up by her friends and then she was raped, so she tells me I can’t even trust cafés/ restaurants with friends if its not one that is chosen randomly? My mom always has something negative to talk about and I don’t blame her because the world is a negative place but I’m an adult and I should be able to leave the house and have a social life right? It’s getting annoying but I can’t do anything about her mentality. If I argue with her she tells me some random insult like I’ll learn when something happens to me or I can go be gay with the girls I’m dying to be friends with, so I’ve just learned to stay quiet.
My friends are allowed to go on roadtrips together or take internships in different cities alone, but if I try my mom says this is not correct in our culture and I’m going to prostitute myself or I’ll be taken advantage of. My friends wanted to rent a cottage 20 minutes away from where we live, not even far and it had wifi. It would just be a nice experience where we could swim without our hijabs in a private location and she says no unless she can come? I have a curfew at this age. I have to come home as soon as my classes or work is done, and even then she’s always spam calling me. If I do get her permission to go out for other things, she makes me list the names and numbers of each person that will be there and starts criticizing them like “this girl is a she has a boyfriend, this one does vaping, this one doesn’t wear the hijab, this one is shia , this one blah blah” it’s always negative and annoying because just because they do these things doesn’t mean it affects me. And I’m always the annoying person who can’t do anything past a certain time. I’ve lost so many friends because they think I don’t care about them because I always bail on plans or never try to initiate because it’s too much trouble for me. Funny thing is as when my mom was young growing up back home at my age, she would wear shorts, go party even go overseas with her friends because she was an “adult”. She tells me she regrets it and she wishes she stayed home but how does this affect me? I can’t go to Starbucks or go Karting with my friends how does that compare to partying. Just today she woke up telling me about how she had a dream about a girl taking advantage of these girls she invited out, and a few hours after my friend who got me a job asked if I can go to a museum and my mom said no because of her dream even though this girl is the reason I have a job. What should I do guys, I want freedom. She’s a great mother, she supports me, she serves me, so please don’t give me the Western advice of running away of home or moving out, this is not an option for me my mom will always be in my life. She’s a great mother probably just traumatized by her own and others experiences.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Do you have sisters or female cousins? Invite them also and then tell your mother you have family as company. Also, the first time she allows you to go out, facetime her. You have to settle her nerves and ease her into it. As for international trips, if you have a brother, ask him to come with you and for him to invite his friends.

It will be awkward at first, but you will do the right thing but your mother feel irrational if she refuses after you do all of that.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

Do you have sisters or female cousins? Invite them also and then tell your mother you have family as company. Also, the first time she allows you to go out, facetime her. You have to settle her nerves and ease her into it. As for international trips, if you have a brother, ask him to come with you and for him to invite his friends.

It will be awkward at first, but you will do the right thing but your mother feel irrational if she refuses after you do all of that.

High IQ

 

[minaaa]

Do you have sisters or female cousins? Invite them also and then tell your mother you have family as company. Also, the first time she allows you to go out, facetime her. You have to settle her nerves and ease her into it. As for international trips, if you have a brother, ask him to come with you and for him to invite his friends.

It will be awkward at first, but you will do the right thing but your mother feel irrational if she refuses after you do all of that.

Most of my cousins are younger than me or in different countries. The cousins I have here, even the younger ones, their parents are more liberal so it would be no use because my mom thinks negatively of them. I have a cousin that sticks her tongue out in pictures so my mom calls her a gay prostitute because my aunt let her go to France alone with a white girl who she sticks out her tongue with in pictures???My male cousins all grew out their hair and travel with white boys so she has negative things to say about them too saying they’ve been effeminated, etc. For international trips my mom doesn’t trust anyone she asks to come along or else its a no until I’m married and even then she will probably be heavily involved in my life. She also got offended when I tried to go to University in a different city even though they gave me a scholarship… Also she takes pride in me not going out she tells her friends I’m a good girl who stays home and is a “mahajabad” so not sure how to fix this

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Most of my cousins are younger than me or in different countries. The cousins I have here, even the younger ones, their parents are more liberal so it would be no use because my mom thinks negatively of them. I have a cousin that sticks her tongue out in pictures so my mom calls her a gay prostitute because my aunt let her go to France alone with a white girl who she sticks out her tongue with in pictures???My male cousins all grew out their hair and travel with white boys so she has negative things to say about them too saying they’ve been effeminated, etc. For international trips my mom doesn’t trust anyone she asks to come along or else its a no until I’m married and even then she will probably be heavily involved in my life. She also got offended when I tried to go to University in a different city even though they gave me a scholarship… Also she takes pride in me not going out she tells her friends I’m a good girl who stays home and is a “mahajabad” so not sure how to fix this

In that case, there are these Muslim ladies social groups, who go on outings. I saw something online a few times. Maybe someone on here can tell you which groups, depending on your location. If all else, fails and you don't already do that, go to the local masjids and network with the sisters there. 100% they go out and do stuff, some of them travel abroad even.

 

[Kalsoon]

I’m a university student in my early twenties. I want to be social and have fun, nothing haram. I’ve met tons of other Muslim women at school and our values align. They ask me to hang out with them but whenever I try to go out my mom starts going crazy. She tells me stories about how her friend told her about a Somali girl in our town who started off by going out with her friends then they prostituted her to men at shisha bars and she went crazy. She tells me stories about how girls running away from home end up lost and drug addicts. Or how a woman she knows went to a café with her friends and the worker slipped pills into her drink because she was set up by her friends and then she was raped, so she tells me I can’t even trust cafés/ restaurants with friends if its not one that is chosen randomly? My mom always has something negative to talk about and I don’t blame her because the world is a negative place but I’m an adult and I should be able to leave the house and have a social life right? It’s getting annoying but I can’t do anything about her mentality. If I argue with her she tells me some random insult like I’ll learn when something happens to me or I can go be gay with the girls I’m dying to be friends with, so I’ve just learned to stay quiet.
My friends are allowed to go on roadtrips together or take internships in different cities alone, but if I try my mom says this is not correct in our culture and I’m going to prostitute myself or I’ll be taken advantage of. My friends wanted to rent a cottage 20 minutes away from where we live, not even far and it had wifi. It would just be a nice experience where we could swim without our hijabs in a private location and she says no unless she can come? I have a curfew at this age. I have to come home as soon as my classes or work is done, and even then she’s always spam calling me. If I do get her permission to go out for other things, she makes me list the names and numbers of each person that will be there and starts criticizing them like “this girl is a she has a boyfriend, this one does vaping, this one doesn’t wear the hijab, this one is shia , this one blah blah” it’s always negative and annoying because just because they do these things doesn’t mean it affects me. And I’m always the annoying person who can’t do anything past a certain time. I’ve lost so many friends because they think I don’t care about them because I always bail on plans or never try to initiate because it’s too much trouble for me. Funny thing is as when my mom was young growing up back home at my age, she would wear shorts, go party even go overseas with her friends because she was an “adult”. She tells me she regrets it and she wishes she stayed home but how does this affect me? I can’t go to Starbucks or go Karting with my friends how does that compare to partying. Just today she woke up telling me about how she had a dream about a girl taking advantage of these girls she invited out, and a few hours after my friend who got me a job asked if I can go to a museum and my mom said no because of her dream even though this girl is the reason I have a job. What should I do guys, I want freedom. She’s a great mother, she supports me, she serves me, so please don’t give me the Western advice of running away of home or moving out, this is not an option for me my mom will always be in my life. She’s a great mother probably just traumatized by her own and others experiences.

Your mother’s concerns are 100% valid. Not saying yours aren’t btw. But you see her views as being annoying or negative when she’s only looking out for your best interest. Young girls ending up in those bad situations starts with them being friends with other people who sometimes are bad influences.

Has she met your friends? Do they come around your home and does your mom know their parents? Would you say you’re responsible around the home or does your mom have to tell you to do things for you to do them? What would happen if your mother went to the cottage? She might want to return back if she sees everything is good there.

 

[minaaa]

In that case, there are these Muslim ladies social groups, who go on outings. I saw something online a few times. Maybe someone on here can tell you which groups, depending on your location. If all else, fails and you don't already do that, go to the local masjids and network with the sisters there. 100% they go out and do stuff, some of them travel abroad even.

I’ll try to get involved with the muslim student association at my school and see how that goes. My mom doesn’t even trust the mosque to be honest, there was a mosque who was directed by a lebanese guy in our city and she said he would take somali women to massage parlours so we can’t trust the mosques either because you never know how people are behind clothes doors behind their hijabs or religious talkpray for me but thanks for your advice the muslim student association they regularly have outings and they’re all good students too

 

[Ibn Abdon]

Are you in a Muslim or Western country? If you are in a western country, believe me, patience with this is easier than sedition. Also, if you have a chance, go out with your family every month or two weeks. This is better.

Allah says: ﴿ وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ ﴾ [الأحزاب: 33]

This is a divine command, which means, O women, sit in your homes.

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1173
Abdullah narrated that The Prophet said:
“The woman is Awrah, so when she goes out, the Shaitan seeks to tempt her.”

Please, my sister, understand that going out a lot is unnecessary and corrupts the soul. Especially for women. Forgive me by sitting at home. And if you want to go out, go out for necessity, and have a Mahram with you. Like your brother or your father.

Your mother has tasted the bitterness of life, so she doesn't want you to be like her. So instead of exposing her sins in her indiscretion; you should Conceal what she did in her past and hide her guilt. A Muslim is not exposed if he repents. Because the penitent is like someone who has no sin.

Of course, soon you will find those women brought up in the West who mix with males and infidels agitating against me, saying that I am reactionary, corrupt, extremist...etc. Ignore them, they are brainless. Obey Allah and obey your mother.

I ask Allah to make you and your mother steadfast in the truth.

 

[minaaa]

Your mother’s concerns are 100% valid. Not saying yours aren’t btw. But you see her views as being annoying or negative when she’s only looking out for your best interest. Young girls ending up in those bad situations starts with them being friends with other people who sometimes are bad influences.

Has she met your friends? Do they come around your home and does your mom know their parents? Would you say you’re responsible around the home or does your mom have to tell you to do things for you to do them? What would happen if your mother went to the cottage? She might want to return back if she sees everything is good there.

Yes her concerns are valid I know the world is an evil place, but I can still use my common sense to make sure I am not in places or situations that I would easily get taken advantage of, for example I never go to peoples houses I only go out with them to public places. And even if I tell her to come along with us, she is so judgmental she finds things to hate about people. For example one girl I know is in engineering and she does not wear a hijab, but she is still very religious. Since she’s in engineering she is always around men. No romantic interest they just help her with homework ad sometimes she invites everyone to her family home to eat food her mom cooked because they are international students and don’t have any home cooked meals and then my mom says she’s trying to get fucked by a bunch of black guys and is a bad influence so she doesn’t feel comfortable around her anyway. Or one lebanese shia girl wanted to go to the cottage too, she’s a very good girl, married and religious. But my mom says Lebanese Shias are angry people and they hate us and then she tells me stories about them…so she always has something negative to say and it ends up being a no

 

[minaaa]

Are you in a Muslim or Western country? If you are in a western country, believe me, patience with this is easier than sedition. Also, if you have a chance, go out with your family every month or two weeks. This is better.

Allah says: ﴿ وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ ﴾ [الأحزاب: 33]

This is a divine command, which means, O women, sit in your homes.

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1173
Abdullah narrated that The Prophet said:
“The woman is Awrah, so when she goes out, the Shaitan seeks to tempt her.”

Please, my sister, understand that going out a lot is unnecessary and corrupts the soul. Especially for women. Forgive me by sitting at home. And if you want to go out, go out for necessity, and have a Mahram with you. Like your brother or your father.

Your mother has tasted the bitterness of life, so she doesn't want you to be like her. So instead of exposing her sins in her indiscretion; you should Conceal what she did in her past and hide her guilt. A Muslim is not exposed if he repents. Because the penitent is like someone who has no sin.

Of course, soon you will find those women brought up in the West who mix with males and infidels agitating against me, saying that I am reactionary, corrupt, extremist...etc. Ignore them, they are brainless. Obey Allah and obey your mother.

I ask Allah to make you and your mother steadfast in the truth.

I don’t hang out with men though just women so you think I shouldn’t go out to eat with them once in a while so they don’t think I’m just using them for help in classes?

 

[Odious Delirium]

I don’t hang out with men though just women so you think I shouldn’t go out to eat with them once in a while so they don’t think I’m just using them for help in classes?

No you shouldn't go out to eat with non mahram men if that is what you mean without a mahram present

 

[JackieBurkhart]

Are you in a Muslim or Western country? If you are in a western country, believe me, patience with this is easier than sedition. Also, if you have a chance, go out with your family every month or two weeks. This is better.

Allah says: ﴿ وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ ﴾ [الأحزاب: 33]

This is a divine command, which means, O women, sit in your homes.

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1173
Abdullah narrated that The Prophet said:
“The woman is Awrah, so when she goes out, the Shaitan seeks to tempt her.”

Please, my sister, understand that going out a lot is unnecessary and corrupts the soul. Especially for women. Forgive me by sitting at home. And if you want to go out, go out for necessity, and have a Mahram with you. Like your brother or your father.

Your mother has tasted the bitterness of life, so she doesn't want you to be like her. So instead of exposing her sins in her indiscretion; you should Conceal what she did in her past and hide her guilt. A Muslim is not exposed if he repents. Because the penitent is like someone who has no sin.

Of course, soon you will find those women brought up in the West who mix with males and infidels agitating against me, saying that I am reactionary, corrupt, extremist...etc. Ignore them, they are brainless. Obey Allah and obey your mother.

I ask Allah to make you and your mother steadfast in the truth.

@Angelina, @Qeelbax, these niggas on their bullshit again. Also, that verse addressed the Prophet's wives. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth to see you use this for your own purposes. Women aren't meant to be locked up, we're not like those Arabs or South Asians.

 

[JackieBurkhart]

No you shouldn't go out to eat with non mahram men if that is what you mean without a mahram present

She meant the women who help her with her classes.

 

[minaaa]

No you shouldn't go out to eat with non mahram men if that is what you mean without a mahram present

No I have no male friends she doesn’t let me hang out with hajabi women either to eat with them even

 

[Ibn Abdon]

I don’t hang out with men though just women so you think I shouldn’t go out to eat with them once in a while so they don’t think I’m just using them for help in classes?

I understand that, From what I see above, you are very chaste, may Allah make you steadfast.

but even that counts within hadith and sharia.

How about this: Invite your friends to your house, and let them each bring their own food or cook for them yourself. My sisters and relatives do this. And they are very comfortable with this.

I get out of the house when that happens, I don't want any embarrassing accidents to happen.

 

[Odious Delirium]

No I have no male friends she doesn’t let me hang out with hajabi women either to eat with them even

Does she have a reason when it comes to that?
You should make your mother more acquainted with your friends that are fully on deen since your mother would be on your case if you brought people over that vape or don't wear hijab etc like @Ibn Abdon said invite them over regularly and hold things at your house so your mother can grow to trust them and make your other friends conform to your standards or drop them. Make freinds that are like you so things are smoother and easier for your mother to accept.

In the past if my parents found out I had friends that vaped and stuff like that they would tell me to drop them so I understand where your coming from just curate your circle to be on the same page as you.

 

[Kalsoon]

Yes her concerns are valid I know the world is an evil place, but I can still use my common sense to make sure I am not in places or situations that I would easily get taken advantage of, for example I never go to peoples houses I only go out with them to public places. And even if I tell her to come along with us, she is so judgmental she finds things to hate about people. For example one girl I know is in engineering and she does not wear a hijab, but she is still very religious. Since she’s in engineering she is always around men. No romantic interest they just help her with homework ad sometimes she invites everyone to her family home to eat food her mom cooked because they are international students and don’t have any home cooked meals and then my mom says she’s trying to get fucked by a bunch of black guys and is a bad influence so she doesn’t feel comfortable around her anyway. Or one lebanese shia girl wanted to go to the cottage too, she’s a very good girl, married and religious. But my mom says Lebanese Shias are angry people and they hate us and then she tells me stories about them…so she always has something negative to say and it ends up being a no

Your mom sees things that you may not at this time. Are you the eldest?

Really that engineering lady is very strange for inviting those guys to her home. Those guys help her cause they’re hoping for something more imo. International students can buy their own food too. Your mom doesn’t want you to be around those kind of people too much cause it’ll normalize that behavior to you.

 

[minaaa]

Does she have a reason when it comes to that?
You should make your mother more acquainted with your friends that are fully on deen since your mother would be on your case if you brought people over that vape or don't wear hijab etc like @Ibn Abdon said invite them over regularly and hold things at your house so your mother can grow to trust them and make your other friends conform to your standards or drop them. Make freinds that are like you so things are smoother and easier for your mother to accept.

In the past if my parents found out I had friends that vaped and stuff like that they would tell me to drop them so I understand where your coming from just curate your circle to be on the same page as you.

Yes I’m telling you there are proper people who are hijabis that are more religious than I am but she hates them too. I have a friend she runs the MSA association, a homework club for poor students, she’s religious, prays 5+ times a day and makes time to teach me about religion but my mom doesn’t like her because one day we were doing groceries and we saw her walking downtown alone at 10pm but because of that my mom assumes she’s a bad girl with no context, immediately jumps to prostitution. I know a bengali mulsim, she wears the jilbab, is becoming a teacher and she’s a very good influence on me and if it weren’t for her I’d be failing. But despite this my mom dislikes her because she she’s Bengali and they were raped into accepting Islam according to her so based on her experience with older Bengali folk, they just pretend to like people like us. She says the same about my Berber friends who are good Muslims too. Even though she has met them and has witnessed their positive qualities. And the issue is even though she does let me occasionally go out with these ones at least, she insults me for it and I hate arguing so what should I do? Just an hour ago we were arguing now she’s cooking for me and kissing me, but it’s very draining to have argue all the time and even if I “win” and she lets me go grab coffee with these girls she still makes me feel bad about it.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Your mom sees things that you may not at this time. Are you the eldest?

Really that engineering lady is very strange for inviting those guys to her home. Those guys help her cause they’re hoping for something more imo. International students can buy their own food too. Your mom doesn’t want you to be around those kind of people too much cause it’ll normalize that behavior to you.

It's definitely not normal for a somali guy or girl to invite a bunch of people of the opposite gender to there home for whatever reason unless it to get to know someone for marriage.

That's a weird situation.

 

[minaaa]

Your mom sees things that you may not at this time. Are you the eldest?

Really that engineering lady is very strange for inviting those guys to her home. Those guys help her cause they’re hoping for something more imo. International students can buy their own food too. Your mom doesn’t want you to be around those kind of people too much cause it’ll normalize that behavior to you.

Youngest. I don’t really see it negatively she lives at home with her father and mother and they cook very large meals so in exchange for helping her finish projects sometimes she invites them and other women over to eat with her family especially on holidays if these international students are alone, plus her brother is always there or her parents..