Mom Doesn’t Let Me Go Out

[JackieBurkhart]

@minaaa, sorry your mom's controlling. My mom did the same thing to me and my sisters growing up, and had people harass and send death threats to my sister when she moved out. Something I've learned with a parent like that is that they'll always be paranoid and have unfounded accusations. You just have to wait until you're financially stable to move out.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Yes I’m telling you there are proper people who are hijabis that are more religious than I am but she hates them too. I have a friend she runs the MSA association, a homework club for poor students, she’s religious, prays 5+ times a day and makes time to teach me about religion but my mom doesn’t like her because one day we were doing groceries and we saw her walking downtown alone at 10pm but because of that my mom assumes she’s a bad girl with no context, immediately jumps to prostitution. I know a bengali mulsim, she wears the jilbab, is becoming a teacher and she’s a very good influence on me and if it weren’t for her I’d be failing. But despite this my mom dislikes her because she she’s Bengali and they were raped into accepting Islam according to her so based on her experience with older Bengali folk, they just pretend to like people like us. She says the same about my Berber friends who are good Muslims too. Even though she has met them and has witnessed their positive qualities. And the issue is even though she does let me occasionally go out with these ones at least, she insults me for it and I hate arguing so what should I do? Just an hour ago we were arguing now she’s cooking for me and kissing me, but it’s very draining to have argue all the time and even if I “win” and she lets me go grab coffee with these girls she still makes me feel bad about it.

Why don't you get your freind to do these outing at your house. Like tell them to get or order the coffee or food etc and bring it over to your house.
Familiarity will definitely work over time. Your mother is saying all that right now but the longer she get acquainted with them the more she will open up to them trust me try this. With time she will be more lenient as they gain her trust.

Alternatively you can get married and put your foot down since your no longer the responsibility of your parents and are now in your husbands hands. Then you can establish the necessary boundaries with your husband taking care of you.

 

[Ibn Abdon]

Honestly, my father knows all my friends and their parents, but since my childhood he has been warning me: Don't do this, don't be friends with that etc…

I knew a friend whose father was a sheikh giving lessons in the Haram. Recently, he was arrested and deported to his country. By what charge? drugs. From that moment on, I truly learned that my father's words were true; He sees what I don't see.

The insight of parents is something that we cannot comprehend at the present time. As the young generation, our blood is hot and we have this blind confidence that we will be free from all problems and misfortunes. why? Because we trust that we are well educated; But the reality is: no one can guarantee anything; Therefore, we must trust the insight of our fathers and elders, reading&understanding the shariaa, and constantly pray that Allah will steadfast us.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, himself did not guarantee that he would remain on the religion of Islam. Do you believe that? Therefore, he would always supplicate in every prostration: O steadfast of hearts, make my heart steadfast in your religion.

The human heart is very weak.

 

[Yaraye]

my mother is also very controlling. I'm not allowed to go out unless its for school, masjid, or work

 

[minaaa]

@minaaa, sorry your mom's controlling. My mom did the same thing to me and my sisters growing up, and had people harass and send death threats to my sister when she moved out. Something I've learned with a parent like that is that they'll always be paranoid and have unfounded accusations. You just have to wait until you're financially stable to move out.

I work for the government and another job, I am financially stable for a 21 year old.
I helped buy our current house and I pay the majority of the bills now. I fund her vacations and I always plan fun activities with her like pilates or museums or theatres. We’re like best friends shes just a bit too much when it comes to other people even our own family like my cousins. Abandoning my mom and moving out would not be an option due to too many factors so I’m not sure what to do.

 

[minaaa]

Why don't you get your freind to do these outing at your house. Like tell them to get or order the coffee or food etc and bring it over to your house.
Familiarity will definitely work over time. Your mother is saying all that right now but the longer she get acquainted with them the more she will open up to them trust me try this. With time she will be more lenient as they gain her trust.

Alternatively you can get married and put your foot down since your no longer the responsibility of your parents and are now in your husbands hands. Then you can establish the necessary boundaries with your husband taking care of you.

I will invite them over and maybe that will work. As for the husband, this Somali guy wanted to marry me and she scared him off by saying she wanted him to build a duplex where she lives at the bottom and we live at the top

 

[JackieBurkhart]

I work for the government and another job, I am financially stable for a 21 year old.
I helped buy our current house and I pay the majority of the bills now. I fund her vacations and I always plan fun activities with her like pilates or museums or theatres. We’re like best friends shes just a bit too much when it comes to other people even our own family like my cousins. Abandoning my mom and moving out would not be an option due to too many factors so I’m not sure what to do.

Does she go out often? Your mom needs to take a couple steps back, you're your own person.

 

[Kalsoon]

Youngest. I don’t really see it negatively she lives at home with her father and mother and they cook very large meals so in exchange for helping her finish projects sometimes she invites them and other women over to eat with her family especially on holidays if these international students are alone, plus her brother is always there or her parents..

Did your older siblings go through this?
That sister’s family is more liberal than yours which is their prerogative.

You said somewhere else you tend to argue with your mom over this. That’s the wrong way to approach this situation. It’ll take you further from your goal and only increase the frustration for both of you.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Go out with cousins or family friends your parents trust

 

[Yusuf Abdi Ali Rashid]

I wish my mother was more controlling, she’s tryna force me out of my house to participate in something called “society”, but how can i do that when i already have everything that i need, A basement, a poop bucket, and a computer.

 

[minaaa]

Does she go out often? Your mom needs to take a couple steps back, you're your own person.

She has no friends other than her sisters but they travel a lot for buisness. Then she just has me when they’re not around.

 

[Kalsoon]

I will invite them over and maybe that will work. As for the husband, this Somali guy wanted to marry me and she scared him off by saying she wanted him to build a duplex where she lives at the bottom and we live at the top

Okay, wow. Did hooyo say this to his face?

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I wish my mother was more controlling, she’s tryna force me out of my house to participate in something called “society”, but how can i do that when i already have everything that i need, A basement all to myself, a poop bucket, and a computer.

 

[JackieBurkhart]

She has no friends other than her sisters but they travel a lot for buisness. Then she just has me when they’re not around.

Perhaps your mother needs to make new friends.

 

[minaaa]

I wish my mother was more controlling, she’s tryna force me out of my house to participate in something called “society”, but how can i do that when i already have everything that i need, A basement all to myself, a poop bucket, and a computer.

Weirdo comment ngl brother

 

[JackieBurkhart]

Weirdo comment ngl brother

He's trolling.

 

[minaaa]

Okay, wow. Did hooyo say this to his face?

Yeah we were at dinner together and he was talking about wanting to build a house for us and she said she wanted like a two story house but separate so that we could always be connected and that she could take care of our future children and he said what about a separate house and she said no I am giving you privacy so I don’t hear your activities I want a duplex and then he ghosted basically

 

[Kalsoon]

Yeah we were at dinner together and he was talking about wanting to build a house for us and she said she wanted like a two story house but separate so that we could always be connected and that she could take care of our future children and he said what about a separate house and she said no I am giving you privacy so I don’t hear your activities I want a duplex and then he ghosted basically

Did you have a talk with your mother about that afterwards? She somehow still thinks you need to be taken care of.

 

[Odious Delirium]

I will invite them over and maybe that will work. As for the husband, this Somali guy wanted to marry me and she scared him off by saying she wanted him to build a duplex where she lives at the bottom and we live at the top

Try that as for your future husband you need to make it clear from now that you want some boundaries but reassure her with a house nearby maybe even one next door as opposed to a duplex basically take it a step at a time but hey maybe someone will come along ready to accommodate those needs but I would say regardless start the process from now so your mother is mentally prepared and accepting of your personal space

 

[minaaa]

Did you have a talk with your mother about that afterwards? She somehow still thinks you need to be taken care of.

Yeah but I never argue with her she insults me if I do so I let her do and say as she wills or else she says I am defying her. She doesn’t abuse me or anything so I don’t see a point in making a big deal of her behaviour but I don’t know how to live freely. You know I told the guy it was my dream to travel the world but I don’t want a wedding just travel and she told him she wanted to join and that turned him off too because his parents aren’t like that.