My cousin divorced her husband, "This is not your house."

[Angelina]

The hypocrisy of it is too much Wallahi and these are the same men that will lament ‘feminism’ but don’t realize they’re the foot soldiers of feminists and are indeed the best recruiters.

Thinking as a man ‘it’s your house’ because you pay the bills is the biggest undermining of motherhood. They make women not want to be housewives since years of up-keeping a home, making a house a home, with many women even putting their one $ in the houses of their husbands out of good will since they see the house their home along with their children but being told it’s my house I pay for it, is beyond insulting and is an example of how these men devalue motherhood since it isn’t a paid role. These are the same men to tell you how feminists don’t want women to appreciate housewives but they’ll turn around and remind you, you own nothing since you don’t bring money in, but they’ll use up your strength and labor as you spend years cooking and cleaning for them since you’re really nothing but an unpaid maid in their eyes.

Forget feminism, they’re the biggest creators of career women and women who value working because at the end of the day, they value the fact that they pay and believe you own nothing and will remind you of this despite giving your all to a home that you can essentially be told to leave.

 

[Journey.]

This is why the meher arguments piss me off. Women risk so much being married, and imagine some loser trying to get no meher, little meher. Some even try to get married without a gift of gold and other assets. Women need to be so careful, so they are not left broke, with no work experience, and not even meher/gold to sustain her until she finds new stability.

I've heard of husbands who pay into their wives' savings. The mahr, if decent, will probably sustain you for a few months but for a longer term plan you should either work/build your savings account over the years.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I've heard of husbands who pay into their wives' savings. The mahr, if decent, will probably sustain you for a few months but for a longer term plan you should either work/build your savings account over the years.

That's an amazing idea, and women definitely need compensation for ruining their careers. Also, a smart man knows he's not immortal and that the mother of his children need to have financial security.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Great, any sane women would say you can ‘keep your house’.

Can’t have children or build a life with a man with that mentality. I don’t know if this is coming from a place of childishness, but really and truly it isn’t just your house. This is a home you share with your wife and kids and this house of yours is being upkeeped by your wife.

From now one such a wife shouldn’t even bother to cooperate with you when it comes to ‘your house’.

What an insulting mentality that completely bypasses what a wife does.

for all we know the wife has a severe combative attitude problem. He may have crossed the line with that statement but what about the wife? maybe she feels like she can walk all over him and the husband would take it and said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment.

As @Yaraye we still don’t know the details and their arguments and what it’s even about or who’s instigating it so there’s still a lot of questions on behaviour, history and patterns and the issues they’re fighting about in the first place that blows up in these arguments and conflicts where words and actions are taken as signs of war.

I’m not even trying to say who’s the bad guy or good guy in this scenario as conflict and arguments are a part of a relationship but some people say nasty things in the heat of arguments or there’s neglect, and being taken for granted as well.

Regardless she made her choice and walked away may allah help them on their divorce against.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

for all we know the wife has a severe combative attitude problem. He may have crossed the line with that statement but what about the wife? maybe she feels like she can walk all over him and the husband would take it and said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment.

As @Yaraye we still don’t know the details and their arguments and what it’s even about or who’s instigating it so there’s still a lot of questions on behaviour, history and patterns and the issues they’re fighting about in the first place.

I’m not even trying to say who’s the bad guy or good guy in this scenario as conflict and arguments are a part of a relationship but some people say nasty things in the heat of arguments or there’s neglect, and being taken for granted as well.

Regardless she made her choice and walked away may allah help them on their divorce against.

He didn't just cross the line. He broke their marriage irreparably. He did two things

1. He told her that she has no stake in the marriage, the house is not hers, means, you own nothing, you work for free aka you are an adoon. A painful reminder of the career she gave up in return for this disrespect

2. He told her he doesn't love her, as he is not providing her with protection.

That man is no longer her husband.

And let's say, she has an extremely combative attitude, why does he want her back. Let him stick to his original words.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

The hypocrisy of it is too much Wallahi and these are the same men that will lament ‘feminism’ but don’t realize they’re the foot soldiers of feminists and are indeed the best recruiters.

Thinking as a man ‘it’s your house’ because you pay the bills is the biggest undermining of motherhood. They make women not want to be housewives since years of up-keeping a home, making a house a home, with many women even putting their one $ in the houses of their husbands out of good will since they see the house their home along with their children but being told it’s my house I pay for it, is beyond insulting and is an example of how these men devalue motherhood since it isn’t a paid role. These are the same men to tell you how feminists don’t want women appreciate housewives but they’ll turn around and remind you, you own nothing since you don’t bring money in, but they’ll use up your strength and labor as you spend years cooking and cleaning for them since you’re really nothing but an unpaid maid in their eyes.

Forget feminism, they’re the biggest creators of career women and women who value working because at the end of the day, they value the fact that they pay and believe you own nothing and will remind you of this despite giving your all to a home that you can essentially be told to leave.

100% facts.

This is precisely why I see more and more Somali mothers with side hustles, and girls who are immediately returning to work. I see way less trust than before, rather than have a man ever pull such bullshit.

Girls have seen hooyos suffer neglect and polygamy, and had enough. And then we have dhaandhaans who dare say things like "It's my house". YIKES.

 

[Angelina]

for all we know the wife has a severe combative attitude problem. He may have crossed the line with that statement but what about the wife? maybe she feels like she can walk all over him and the husband would take it and said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment.

As @Yaraye we still don’t know the details and their arguments and what it’s even about or who’s instigating it so there’s still a lot of questions on behaviour, history and patterns and the issues they’re fighting about in the first place.

I’m not even trying to say who’s the bad guy or good guy in this scenario as conflict and arguments are a part of a relationship but some people say nasty things in the heat of arguments or there’s neglect, and being taken for granted as well.

Regardless she made her choice and walked away may allah help them on their divorce against.

Hey, some women are difficult, heck they might need to be told what’s what. That none of us dispute and only Allah knows if the husband may have been in the right to tell her she’s wrong but saying to the mother of you’re children this is my house indicates a lot and tbh I can’t be asked to get into it now since I’ve said my piece.

 

[Man with a garuun]

If the woman is raising the children, what's the problem if she has the house? Where are the children supposed to be raised? In an apartment complex?

Gacan baan kuu taagey, Puntite Queen. It seems you did not get the point I was raising.

When couples divorce and go through the courts, their financials need to be sorted out as well, especially if they have properties and other resources. I was explaining if the couple acquired the house while they were married regardless of whose name is on the house, it is regarded as a shared resource(s). So technically, the husband can't kick her out of the house.

But if the man owned the house before the marriage, the house can't be granted to her even if there are young children. However, she is entitled to child support and alimony (given the circumstances).

Now coming back to the topic, there is no proof that the man wanted to kick his wife out of the house. It is a couple having spousal arguments and the lady took it the wrong way. The husband wanted her back, and she should resolve her issues with her husband. There is really nothing here that warrants "Queen Arawelo's warriors" to have their say in this family.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Hey, some women are difficult, heck they might need to be told what’s what. That none of us dispute and only Allah knows if the husband may have been in the right to tell her she’s wrong but saying to the mother of you’re children this is my house indicates a lot and tbh I can’t be asked to get into it now since I’ve said my piece.

See that’s my problem i agree men and women can be difficult but like i said it’s said in the heat of the moment. Like what puntite queen says he broke the marriage by saying that but it’s also possible she did as well in the arguments and past arguments or that she’s disrespectful that warrants him to say that.

It’s between them and allah but i’m not gonna celebrate a divorce which is something that is one of the acts most celebrated by shaytaan

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Gacan baan kuu taagey, Puntite Queen. It seems you did not get the point I was raising.

When couples divorce and go through the courts, their financials need to be sorted out as well, especially if they have properties and other resources. I was explaining if the couple acquired the house while they were married regardless of whose name is on the house, it is regarded as a shared resource(s). So technically, the husband can't kick her out of the house.

But if the man owned the house before the marriage, the house can't be granted to her even if there are young children. However, she is entitled to child support and alimony (given the circumstances).

I personally adhere to shariah law, and if we're allowed western divorce laws too, great !

Now coming back to the topic, there is no proof that the man wanted to kick out his wife. It is a couple having spousal arguments and the lady took it the wrong way. The husband wanted her back, and she should resolve her issues with her husband. There is really nothing here that warrants "Queen Arawelo's warriors" to have their say in this family.

LOL

She doesn't care if he wants her back, the issue is, he is financially abusive, by telling her 'it's not her house', he told her she cannot trust him.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

See that’s my problem i agree men and women can be difficult but like i said it’s said in the heat of the moment. Like what puntite queen says he broke the marriage by saying that but it’s also possible she did as well in the arguments and past arguments.

It’s between them and allah but i’m not gonna celebrate a divorce which is something that is one of the acts most celebrated by shaytaan

We're not excusing women with bad behaviour, we are telling you men, that when you make a woman feel she has no stake in her marriage, she's out for good.

 

[Angelina]

100% facts.

This is precisely why I see more and more Somali mothers with side hustles, and girls who are immediately returning to work. I see way less trust than before, rather than have a man ever pull such bullshit.

Girls have seen hooyos suffer neglect and polygamy, and had enough. And then we have dhaandhaans who dare say things like "It's my house". YIKES.

As crazy as it sounds I’d much rather put up with 50/50 over an ass telling me since he pays the bills the house is his and that I’d be essentially kicked out. He’s dangling it like a carrot when you’re actually keeping up the home and making the house a home out of love but deep down you’re a maid and he feels you’re looking after the house because you’re getting roof and board which is even less than what a full time maid gets

 

[Angelina]

I personally adhere to shariah law, and if we're allowed western divorce laws too, great !


LOL

She doesn't care if he wants her back, the issue is, he is financially abusive, by telling her 'it's not her house', he told her she cannot trust him.

They like to mix the West and Sharia law. Whatever is to their advantage is all they care about tbh.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Let me tell you in man terms.

Imagine the biggest disrespect a woman can do to you, it's cheating isn't it. You would never take her back, even if she cried, her family cried. Never!

For a woman, disrespecting her mammoth contribution to the household, is the height of disrespect.

But you men are very smart, you're just trying to pretend to not understand it. Heed our warnings, or don't.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

We're not excusing women with bad behaviour, we are telling you men, that when you make a woman feel she has no stake in her marriage, she's out for good.

haye i appreciate you considering that scenario.

I’m just trying to say maybe she crossed a line that was a breach of the marriage for him to say what he said in the first place

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

haye i appreciate you considering that scenario.

I’m just trying to say maybe she crossed a line that was a breach of the marriage for him to say what he said in the first place

I don't agree with women crossing lines with their husband either.

My thing is, men and women are different, we need different things to feel loved and respected. Everyone needs to learn what that is, and not cross that line.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Let me tell you in man terms.

Imagine the biggest disrespect a woman can do to you, it's cheating isn't it. You would never take her back, even if she cried, her family cried. Never!

For a woman, disrespecting her mammoth contribution to the household, is the height of disrespect.

But you men are very smart, you're just trying to pretend to not understand it. Heed our warnings, or don't.

cheating is one of the most disrespectful things you can do but it’s not the only thing that can warrant you to checkout or leave.

I don't agree with women crossing lines with their husband either.

My thing is, men and women are different, we need different things to feel loved and respected. Everyone needs to learn what that is, and not cross that line.

sax your right

 

[Angelina]

Let me tell you in man terms.

Imagine the biggest disrespect a woman can do to you, it's cheating isn't it. You would never take her back, even if she cried, her family cried. Never!

For a woman, disrespecting her mammoth contribution to the household, is the height of disrespect.

But you men are very smart, you're just trying to pretend to not understand it. Heed our warnings, or don't.

It’s more than disrespect because it creates instability tbh and in that situation as a woman you can’t trust your husband’s provision and it will be a reminder that ultimately you’re a guest in this house since it isn’t your home. How one can move past that would be difficult and I do think it will play up on the minds of women and make them feel scared or concerned about their future since now they know it’s his home but they’re merely a worker in that house. How much sense does it make to continue cooking and cleaning? I’d get a proper job if I was her and make sure my name is on the deed if we’re going to move forward.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

It’s more than disrespect because it creates instability tbh and in that situation as a woman you can’t trust your husband’s provision and it will be a reminder that ultimately you’re a guest in this house since it isn’t your home. How one can move past that would be difficult and I do think it will play up on the minds of women and make them feel scared or concerned about their future since now they know it’s his home but they’re merely a worker in that house. How much sense does it make to continue cooking and cleaning? I’d get a proper job if I was her and make sure my name is on the deed if we’re going to move forward.

I think the only way such a marriage would work (temporarily), if if the man puts the woman's name on the deed going forward. But even then, I don't see her desiring him again.

 

[Angelina]

Women, make sure you have your own income, savings and try to get your name on the deed even if it means paying the deposit ect. Spending years cooking and cleaning in a home that’s not yours does not make sense since these new age men will remind you that you own nothing.

Our mother generations the ones with good husbands after decades of marriage tend to be given assets by their husbands like land and would also have their name on deeds as well despite being housewives. Many old Somali women I know with good husbands have never worked outside the home a day in their lives but have lands and houses because of their husbands whom they’ve been married to 25+ yrs, but these new age men will tell you ‘I worked, you sat on your ass at home and I pay the bills’. Even if you’re serving them, birthing and raising their babies. In the capitalist world we live in, mothers aren’t respected and the men who disrespect mothers the most are in fact new age traditional men who will tell you having a career is bad but would be the first to remind you that ‘it’s their home’ because you don’t when a career and money.