My cousin divorced her husband, "This is not your house."

[Angelina]

Only a woman that has no foresight is staying with a man that says 'this is not your house'. Are you mad? Imagine working for free, birthing babies, and that man is trying to talk to you like you are a slave.

At this point, I don’t recommend women to give birth and raise children in houses that don’t have their name on the deed. Not worth it. These days some men’s ’provision’ is like a carrot one dangles over a woman’s head. If you’re both buying a house make sure you chip in when it comes to the deposit and make sure your name is on it.

It seems some men’s idea of providing is to make you birth their children, do most of the upkeep of his house but you can easily be told it’s ‘his home’ and the underlying message is, you can leave whenever since ‘it’s mine’.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

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Thanks sis.

So we were right. He told her she was nothing in that house basically.
Good for her, I pray her next husband is a real man.

i’m not gonna invalidate how she feels. If i’m trying to have a discussion and someone raises my voice at me, or has an attitude id calmly tell them don’t speak to me like that talk to me if your willing to be respectful otherwise i don’t wanna be around you.

Personally i would just have left the argument but he said what he said prolly in the context my house my rules.

If she took that as a get out of my house due to her being disrespectful she made her choice it is what it is

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

i’m not gonna invalidate how she feels. If i’m trying to have a discussion and someone raises my voice at me, or has an attitude id calmly tell them don’t speak to me like that talk to me if your willing to be respectful otherwise i don’t wanna be around you.

If she took that as a get out of my house due to her being disrespectful she made her choice it is what it is

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to calm down. That's not the issue, the issue is making a woman feel like she is NOTHING in the house. That's the height of disrespect.

Not a woman's house= not a woman's marriage, and that man is not her husband.

 

[Angelina]

i’m not gonna invalidate how she feels. If i’m trying to have a discussion and someone raises my voice at me, or has an attitude id calmly tell them don’t speak to me like that talk to me if your willing to be respectful otherwise i don’t wanna be around you.

If she took that as a get out of my house due to her being disrespectful she made her choice it is what it is

Are you going to walk over ‘this is not your house!?

 

[Yaraye]

i’m not gonna invalidate how she feels. If i’m trying to have a discussion and someone raises my voice at me, or has an attitude id calmly tell them don’t speak to me like that talk to me if your willing to be respectful otherwise i don’t wanna be around you.

If she took that as a get out of my house due to her being disrespectful she made her choice it is what it is

You have proven, historically during your time here, that you are a smart man. I see that you want to deliberately miss the point.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

At this point, I don’t recommend women to give birth and raise children in houses that don’t have their name on the deed. Not worth it. These days some men’s ’provision’ is like a carrot one dangles over a woman’s head. If you’re both buying a house make sure you chip in when it comes to the deposit and make sure your name is on it.

It seems some men’s idea of providing is to make you birth their children, do most of the upkeep of his house but you can easily be told it’s ‘his home’ and the underlying message is, you can leave whenever since ‘it’s mine’.

This is why the meher arguments piss me off. Women risk so much being married, and imagine some loser trying to get no meher, little meher. Some even try to get married without a gift of gold and other assets. Women need to be so careful, so they are not left broke, with no work experience, and not even meher/gold to sustain her until she finds new stability.

 

[Angelina]

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to calm down. That's not the issue, the issue is making a woman feel like she is NOTHING in the house. That's the height of disrespect.

Seriously insane how he bypassed that. A man saying don’t shout at me or act normal ect is normal behavior, but ‘This is not your house’

Wallahi thinking that’s acceptable behavior is nuts.

Sisters like I said, do not birth kids for these men unless the house is also in your name. Not worth it and if it’s a rental, it isn’t the doqon as house either.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Are you going to walk over ‘this is not your house!?

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to calm down. That's not the issue, the issue is making a woman feel like she is NOTHING in the house. That's the height of disrespect.

Not a woman's house= not a woman's marriage, and that man is not her husband.

if someone is talking to me crazy in a home under my name which i’m providing for why would any normal person tolerate that?

Would you tolerate that if the roles are reversed.

Too add this is said in the heat of the argument like i said i’m not invalidating how she she feels so it is what it is

 

[Angelina]

This is why the meher arguments piss me off. Women risk so much being married, and imagine some loser trying to get no meher, little meher. Some even try to get married without a gift of gold and other assets. Women need to be so careful.

Mehr is nothing sis. Even 10k isn’t a lot in this economy. Women should work or have some sort of side hustle and make sure their name is on the deed.

 

[Man with a garuun]

"Poor guy" kulaha

Yaraye clearly said he told her 'don't raise your voice, this is not your house'. If it's not her house, he's not her husband, simple.

If she is legally married, that is her house as well. Any properties acquired during the marriage equally belong to both of them. And if there are children like @Yaraye stated and they get divorced, the house would be given to her.

The courts actually look at who is taking care of the underage kids, and that person would live in the house while the ex-husband would provide child support. I know an Eritrean guy whose wife filed a divorce. They had a house and 2 underage boys. He bought the house before they got married, so the house wasn't given to the lady, but he had to pay child support and alimony.

That being said, the story of this family is not clear, and I would not pass judgment until we're aware of the full story behind this.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

if someone is talking to me crazy in a home under my name which i’m providing for why would any normal person tolerate that?

Would you tolerate that if the roles are reversed.

Too add this is said in the heat of the argument like i said i’m not invalidating how she she feels so it is what it is

The statement that is in discussion is 'it's not your house'

 

[Sophisticate]

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[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

If she is legally married, that is her house as well. Any properties acquired during the marriage equally belong to both of them. And if there are children like @Yaraye stated and they get divorced, the house would be given to her.

The courts actually look at who is taking care of underage kids, and that person would live in the house while the ex-husband would provide child support.

That being said, the story of this family is not clear, and I would not pass judgment until we're aware of the full story behind this.

Is this islamic law?

 

[Keep it a boqol]

There is nothing wrong with telling someone to calm down. That's not the issue, the issue is making a woman feel like she is NOTHING in the house. That's the height of disrespect.

Not a woman's house= not a woman's marriage, and that man is not her husband.

like i said we don’t know what the argument is about and he’s telling her to calm down prior to him saying that, what if she’s going nuts and disrespectful or condensening and invalidating? what if he feels like he’s nothing?

Mind you this is in the heat of the argument after the husband told her to be respectful we don’t even know what was said prior for him to say that or details of the argument

 

[Angelina]

if someone is talking to me crazy in a home under my name which i’m providing for why would any normal person tolerate that?

And who is providing the upkeep of this so called home? What is she ‘hired help’? You’re the same men who’d expect her to pull her weight since it’s her home, but when tensions are high you’re quick to remember it isn’t right?

That mentality alone is enough to not take a man seriously anymore.

Would you tolerate that if the roles are reversed.

Too add this is said in the heat of the argument like i said i’m not invalidating how she she feels so it is what it is

Great, any sane women would say you can ‘keep your house’.

Can’t have children or build a life with a man with that mentality. I don’t know if this is coming from a place of childishness, but really and truly it isn’t just your house. This is a home you share with your wife and kids and this house of yours is being upkeeped by your wife.

From now one such a wife shouldn’t even bother to cooperate with you when it comes to ‘your house’.

What an insulting mentality that completely bypasses what a wife does.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Mehr is nothing sis. Even 10k isn’t a lot in this economy. Women should work or have some sort of side hustle and make sure their name is on the deed.

I agree, but even those 10K mehers are better than nothing. A lot of sisters end up not working for a long time, some don't have degrees that get them a decent job, you name it. I agree, as soon as the babies can take steps, get to work ladies, and keep your coins as Allah SWT dictated it, or a good amount of it.

 

[Man with a garuun]

Is this islamic law?

It is the law in Murica. The couple live in Minneapolis, I think.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I've never seen such a statement that triggers such distrust and revulsion in women. I've even seen woman come back from outright insults, even women who forgive cheating. But to make a woman feel worthless. Whewww.

Even if she 'stays', I promise she is plotting and her family definitely is.

 

[Man with a garuun]

like i said we don’t know what the argument is about and he’s telling her to calm down prior to him saying that, what if she’s going nuts and disrespectful or condensening and invalidating? what if he feels like he’s nothing?

Mind you this is in the heat of the argument after the husband told her to be respectful we don’t even know what was said prior for him to say that or details of the argument

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

It is the law in Murica. The couple live in Minneapolis, I think.

If the woman is raising the children, what's the problem if she has the house? Where are the children supposed to be raised? In an apartment complex?