My dads been talking shit with his new wife…

Give him a monthly sum while staying away from him and not coming to him, and at the same time talk to him in a respectful tone, because in the end he remains your father and life is short, as she said @Angelina
Lol you’re nicer than me, a father like that won’t get a penny from me. We’re in an economic crisis with young couples finding paying rent difficult. I’m not pay-rolling some next woman. His hateful new wife.

if the father was to die, I’d deffo say give something to your siblings.
 
How can you respect someone who is willing to ruin your life by selling you into loveless marriage?
I am not saying insult him, but just tell them damn truth. Like yo dad, you fucked up, you're irresponsible and here's why. And because of that, I ain't gonna have a relationship with you, bye.

That's it. I don't like how people give parents this greenlight to do whatever, if a parent is clearly acting in a way that's incosistent with Islam, they should be told to chill, but some of them won't like my dad. When you see that there's no hope for them, cut them off and move on. If you can, give them money if they need it because that's easier than faking a relationship with them.
You can’t fake a relationship because 9/10 times they can’t be asked to fake it with you LOL. They couldn’t give a flip. They’ll only talk to you for money. A friend of mine has a dad that literally dangles hell and heaven and says if she doesn’t give she’ll be going hell for denying her father. These times she works full time and hardly has any savings due to tax and rent ect.

I wish I had a solution as to what needs to be done in our community but I think the only thing is that our gen need to be better mothers and fathers and leave the rest to Allah. You can’t change men who were raised to be selfish, men whose wives have allowed this selfishness to continue until those women were pushed to the curve. It’s cultural enabling and the children can’t do anything because at the end of the day, he’s a father and an elderly person. It’s ceeb to argue with an older person let alone your father.
 
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White th*t with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.:dead:
 
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.
It’s called being human. It’s called venting. Not everyone is built the same way. We get it you’re a stoic individual, but a little bit of emotional intelligence would illustrate that we’re not all built the same, especially a vulnerable woman in a place she feels alone. Clearly she’s emotional and wants an outlet but is surrounded by actual real life strangers she can’t speak to.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.:dead:
It’s an anonymous forum. No one knows her identity so what is she spilling? You’re acting like she’s telling us her issues with her government name like we know her personally. She’s a faceless poster. Couldn’t get any more anonymous than that. Spilling to strangers is when people hop on twitter with their real face and identity. Here, she could be a flipping jinn behind that account and so could I.

Also, even if she’s the problem, what excuses can we make for someone that didn’t bother to raise his kids? Or someone that allows his wife to talk terribly to his daughter who is a guest? She’s a guest who has not had her father in her life. Clearly she’s going to be a bit on edge.

I’m sorry but I know multiple people in this situation, there is nothing ground breaking about her story. It’s a regular Thursday.
 
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I’m sorry sis. I would suggest leaving the country asap then going low contact with that sorry excuse of a father. (As it is haram to completely cut family ties).

Some people don’t deserve to be parents walahi. You should never make outsiders feel so comfortable to disrespect your kids.

I’ve noticed with a lot of men, the way they treat their kids depends on how they feel about the child’s mother and whether they’re still together or not. I find that so strange. Like are they not your flesh and blood regardless??
 
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.:dead:
Respectfully, what the actual f*ck is this response to OP? She's asked for help here because she's in a desperate situation, and this isn't the first time she's reached out to us anonymous users.

Previously, she asked me about how the Somali community is like here in Australia and our living standard in this nation so she could consider it as a potential place of refuge, without an ounce of emotionalism or fishing for pity responses so I'd she's perfectly genuine in her intentions.
 
You can’t fake a relationship because 9/10 times they can’t be asked to fake it with you LOL. They couldn’t give a flip. They’ll only talk to you for money. A friend of mine has a dad that literally dangles hell and heaven and says if she doesn’t give she’ll be going hell for denying her father. These times she works full time and hardly has any savings due to tax and rent ect.

I wish I had a solution as to what needs to be done in our community but I think the only thing is that our gen need to be better mothers and fathers and leave the rest to Allah. You can’t change men who were raised to be selfish, men whose wives have allowed this selfishness to continue until those women were pushed to the curve. It’s cultural enabling and the children can’t do anything because at the end of the day, he’s a father and an elderly person. It’s ceeb to argue with an older person let alone your father.
You're right, they don't have guilty conscious that tells them when they're doing something wrong.
and it isn't fair to go to hell for someone who literally abandoned you when you were a baby and needed a father.
Also, if your parent even threatens you with hell, it only proves to you that they don't give a shit about you.
 
and it isn't fair to go to hell for someone who literally abandoned you when you were a baby and needed a father.
Also, if your parent even threatens you with hell, it only proves to you that they don't give a shit about you.
Life is short. I simply wouldn’t risk my akhira on something like this. Smile be polite and be nice. It’s not as if those types will bother to call you regularly anyways? Simply live your life. If you have money here and there, throw them a couple of hundreds, if not just smile and nod your head and go on your way without proper replying.
 

Vapour

Press rewind ⏪
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White th*t with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.:dead:
While it's normal for the OP to feel upset, you have a point. No way would I insult my father or allow others to do so, and I would try to mend the relationship between us by putting in 190% effort.

I haven't seen my father in years, but I always call, send money, and try my absolute best to remain close.
 
While it's normal for the OP to feel upset, you have a point. No way would I insult my father or allow others to do so, and I would try to mend the relationship between us by putting in 190% effort.

I haven't seen my father in years, but I always call, send money, and try my absolute best to remain close.
Yet it’s ok for her father to trash talk her to the whole house – to the point that even the maid feels comfortable disrespecting her? It takes two to maintain a good family relationship.

No offense but some of y’all are part of the problem— you make it very easy for toxic and/or abusive parents in the community to get away with their toxicity. The children who speak out about what they are going through are shamed all in the name of “not airing out dirty laundry” and “respect your parents”. Where’s the shame for the parents who are not treating their children properly?

Like this is an anonymous forum. Nobody here knows OP or her father in real life and can trace things back to him.
 

Kisame

Plotting world domination
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White th*t with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.:dead:

Nigga f*ck her dad. I've seen this same story multiple times and everytime I see it there's always a few niggas talking about respecting parents.

I've never fucked with that stance.
 
I’m sorry but let Allah deal with all of them. No need to try to show them how justifiably upset they’ve made you. They simply don’t care. It’s wasted effort. Protect your mental health. Be cordial as much as you can for the rest of your time. Don’t let them pick up on you not engaging with their bs cause they will switch up their tactics to upset you again. Seriously, you’re providing them free entertainment every time you react to their behavior. Stay lowkey until you have to go.

Make the best of your time there. Focus on your cibaada and enjoy the few things you like about that place since you know you won’t be back for a long time. Abaayo, do your best to not let them enrage you or get you to say things they can use against you later. Let them say whatever they want. They’re only adding to your scale of good deeds. Don’t become like them. That’s the best thing you can do for your life. Inshallah you’ll leave soon and rebuild your life better than before.

And remember even if a parent neglects their duties placed upon them by Allah, Allah will hold them accountable. You just make sure you do the best you can to speak to your aabo like a aabo. Doesn’t have to be with extreme admiration but still a tone that doesn’t convey a lack of respect. Just be professional to get through this time.
 
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Vapour

Press rewind ⏪
Yet it’s ok for her father to trash talk her to the whole house – to the point that even the maid feels comfortable disrespecting her? It takes two to maintain a good family relationship.

No offense but some of y’all are part of the problem— you make it very easy for toxic and/or abusive parents in the community to get away with their toxicity. The children who speak out about what they are going through are shamed all in the name of “not airing out dirty laundry” and “respect your parents”. Where’s the shame for the parents who are not treating their children properly?

Like this is an anonymous forum. Nobody here knows OP or her father in real life and can trace things back to him.
I hear you, but there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. I'm in a different situation from the OP. And I am sure there are genuinely hard-to-deal-with fathers out there.

Her Father chews Khat and probably lived through the Civil War years. We should take that into account. The fact that someone like that seems callous or unfeeling does not surprise me. It's hard, but patience is the answer here. She should speak to her Father about this again. Then, maybe take a break from visiting again.
 
No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.
You and her are two completely different people with completely different life experiences. For some, the internet is a way to vent and get a release when they have no one they can speak to. Maybe you haven’t had that experience but it does help some people by hearing other’s advices. We all have different thresholds for trauma (before we reach a boiling point) and different coping methods. It’s important to hear people out who seem genuine and want to improve.

She clearly wants her father in her life but this experience is going the complete opposite of what she hoped for. Let’s be more empathetic and understanding to one another.
 
How are we going to help her? We don't know her plus she just told the whole forum. Now everyone will remember her as the girl with daddy issues.
lol you’re so unaware it’s not even funny. Don’t say anything then if you can’t be kind to someone who’s in emotional pain.

I only know this user as someone who wants to connect with her family. It’s not her fault who her father is. We all get tested in different ways. Remember that
 
You and her are two completely different people with completely different life experiences. For some, the internet is a way to vent and get a release when they have no one they can speak to. Maybe you haven’t had that experience but it does help some people by hearing other’s advices. We all have different thresholds for trauma (before we reach a boiling point) and different coping methods. It’s important to hear people out who seem genuine and want to improve.

She clearly wants her father in her life but this experience is going the complete opposite of what she hoped for. Let’s be more empathetic and understanding to one another.
I can explain what I wrote was correct and make a couple of points that I disagree with but you write beautifully so I will refrain. It would be like stepping on a flower.:ftw9nwa:
----
To the weirdly desperate people trying to seep gender into this; I care less about fathers than mothers, so no, I would be very disappointed if it was about her mother. So don't even try. This is about principles. I would say the same if it was a non-parental family, like siblings. Gender nonsense is brain rot.
 

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