Wow, someone can’t read context. I’m shocked Walahi.
Is this what I have to deal with!
My dads been talking shit with his new wife…
- Thread starter Dibleyy
- Start date
Is this what I have to deal with!
@Dibleyy
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Please reread those words in context. Leaving an environment that isn’t conducive to your mental health does not equate to cutting contact. She seems to be in a hostile environment so leaving temporarily is for her own good. Once she distances herself, she can still maintain contact on her terms and preserve her mental well-being. I think that’s what most people are conveying.
If I were you I'd respectfully leave and just go where I'd be treated best. Why stay with people who smile in your face just to backbite about you later on? Don't disrespect yourself by staying in a toxic situation like that, just smile, keep things cordial and communicate that you feel disrespected there and you'll be going your seperate ways before a full and complete severing of family ties happens (which the deen doesn't allow). Continue to call and text occassionally solely for the sake of Allah and to uphold the family ties he ordered us to protect, but don't do anything more than that if it puts your mental and emotional health in jeopardy.
That’s the issue I’m finding with this forum. When I look back, a lot the back and fourths I’ve had with posters have been due to their inability to read context.
That’s exactly what I was conveying. A place in which she’s being mistreated and mocked by her father and his wife and family isn’t safe, especially back home. Even I, someone who goes back home regularly I don’t feel comfortable staying there for long stretches without my parents when I’m with my relatives who I didn’t grow up with as life there can be unpredictable and the mentality of those back home is different. Yes she has a parent there but he is no different to the strange relatives she needs to get used to since he didn’t raise her. If her father is indifferent to her and takes the side of her step mother who clearly dislikes her, it can be dangerous, although I hope everything turns out well.
They're telling her to leave the house, not the relationship. If she goes to stay with her mom who raised her, is that leaving? Or is she just going to her mom's house?
It doesn't seem like he even raised her since she says she never got a cent from him, so theoretically didn't he leave her first? Legally that's called parental abandonment.
She could have said go to your mom instead of saying leave .
I said go back to America which is where her mum is. Stop being a Moron and trying to find excuses.
You’re dishonest indeed.
Vapour
Press rewind ⏪
C'mon, DojaKhat. As far as I can tell, and he can correct me on this, the alchemist thinks OP may have some part to play in this situation due to her unfamiliarity with the Cultural/Social norms of the Region she now lives in. In my post, I said her Father has probably had a tough life and chews Khat, so while this disrespect seems suffocating to her, he sees it as something to scoff at. I mean, these posts may come off as victim-blaming, and I'm open to criticism, but where is the Male bias here?
Ultimately, I'm just trying to get her to see the bigger picture because I don't want her to give up on her Father, especially since this may be her first visit to him in a long time.
If she wants to go low-contact, she can come to that decision herself. She doesn't need people with no social stake in her life coming with their assumptions and biases.
If you were not referring to me or the alchemist, then ignore this message.
Land of canjeero and digir and caano geel but you can only stomach fast food. Diaspora is fkdWowwww so I knew this lady didn’t like me when she ruined my hair at this shit salon.
My dad buys khat every afternoon and I usually go along with him to order fries (literally the only thing I can stomach eating) and a soda. I was surprised when his wife tagged along, and was dressed up for no reason…
So I went to get my stuff but left my phone in the car recording the audio and wooowwww, my dad was talking the worst shit about me. I was thinking about getting into a fake marriage for $15k (I decided not to) and he was telling her how I would just leave with the money and not say anything.
Also they started saying how I close doors really aggressively and they can’t tell whether I’m angry or not. He also talks about how no Somali man would marry me and would divorce me the same day. And lied to his wife about how he gave me money and she was saying I’m wasting it when he needs it
That guy hasn’t given me a single cent since I was born but has taken care of his children before and after me. His younger children are under 18 and spoiled asf and constantly complain about going abroad, it pisses me off because I didn’t even have a bed or a room to sleep in growing up.
I went ham and yelled at him, this isn’t the first time I’ve been disrespected by him or he allowed me to be disrespected. I overheard his wife’s niece literally was joking to her brother (he lives here) that I’m useless at chores and cooking but he should try and work on me to marry and get citizenship. When I told my dad he laughed…… Her and his wife’s other guests don’t even say Salam to me and will stick up their noses whenever they see me.
Now they’re disrespect has become blatant and I can hear them THIS morning talking shit! Literally the maid (some habesha bitcch who has a bastard child she carry’s around all day) literally was saying how I could never have a husband and I lay down all day and do nothing (I’m on vacation!)
I’m not sure what I can do in this situation, I feel taken advantage of and completely disrespected. I’ve been told a million times that he’s my dad and islamically I need to respect him, I came here to know more about him and meet his kids (who ruined my stuff one time, the little girl put chapstick all over my headphones and expensive concealer and they stole my portable fan and keep lying about it)
Im only here until the end of the month but im not sure what to do in the meantime…
I regret coming here so much!!
I don’t buy that. I go back home regularly and the hall mark of Somali Dhaqan is to treat guests with the upmost respect. She’s new to the country, first time there, hasn’t seen her father in years or was raised by him and she’s being mistreated by his wife, his family and him?
Even if she’s a not so great guest, Somali etiquette will prevent them from talking about her loudly in front of the maid and having even the maid be brave enough to verbally abuse her says a lot. There is no way one can spin this, especially someone who is familiar with Somali dhaqan.
I think OP should obviously still maintain contact as he’s her father and such is her Islamic obligation, but trying to downplay this isn’t right.
Be more clear next time.
I don’t need to. Most people can comprehend context. I’m not here to dumb down my writing. Pay attention.
What are you talking about? I eat Somali food, her cooking is just shit. I can’t stomach it, she puts too much oil and other stuff, it gives me heartburn! I’d rather eat my moms food than order out any day of the week
Are you a Feminist?. If you're in any way a submissive traditional woman, then you'll have no problem finding a man(a good one at that).And the maid is the one saying it too! He’s allowed me to be disrespected by a lady with a bastard child who’s man abandoned them telling me how no man will want me
Im disappointed
Vapour
Press rewind ⏪
True, but Somalis also endlessly mock anyone different. Besides, we don't know how long this has been a problem (the disrespect). She has been in Awdal (I think) for some weeks now. I remember her old thread.
Anyhow, I think this exchange went on for too long. Let's agree to disagree.
Last edited:
johnsepei5
Head of Somalia freemasonry branch
You should respect yourself and leave your dad and his new family it’s clear he does not want you there
It's an anonymous online forum, who cares.
Her father didnt raise her or spend money on her so why should she maintain a relationship that never existed to begin with? Men cut ties with their children when they are babies and expect to be welcomed with open arms when they are working adults. Why should the whole burden be placed on the kids to not cut ties then? I can sympathise with @Dibleyy cause I got similar issues with the one who sired me.
