My dads been talking shit with his new wife…

[Rayaale]

Sis don't stress out or it will just take a toll on you and no one else. Someone that grew up in the west will always find it difficult in Somalia. There is such a big difference in dhaqan because you weren't raised in Somalia. People back home think diaspora kids are dumb and can be taken advantage off, because of the language barrier, difference in dhaqan and believing that people in the west have lived sheltered lives. I don't think you should take things out of proportion. Your edo and the maid and the other people in the house just ignore what they say. But I would say this...sometimes coming from the west we are bit more quiet and introverted and take things too seriously. Whereas people in Somalia say the maddest things to each other as kaftan(joking) and are loud and social people.

So it's better not take things too sensitively. Like the niece who is joking about the guy getting married to you and you taking him to the west...that's normal kaftan joke in Somalia, hence why your dad laughed when you told him about it with a serious face

. Anyways your dad doesn't hate you or have ill feeling towards you. He's just a typical somali odey who thinks you're a spoilt fish and chips diaspora.

Whilst in your Somalia just try not take anything to heart. Be a bit more friendly, try to eat whatever the other people In the house are eating, go to the suuq with the girls and get out of your comfort zone....enjoy the rest of your holiday with a positive outlook and hopefully everything will turn out good.

Nah I live back home and this is not normal especially coming from your own father who suppose to protect and guide you.

 

[Mckenzie]

A father chatting shit or being wordy is water off a ducks back to me, my father aun was diabetic and had high blood pressure, you couldn't speak to him or go near him in certain times of the day cos of his explosive aura (esp when he is hungry after work, needs the toilet or waking up from sleep). And when i say explosive i mean it, you will catch a stray if he's mad at another person and you just happen to be in the room, recalling shit that went wrong years or months back just so he can get his daily admonishment quota.

Here's the catch, i've rarely seen a young Somali of our generation who successfully convinced their parents to change up their act and be nicer. Those parents are set in their ways and will die on that hill. Some parents even take offense that you have a bone to pick with their parenting. Put it into perspective, you are the first generation of thousands of years of Somali breeding to live in the West. You are surrounded by critical thinkers and an open minded community. That is why it is easy for you to look at things differently.

That now being said, the best way forward for you is to be a big thinker. Think of your dad's problems like a strangers problems on a train - if a stranger is causing chaos on a train that you can't leave - your first thought would be to find a distraction until you can get out i.e headphones, reading a book etc. You won't sit on the train hurting your head repeatedly thinking why is that stranger causing you problems right? Your critical senses are stronger with strangers because you don't allow your mind to run rings around you asking why that person is being a pr*ck. You accepted your environment and found the best course of action YOU can take to give YOU mental peace. Same thing with your dad, stop thinking about why he is the way he is, God created him that way, as He created everyone differently and there are many difficult ppl on this planet. Remove yourself from the situation mentally. I won't say cut your parents off but there is a mental way of doing so that frees your mind. Even if your Dad notices you gone quiet, tf is he gonna say? 'Be happy so i can cuss you out and make you sad again?' He'll get the cue. When my dad gave me a hard time i just act a bit quiet in the house and gradually the parents start gravitating towards you cos they'll feel guilty but never admit it, they know i'm the happy type and it probably saddens them that their own behaviour makes me quiet. A further psycological trick is to ignore the white noise because the more you let it bother you, the more you'll become like them and pass down the cycle to your next generation.

 

[Do]

C'mon, DojaKhat. As far as I can tell, and he can correct me on this, the alchemist thinks OP may have some part to play in this situation due to her unfamiliarity with the Cultural/Social norms of the Region she now lives in. In my post, I said her Father has probably had a tough life and chews Khat, so while this disrespect seems suffocating to her, he sees it as something to scoff at. I mean, these posts may come off as victim-blaming, and I'm open to criticism, but where is the Male bias here?

Ultimately, I'm just trying to get her to see the bigger picture because I don't want her to give up on her Father, especially since this may be her first visit to him in a long time.

If she wants to go low-contact, she can come to that decision herself. She doesn't need people with no social stake in her life coming with their assumptions and biases.

If you were not referring to me or the alchemist, then ignore this message.

I understand that you and @The alchemist have more depth in your position that's less to do with cultural misogyny or gender biases and more to do with culture/honour so I'm more willing to engage with you two sincerely.

My comment was more directed at people like:

@Homerlilian
@Farax Jamac Somalicus
@GeeljireGenius

who rushed straight to insisting that she forgive her father, while the wounds are still fresh. I'm very familiar with the patterns of some of these users, and I question if they would have instinctively had a more merciful outlook on a similarly bad mother.

In any case, I wish this help/advice thread wasn't derailed by Angelina and GeeljireGenius bickering with each other.

 

[Vapour]

I understand that you and @The alchemist have more depth in your position that's less to do with cultural misogyny or gender biases and more to do with culture/honour so I'm more willing to engage with you too sincerely.

My comment was more directed at people like:

@Homerlilian
@Farax Jamac Somalicus
@GeeljireGenius

who rushed straight to insisting that she forgive her father, while the wounds are still fresh. I'm very familiar with the patterns of some of these users, and I question if they would have instinctively had a more merciful outlook on a similarly bad mother.

In any case, I wish this help/advice thread wasn't derailed by Angelina and GeeljireGenius bickering with each other.

Thanks. I knew you'd be understanding. You are one of my favorite members. But I'm surprised to see you online now. Is it not early in Australia?

 

[Kalsoon]

Sis don't stress out or it will just take a toll on you and no one else. Someone that grew up in the west will always find it difficult in Somalia. There is such a big difference in dhaqan because you weren't raised in Somalia. People back home think diaspora kids are dumb and can be taken advantage off, because of the language barrier, difference in dhaqan and believing that people in the west have lived sheltered lives. I don't think you should take things out of proportion. Your edo and the maid and the other people in the house just ignore what they say. But I would say this...sometimes coming from the west we are bit more quiet and introverted and take things too seriously. Whereas people in Somalia say the maddest things to each other as kaftan(joking) and are loud and social people.

So it's better not take things too sensitively. Like the niece who is joking about the guy getting married to you and you taking him to the west...that's normal kaftan joke in Somalia, hence why your dad laughed when you told him about it with a serious face

. Anyways your dad doesn't hate you or have ill feeling towards you. He's just a typical somali odey who thinks you're a spoilt fish and chips diaspora.

Whilst in your Somalia just try not take anything to heart. Be a bit more friendly, try to eat whatever the other people In the house are eating, go to the suuq with the girls and get out of your comfort zone....enjoy the rest of your holiday with a positive outlook and hopefully everything will turn out good.

My theory is it’s cause they lack any sort of personal boundaries. They say the maddest things and expect people to not look at them funny otherwise they’ll label them as “sensitive”. Since they grew up being told disrespectful things and learning to fight back as kaftan, they want to do that to us which isn’t really fair. It’s quite shocking to people who don’t have that kind of upbringing. If it’s someone they want something from, they stay on their best behavior as to not offend that person.

And the maid is the one saying it too! He’s allowed me to be disrespected by a lady with a bastard child who’s man abandoned them telling me how no man will want me

It’s seems they are all resentful of you. Possibly because you have the chance to leave there and do stuff they won’t be able to.

 

[Dibleyy]

It’s seems they are all resentful of you. Possibly because you have the chance to leave there and do stuff they won’t be able to.

Yup! That’s the vibe I get too… And it’s understandable in a way, his wife is 36 yrs old is married to a 75 yr old man, her neice graduated and stays at home with 30 other people and the maid has a bastard by a man who abandoned her as soon as she found out she’s pregnant and lugs around a baby whenever she’s working.

 

[Nin123]

Wowwww so I knew this lady didn’t like me when she ruined my hair at this shit salon.

My dad buys khat every afternoon and I usually go along with him to order fries (literally the only thing I can stomach eating) and a soda. I was surprised when his wife tagged along, and was dressed up for no reason…

So I went to get my stuff but left my phone in the car recording the audio and wooowwww, my dad was talking the worst shit about me. I was thinking about getting into a fake marriage for $15k (I decided not to) and he was telling her how I would just leave with the money and not say anything.

Also they started saying how I close doors really aggressively and they can’t tell whether I’m angry or not. He also talks about how no Somali man would marry me and would divorce me the same day. And lied to his wife about how he gave me money and she was saying I’m wasting it when he needs it

That guy hasn’t given me a single cent since I was born but has taken care of his children before and after me. His younger children are under 18 and spoiled asf and constantly complain about going abroad, it pisses me off because I didn’t even have a bed or a room to sleep in growing up.

I went ham and yelled at him, this isn’t the first time I’ve been disrespected by him or he allowed me to be disrespected. I overheard his wife’s niece literally was joking to her brother (he lives here) that I’m useless at chores and cooking but he should try and work on me to marry and get citizenship. When I told my dad he laughed…… Her and his wife’s other guests don’t even say Salam to me and will stick up their noses whenever they see me.

Now they’re disrespect has become blatant and I can hear them THIS morning talking shit! Literally the maid (some habesha bitcch who has a bastard child she carry’s around all day) literally was saying how I could never have a husband and I lay down all day and do nothing (I’m on vacation!)

I’m not sure what I can do in this situation, I feel taken advantage of and completely disrespected. I’ve been told a million times that he’s my dad and islamically I need to respect him, I came here to know more about him and meet his kids (who ruined my stuff one time, the little girl put chapstick all over my headphones and expensive concealer and they stole my portable fan and keep lying about it)

Im only here until the end of the month but im not sure what to do in the meantime…

I regret coming here so much!!

I believe you make this story up for thread. Non of this happened, and stop making lies about your abo.

 

[GeeljireGenius]

I understand that you and @The alchemist have more depth in your position that's less to do with cultural misogyny or gender biases and more to do with culture/honour so I'm more willing to engage with you two sincerely.

My comment was more directed at people like:

@Homerlilian
@Farax Jamac Somalicus
@GeeljireGenius

who rushed straight to insisting that she forgive her father, while the wounds are still fresh. I'm very familiar with the patterns of some of these users, and I question if they would have instinctively had a more merciful outlook on a similarly bad mother.

In any case, I wish this help/advice thread wasn't derailed by Angelina and GeeljireGenius bickering with each other.

I would have said worse things if she talked about her mother.

 

[Kalsoon]

Yup! That’s the vibe I get too… And it’s understandable in a way, his wife is 36 yrs old is married to a 75 yr old man, her neice graduated and stays at home with 30 other people and the maid has a bastard by a man who abandoned her as soon as she found out she’s pregnant and lugs around a baby whenever she’s working.

Yea, xaasidiin wanna destroy a person from every direction. If they have no power to destroy you physically or financially, they’ll try to destroy your reputation and mental health. They’re ill in their hearts.

 

[Hassano]

$15k

Where do you stay? I know someone who will be interested for this arrangement , he is currently in UGANDA

 

[Dibleyy]

Where do you stay? I know someone who will be interested for this arrangement , he is currently in UGANDA

Nope! I decided against it because I’d be financially responsible for 2 years, and they can report me for fraud and still keep citizenship. I don’t trust these greedy buffis ppl.

 

[Hassano]

Nope! I decided against it because I’d be financially responsible for 2 years, and they can report me for fraud and still keep citizenship. I don’t trust these greedy buffis ppl.

Ooh ok .

 

[Nin123]

No one who spills things about their family ever includes their part in the problems.

I would never write a paragraph to a bunch of strangers about my family, and I have gone through things that would terrify your little heart. This is an cadaan teenage practice. Please, at least act like you come from a culture.

And let me tell you one thing, the people who started insulting your father are not the kind of people who want the best for you. They project their issues. Your story gave them vicarious emotionalism, feeding off of your problems like parasites. If a friend told me something about his father that was not right, I would not say anything disrespectful because firstly, I respect my friend. One can quickly tell the caliber of people that post here and frankly, it does not look good. For example, this @Kisame who writes like trying to rile the women like he's a White th*t with daddy issues trying to form a circle trying to hold an outrage speech. Sit your ass down nigga.

This is why I don’t like this gaal @Kisame

 

[Nin123]

Respectfully, what the actual f*ck is this response to OP? She's asked for help here because she's in a desperate situation, and this isn't the first time she's reached out to us anonymous users.

Previously, she asked me about how the Somali community is like here in Australia and our living standard in this nation so she could consider it as a potential place of refuge, without an ounce of emotionalism or fishing for pity responses so I'd she's perfectly genuine in her intentions.

The op is clearly liar just like you.

 

[Do]

Thanks. I knew you'd be understanding. You are one of my favorite members. But I'm surprised to see you online now. Is it not early in Australia?

It is, but it was Fajr time and I sometimes use SSpot on my phone. Like now.

And you're one of my SSpot faves too

 

[Ladylike]

Wowwww so I knew this lady didn’t like me when she ruined my hair at this shit salon.

My dad buys khat every afternoon and I usually go along with him to order fries (literally the only thing I can stomach eating) and a soda. I was surprised when his wife tagged along, and was dressed up for no reason…

So I went to get my stuff but left my phone in the car recording the audio and wooowwww, my dad was talking the worst shit about me. I was thinking about getting into a fake marriage for $15k (I decided not to) and he was telling her how I would just leave with the money and not say anything.

Also they started saying how I close doors really aggressively and they can’t tell whether I’m angry or not. He also talks about how no Somali man would marry me and would divorce me the same day. And lied to his wife about how he gave me money and she was saying I’m wasting it when he needs it

That guy hasn’t given me a single cent since I was born but has taken care of his children before and after me. His younger children are under 18 and spoiled asf and constantly complain about going abroad, it pisses me off because I didn’t even have a bed or a room to sleep in growing up.

I went ham and yelled at him, this isn’t the first time I’ve been disrespected by him or he allowed me to be disrespected. I overheard his wife’s niece literally was joking to her brother (he lives here) that I’m useless at chores and cooking but he should try and work on me to marry and get citizenship. When I told my dad he laughed…… Her and his wife’s other guests don’t even say Salam to me and will stick up their noses whenever they see me.

Now they’re disrespect has become blatant and I can hear them THIS morning talking shit! Literally the maid (some habesha bitcch who has a bastard child she carry’s around all day) literally was saying how I could never have a husband and I lay down all day and do nothing (I’m on vacation!)

I’m not sure what I can do in this situation, I feel taken advantage of and completely disrespected. I’ve been told a million times that he’s my dad and islamically I need to respect him, I came here to know more about him and meet his kids (who ruined my stuff one time, the little girl put chapstick all over my headphones and expensive concealer and they stole my portable fan and keep lying about it)

Im only here until the end of the month but im not sure what to do in the meantime…

I regret coming here so much!!

I am sorry sweetie, I wouldn’t say cut off your dad that’s wrong Islamically however set your boundaries with him, Be kind to him while doing so. As far as his wife goes you don’t have to maintain a relationship with her other than hi and bye or salams. Don’t stress over this it sounds a a lot like they problem. They are projecting their issues on to you. You don’t have to become who they say you are you are free to be who you want to be if I was you I would aim to be better than them. Don’t let anyone steal your peace including family. If you’re able to move out do so if not then use them until you can.

 

[DubatDiaries]

Try talking shit about his wife to him, if he goes along with it, I wouldn’t take it all too seriously. If he shuts you down quickly … then that is ‘opp activity’ since he is clearly okay with bad mouthing one family member and not the other. That might give a bit of clarity on how he sees you



Please take my advice with a grain of salt, I haven’t been in this kind of situation before

 

[Yaraye]

Sociopaths in this thread

 

[Homerlilian]

I understand that you and @The alchemist have more depth in your position that's less to do with cultural misogyny or gender biases and more to do with culture/honour so I'm more willing to engage with you two sincerely.

My comment was more directed at people like:

@Homerlilian
@Farax Jamac Somalicus
@GeeljireGenius

who rushed straight to insisting that she forgive her father, while the wounds are still fresh. I'm very familiar with the patterns of some of these users, and I question if they would have instinctively had a more merciful outlook on a similarly bad mother.

In any case, I wish this help/advice thread wasn't derailed by Angelina and GeeljireGenius bickering with each other.

If you actually was reading my comments I said forgive your father for your Own benefit so that you may feel at peace got nothing to do with benefiting the dad

 

[Do]

If you actually was reading my comments I said forgive your father for your Own benefit so that you may feel at peace got nothing to do with benefiting the dad

No, I understood you the first time, sxb. Like I said, I'm very familiar with the patterns of some of these users.