Post from a Somali Social Worker on r/Somalia

As usual the other side of the problem is never discussed and it's just bashing the Fathers.

Single motherhood is at epidemic levels in the WEST not the EAST or the SOUTH

The part of the story that is ignored is that in many cases these are toxic women who destroyed their own homes over nothing then used the children as weapons against the Father, especially in the critical early years were bonding is crucial.

Even that poor social worker sent to HELP THEM was not SAFE from the VITRIOL OF THESE SINGLE MOTHERS, asking that poor GIRL SHAMELESS Questions about her qabiil and refusing to cooperate with her and get help.

When a trained social worker who is paid, has state resources and genuinely wants to help can't get through to these homewreckers, what chance does a Father have ?

I have been in meetings were Fathers on the verge of going crazy over it, got saved by the tribe pooling money together and sending that poor sod back to third world Somalia to set up a new family to sooth his pain, but decades later when the inevitable happens he is blamed for it.

Just the other day Xaalimo was begging the husband she kicked out decade ago and humiliated by calling the cops on him even getting a restraining order against him, to save their son who was looking at getting 10 years which he did.

That same women is now advising countless other dumb younger Xaalimo who want to thread that same shameless path warning them about cutting the Father of the children, especially in the early years which is critical for bonding.

That Xaalimo is doing a rare thing unusual with Xaalimos, helping other xaalimos from making the same homewrecking mistakes she did.

But people don't see this, what they see is an absent Father DECADES later after the crime took place and the Xaalimo paying a heavy price for it, caasi son, loose daughter, and devastating workload, and without historical context the masses blame the Father.

But the reality is that these are punishments for their crimes in dunya, Allah does not wrong his slaves, this is a fundamental principle repeated many times in Quran THAT HE DOES NOT WRONG HIS SLAVES, but these people wrong themselves and cry when they pay the price for it.

The few Xaalimos that didn't do those shenanigans after divorce don't suffer from the same issues, what goes around comes back around.

The tough pill people refuse to swallow is that we as a community have the worst WOMEN in the DIASPORA, even the reverts from white to black who married our Xaalimos in big numbers suffer the fate we do and have the same complaints, it's a common theme now.

For me the most humiliating stories were Arabs and Algerians in masjids seeing how shameless our women are, the famous black bin bag was placed at a masjids for the Somali Imam shocking everyone.

They regard our women so lowly, they pimp them out to any revert that embraces Islam, why because these Xaalimos have destroyed their own communities and emasculated their men.


Sheikh Khalid Yasin has a famous clip that went viral years ago about Xaalimos which the Xaalimos saw as praise but in reality it was deep humiliation they are unable to understand due to their shamelessness and lack of discernment.


Remember a good wife can easily transform a bad husband and make him better, but vice versa ITS IMPOSSIBLE especially in the WEST.

The Hadith is very explicit about one of the greatest joys and rizq a man can have in this world is a Righteous GOOD WIFE, the opposite holds true also, and we have an abundance of bad, loud, shameless women who are predisposed to emasculating their husbands.
 
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As usual the other side of the problem is never discussed and it's just bashing the Fathers.

Single motherhood is at epidemic levels in the WEST not the EAST or the SOUTH

The part of the story that is ignored is that in many cases these are toxic women who destroyed their own homes over nothing then used the children as weapons against the Father, especially in the critical early years were bonding is crucial.

Even that poor social worker sent to HELP THEM was not SAFE from the VITRIOL OF THESE SINGLE MOTHERS, asking that poor GIRL SHAMELESS Questions about her qabiil and refusing to cooperate with her and get help.

When a trained social worker who is paid, has state resources and genuinely wants to help can't get through to these homewreckers, what chance does a Father have ?

I have been in meetings were Fathers on the verge of going crazy over it, got saved by the tribe pooling money together and sending that poor sod back to third world Somalia to set up a new family to sooth his pain, but decades later when the inevitable happens he is blamed for it.

Just the other day Xaalimo was begging the husband she kicked out decade ago and humiliated by calling the cops on him even getting a restraining order against him, to save their son who was looking at getting 10 years which he did.

That same women is now advising countless other dumb younger Xaalimo who want to thread that same shameless path warning them about cutting the Father of the children, especially in the early years which is critical for bonding.

That Xaalimo is doing a rare thing unusual with Xaalimos, helping other xaalimos from making the same homewrecking mistakes she did.

But people don't see this, what they see is an absent Father DECADES later after the crime took place and the Xaalimo paying a heavy price for it, caasi son, loose daughter, and devastating workload, and without historical context the masses blame the Father.

But the reality is that these are punishments for their crimes in dunya, Allah does not wrong his slaves, this is a fundamental principle repeated many times in Quran THAT HE DOES NOT WRONG HIS SLAVES, but these people wrong themselves and cry when they pay the price for it.

The few Xaalimos that didn't do those shenanigans after divorce don't suffer from the same issues, what goes around comes back around.

The tough pill people refuse to swallow is that we as a community have the worst WOMEN in the DIASPORA, even the reverts from white to black who married our Xaalimos in big numbers suffer the fate we do and have the same complaints, it's a common theme now.

For me the most humiliating stories were Arabs and Algerians in masjids seeing how shameless our women are, the famous black bin bag was placed at a masjids for the Somali Imam shocking everyone.

They regard our women so lowly, they pimp them out to any revert that embraces Islam, why because these Xaalimos have destroyed their own communities and emasculated their men.


Sheikh Khalid Yasin has a famous clip that went viral years ago about Xaalimos which the Xaalimos saw as praise but in reality it was deep humiliation they are unable to understand due to their shamelessness and lack of discernment.


Remember a good wife can easily transform a bad husband and make him better, but vice versa ITS IMPOSSIBLE especially in the WEST.

The Hadith is very explicit about one of the greatest joys and rizq a man can have in this world is a Righteous GOOD WIFE, the opposite holds true also, and we have an abundance of bad, loud, shameless women who are predisposed to emasculating their husbands.
omg you are hilarious, the truth is somali mothers are the biggest enablers of bad behaving somali men, they do all the work and let their men be lazy, in the west and back home, i was so shocked when i found out it’s the women that builds the huts in somalia and does all the work whilst the men just sits around and eats jaad
 

Aseer

A man without a 🐫 won't be praised in afterlife
VIP
This detached dynamic from somali dads probably worked way back then but it has no place in todays modern society.
 
Nigga what education benefits are you talking about????

Young somalis get a borderline free education in America mainly because they're poor and commute to schools that are cheap. Community college is pretty cheap and with the help of a federal and state grants you can graduate university debt free.

The only time young Somali Americans have to worry about actually paying off loans is if they come from middle class households, or decide to live on campus and take loans.

We also got a decent amount of young men that don't even go to college.
Top universities in America or even top in the state they live in. Families with houses, multiple cars get free tuition at these universities because only the mother's income is listed. Its as if the dad does not exist financially.

A lot of somali young men are going to college in the states I dont have stats to back this up but its not skewed I'll tell you that.
 

Qeelbax

East Africa UNUKA LEH
VIP
They benefit from not getting legally married and their kids as well since they basically get free post secondary education. A family could have 5 kids all enrolled saving up to half a million in tuition just cause the father's income is not associated with that child
aka fraud aka haram aka our community is cursed for raising our children w/ haram money, next?
:mjlol:
 

Kisame

Plotting world domination
VIP
Top universities in America or even top in the state they live in. Families with houses, multiple cars get free tuition at these universities because only the mother's income is listed. Its as if the dad does not exist financially.

A lot of somali young men are going to college in the states I dont have stats to back this up but its not skewed I'll tell you that.

They would get the same benefits if they listed their fathers actual income. Most somali college students aren't earning scholarships for being a poor smart students.

Your avg Somali college student is paying for college the same way most poor Americans pays for college. Grants and loans.

aka fraud aka haram aka our community is cursed for raising our children w/ haram money, next?
:mjlol:

Fraud strategy that barely works. The govt already knows most of us are poor.
 

Aurelian

Forza Somalia!
VIP
Majority of Somali parents put down 100% effort to raise their children and educate them. Majority are doing good. These parents mostly came to the US with less than a high school diploma yet survived through challenges and overcame barriers on their own. Through poverty, confusion, depression and uncertainties, they secured a foundation for their children who went on to colleges and became professionals.

Waxaan idiin leeyahay, if you understand Somali, afkiina halaga nabad galo. This is not a private website exclusive to somalis.

Most haters who post negative about Somalis on here are actually the bums who are on drugs, alcohol and lost their ways.


FULL STOP WITH THE BS about Somalis.
Fiiri, I think you live in bubble, some Somali parents do put 100% efforts to raise their children, but many, accodring to the OP post, the members here, don't do that and are narcissist deadbeats.
 
Fiiri, I think you live in bubble, some Somali parents do put 100% efforts to raise their children, but many, accodring to the OP post, the members here, don't do that and are narcissist deadbeats.


The OP poster is most likely a failure and projecting. I do live among somalis and know what is going on.

We are decent community. Most posters on this website are losers.
 


That's definitely not a social worker, i can just tell from the language and that it's probably a user on this site that typed it . You guys love to create posts on reddit to peddle a narrative to make it seem legitimate and then advertise it on this site. You don't use studies and actual papers put out by educated professionals, unless it stats placed out of context by rightwing media. The replies also seem like third party accounts to support the post. You can tell by how they echo the same nonsense with the adage of ''coping'' ''denial'' to push against people who think differently.

It's sounds like a made up story dressed around stereotypes and generalizations you guys forged to believe about Somalis. I.e Somalis are hyper dysfunctional community, father absentee, or that 90% of Somalis are autisitic(in this case behaviour problems).

Not only does this have a watpad story vibe especially the part about asking qabil and to parents it might be about forming a trust but from my own interactions they never extend beyond asking if you are Somali , so its sounds made up but also who even says something like ''Gallo nations'' . You are in a professional work setting and you are thinking it's us vs Gallos? My guess they said this with a specific intent to paint the picture that we are the mercy and over-reliance of foreign non-muslims.
Third, I go to some of these homes at times and the first i'm asked is 'yaaa tahee' asking about my qabiil. Instead of hearing what I have to say or how I can their CHILDREN, their first question is 'yaaa tahhe' not what are you bringing to the table, how can you help my child, what resources are available etc. etc.
I don't know anymore, but this experience has put into perspective everything I've suspected my whole life about our community. Fragmented, broken families, with misaligned priorities resulting in more broken children in Gallo nations who are trying to do their best to help, but even then, no one wants to accept their help, EVEN when they hire one of their own.
Second, my cases have now ballooned to 55 and what was once a part-time job, is now more than a full-time and no one and I mean no-one (apparently) wants to lend me a hand. I ask why this is the case and the Somali "file" I was told by a nice Sudani brother is classified as the most difficult.
And then ''Somali File'' :mjlol: ''55 cases''. Do they believe social work is like the show NCIS? They don't have separate case files for it like a investigative report lool and even if it was true, that's a very low sample size to judge a whole community by.

It would also be ''sampling bias'' because you are not working with Somali families that are already doing well but those who are in need of help much like any other community.

Not only that if they was really that concerned ''my heart is broken'' as the says, why doesn't she offer any solutions? See where the problem lies instead of spewing polemics.

I would've bought their story. If i was a complete Amateur, if i hadn't spent time working with the Somali community in different capacities, also discussed stuff with real social workers myself and reading endless papers about Somali families adjustments in the diaspora.

There is couple of overarching claims and narratives employed on this. But ill address them using research that's out there, it would be more objective and holistic than using my own personal experience.

1. Fragmented Broken Families?

Although it is true that being that a significant number of Somalis come from situation displaced by war and separated through that, they actually remain more intact as nuclear families. But also they maintain a network of support systems and extended families.

These are general perception of Somali families in studies:
1736156891743.png

1736157152165.png


2. Parental involvement(particularly fathers)

Fathers:
When it comes to father involvement outside of parent-child separation which can come from divorce , this has to do with Somalis practicing what is called ''segregated roles'', where men and women are allocated different roles. Fathers are typically expected expected to be the breadwinners, working outside the home and providing financially. Mothers are caregivers, responsible for raising children and managing household duties. That conventional idea of what is “appropriate” for a mother or father to do has been conflicting as Somalis came to the west in 'exile'' and saw a reversal and diminished roles.
1736155306311.png


So in short it's not as simple as ''where are the fathers'' or being absent. We are seeing more of a transition towards a collaborative approach to parenting, rather than segregated one.

Where Somali fathers often get more involved is when helping with their children's home work when they are able to. And this is frequently seen.
1736151467434.png


General Parental involved:
The constraints that Somali parents face extends beyond cultural roles. It includes stuff like educational barriers and language.

1736151297181.png


The fact they participate in attending meetings, social events and go out of their way to help their kids with schoolwork or find others that can assist them if they are not able to. Shows that there is a commitment there but that they are limited because of language barrier and lack of educational/school experience.

There are several successful tailored programs and workshops that are created to address this gap and give parents the tools and the confidence .

Workshop to Improve Parental Involvement for Somali ESL Parents

Working together in a deficit logic: home–school partnerships with Somali diaspora parents


This is one of the primary reasons for why Somali youth educational attainment has increased steadily over the years. It's a result of increased understanding of the needs of parents and equipping them with the tools to enhance the educational attainment of their children.

This shows more or less there is a high emphasis on education.


3. Behavior problems

Boys in general have more behavioral issues than girls. It's something you can see across communities, it was dubbed in research as ''boy problem''. Boys are more likely to show “externalising behaviours” such as destructiveness and aggressiveness. Girls, on the other hand, were more likely to have “internalising problems” such as anxiety.

So it's not a Somali specific thing, its a global theme.
1736153251353.png


Some more studies and articles on this topic.
Boys are more likely to see their education suffer as a result of behavior problems in early childhood, according to a new study.

The effect is compounded by teachers taking a harsher view of behavioral issues in boys than in girls, making school a less positive experience for boys.

Compared with other ethnic communities Somalis have actually gone out of their way to launch programs, show openness to work with social workers to address this and to find ways to reach the children's emotional needs.

A support program for Somali-born parents on children's behavioral problems

and none of those studies and programs actually show that Somali kids have higher rates of behavioural issues than other children.
 
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The truth seeker

Silent weapons for quiet wars
The bashing of Somali fathers needs to stop it’s more of a cultural issue the village raises the child problem is particularly in America and in general the west it focuses on the individual while the eastern world focuses on community (This a big reason why income gap is so severe between the two )
 

The truth seeker

Silent weapons for quiet wars
Trust me bro, as a man in the western world you shouldn’t entertain yourself with the thought of a legal marriage. It will not end well if divorce comes into play, (that is inevitable except if you signed a prenup of course).
This common sense is somehow now controversial crazy world we live in
 
That's definitely not a social worker, i can just tell from the language and that it's probably a user on this site that typed it . You guys love to create posts on reddit to peddle a narrative to make it seem legitimate and then advertise it on this site. You don't use studies and actual papers put out by educated professionals, unless it stats placed out of context by rightwing media. The replies also seem like third party accounts to support the post. You can tell by how they echo the same nonsense with the adage of ''coping'' ''denial'' to push against people who think differently.

It's sounds like a made up story dressed around stereotypes and generalizations you guys forged to believe about Somalis. I.e Somalis are hyper dysfunctional community, father absentee, or that 90% of Somalis are autisitic(in this case behaviour problems).

Not only does this have a watpad story vibe especially the part about asking qabil and to parents it might be about forming a trust but from my own interactions they never extend beyond asking if you are Somali , so its sounds made up but also who even says something like ''Gallo nations'' . You are in a professional work setting and you are thinking it's us vs Gallos? My guess they said this with a specific intent to paint the picture that we are the mercy and over-reliance of foreign non-muslims.



And then ''Somali File'' :mjlol: ''55 cases''. Do they believe social work is like the show NCIS? They don't have separate case files for it like a investigative report lool and even if it was true, that's a very low sample size to judge a whole community by.

It would also be ''sampling bias'' because you are not working with Somali families that are already doing well but those who are in need of help much like any other community.

Not only that if they was really that concerned ''my heart is broken'' as the says, why doesn't she offer any solutions? See where the problem lies instead of spewing polemics.

I would've bought their story. If i was a complete Amateur, if i hadn't spent time working with the Somali community in different capacities, also discussed stuff with real social workers myself and reading endless papers about Somali families adjustments in the diaspora.

There is couple of overarching claims and narratives employed on this. But ill address them using research that's out there, it would be more objective and holistic than using my own personal experience.

1. Fragmented Broken Families?

Although it is true that being that a significant number of Somalis come from situation displaced by war and separated through that, they actually remain more intact as nuclear families. But also they maintain a network of support systems and extended families.

These are general perception of Somali families in studies:
View attachment 352168
View attachment 352169

2. Parental involvement(particularly fathers)

Fathers:
When it comes to father involvement outside of parent-child separation which can come from divorce , this has to do with Somalis practicing what is called ''segregated roles'', where men and women are allocated different roles. Fathers are typically expected expected to be the breadwinners, working outside the home and providing financially. Mothers are caregivers, responsible for raising children and managing household duties. That conventional idea of what is “appropriate” for a mother or father to do has been conflicting as Somalis came to the west in 'exile'' and saw a reversal and diminished roles.
View attachment 352167

So in short it's not as simple as ''where are the fathers'' or being absent. We are seeing more of a transition towards a collaborative approach to parenting, rather than segregated one.

Where Somali fathers often get more involved is when helping with their children's home work when they are able to. And this is frequently seen.
View attachment 352163

General Parental involved:
The constraints that Somali parents face extends beyond cultural roles. It includes stuff like educational barriers and language.

View attachment 352162

The fact they participate in attending meetings, social events and go out of their way to help their kids with schoolwork or find others that can assist them if they are not able to. Shows that there is a commitment there but that they are limited because of language barrier and lack of educational/school experience.

There are several successful tailored programs and workshops that are created to address this gap and give parents the tools and the confidence .

Workshop to Improve Parental Involvement for Somali ESL Parents

Working together in a deficit logic: home–school partnerships with Somali diaspora parents


This is one of the primary reasons for why Somali youth educational attainment has increased steadily over the years. It's a result of increased understanding of the needs of parents and equipping them with the tools to enhance the educational attainment of their children.

This shows more or less there is a high emphasis on education.


3. Behavior problems

Boys in general have more behavioral issues than girls. It's something you can see across communities, it was dubbed in research as ''boy problem''. Boys are more likely to show “externalising behaviours” such as destructiveness and aggressiveness. Girls, on the other hand, were more likely to have “internalising problems” such as anxiety.

So it's not a Somali specific thing, its a global theme.
View attachment 352164

Some more studies and articles on this topic.


Compared with other ethnic communities Somalis have actually gone out of their way to launch programs, show openness to work with social workers to address this and to find ways to reach the children's emotional needs.

A support program for Somali-born parents on children's behavioral problems

and none of those studies and programs actually show that Somali kids have higher rates of behavioural issues than other children.


Same old idiots and losers reposting the same tired and tried lies about their own community. There is nothing but garbage coming from some posters here who change usernames then repost the same trash talk about somalis.

They are mentally sick and lost. This year is like the 10th year plus they are posting the same shit again and again.
 
Hey LilBang,

I have touched a nerve with my posts. Thumb-downing my posts won't lift you out from the ghetto cursed life you ended up with by not listening to your parents. You are an exihibt A of what happens when a kid doesn't listen to their honest Somali parents.

I hope you get arrested while you sell drugs on the corner store at Cedar.
 

Kisame

Plotting world domination
VIP
The bashing of Somali fathers needs to stop it’s more of a cultural issue the village raises the child problem is particularly in America and in general the west it focuses on the individual while the eastern world focuses on community (This a big reason why income gap is so severe between the two )

Truth seeker. These young Somali kids raised in the west are exposed to proper parenting while living around non somalis. Back home these niggas just have kids and let the community deal with them.

I honestly couldn't be a social worker within our community. I don't have the patience to deal with dumbass parents.
 

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