Ghengis Kaarhis
VIP
Hodan, in a way he reminds me of myself a bit.
Except I'm a lady and not asexual. It's called decorum and self-restraint. I suspect some neurodivergence at play on his end (just speculating).
Let's exchange notes:
I also got to know someone who looked amazing on paper, with a doctorate and many of my strict requirements, which I'm sure I've overzealously plastered on forum walls. He was nice but had a way of making a captivating lady appear less than enticing.
But-but-but I'm a "catch," I insisted to myself. He only admitted to that once. And was perplexed that I was opposed to dating considering my appearance. I felt a little insulted. I'm not a hijabi, so that burned a little. What did he think? That I was accessible just because I have options? It's the opposite. The sentimentalist in me doesn't like the idea of availability, rejects dating culture, never went on dating apps, and has always been a challenge to get to know. He was lucky I even bothered. We both knew who the real prize was between us. Or so I muttered to myself.
After that short period, I was led down the rabbit hole of "decentering men." I found myself nodding emphatically, taking copious notes, considering him like a case study, and pathologizing this specimen. Then came the pseudo-psychological labelling. It was a mother wound, I concluded. He was stunted by being an under-hugged child, leading to his avoidant personality. I had neither patience nor time to take down his self-defence architecture like a master mason without recompense. I'm nice but no fool.
Then, I was temporarily gripped by the ominous spirit of the shrieking banshee archetype. I needed my sister's support to summon the power of our collective habar. Take no prisoners. We want war, not peace! Then, I let go of that thought, finding it unhelpful and counterproductive.
I needed a little distraction to escape the general sense of disappointment. I sparingly allow men to get to know me, am quite exact in my approach, and assess them granularly. Not that they know, considering I present as very nice and coolly nonjudgmental. It makes chastity easy, as they are kept at bay, allowing me to maintain control and effortlessly foster a general climate of goodwill.
However, I was perplexed why such a laudable choice would have his own mind and not act in ways I did not anticipate. I once considered feeding his characteristics into some AI chatbot to sensitize his less-than-desirable characteristics. Maybe I could impart him with my telekentic repartee. I decided against creating a Frankenstein monster with 'ultimate rizz" that was merely a figment of code.
This led to philosophizing. Perhaps we're in a post-romantic era of routine optimization and a managerial approach to love, focusing on efficiency and wanting more sweetness with less bitterness (pain). Attempting to minimize the risk and control the outcome or so I reasoned.
This is by far, or maybe even the first time I seen you write crazy shit, had me reading this like