Is it wrong I want my husband to find a second spouse so I don’t have to birth more children and we aren’t always together

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

I just heard, if done successfully polygamy can work for people without problems so I asked the question as soon as you do people believe you are unhappy or miserable which isn’t always the case.

 

[Mercury]

I get where your coming from and it’s not harsh it’s just the truth but the thing is I also care for his parents and my mother who is disabled. So it’s not just children that are a big responsibility for me. I also work 6 days a week at our family business. It feels wrong for me to deny him more children as he is more than financially able to care for even hypothetically 3 more wives.

tell him how much you love him and your marriage and that there's a personal need you have and be specific with your reasons to why you want some more alone time for yourself

 

[Joliemademoiselle]

I get where your coming from and it’s not harsh it’s just the truth but the thing is I also care for his parents and my mother who is disabled. So it’s not just children that are a big responsibility for me. I also work 6 days a week at our family business. It feels wrong for me to deny him more children as he is more than financially able to care for even hypothetically 3 more wives.

what I understand about what you said is that you have too many responsibilities, the problem is not your husband but you are too busy to give everybody time and attention while having time for yourself. I think you are maybe having a burnout.

Sister, if your husband is wealthy enough why not stop working or work part-time to have some time for yourself.
Also, you can have healthcare at home that can help you with your disabled mother.
May Allah make it easy for you, pray to Allah and seek scholar advice.

 

[مسافر]

Did you quote me for the bants

 

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

what I understand about what you said is that you have too many responsibilities, the problem is not your husband but you are too busy to give everybody time and attention while having time for yourself. I think you are maybe having a burnout.


Sister, if your husband is wealthy enough why not stop working or working part-time to have some time for yourself and you can also have some healthcare at home that can help you with your disabled mother.
May Allah make it easy for you, pray to Allah and seek scholar advice.

I have tried but I work for my mother and siblings it feels wrong while she’s alive to mess up the one thing she cares about and I will Thanks sister

 

[Grigori Rasputin]

No regrets wllhi, alhamdulilah I believe I am more than blessed as I am. And I don’t feel like I have missed anything tbh, I just want to make it easier for me but in a Islamic way.

so you are agitated by this dude constantly being around you. Have you gave him any inclination?

How old is your oldest

 

[Joliemademoiselle]

What are you doing bro?! Mu'tah is Haram. We aren't Shi'a. There are authentic Hadeeths from the prophet PPUH forbidding mu'tah. Both Imam Bukhari and Muslim have narrated them.

he is a hidden apostate ....

 

[Karim]

I get where your coming from and it’s not harsh it’s just the truth but the thing is I also care for his parents and my mother who is disabled. So it’s not just children that are a big responsibility for me. I also work 6 days a week at our family business. It feels wrong for me to deny him more children as he is more than financially able to care for even hypothetically 3 more wives.

I would sincerely advise you to speak to him regarding polygamous marriage. Explain to him the burden on your shoulders. Tell him to get a second wife, probably younger fertile one, to satisfy his sexual desires. That way both of you can be happy. Don't you EVER hasten to divorce, it's not a solution to your current problems.

 

[Joliemademoiselle]

I have tried but I work for my mother and siblings it feels wrong while she’s alive to mess up the one thing she cares about and I will Thanks sister

how old are your siblings sis. if old enough they can help you at the shop. your mother will certainly understand that her daughter is tired of all these responsibilities. and I guarantee you that by helping each other you will be closer as a family. instead of one sibling being the slave or the cash cow of the family.

Also no matter what big or small never stop communicating your feeling and views to your husband.

 

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

how old are your siblings sis. if old enough they can help you at the shop. your mother will certainly understand that her daughter is tired of all these responsibilities. and I guarantee you that by helping each other you will be closer as a family. instead of one sibling being the slave or the cash cow of the family.

Also no matter what big or small never stop communicating your feeling and views to your husband.

My sisters are 13 their twins it will be a couple years before they finish even high school but I have in past tried to get abtis children or habo but they haven’t been able to be responsible enough. I have tried to communicate with him about it but he doesn’t really understand or is empathetic of the way I feel sometimes. So I would rather just not seem like a weakling for not being able to do everything I should be.

 

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

I would sincerely advise you to speak to him regarding polygamous marriage. Explain to him the burden on your shoulders. Tell him to get a second wife, probably younger fertile one, to satisfy his sexual desires. That way both of you can be happy. Don't you EVER hasten to divorce, it's not a solution to your current problems.

I know divorce isn’t the answer as I do truly and deeply care for my husband and the father of my children. I just don’t know how to approach and encourage him to find one. I have asked a scholar before but he laughed at me and made me feel like an idiot for even asking something like that

 

[Southerner]

You can't keep a woman happy can ya

 

[Sumaaya]

There are a lot of single sisters on Ummah forums

 

[Jungle]

Its not wrong at all but i dont know how you can bring this up to him without him assuming some mad shit before he understands and comes around. If you been together 8 years tho you should be able to say get a 2nd wife cause i dont want to have no more kids without issues.

This here a dream situation for the man dem tho

 

[Angelina]

I don't get it. If he is more than capable of providing and you feel burnt out, why don't you just stay home? Also, does he help with the household?

I get you might not be the jealous type, and polygamy might sound like a great solution, but are you certain that once he does marry again, you're not going to start feeling emotional and insecure?

 

[Amazonian]

A women can literally say shes done having kids and is happy with her husband marrying a second wife but some Xalimos will still be advising her to use a condom. Lol

What man just gives up on his offspring like that?

 

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

My grandmother in the 1990’ s had this same type of situation and married my grandfather off to her 2nd cousin, the children were happy, they would both be cordial and have dinners together on special occasions or celebration. There was never any jealousy or bad vibes towards each other but in this day and age is this even possible to find another woman who is respectful, well mannered, selfless and smart. It seems damn near impossible

 

[Angelina]

My grandmother in the 1990’ s had this same type of situation and married my grandfather off to her 2nd cousin, the children were happy, they would both be cordial and have dinners together on special occasions or celebration. There was never any jealousy or bad vibes towards each other but in this day and age is this even possible to find another woman who is respectful, well mannered, selfless and smart. It seems damn near impossible

Horta, ask your man if he wants to be in a polygamous marriage. Has he told you he wanted more kids?

 

[Haadiyahabdirahman]

Horta, ask your man if he wants to be in a polygamous marriage. Has he told you he wanted more kids?

Yes, he does want more children but on the marriage front he doesn’t like the idea

 

[Angelina]

Yes, he does want more children but on the marriage front he doesn’t like the idea

Well then khalas, tell him you don't want more kids. Once you say this, he will decide if he wants to marry another woman or just accept not having any more kids.

I think a lot of your problems from the sounds of it is you stressing yourself out and not looking at realistic options. If he can afford to look after multiple homes, you can afford to stay home. If you for whatever reason need to work, get a cleaner that comes 3 times a week. This will give you 'me' time and time for the kids. With regards to his mum, tell him you're drained and that he needs to step up to the plate.

I fail to see how polygamy will help you as even if he does marry another woman, you're still going to be drained. You still work 6 days a week, you're still a mother with kids depending on you, and even if another woman is in the picture, your husband is still going to want to be around you. Sounds like he loves you, which is great, many women would love to have a loving husband. You just have to talk to him and think practically.